Toddler Bedtime Help

Leaving the room and letting her cry will not make it a scary place. Whats scary? If she used to fall asleep by herself in her crib then being by herself in her room is not going to be a scary thing. With you laying in there with her until she falls asleep might be distracting for her and she cant settle down enough to sleep. maybe sit next to her bed and read a story and then when the story is over. say good night and walk out. if she crys, let her. If she gets out of bed just put her back, and let her know its time for sleep. She'll get used to falling asleep by herself again.

I had somewhat of the same problems with putting my girls to bed when taking them out of the crib. My help was having a cd player in the room with lullbies playing helped so much! Now they both go to their nightstands and pick out the music they want to listen to for bedtime... I sometimes have to do some negotiating since they will pick hannah montana or the wiggles! This really helped me! good luck!

J.
Mom of 6 1/2 yr old and 3 1/2 yr old.

It is hard and a new adjustment for her but stand very firm, when you put her in bed make it clear she is to lay down and go to sleep. Give her hugs and kisses and walk out of the room. Laying with her is giving you as her soother and will be one hard habit to break later. Start her bedtime routine early enough she is going to sleep at a reasonable time. Does she need a bath every night? In Colorado it is so dry we don't do baths every single night.
Let her cry, she will be fine!!!!! Kids cry when they don't get their way and if they are frustrated, let her cry. If you jump when she cries then she is programming you not the other way around. Bed isn't scary, she is playing you.
She just needs to get the gist that once you lay her in bed she is to stay put.
One thing I did right as a single parent, was make it clear to my kids bedtime is just that, no playing, no jumping on the beds and I never had to lay with them nor did they depend on bottles or pacifiers. I have always just been matter of fact, bedtime is now and please go to sleep. They may lay there for a few minutes, some nights there is a mini battle but 98% of the time my son especially is asleep within 5 minutes of me leaving his room. Have your routine, fun friends to sleep with and walk out of the room!!! Even consider putting her in a twin bed with a bedrail so she sees her boundaries.
It isn't hard, It takes patience and a few nights. It wasn't me being mean but getting them into a habit that even now at 4 and 7 they still have.
Of course every single night in my house isn't perfect.
My four year old EVERY night will tell me "no I don't want to go to bed", but I am very calm and tell him there isn't a choice and he has to, he can go nicely or he can not get a story..done, I didn't yell it wasn't a biggie, just matter of fact. He knows the drill, he protests but not for but a minute!!!!
Let her cry, she will not be harmed in any way. Teaching her good sleeping habits now will save you down the road and allow her a good nights sleep. You laying with her is only going to cause her more problems ever being able to go to sleep herself.

Not sure what everyone else has shared but we just went through this a couple months ago. First realize that whether it took someone a couple days, another person a week, or a month. Each kid and family is different and the most important thing (even if it takes a month) is consistency. I know easier said than done but it took over a month for my 2 year old but it is now successful.
To start it off I did lay in his bed with him, however learned quickly that although that worked it was only creating another problem... him wanting us to sleep with him.
So here is what my husband and I did (and actually my husband started it the first week, because for some reason our son listens to daddy better than mommy in some situations.)
So we put him to bed with the nightly routine of pj time, brush teeth, get teddy bear, prayer, book and hugs and kisses from us, we say good night and then lights out, shut the door... every night is the same time and same order. However, when we first started when he would get out of bed it would take along time negotiating and talking and just trying to get him to stay in bed. So we stopped that. We would do the routine, then say, alright it is night time and you need to stay in your bed and go to sleep... goodnight. Then he would always get up shortly after. We would say, it is night time and you need to get back in bed (put him in his bed, or he gets back in himself) then say, I am not going to tell you any more, i will just put you back in bed. So with every following time just put him back in bed with no conversation and then again lights out and door shut. And then we just did this until he went to sleep. For the first while it took an hour or so of him coming out a few times.. eventually it got to where he didn't come out of his room but would get up and play for a little while and then go to bed. Now it depends on how tired he is. sometimes he will get some books or some of his trucks/cars and play with them for 20-30 min in his bed then go to sleep, if he is tired enough he will just go to sleep right away.
Good luck!

A.,
I agree with Deb. It isn't making her bedtime scary if she cries a bit when you leave the room. That's just what kids do when they don't get what they want. But you are giving her what she needs and that is your job as a Mom - to provide for your children and one of the most important things is a good nights sleep.

