To Train up a Child

Updated on June 20, 2011
M.P. asks from Oklee, MN
5 answers

hi there. my friend's mom recommended i read this book, which i'm about half way through. i was wondering how y'all feel about it if you've read it. i haven't decided to implement this or anything. i'm just gaining any thoughts, ideas, suggestions.

thanks mamas!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.J.

answers from Seattle on

UGH.

The even more radical version of abusive parenting methods by the LOVELY Pearls, authors of Babywise, the only mainstream parenting book to be highlighted in Nursing, Psych, & Premed classes as being the CAUSE of hundreds of cases of 'failure to thrive', brain damage (actual brain damage, not just psych issues), and a slew of psych problems so long (including grief counseling for parents) that generations of therapists will buy vacation homes out of the proceeds. (The book is required reading so that med professionals can educate their patients on why to avoid it at all costs). Written with a con artists suave voice that is HARD to disbelieve them saying 1+1= 11

One of the few books I'd happily burn.

16 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.G.

answers from Norfolk on

I wish I hadn't even read the reviews on Amazon. The idea that this book is floating around and that people are reading this guidebook on abusing children--even babies--and actually taking the advice therein makes me sick to my stomach.

8 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Most research and reviews say that this is actually a twisted view of Christian theology, using punishment and beatings as a way to control the child. They refer to training the child like training dogs to obey and soldiers to follow orders into battle. I don't think children are dogs. They aren't soldiers either. They're just kids. Intentionally hitting a child with an object or taking their hand to a stove heated up for this purpose is about fear and blind obedience. It's not about raising healthy kids. I don't know of any reputable parenting, psychological or medical authorities who have endorsed this book - or religious either, for that matter. I can't imagine that these methods make either the child or the parent very happy. And I don't think that raising a child in fear will equip him or her for adult life.

8 moms found this helpful

S.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Okay...I'm changing my answer so far to say that I have read the first chapter today. I can understand how this mans approach makes most people bristle. He sounds like he's raising little soldiers and not children. And yet, as he describes actual battles of the wills between parents and their children, I found myself in some of it. I can see mistakes I make in the way he describes it.

I've only read one chapter. But I have seen him say several times that he's not condoning harsh physical pain. He's talking about little thumps on the hand. He's not talking about mark leaving, welt leaving, bruising beatings. In fact, in the first chapter he makes it clear that he's NOT a fan of being angry while disciplining and he's drawing a clear line between training vs punishing. Punishing is the last line of defense and with good training it shouldn't happen often if at all.

It doesn't bother me that he compares raising children to dogs. I have 2 dogs. My dogs very much mirror children in so many ways. I have one dog that is easy to please, likes to please us, listens well, and trained easy. We've all seen children like that right? Well I have another dog that is strong willed, has a short attention span, is sneaky and a little manipulative, and gives me gray hairs.

This man never said we are to kick or beat dogs! He said that when we don't train them right they will become so difficult to work with that we will become angry and kick them. He's clearly talking about finding ways to train children and animals to obey first. He's making it clear that complete understanding won't come until later. I can't disagree with that. Do I care if my grandson knows why I don't want him to run for the street? NO I DON'T. At this point in his life I only care that he does not. He has years to understand why we have the rules that we do. For now I only want blind submission.

Yes, I have bristled at this mans writing style, manner, and some of his analogies. But if you read the first chapter with an open mind and willingness to take the good and leave the bad, I haven't seen a lot of bad yet. We'll see what I think when I get around to read the upcoming chapters.

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.I.

answers from Duluth on

i read parts of it, and i hated it. i read a part about teaching a child not to hit with a toy by hitting the child with a toy. yeah right. seriously? kids think that if you do it its ok to do. teach by example, not by a book or rule. teach by love and living not by techniques. teach by heart and instinct and sense not by commands.
they follow the good old "spare the rod" thing - but they dont realize that the rod was the stick the shepherds carried, and i doubt they beat on their sheep with that rod! however, if a wolf came along, you can bet they would beat at the wolf! we protect our children from the wrong choices (=wolf) and we guide them with the staff to the right way.

if you are a Christian person, think of Christ. never once did he raise His voice at someone in discipline, but in righteous anger (in the temple). he wasnt a tyrant when he overturned the tables, but heartsick that these people were treating His Father's house like a den of thieves. heartsick that the people who should have known better, didnt. he wasnt angry, he was disappointed. never did our Lord and Savior raise His voice in discipline and i cant ever imagine Him spanking or hitting anyone. if i do something wrong, He cries, He doesnt think its time for a spanking. bad things in my life do not "come from Him" the way people think. satan is always in our way, trying to lead us away from God, and make us think that somehow God IS punishing us. but God loves us, constantly aches for us to choose the right way that He leads us to, and is heartsick when we fall. through His unfailing love, He gives us forgiveness when we admit our wrongs, and He gives us more guidance and move love every day.
in my mind, with my children, i try to treat them the way Christ would treat me. the way He does treat me. forgiveness, guidance. we forget that children are children. their brains are not properly and completely developed. they do not always understand right from wrong in every situation. our job is to guide them, not scare them by anger or punishment, into the right way.

you do what is right in your heart. im not telling you im one that never spanks. sometimes i do, and it hurts me. im not sure if its wrong or not. but i know that i try so hard not to do that. its humiliating for my son, and its hurtful, and makes our relationship complicated because i love him so much and yet i hit him? what must he think you know? that love and hitting are the same? its complicated.
you do whats best for you and never put the advice of a book, doctor, friend, family member or anything else over the advice of your heart. if we listen to our instincts instead of books, God has already given us the way to guide our kids. its just harder to listen to.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions