Toddler Behavior at Preschool.

I pretty much agree with what the other moms have said - but keep your expectations realistic for her age - and keep them expressed in very simple words. Long explanations won't compute at her age. It will be much more satisfactory for both of you if you don't expect emotional maturity that she is not capable of. Short simple instructions for her like "we all sit in our chairs when we color" - and then let her sit by you. Would there be problem with her sitting on your lap while you sing songs and read during class time?

The other girls know you are her mother - and I don't believe will feel neglected if you share your affection with her and also with them in an appropriate manner. "Come on, girls, let's cozy up for story time." It's not like you have a class of 10. And these are really very small children - and won't stay this way for long. Enjoy them as they are.

Good luck - from a grandma who has to be shared, too.

Good luck.

I agree that it may really help to talk to her ahead of time. Let her know that you recognize how hard it is to share you with the other girls. Of course she wants your attention. If you can empathize with her deeply, she may have an easier time of it. Once kids truly believe their needs have been heard, they generally have an easier time waiting for fulfillment.

Set up a special signal that the two of you can use during the class time, and use it every fifteen minutes or so – acknowledging that she's doing great, and you're noticing. This is generally much more effective than punishing for negative behaviors.

You might use a hand signal that she invents (she'll be more invested in it that way). Or drop pre-written love notes into a jar, to read together afterward. Let her know how proud you are of the moments when she's paying attention, following directions, and trying her best. (Be specific about the behaviors that are working for you; this works much better than just a generic "Good job!").

Good luck. With creativity and patience, this can become a positive experience for your daughter. Keep in mind that 2-3yos are NOT yet able to share much. It's simply not part of their emotional development. But if you can keep it positive, she will have an ongoing sense of your appreciation and attention, and it should be much easier.

Explain to her before 'school' starts what is going to happen and that if she behaves well during 'class' then she'll get to spend some one-on-one time with mommy when it's done. It sounds like she's just trying to get attention, so give it to her - on your terms. Once she realizes that good behavior during 'school' equals special time with mommy, she'll probably be back to her sweet self.

And really make an effort (especially the first few times) to make that special time with you extra-special. My girls love to have their nails painted, do special crafts (that require my help), etc.

Can you have her be your helper? Perhaps she could stand, sit next to you or in some way be special. Perhaps she could hand out papers, crayons, markers, etc. One idea would be to talk with her about how she's also a hostess for these girls and that she is helping you when she co-operates and is nice to them.

Lesley S. said it all! Be proactive & explain to your child exactly how you want her to behave, tell her the consequences, & stick to your guns!

You may also want to start a reward chart for her.....& I highly recommend that you begin some type of visual for her to clue in on to help her identify the undesired behavior. For me, I use my opened hand as a "stop sign".....that's the child's 1st warning. Good Luck!

I am not sure if this has that much to do with being an "only" and it is pretty typical behavior I think. Just keep working on it with her, and try Marda's idea to make her your helper.

My middle one is 14 now, have been her GS leader for the last 5 years, and I love my GS troop, but, have to say, it would be perfect if I were NOT my daughters leader...she is harder to deal with than every other child, but only at GS! At home, she is the easiest of the three. Not sure that helps you much, but, it is a little solidarity.

M.

I am not sure if it will help, but you could maybe make her your "special helper" and give her jobs to do during the preschool time. That way she will feel important. My son who is 7 is horrible for me when I am in the teacher role. He acts out horribly and even though I yell, ground, take toys away, he really cannot adjust his behavior. I really think, they just seem to feel emotionally safe when mom is the teacher so they act out. I taught his religious ed. class for two years (kindergarten and 1st grade) This year, he is in with another teacher and so far so good. I really think that some kids are just unable to be "good" when mom is in a teacher role and they have to share her with others. Good Luck!

I don't really know whether this would work, but could you perhaps go over the plans with your daughter the day before & tell her you'd like her to help you "teach" the other two when preschool starts? Then she's helping Mom instead of competing for her attention.