A twin bed with a rail is a great idea. I did that with both of my kids when they were switched from their cribs to a bed and they knew their boundries and didn't get out of bed. Plus I didn't have to worry about them falling out!

Put a couple of stuffed animals with her and maybe even a book or two and she'll be fine. She'll learn very quickly how to sooth herself.

Good luck and many blessings -
C.

Have you tried leaving her in there? She may cry at first, but you can come in there and reassure her, just don't lay down. She will get the picture that she is expected to go to sleep without you. My son switched to a bed about 2 months before he turned 2, and I was in the same situation. At first I layed (?) with him, but the time got longer and longer. After about 3 nights of doing the above, he was fine. Now that he has passed his 2nd b'day by a few months, he actually regressed! I think becasue we moved across the country and the transition was hard. Now he takes a long time to go to sleep, but I'm not in there with him, and he doesn't cry. He just plays or gets up and we have to put him back in bed a couple of times.
Oh yeah, and he also has stuffed animals and lots of hugs and kisses. Sometimes he even calls me in there for more hugs and kisses, which I usually can't resist, but only once.

Good luck!

Hi,
I totally agree with Deb K. Don't set yourself up now by laying with her as this will be such a hard habit to break when they get older. I have had total luck with the recommendations that Deb spoke about. Just put them to bed and be firm that it is bedtime. Establishing good sleeping habits and having them fall asleep on their own without aids, is the best training we can provide to our little ones. Not only that, the time you spend laying with her takes away from the other things that you need to do at night wether it is spending time with hubby or picking up around the house or getting ready for work the next day.

Good luck!

We have experienced this many times with our boys. We would end up falling asleep waiting for them to fall asleep!! I really need my "Me" time each night starting about 8 or 8:30. We learned from the "Love and Logic" courses to put the doorknob covers on the inside of the room so they can't get out. It only took a few nights of them crying (with us checking in on them and putting them back in bed every 20 minutes or so) and then they got it. They will sometimes get up to play for a few minutes and then get in bed, or fall asleep on the floor and then we put them in their bed when they have fallen asleep but most nights they would stay in their beds. This procedure has worked on all 6 of our boys. Our little 6th boy has been our hardest because he would get in there and start kicking the door (we had never experienced so much resistance) so we would have to go in their and put him back in his bed and tell him he couldn't kick the door. He is now 3 and doesn't need the doorknob cover. We crack the door open every night when we go to bed because we don't want them to be trapped in there through the night if they have to go potty or just need to come to us for any reason. Good luck!!

I get my kids into their beds the same way, cause like you if there isn't a real need to let them cry I don't, not over bed time, but there are steps you can do to bring the time down, and then where you will no longer need to be in the room with them. I hope I explain this well.

I used to lay down with them also, but found like you that that doesn't work. I sit on the edge of the bed or floor or a chair, depends on you level of comfort. As soon as she tries to get up and jump or play firmly say "lay down". This will take quite a few tries, but make sure there isn't any other interaction, once the bed time routine is over, it is over. Usually this takes a couple of days, but every kids is different and I have had this part take a week, you should also notice that the amount of time you have to tell her to lay down will lesson, once she has it down better move further out of the room, this is why I like to use a chair, within a couple of weeks, they are really good about it, yes they will still come out on occasion, so you walk them right back, all things that are normal, but I look at helping are kids sleep as a job, it takes us and them a long time to build habit and it takes a long time to adjust them as they grow.

Good luck, follow your heart, if it says leaving her to cry isn't for you then don't feel pressured to do it, and vice versa!

I have been there. I have one easy to put to bed and one hard. they are now 3 and 4.5. I highly suggest you stop thinking of your two year old as a baby. In otherwrds, bed time is bed time..don't lie with her. Big mistake on my first and the one who is still hard to put to bed. Set your routine. Even talk with your child and have them help choose the routine. I have heard some people did polaroids of the child brushing teeth, reading a book, etc. and make a chart with them in the order and they "checked" it off as they went. I had two close in age and nursing the baby when my first was going to a big bed. some things that "worked": put up a rail...but you have it on the floor so try rolling up a blanket along the edge and then one along the wall to make a nest, make sure he has a snuggly blankie or doll, set a routine and stick to it religously...by military on timing (even go as far as to change your own plans to fit that schedule so feet up off the floor and in bed right at 7 pm.), then tuck in for two minutes tops (say a prayer or we shared one gratitude for the day...also a good way to start teaching feeligs and other concepts...keep it positive and as your child starts talking in sentences...listen.), then one song if you chose, then "niht night, love you." and head to the door. If your child is popping up out of the room, then start the Supernanny back to bed technique. I stood outside the door and then popped her back in bed. say time for bed, the first two times...then nothing with no eye contact. this worked pretty good at young ages. If you are lucky, it will stick like it did with m second son. I had trouble again when my daughter 3..and still do. Oh, and plan ahead with hubby as the back to bed may keeo you up for a bit..so don't do it the night before something important.

