Toddler Discipline - Norco,CA

OK, so my family ran an early childhood education center in the 90s when time-outs were new. Here's the issue: time outs are not meant to be a punishment, but that's the way they are most commonly used. The technique of time out was introduced as a way to distract a child, get them to calm down and face the situation (or a new situation) with lower stress levels. If a child was doing something wrong, like jumping on the couch, the rule is say "get down" and the child is made to stop. MAKE the child stop. That means, pick her up and put her where you want her to be. Why should she get to decide if she obeys or not? I give my kids a chance, sometimes, but if it is clear that my words don't mean anything I use actions to show that they do. I am not talking about spanking (and I think hitting kids with a belt IS harmful. They know your hands control that belt, switch, spoon, whatever.) I am talking about lifting the child up over your head until they realize that the only person in control is you. And if they get upset, you sit them in time-out. You can sit next to them, you can hold their hand, you can help them calm down. That's what the purpose of time-outs was supposed to be.

Then once they are calm, a simple repititon of the rule is in order, or restitution for the offence, resolution of the fight, whatever. The idea is that after a time-out to cool down they will be able to face the issue calmly and perhaps rationally. In my experience, kids will do the right thing if they feel supported and calm.

Time out as a punishment is no more effective than the old putting your nose on the chalkboard or sitting in the corner. Not that it doesn't work for some kids and it is better than spanking if it does.

Try taking physical control of the situation when she does not stop. She'll know you mean business.

Good luck.

My son is the same way. He is 7 now but there was no way to discipline him because he would laugh and he just did not care if you gave him time outs or if you took away movies or toys. The only thing that finally worked sometimes was taking away books at bedtime. He also would make us laugh and we'd try not to crack up while yelling at him. With smart kids like this you have to do more explaining about why they can't do something. They have to understand the reason why. Or you have to let them get hurt (which is hard to do) so they really understand why. While on vacation when my son was 4 he kept running away from us. We tried to explain he could get lost/hurt/kidnapped. He didn't care. So the next time he did it in a safer spot, we hid from him - where we could see him but he couldn't see us. It only took about a minute and he realized we were gone and freaked out. He has never left my side again in a public place - even at 7 he still always holds my hand. You have to get creative and figure out what you can get your daughter to respond to.

Good luck! Hope this helps!

Do a toy time out. Take away her toys. Anything or everything. Let her be in the room with nothing. Nada.

Do a Mommy time-out. Take yourself away. Tell her you will not play with her, until...

Don't give her an audience when she does that.

The time outs don't work for all kids.
Not for mine, but only a little for my son.

Let her have a melt-down. A child WILL deflate on their own ya know. Then they will learn that tantruming does not work nor make Mommy give in. And do not 'lecture' her when she is having a melt-down. Wrong timing.
Give her 2 choices.... if not that's it.

Be creative... try different things. My son is like that and very outside the box. But when he knows I am serious... he will instantly stop, then apologize to me for 'making fun' of me. He knows, my limits. Keenly.

Be consistent.

She is young. Emotions are not even fully developed yet.
This is only the beginning.
3 years old is harder.
But they at this age start to learn "boundaries." At each age phase, kids learn this in different ways. Even teenagers are learning boundaries. But it is all per their age.

all the best,
Susan

She's not even 2 yet. Most children don't understand 'cause and effect' disipline until they are 2-3. So spanking will not be understood as a result of her behavior, just like losing her Tinkerbell movie was not grasped. You can modify the tone and volume of your voice to convey that you are angry; you can tell her that her behavior is unacceptable and made you sad. But, really, at her age, much of behavior is immediate response. She may say "no <fill in action>" but chances are she hasn't hit that developmental milestone to really understand, at the time immediately before she does it, that she is not suppose to do it. Between 18-30 months can be extremely exhausting because your constantly repeating rules and expectations until it clicks for the child.

My suggestion is to stop the countdowns. You are basically giving her permission to keep misbehaving for X more seconds (whatever you are counting to). If she is jumping on the couch you physically MOVE her and say "we don't jump on the couch. you can jump on the floor" and maybe jump with her. This will not only show her what correct behavior is it will also distract her.
Also, pick your battles with time outs. If you can just distract her, move her, etc. don't bother with the time out. I have a few things (throwing a ball by baby brother's head, sitting in the baby swing) those things get no warning just an immediate removal to time out. I want him to know that is something I'm really serious about. Mine has gone through phases with the time outs too on how much it really gets to him. I have also done toy time outs (but he's a little older). My friend does "you get nothing" which consists of putting her in her crib minus favorite binkie, blankie, etc. Another friend puts her in the room with the door shut. I think the point is not so much punishing at this age as much as, I'm in charge and stopping the behavior. As she gets older she'll understand better when she's being punished.

I also don't agree with spanking except for a rare instance of something very serious (like running out into the street). Really though at this age, try to make life a "yes" environment and choose the things that REALLY matter. (jumping on the couch? not one I'd pick but that's just me.)

Hi K., When she laughs and your attempt to discipline she is playing and she is trying to get you to play. Time out does not bother her because Time Out is not impacting, For get about 12-15 years if you don't discipline now by two, she will be set in her ways, Time out is not discipline, taking movies away from her is not discipline, you said it your self you are not interested in discipline (Spanking) but maybe you need to compare a spanking to a trip to the emergency room because she didn't listen. J.

Hello, Your daughter sounds very smart. The only thing I could suggest is to take out the count down. One of mine (he's 40 now) used to count with me. I would want to scream, but didn't. Anyway, I got to where I only use the countdown to let my grandkids know when we are going to be stopping an activity (we will be getting out of the pool, leaving the park, etc. in 10 minutes,then again in 5 minutes, 2 , one. Okay, it's time to go.) It works well with that.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.