Toddler Drama- I Need Help!

Updated on September 19, 2011
S.M. asks from Lakeside, CA
5 answers

This is NOT a daycare provider asking this question...I mean, yeah, it is. But this is about my grandson and in this case my experience is not helping me. I should first say that my daughter was over the top crazy as a baby, funny, whacky, emotional, huge fits over nothing, nothing slowed her down with only the exception of certain tv shows. My grandson is becoming more like his mommy every day.

As some of you may recall, he's been away a lot. The last 3 months my daughter has been unemployed. She starts her law firm job today which is awesome. My grandson was with me all weekend. He can not make up his mind.

Example... He wanted a peanut butter sandwhich. But before I could make him one he wanted his grandpa. So he starts up the stairs. He is literally in the middle of the stairs with me at the bottom and grandpa at the top. He sits down and starts crying. He starts up and then down and then up and would not budge more than a step or two. He wanted his grandpa AND his peanut butter.

This mornings example.... I needed to go to the bank. He didn't want to go and he didn't want me to go. He would head for the door and then try and push me back through it. I took him outside he wouldn't get in the seat. He came back in the house and screamed for me. I finally left him with my mom, (great grandma). The entire time I was gone he hung on the door crying he was sorry and wanted to go.

He's doing this about everything...he wants a bath, he doesn't want a bath, he wants sesame street, he doesn't want it. He wants to eat, no he doesn't, milk please and then NOOOOO milk.

I don't remember what his mom and I fought over when she was little. I only remembered the lost and helpless feelings I have now.

Right now I have a pounding headache and my face hurts because I was so tense all weekend. I know his life has been in a constant state of change the last few weeks.

Because I could not go to the store because he was throwing a fit, I went to the bank and then through McDonalds. He just had nuggets and fries and is acting all sweet....um...he was until my younger daughter just meantioned nap time.

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone. Thankfully, he does nap okay. Even if he doesn't sleep like now, he doesn't cry or tantrum when I send him back to his bed. He just sits in it and entertains himself.

My grandson just turned 2 last month and his vocabulary is huge for his age. He's saying quite a few full sentences and articulates well.

I know it will get better. It doesn't help that we had 2 daycare children go to school a couple weeks ago and just started 2 new children. One of the new ones cries a LOT and the other new one hits a lot. So with senorita cry a lot and sir hit a lot and grandson can't make up his mind tantrum a lot, I am at the ends of my rope a lot.

More Answers

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B.D.

answers from Wichita on

Personally I would give him the 2 choices and then stand your ground for whatever he picks. For instance, do you want to go to the bank with me or not? If he says no and then starts screaming yes, then let him scream. If it's non-negotiable (like a nap) ask if he'd like to sleep with his teddy bear or blankie. It will give him the ability to make his own decisions but you are going to have to be tough and let him know that he needs to make the decision and stick to it. My DD did that for awhile.

2 moms found this helpful
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B.M.

answers from Chicago on

Hi SLM,

Poor little guy!!!!!

I'm a huge advocate of GIVING a child control over their environment.... but is it possible that he has TOO MUCH control and, in the face of everything else that's changing, it's just too much for him?

Consistency is what would probably offer him some comfort. I usually agree with the 2 choice thing, but in some cases you might want to eliminate choices all together and have ONE person decide for him and communciate with him what is going on.... so that he can get his security and schedule from one source. So - just tell him that the two of you are going on an errand - would he like the blue jacket or the red sweatshirt so you can get in the car?

I know you know this..... but if you are feeling lost and helpless and have a pounding headache.... imagine what he is feeling!

It will get better with a set schedule and he knows what to expect. Feed him extra information about when he will see people next so that he feels comfortable.

Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful

L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

SLM, he is just a little confused and feeling absolutely no control over his little world. He has been bouncing around to various places too much - and you know that messes with their routines and leads to insecurity. In toddlers this means temper tantrums and angst over the slightest little things.

Start giving him "warnings" - okay, I am going to make your sandwich in a little while - why don't you run upstairs and see Grandpa and by the time you get back you sandwich will be ready - It will be bath time in a little bit, why don't you go get your pjs out and then you can play in the bubbles. Set out expectations for him, let him know what is coming, and then hang in there and follow through.

Expect resistance - but, for right now, don't give in. You know how important it is to have him on a schedule - it provides our little ones with a sense of security - they can be such little creatures of habit.

It is gonna' take a minute for him to readjust to your home and get that secure feeling back. Breathe deeply, in with the good, out with the bad, and know that this too shall pass.

God Bless

2 moms found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Awww, poor Mama, Grandma, childcare giver!

You know it'll level out better than the rest of us. He'll get used to the changes, he'll get older, he'll learn to articulate his frustration rather than act it out.

You need a break! Send them all over to me for the rest of the day!

:)

1 mom found this helpful
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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

1 mom found this helpful
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