Toddler Changes His Mind All the Time!

If it is causing a problem then do not give him a choice. Sometimes kids need us to make decisions for them. I would only give him what you pick out unless he specifically asks for it.

Been there, done that. :)

Just don't show any frustration when he does that. Also, don't acknowledge that he changes his mind at the last second. Pretend you didn't even hear him. Just proceed happily with preparing his original choice.

He'll still throw a fit. He might even refuse to eat. That's even better - he'll be especially hungry for the next meal! AND he'll think twice about refusing again - that's the Love and Logic approach.

Bottom line: Don't be bothered with his antics. Eventually (months) this behavior will end.

Give him a couple seconds now that you've got the routine down pat and see if he changes his mind. BEFORE you open a perishable.
If he sticks with it, YOU stick with it and there IS no turning back. This is typical stuff for a 3 year old. But you're in charge, don't allow it. Break it now or you can bet he's got your number on speed dial and will use it.

A.,

You are doing a great Job with giving your child choices. Unfortunately choice give independence and control and he is testing you here. I use the love and logic method which suggest giving your child as many choices as possible when it does not effect anyone else. They also state that once the child makes a choice than they need to stick with that choice. You say something like that is a bummer that you changed your mind I have already gotten out what you chose so maybe next time you can chose the other option. Than just leave at that. If the fit keeps up just say that is a bummer that you are acting this way it looks like you need a little bit of quite time in your room until you can be sweet. I use this with my son who is very High strung and it works great, Every time he is acting up I just say Uh Oh and he instantly stops in his track most of the time he is doing something wrong. Hope this helps..

My 2.5 year old does that all the time. I just stick with his first choice that I acted on and tell him either he gets that choice or nothing. Sounds so mean but I'd be wa4ting so much food to accomodate his changes of mind. Maybe remind your son that the next day he can have the other choice he was debating over?

Hello! Way to go, mom! You are trying to give choices and making them healthy! Sometimes their pouty looks don't make it easy, huh? I was having the same experience, too. Maybe your son is trying to say that he is ready to do more for himself. At three, he might be able to get his snack from a lower shelf of the fridge while you are there to "help" him just in case (i.e. make sure he is taking what he is supposed to take). Has he said "I do it!" lately? I have a son who is 7 and a daughter who is almost 5. They like getting their mom-approved snacks from the fridge or cupboard. And, I'm not waiting on them hand-and-foot. And, if they take something they aren't supposed to then they lose TV/computer time. And, yes I think that translates into a feeling of control if they get their own snack. Then again, it could also be the "worser three's" that follow the "terrible two's."

Good luck! And, don't forget to take time for yourself. And, you're doing great! Have you read Vicky Iovine's book: "The Girlfriends Guide to Toddlers?" After Dr. Spock and Dr. Sear's baby books, I found it to be very helpful. Hope this helps! D. P.

Hi, A.!
My three year old son is going through the same thing right now. It's driving me nuts! He's going through the independent stage where he wants to do everything for himself. My daughter went through the same thing at this age. It will pass. He testing you and trying to assert his independence all at the same time. Just be patient. It will pass sooner than you think. :)

Hi, A.. Your son is establishing his independence as well as testing your authority. Whatever he picks for a snack, give it to him. When he "changes his mind" stick to the orginal selection. If he refuses to eat it, throws it on the floor, etc. ignore him. He is looking for the drama. Kids have the ability to know "what buttons to push." Don't give in or continually try to to get him to eat. Once he realizes you aren't playing the game he'll eat his selection. Try not to get angry (I know it's frustrating) and just be calm about thewhole thing.
Good Luck. Denise K.

Hi A.,

Might I suggest that he's so young he really doesn't know what he wants? Maybe you can teach him how to make good choices by choosing for him until he's older. He'll learn how to make choices by seeing you do it in your daily life - (I don't believe he'll be stifled in any way because he had to eat cheese when he was three when his mother gave it to him, without the option of yogurt instead.) It's not a bad thing to give him one thing and expect him to eat it (or whatever else it is if it's not food you're giving him).

Hope that's helpful.

Hi A.,
My 1.5 year old does this.... I have to say, I'm not encouraged knowing that is most likely will continue or get worse! ha ha ha

What I have found is it seems to be my daughter wanting to exert her independance. For example, if she asks for a cheese stick ... sometimes I can give it to her no problem...other times, I get it out, unwrap it and she throws a fit, shakes her head no and tries to slap it away. What I found is SHE wanted to try and unwrap it.

Kids has so little control over so many aspects of their lives, that they try to find things they CAN control. We as moms, I think have an underlying need for them to need us and for us to do things for them. We don't REALLY want them to grow up ... do we. ;-) So, when this starts happening with my daughter more often, I step back and look at whether or not there are things that maybe she CAN do now that she couldn't last week and where I can help her be more independant. Sometimes, she thinks she can do something... and I will let her try ... then she realizes she can't and asks for me to help.

It's great you are having him make choices. I think that really helps kids develop into strong people. Maybe he wanted to open the yogurt himself.... or at least try to open it.