A.,
You need to remember that just because she may cry doesn't mean she is scared. My son 3 in Nov was the same way at 2 when he transitioned he wanted me to cuddle with him and soon cuddling became an hour long of me waiting for him to go to sleep and I wasn't even laying with him just sitting there. They need to learn that it is ok to be by themselves and not rely on you at bed time and most of the time YES you are just making it harder on them.
I would suggest doing your routine and then get a kitchen timer and set it for 5 minutes and let her know that you will be leaving after it goes off...she might not understand just yet but it will kick in. Also after you leave just know that she will get out of bed and the best thing to do is take her back to her bed let her know she is ok and lay her down. Do not engage in conversation and do not lay with her again. It might take 20 -30 times of putting her back but each night it will get shorter and easier. The first week is always the hardest but starting out strong will make it better in the long run especially when you add more children. Our daughter will be 2 in March and we will be doing this all over again and it will be nice to have him stable and understanding of what he needs to do and that she needs to learn to stay in bed.

Good luck and be patient it does get easier.
N.

A bed is a huge adjustment. It may be a good idea to bring back the rocker for a while. Gradually wean her from the rocker by making the rocking time shorter and shorter every night. It may be that eliminating the crib and the rocker disrupted her sleep routing too much.

Another suggestion is to tell her that you will only stay in her room if she lies quietly in her bed. If she rolls around, gets up, jumps, etc., tell her that you have to leave now and then make sure you leave no matter how much she protests or promises not to do it again. She will start to cry and for the first few nights it will be OK to go back in the room and tell her that you can only stay if she lies still and quiet. If she gets wiggly again, leave again. There is no way she can go to sleep if she is that wiggly. She needs to learn to lie still in bed and your presence may be just the leverage she needs.

I also agree that it is okay for your kid to cry. Some kids really need this so that they can unwind from the day and finally go to sleep. It doesn't make their room a scary place for them. However, there are some children (my oldest was one of these) who panic and are terrified at night alone in their room. That is a totally different story and you need to go to her then. However, the fact that she was falling asleep on her own before the bed makes me doubt that she is panicking; she just likes the company.

I have 4 boys. When they reached that stage (only 3 so far), I took 1 week (more or less) to get them settled. The first two nights sit next to her bed, then each night move your "spot" a little closer to the door until you are sitting in the door way and then out of her room. It only worked if I informed them ahead of time that there would be no talking or getting out of bed when we said goodnight and they were expected to close there eyes and go to sleep. I put them back in bed if they got out with no talking or negotiating. They got bored and tired after a couple nights with me not reacting or talking to them. Then they would just expect that I would say good night and go sit where ever I was going to be. Also get her nice and tired with running games and lots of physical activity. Yes, you will be tired too, but its only a week compared to....who knows how long! My oldest was the hardest for me to get on track, but waking up at the exact same time every day made a HUGE difference.

It is so hard to let your baby cry--I understand, but it is okay if it happens. We used a twin bed with a guard rail so they couldn't fall out and honestly with all 3 of our kids, the transition wasn't too difficult because it is just like a big crib. Then as they get older, you take the rail off...they don't mind it.

Also, maybe give her something of yours that's okay to have in bed, to make her feel like you are always with her. I used to take a shirt of mine that my son liked and put it on his big teddy bear, and say "the mommy bear can sleep with you all night and I will be in my bed all night. Then I'd kiss them and say my love is always with you!" They still did the crying thing sometimes, just to see if I would bite---but I just reminded them that I was here for them, even when they couldn't see me and let them cry a little if need be. Before kids learn to verbalize "I'm tired, I'm sad, I'm happy, etc. they often express emotion through tears. It is a healthy release sometimes, although a mommy's heart is always tugged at when the crying starts! Hang in there. I'm sure you are doing great.

