Toddler Attitude-in Need of Change

Lots of time together, cuddling, affirming her worth, talking with her about how hard all the changes are and how much she's loved and how you're a family and will always be friends. It is so healthy that she's mad at you guys for upsetting her world, so good she can express it in words! Keep saying you know she's mad, you know she's had too many changes etc., but you're going to stick together and get thru this. Stay home with them as long as you can and build some positives right now. Gotta be really hard on you guys, but it's not her attitude that needs changing.
She just needs some stability and extra love and touching right now. Critical time for her!

You see the big picture. There are a TON of changes and she wasn't getting as much attention as she needed. So you know the reason why she's acting up more than usual. You probably also know to get her back into a routine and also to give her more focused attention again.

With the bad phrase, I would treat it the same way as if she picked up a bad word. Ignore it and also quickly change the subject so it's forgotten. The more attention you give it, the more it gets reinforced that this phrase has power to cause a really strong reaction. A really strong reaction that gives her focused attention, even.

So maybe say something like, "well at least you didn't say we're pink with wings". And the reverse psychology will get her to say "we're pink with wings". Give her mock horror that is playful. And then say "well at least you're not saying "cute cuddly kittens" or anything that comes to mind. Now you're leading her away from her power phrase. Eventually it will be forgotten.

I think that focusing on it, even with punishment, helps to keep her remembering it. At 2 1/2 I would think that she's not really ready to understand what to say or what not to say at this point.

All behavior is a strategy to get some legitimate need met. Lucky you, you already know what the need is – your daughter is overwhelmed by change, and so desperate for "more mommy" that she'll even resort to some terrible behavior that will bring negative attention.

Liz A's suggestion is effective and fun – I use this approach with any child in my care who gives me any negative message. It turns the mood around almost instantly, and then we can move on positively with our day.

Kids will tell other kids "I don't like you," or similar messages. It's what they do, among thousands of other experiments. They are simply reporting the honest truth in that moment. Those kinds of statements flow in both directions. Ten minutes later, they can be playing happily again.

We can't control or monitor every single thing kids say, nor should we (unless some truly dreadful behavior is taking hold, of course). Kids don't learn from having their social experiments taken away from them, they learn from experience, consequences, and most importantly, parents modeling the proper and positive ways to communicate and behave.

Reward her when she is doing something right shower with positive attention. There have been many new things going on for your family. So of she is acting out who can blame her new sibling stealing attention, new house twice in her mind and now the time you do have is unpacking trying to get into a new house in order dealing with a newborn and a 2.5 yo her is acting her age. I would need help too. Just an FYI it really is no the terrible it is the turbulent threes they have a bigger vocabulary, are trying out more independence and are more aware that they are no longer the center of the universe. Children have tantrums and hit others from time to time it happens but how we deal with it as the grown up in the room will help lessen it. My current youngest is very good a trowing a tantrum and yelling my current strategy with her is say nothing pick her and hug her tightly until she calms down then we get a drink of water and start a little chat about what needs to be done and move on from the tantrum. It takes time which I do not always have, it is very frustrating when she does not what is asked but I have to remind myself she is very and still learning how to a human and it is my job to guide her. Good luck in your home, location, job and parenting two kids!
J. O

You are going to have very rough patches as she works through the adjustment of not being an only child. She will hit, throw, climb on walls, etc. to get your attention. So, make sure you praise and give attention to good behaviors, adn ignore as much of the bad as you can.

She will settle down soon, but do expect "Bad" spells when the baby starts doing new tricks (sitting up, crawling, etc.)

Ahhh...2 1/2, what a fun age, no? My second is almost 3, and we have been right where you are - without a new addition or a huge move!

What worked best for us was to ignore the unwanted behavior, and give uber-super praise/positive attention to the wanted behavior. And in between, just shower her with as much love and attention as you can.

You have all had a lot of major changes recently, and I'll bet you could all use some extra down time and cuddles.

Hang in there Mama and enjoy those babies!