Anyway... this is what works for us. Your issue might be different...but maybe look at ways to help him be more independant... and a big kid. ;-)

My 3 1/2 yr old does this to me allllll the time. So, frustrating. I have stopped giving her a choice for a while. Well, not totally, if I think she is capable of handling it that day, then she gets a choice. I still give her choices of other things. It seems that she goes through stages where she can handle the "power" and others where she cannot and just wants to be "taken care of". I don't think that's the right phrase, but I know there are times when I just don't want to have to think.

I don't know if that helps at all. Good luck.

Hello A., This is actually just a power stuggle he is having with you. Tell him ahead of time, that what he choses is what he will get or go without, then stick with it. We all have to learn in life that all life choices make us or break us, and it's not to early for your son to learn this lesson. It is a fact of life, so don't allow him to play you with this mind game of his. Three year olds are comming into a stage of great independence and find very inventive ways to minipulate. My oldest daughter would pee on the floor when ever she didn't get her own way. I simply put her back into a diaper to shame her, but she did push my buttons with that one!! LOL. Good luck.

My 2 1/2 year old does the same thing. I do not think they are too young. I think they are just testing us and we just have to hold our ground. Good Luck.

My daughter is 3 also (just turned 3), and she is definitely old enough to understand choices and has been for a long time. When she was first given choices of snacks, she did exactly the same thing your son is doing. I handled it by saying, "Are you sure? If I open the yogurt, that's what you are eating. You will not get cheese." Then I made her repeat her choice. Then when she inevitably threw a fit I said, "You chose the yogurt. If you don't want it, then you don't have to eat it, but you are not getting any cheese." She pretty quickly got the message. Like the other mom said, I'm pretty sure it's just a control issue and testing to see if you'll stand your ground on decisions, just part of being 3 and learning how life works. It should pass quickly if you stand your ground.

If you are only asking him what he wants and then getting it out try getting them both out and let him take the one he wants. Then ask if he's sure and put the not chosen snack away. If he throws a fit let him know that he made a choice and you feel bad for him that he didn't make the choice he wanted but that is what he is getting. Then walk away. If he gets to out of control you could put him in his room and tell him when he's ready to eat the snack he picked then he can come out. Making the right choices is a life lesson that we all have to learn. It's tough sometimes but it will make him a better person in the long wrong. Being wishy washy is never a good thing.

A.,

Your son is too young to understand choices. He wants what he wants, when he wants it. You just need to make the decision based on what is best for him and tell him that's what it is. He won't know he even had a choice. When he gets a little older you can start teaching the importance of making good choices. he's just too immature to understand right now.

S.

I think it's pretty normal. Frustrating, but normal! My son is 2 and will d that often as well. not sure if there's a good resolve to it.. hope others have ideas!

I think that you are doing a great job by giving him choices, it is very important to give children that age autonomy and resposibility. Are you showing him the items as he chooses, because maybe he is getting the words mixed up? I would hold cheese and yogurt in my hand and say 'it's time for snack, would you like cheese (hold it up) or yogurt (hold it up)' Once he chooses you need to say 'great, you choose yogurt!' then that is what he has even if once it is open he throws a fit that he wants cheese. You may even remind him, you choose yogurt, eat all of your yogurt and if you are still hungry mommy will give you some cheese. He is learning to walk all over you if you give in to his fits all the time.

Perhaps it is too much freedom for him. Maybe not give him the choice for a week or so and then try it again.

If it continues, I would explain that he chose it and that complaining will not be tolerated. If he complains what he does have will be taken away. If it means enough to him you will only need to do this one or two times. He may be testing you to see how serious you are about boundaries.

Hope this helps. Sometimes love must be tough.

I am in the same EXACT place with my daughter (she'll be 3 in July)! SO I feel your pain. I, too, feel it's important to give them a choice. It's been difficult but I've been trying to basically say "this was your choice, you need to stick with it". I"m trying to teach her the value of not being wasteful. And when I open one snack and then she refuses to eat it (even after it's the snack she originally chose), I tell her it's this snack or no snack. It's a battle but I firmly believe that consistency is key. Best of luck and keep up the good work :)

Sounds like a power struggle to me. What someone else said about holding up the choices to him so it is clear what he is choosing. Do not give in to the tantrum, stay calm and remind him he chose this. Be calm and do not get drawn into an arguement. If he refuses to eat his choice tell him that's ok, it will be there when he gets hungry.
It is very important to give kids a choice, keep doing it because you are teaching him his decisions have consequences, and you're right to give him a choice of just two things to make the choice easier for him.
If you stand your ground, be calm and explain each time he made the choice he will soon realise that to throw a fit will not work with you. It really won't take long to break this behaviour if you are consistent with your reaction to his tantrum.
Good luck, it will pass. :)

This is how 3 year olds act! That doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Teach him that this isn't how we ask for food. If he acts up with a temper tantrum, put him in a time out, or punishment chair for 3 minutes. He will get the message after a fw days, and then snack time won't be such an issue. Unfortuantely for you, he will come up with another issue,and antoher, but you will know how to handle it at the start!