Hi A.! We are just starting this process with our second son who is just under 2 1/2 and also very active. He would have used the crib longer but he was getting stuck trying to climb out. I feel your pain!

Is there any way to bring the rocker back into the room? This might help the transition for your daughter to help her recognize that it is bedtime and not playtime.

If I crawl into bed with my son, it fair game for playtime so I have been reading books away from the bed and kneeling by the side of the bed to sing lullabies. I completely understand and agree that they need to have positive associations with their bed and bedroom but a little crying is okay. With my son, we listen for the type of cry - is it just complaining that stops quickly or is it "that" kind of a cry. We respond when we recognize the bad cry.

best of all things to you and your family!

She is about the age when kids start to assert a bit of independence and test the limits. And having a new bed is a place for her to try it out. She is being a typical 2 year old. She is pushing to see where the boundaries are, and they are moving - so it takes her longer to go to sleep.

What she is needing is consistant limits. There is a great method (not sure what it's called, but I think it was taught by supernanny). Go through your bedtime routine; make it short. Bath (not neccessarily every night, up to you), pajamas, bedtime snack, story, tuck her in. It should take no more that 30 minutes, so if she like a long bath you may want to not have that part of the routine. Ideally you're really only spending 15 minutes - so the story is short not the 20 minutes a day. Tuck her in, give her hugs and kisses, say goodnight, then turn out the light and leave the room. She can have the door open as long as she stays in bed; every time she gets out of bed, calmly tell her "it's time for bed" and walk her back in her room and put her in bed. Don't talk to her, rock her, or cuddle her any at this time -she's had her loves and if you give in she'll get up just to get more. Stay very calm and matter-of-fact.
Chances are she'll cry and/or scream at this for a few nights. It's new. And it's limits. But kids this age CRAVE limits and boundaries subconsciously. It helps keep the world safe. Give it at least one week, you'll probably notice that after the first few days, she'll start accepting your directions back to bed with fewer times getting up. And it will, in the long run, make bed-time more pleasant for everyone.

I have a 15 month old son who has also recently moved to a "big" bed. I too lay down and snuggle him. When he gets wiggly or simply plays instead of going to sleep I tell him that "Mommy only stays with him if he is going to sleep." When he continues to play and wiggle I get up and tell him that I will come back when he is ready for bed. He usually cries, which I let him do for about 5 minutes. When I return, I ask him if he is ready to sleep and he lays right down on his pillow calm and quiet. This works quite well for me. I only have to do this 1-2 times per week and very rarely do I have to leave his room more than once.

Hi A., Thank you for being a concerned mommy.
However just because a child cries in her room does not make the room a scary place.
Kids cry for many reasons, and one of the big ways is they want what they want, as we all do, but crying will not always get them what they want, and I'm sure you do all you can to make her feel safe and watch out for her as is your job as mommy, so you would not do something that would be harmful for her, so letting her cry in the room cause she would rather not be left in there alone is not going to harm her.
You have worked hard to make her room a safe place so try not to let her "work" you, you're doing fine, she just doesn't like it, but she doesn't know what she really likes yet, she just knows what she wants. Have a great day, Liz

I have been there with you. It just seems so easy to lay down with them at first -- and then it drags on and on and on. She is old enough to understand, so have a little talk to her about what bedtime is going to be like (whatever your ideal is), tell her what happens if she comes out/cries/etc, and set a date for when it starts (2-3 days in the future) and remind her a couple of times a day that the new routine starts on that day. Then do it, and BE CONSISTENT. We never got anywhere trying to shorten the bedtime routine with my son until we did the exact same thing for bed every single night for a few weeks. It is HARD. My son would cry, but then we talked about it and came up with a compromise (leaving his door open) that worked for all of us. Remember that you are teaching her life-long sleeping habits now and it will help keep your resolve. Good luck!

Sounds like laying in the bed isn't working for you, so try putting her to bed and leaving the room. She'll probably follow or want to play, but just keep putting her back to bed and saying goodnight. I think that simplifying your routine might help.

When my kids were that age, I put them in bed with a small child-safe toy to hold while they put themselves to sleep. I didn't start out that way with my oldest and I spent almost a year training him to sleep on his own. So, with my youngest I made sure he went down awake. It was so much easier. When he transistioned to a bed, I started the toy trick and it worked within a week. Good luck!