Toddler Hitting in Group Class

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My daughter went through a phase like this. I would try several things. First I would give a lot of attention to the pushed/hit child. Really make a fuss over them and help them to feel better. Perhaps even consider giving the toy to that hurt kid and tell your child that since he hit, he just lost the priviledge of using the toy. Tell him that if he had used his words and tried to work it out, he might still have the toy to play with.
Get down on your child's level and say "I can see you are really frustrated by blah, or wanted to keep playing with blah. But it is not okay to push or hit to get your way. Use your words or get my help if you are having trouble with other kids." Kids like to feel as though they are being heard and understood and it will help him to learn to verbalize his feelings. Also kids at that age have so little control of their life and schedule, that they cling desperately to any bit of control they do have (like whether or not to share.) While we do have to teach our kids to share and play together in a cooperative way, if we give them some control over that sharing and make it seem like their idea, they feel better about it.

You might also want to hover a bit and try to intervene and coach him through the situations as they are happening- before the hitting/pushing starts. Praise him when he works with you to use his words. Help him to learn how to share by letting him choose when to share the thing (3 minutes, 5 minutes, etc.)

Not sure how I feel about forced apologies. They are not sincere. It seems a bit like forcing them to lie. They are not sorry. They are mad. You could suggest that they apologize, praise them when they do, show your disappointment when they don't.

It takes a lot of years to learn how to share and to verbalize feelings. Keep modeling and coaching how to do it and it'll sink in eventually.

HI N.

I have a 2 yr old daughter that went through that phase. I can tell you that it will never completely stop until they are a little older. She was once a bad biter and that took time and patience. She will still do that on occasions, although much more rare.
My thing is to always talk to her on the way into our classes. I never bring up what she shouldnt do, i always talk about what she SHOULD do.
Your going to be a good girl and share today? You going to speak nice words to your friends? We play nicely with out friends right?? And so on...
I try to not bring up the negative.
But when the hitting/fighting issues arrive i do pretty much what you do. Remove her from the situation and place her in timeout. There was have been occassions where i just need to leave the situation entirely. I put her coat on and head out the door. Those are extreme times when her behavior is just horrendous...luckily very rare.
Good Luck & just know that we ALL have to deal with these issues...no matter how perfect anyone says their child is:)LOL

Kudos to you for being on top of his behavior. I think the advice you have is good. Plus I would also tell him that he needs to keep his hands to himself. This is a quick and easy rule that prevents all hitting, pushing, etc.

Then you can tell him he needs to be nice and use his words.

My older daughter sometimes would grab people as in "come on, let's go" and she would drag them wherever she wanted. Or she would poke them to engage them when they wouldn't play with her.

"Hands to self" was a quick fix. It reminded her that she needed to "use her words" and not her hands.

If your son does hit, push, etc. I would make him apologize immediately. If he can be nice then, he can keep playing. If it happens again, I would remove him and tell him he was "not nice".

Hitting and pushing is never ok. That said, depending on how old he is, the other kids may be grabbing toys and not using their words too. He might feel like being physical is the only way to keep his toy. So try to referee - tell BOTH kids they need to take turns and use their words.

Good luck!

Your little guy is doing this to comunicate his feelings. He lacks words to express what he wants and hitting is surefire way to get his point across like" hey that is my toy" or "hello wanna play with the blocks with me" or " no I don't want to be hugged right now". You are doing the right thing to get down to his level and tell him no hitting this is not nice and then to remove him for a short while. It will take some time for it to sink in but it will work. Hang in there!!

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Hi,

This is normal behavior. Depending on his age you can do a few things if he is less than 18 mos. remove him and practice with him that hitting it is not polite when getting he wants he needs to use his words (repeat as necessary). If he is verbal have him appologize stating what he did. If he is over 18 mos. start practicing a time out (one minute per age). Reming him he needs to use his words and I always ask my children to tell me what they did (I do not do it because I want them to reflect on what they did by saying it to me-I always get down at there level and make eye contact too).
My children developed quickly so time out started sooner. Judge by what they can say and do it when to use the time out. Most reccomend two, but I started about 18mos because I had such verbal kids that could use there words.

Lisa

Depending on how old he is, he may have limited understanding of "nice." Using the gesture to help him understand a gentle touch is a great way to help him. You might consider using the word "gentle" instead of "nice." Also, when he does push, removing him and saying "That was too much" or "too strong" might help. I would also give him something he can do when he needs/wants to set a boundary. Saying "No!" is better than pushing/shoving. He could also say "No thank you!" to a hug if he doesn't want one. Hope that helps. Lots of repetition is necessary with toddlers, as they are learning, and need to hear things lots of times. Good luck!