First...you have all been through a very hectic time. Lots of lovins are in order. A new sibling , being away from you, moving OH MY! Anyway, about the arm folding and "we're not friends anymore" , if it were me, I would just say, "that's so sad, I love YOU very much" and leave it there. She is only saying it to get a rise out of you, and it sounds like it is working (any attention even if it's negative) I would walk away from the tantrums...when my eldest was that age (she is 32 now) when a tantrum would come up at home, I would go in the bathroom with the new baby, turn up the radio and wait. It didn't take long for her to figure out I wasn't listening or caring about her fit. Interestingly, after awhile when I would say I was going in the bathroom now, she would say "no I will go in the bathroom." She would go in there, have her little fit with the radio on and come back out happy! It was VERY funny!. If it happened away from home, I would just stand there...no reaction and wait again. This will pass. Your little sweetie has alot on her plate right now. Love on her and be patient and consistent. Don't let her "get your goat". It will pass.

saying "your not my friend no more" is common, my daughter is 2nd grade and that still goes around with her many times with the same friends, i asked her how that would make her feel for someone to say that to her, she said, hurt, but it still continued, so eventually she starting getting that back at her, and it's slowed.

Aww, crazy and hectic for you and the little ones. Hang in there. As for the "not friends" phrase and crossing of the arms, she's definitely mimicking something she saw. I would just tell here you'll always love her, each time she says it. I definitely wouldn't give a strong reaction. Chances are she doesn't even understand what it means, just sees the reaction from others. My son kept telling me things were "boring" and then finally asked me what boring meant. Pretty funny.

Absolutely address this behavior right now!!! We had a similar issue with our 2.5 year old daughter. Two moves while I was pregnant, then baby arrived 4 weeks after we moved in. She regressed with potty training and behavior issues. I didn't worry because everyone said, she's just acting out because she's been through a lot. BIG MISTAKE. Yes it did get better in a few weeks, but several months down the way she got tons worse. She began taking her aggression out on the baby - to punish me when she was mad at me. She'd destroy things. She was disrespectful, refusing to eat. You name it, she did it. I was at my whits end. She'd been such an easy toddler.

What I learned was that while I was pregnant I didn't deal with issues immediately or follow through as I'd done in the past, i was so tired I just allowed her to partially obey me. When I began to address stuff (at 3.5) and really be consistent, it made things worse. I floundered a bit for several weeks trying lots of different advise from family and friends. What I learned was that I needed to just stick with it. She needed to know that I would ALWAYS do the same punishment for the action. I also had to deal with a huge level of rebellious tantrums and how to plan out my discipline so I didn't under or over do it. I'd be happy to talk you through in more detail what we did specifically if you're interested.

Please, don't ignore this behavior and hope it goes away, that is the WORST thing you can do! Be sure to plan in as much quality time as you can, with just you and her, have dad take the baby for 30 min to an hour, and just you two do something without distraction of baby.

Best wishes!

What major changes for your daughter! It must have turned her world upside down. Once you are settled in your home, and things get back to routine, I imagine you will be able to concentrate more on her needs and getting her back to her usual self. You might try carving out some time even now to give her some much needed instruction and discipline.
As for the horrible phrase she has picked up, I would clearly and repeatedly state to her that we do not say that in our family. Be firm with her, yet loving. Let her know that it makes people sad, and that we don't purposefully do things to make people sad. Tell her what a precious little girl she is, and such words make her seem unkind and unloving. Correct her every time. Once she knows the rule, I would discipline her for it if she continues to use this phrase. But, do so in gentleness and patience.

This sounds so so so close to what we are going through right now with our 2yo. I really feel for you ( & your daughter) :-)

The phrase we are trying to rid our DD's vocabulary of is "I want to go home". She says this when she is upset with us and she wants to go to her daycare provider's house. It's heartbreaking to say the least.

It's so difficult to know what to do & when. We tried various responses then just recently tried ignoring the statement. We have had mild success so far. We've also increased the number of activities we do with just her (without her baby sister being there). We're hoping that it makes her feel like she is still special & loved by us regardless of whatever else may be going on. Maybe you can do the same with your little girl? We've done Mommy/daughter shopping trips, Daddy/daughter lunches, DD only play dates, theme days at home (Spa Day, Sports Day, Princess Day). Granted some of the behavior is age related, but maybe some of these ideas will help with the environmental changes.

Best of luck!!! :-)