My 3 yr old doesn't talk fully yet. But he can hear fine, and he understands simple commands, etc. But every time he is told 'No', or disciplined in any way, he flips out. He slaps the right side of his face as hard as he can, like 10-15 times in a row. I hate seeing that. We certainly have never struck him, and I hate seeing him beat himself. Maybe someone has has seen a child do something similar to this self-punishment? Maybe someone has some ideas on how to stop him doing it? Or anything?
He might just be really frustrated that he cannot express his anger with words. Could he receive speech therapy to help? Can you teach him some basic sign language to help with communication? Are you explaining why he is being disciplined every time? Can he have a punching bag, punching pillow, etc that he can use to get his aggression out?
This is surprisingly normal, It's a way to express more frustration than the child is able to endure at that moment. Especially for children who are still short on verbal skills, this is a way to express themselves in a most visceral way. And he's not allowed to hit others, so he hits… himself. He may also be expressing his sense that you are angry with him, depending on the tone of your "no!"
Three things will gradually move him past this stage:
1. Help him use words for his feelings. If he can't yet shape his mouth to make those words, give him signs he can use, or model alternatives like punching a pillow. The ability to communicate is terribly important to a 3yo, and much of his dismay is probably rooted in his inability to express himself verbally. And be sure to listen, early and often, for whatever he is trying to express.
2. Don't react emotionally. Give a gentle direction in a soft voice, something like "Sweetheart, we don't hit people, not even yourself. Touch your face gently." And perhaps guide him in this. Too strong a reaction from parents may set the stage for later manipulations. Kids don't necessarily move into manipulation in a planned way, but their little brains are constantly cataloging cause and effect, and they will quite naturally do what works, what is most likely to get them an outcome they want.
3. Find ways to give "yes" messages instead of "no" messages. Instead of "No, you can't have candy before dinner," try "Ooh, candy sounds so yummy. Let's put a piece right here for you to have right after dinner!" Instead of "Stop doing that and come over here right now," try "Can you hop on one foot? Can you hop all the way over to me?" Instead of "No more delays – get your shoes on now!" try "As soon as your shoes are on, we can go out and do ________." And so forth.
My son would bang his head at age 3 when he got frustrated. He would run full speed and crack his head on the wall, hit his head on the floor and even his crib railing. I met with his Pediatrician regarding his head banging behavior and I was informed that it was simply a temper fit and he was doing it for attention. My son also was behind in his speech, which caused him to become very frustrated. We were told to stop giving him attention every time he would bang his head and eventually he would stop. So, that's exactly what we did...and boy was it hard! You never want to see your child hurt themsleves, but totally ignoring or walking out of the room when he would bang his head was the best advice ever. Unfortunately, it got worse before it got better, but he eventually stopped banging his head after about 4 months. I understand what you are going through and trust me, ignoring his behavior will be so hard, but very worth it in the end. I was afraid that my son had something wrong with him and that he was the only one acting out like this...so, I just want you to know that your son is not the only one doing this and that you are not alone. I wish you the best of luck and will be sending prayers your way.
You should mention it to his pediatrician by making a call over there. He might suggest that your son gets some counseling to determine if there is an underlying psychological factor, or lack of speech, etc. It's one thing to do this in a total tantrum on a rare occasion. It's another thing to be doing it often or daily.
2 things concern me:
- what do you mean by "doesn't talk fully yet"? Do you mean he's speaking in fragmented sentences, one or two words at a time, less than that?
- I'm also concerned that he's responding in that fashion in such a high number of "hits" to himself & that it happens quite frequently; it's not like he's just trying to make a scene in hopes that you'll back down & give in to what he wants.
I would highly suggest getting in touch with a specialist in regards to the speech issue - getting an assessment done to know if he's at a normal progression or if there is a need for some therapy to get him caught up. I would also ask for a behavioral assessment to verify if his reactions & behavior are "typical" 3-yr old behavior or if there is more going on that you may just not be aware of.
Our oldest, turning 5 this July, has nearly perfect speech and most behaviors are in line with his age. But his preschool has been concerned for the last 2 years because of various behaviors that do not fit his age & that he has not naturally grown out of. I had him assessed last month & it's been determined that he is delayed in a number of areas, some of which didn't surprise me, but others that did. Specialists are trained to "see" things that we simply can't, even though we spend a lot more time with them.
It may all be nothing & all typical stuff, but I really wish an assessment had been suggested to me several years ago with my little guy, even though his behaviors were even more vague then. It's just good to try and be "ahead of the game" before he gets into school.
Best wishes!
You should contact your local school district and ask that your son be evaulated for a possible speech delay. By law school districts have to provide services to 3 year olds who qualify. Its free and early intervention is the best. Don't wait until the fall -- the school district offices are probably opened in the summer.
If he doesn't qualify through the school district, ask his doctor to write him a prescription for speech therapy and then see if your insurance will pay for it.
In the San Jose area, Parents Helping Parents is a great resource -- (www.php.com). (408) 727 - 5775. They might be able to tell you about a similar agency in the Redding area.
Good luck.
I would ask your pediatrician. My 2 year old will do something similar -- in fact, I posted a question about it. But he's only ever done it once (like one hit on the face or one pinch) and then when I say, don't do that, he stops and moves on to soemthing else so I think it's just for attention. If your 3 year old is still not fully talking, maybe a speech therapist may help? I know how I hate it when my son does what he does so 10-15 really hard slaps sound horrifying to me. I would definitely get a doctor's opinion to see if a) it's normal and b) how to stop it. Good luck!
My son did similar stuff. I would freak out because i was afraid he would really hurt himself. I spoke with his dr. about it abd they told me to completely ignore him when he did it. It took a few times but he eventually stopped. My son was younger and ended up having a speech delay as well. You need to contact your local school district and request to have your son tested for speech delay. Once they get all the paper work and testing out of the way then he can begin receiving speech therapy. Sooner the better! It's no cost to you and he may even qualify for preschool with teachers that focus on speech delays. Start asap! Your son may also just need an outlet and once he gets more active & focus, he'll probably change before you know it. good luck
