We just added an addition to our family and our two year daughter was in love at first with her sister and now all she does is throw temper tantrums. I was wondering how to cope with this. It is getting out of control. We spend plenty of alone time with her with out the new baby. We have taken her places with out the new baby hoping this makes her feel special. However, nothing is working and we don't know what else to do. Please help.
She has been de-throned AND she is two. Just love on her alot. Try to minimize your reaction to a tantrum, she would probably be having them anyway at this time of her life and her little sister has taken her spotlight. Be patient, firm but fair.
Hi S.,
It's probably just a phase that your toddler is going through, but I would discipline her with timeouts when she does these tantrums--either a timeout chair for 2 minutes or get sent to her room. Do not talk to her when she has these tantrums. It'll be hard at first for you, but the message you need to send her is that there are consequences for this unacceptable behavior. Don't feed into her demands because this is working for her--she is getting your attention, that's what she is seeking. I would also start doing things more as a family, baby included. Once she gets her emotions under control, you can reward her with alone time provided she keeps up the good behavior--this what I did with my 4 year old son (we also have a 4 month old baby at home), and it has worked beautifully.
M.
Keep doing what you're doing and wait it out. She will get over it. It took about 2 months for my 2.5 year old to quit being a drama queen, and she still has her moments. Its just quite a getting used to period for her.
Be consistent with boundaries and discipline, that way you are not counter productive while trying to make her feel special. She'll respond to this. She needs stability.
Best wishes!
S.; first of all your child is two, most two year olds are asserting their own mind, and in the old days it was called the terrible twos, take heart and dont think its the other child, in fact the opposite may be happening when you separate the two, instead of her feelling special for the alone time, it may be feeding her to not like her sister, and that she has to do things alone, its ok to incorporate her into the youngs ones life too, and she with your patience and love will endure this, my oldest did this, and did not quit till almost 4, for the most part they are good and happy, but every now and then they are stubborn and strong willed, you have to remain consistant to get her through this spell, consistancy is the key, make her be the big sister and do things with her sister, and involve her too, and be balanced in the alone time and family time, but also know that its been said that a child that goes through the terrible twos, also are great teens and go through that phase more easily, especially with consistancy, cause they have learned how it works at a young age, and dont try to assert themselves as teens, this did prove true with my oldest, since now he is 21, and he did well in his teens, and understood the consistancy and when mom says no , he knew it would not change , and it really did help through his teens, so hang in there and continue to love both your children evenly, take care and have a good day D. d
show her whos boss and put her in out time.
I would suggest when she is behaving appropriately, you make a very big deal out of it. When she has the temper tantrum, you should ignore it. If it is away from home, you should be removing her from the situation and just take her to the car. No yelling, just talk calmly and ignore her there (hard, I know.).
Also implement a reward chart. It will be up to you to figure out if you want to do this by days or hours - as I'm not sure how often the tantrums are... but for a whole day of good behavior - give her a reward. Then build on it. But make sure she understands she is building the chart... make it colorful and fun for her, too. A positive can turn the negative around.
My guess it is a phase as you have a new baby that has 'taken her place' and she doesn't understand how to work that out.
My other question would be: Do you allow her to help you with the baby? If not - then start to give her small tasks that she can do to assist you so she does not have any resentment. Let her feel she is indeed a part of what you are doing and let her feel she is a part of that bond you have with your new baby - she feels that going on with YOU... Her mommy is not fully HER mommy. That is how I think she feels the situation.
Taking her places will not fix that part or replace you (or daddy).
Sorry, Mom. That's why it's called the "terrible twos". Take a deep breath and walk away. She will grow out of it. Love that you are trying to spend alone time with her though!
S.
