Toddler Advice

We have started the "then" concept with my 2 year old. We eat THEN play on the swing. We take a nap THEN have a treat. We go in the car THEN when we are home play cars. THEN, THEN, THEN. My life is goverened by this talk. It's fun and works well. He understand one step at a time (no more than 2 - sometimes). But, he get's it. He has started doing it back to me to get what he want's too it's so funny. Kaden eat THEN get treat. He starts laying out his own rules and most of the time I go with it. He he set the expecation then I will allow his reward most of the time. It's worth a try - it took about a week to really set in. Good luck.

Works with daddy leaving for work. Dada go to work THEN Kaden play. Kaden play outside THEN dada home :)

Hi M.,
THis is a tough age and I totally understand what you are going through. This is new for me, my son turned 2 yrs. old in January and is such a blessing and loving child. BUT he never wants to leave whatever fun activity we are doing...I can't blame him, and it's so hard for them at this age to deal with their feelings and emotions. I try not get upset with him, but stay firm. I let him know it is time to go bye bye and go home...he understands this. I'm not sure they understand 5 more minutes or have a concept of time, so I don't say that. What has worked for us lately..knock on wood..is by distraction. I tell him it's time to go home...let's see how many birdies, doggies, cats, etc..we can see on the way to the car...this gets him to "look" around. We've made it to the car many times by doing this, he wasn't kicking and screaming because he was to busy "looking" for animals. In the car I'll have a drink and crackers for him to eat so he doesn't get upset now that we are actually leaving. My son does have tantrums at home.
I'll remove him from wherever he's at and just talk to him..what's the matter? what happened? I'll ask if he wants to read a book or do something else. My son doesn't talk much and it has to be frustrating for them to not be able to communicate to us what they want. I keep that in mind and try to get him to show me what's upsetting him. I've never experienced the tantrums and outbursts when my two older children were this age, so I'm learning as I go along what works and what doesn't. I hope this helps a little bit at least know you are not alone! Good luck! V.

M.,
You are not alone, I had to throw my daughter over my shoulder, kicking and screaming, Saturday to get her to leave a birthday party at her friends house. I can't say I can offer much advise, as she started doing this about a year ago, and will be 4 in August. I am hoping that it is just a phase and she will grow out of it, but who knows. I don't bribe her, my husband started doing that to get her to go to school, without consulting me, and now we don't know how to stop it, she doesn't want to get dressed in the morning and throws an absolute fit and makes it impossible to get her dressed, says she hates school, she doesn't want to go, and that she wants to go to the store. So you say ok we will go to the store and then she is fine with going to school, it is a complete mess. So I know this probably isn't helping except maybe what not to do, but I guess I am saying you are not alone and maybe hoping that others have better answers, so I know what to do about my daughter also. Thanks and good luck!
M.

M., You are on the right track giving him the notice that it's almost time to leave. You might try telling him "We have 5 more minutes to play, if you can play nicely". If he begins throwing a fit tell him he just lost his five minutes and we have to leave now. Another way I've seen this done is to give the kids a 5 min. warning, then 4 min., then 3 etc.,. The child is required to leave peacefully when time is up or they lose play time off the next park visit or whatever and have to sit on a bench for a minute or so when first arriving. I was at a McDonalds playland a few years ago and watched an older woman use this method. She ran a Daycare and had about 6 kids with her, she shouted out "5 more minutes" etc., ten she began a lound count down at 30 seconds and you should have seen those kids come running and put on their shoes! I asked her how she did it and she explained the "Time Out Next Time" rule.

Hi M.,

I agree with Suzi on this one. A child at 2 has more knowledge then parents give them credit for. You ask why is he acting this way -- because he can and nobody has told him that he is not going to. I watch 2 toddlers and they act like total jacka$$e$ with their parents. And when they are with me they act totally different. You need to be clear about your expectations with your child even at 2. Set it up just like suzi said go to the park stay for 10 minutes abd it's time to go. The next week go again stay for 15 minutes andit's time to go, when he throws the fit when it's time to leave he gets the same punishment, sent to bed, a time out, whatever the case may be.
1st thing be clear about your expectations and rules.
Mean what you say and say what you mean.
If you say he can go down the slide 2 more times and then it's time to go, then thats what it is.

poor girl! i hate to say this but mine does the same, and i have no advice. i'll be looking on here to see what people come up with. hope it gets better, sorry i can't help!

This too shall pass....it's his age. You're doing all the right things. We'd have to give our son a 5 min warning and then a 1 min warning. At the 1 min he could do something "one more time", ie, go down the slide, pet the bunny, run around, etc. Then we'd say, Say goodbye to Blank. If he threw a fit we'd just pick him up and put him in the car. He would thrash around sometimes, but we'd stay calm and talk to him about the fact that he had such a nice time and if he ever wants to come back again he'd better figure out a better way to express his emotions. (I know, I talk to him like he's middle aged - but it works!). It lasted for a couple of weeks but as long as we stayed consistent with not letting him get away with it, he calmed down. He's 3.5 yrs now and he sometimes STILL throws a fit if it's really important to him. Good luck!

I know that most people seem to treat 2 year olds as if they are incapable of understanding their actions and emotions. But these kids are way smarter than most people give them credit for. What you need to do is talk to him on the way to the activity and explain that if he is going to act like that when you leave that you won't be able to go very many places until he grows up some. Kids like to go and they certainly don't like being left out. So there are a few things you can do. First of all you can tell him that if he acts like that when you leave he is going straight home and straigt to bed. Do that a few times and mean what you say. Plan the activity so that it would be earlier than nap time normally would be and make sure he throws his fit until he goes to sleep. When he wakes up you can talk to him about why he had to go to bed early. If that doesn't work after a few times, then, purposely set up some activity you can do with him staying with someone else. This could be him staying home with dad or a sitter that comes to the house. Tell him you are going to..fill in the blank and he can't go because of the fits he has been throwing. Of course, don't do that until he has been punished a few times for acting like that. The whole time (as in a few weeks) you need to talk with him repeatedly about what he has been doing and what will happen if he keeps doing it. It won't be an instant change. But he will change. First you have to believe he is capable. If you don't believe it, then you may as well just plan on the tantrums going on for a long time and spilling over to anything he doesn't like.

I know a lot of people don't like my shoot from the hip advice. But I am able to go out with 4 toddlers and a 7 year old girl and get them into places like puppet shows, play gyms, parks etc.. and get them to leave without incident. I've been doing it for 21 years and only had this problem with some new children. Once they are with me a few weeks the problem is gone. Expectations are everything.

Suzi