To Sell or Stay?

I would try very hard to make it work before I went back to a career I disliked for the sake of a nicer house.

For me, it would depend on how much I loved or hated the house. If I really loved the location and thought with the renovations, I would love the house itself, then I might go back to work just long enough to pay for the renovations and maybe bulk up the savings account, and then quit. If I didn't think I would absolutely love the house when I was done with renovations, then I would sell and walk away.

I know home ownership is the American dream, but I honestly don't know why. I do own my home so now all repairs, etc., are at my expense. I long for the days when I just called the landlord and left it up to him/her to foot the bill.

L.-

I get it, boy do I get it. We have a jr4 in queens. 900 sq feet. Hubs, DS and I are happy with it. It met all of our wants and needs at the time. 2 beds. renovated, bath and kitchen. a balcony for outdoor access. decent management company etc. It isn't and will never be a pre-war apartment though. No amount of paint and furnishings will give me those high ceilings, oversized windows, good cross ventilation, and natural light.

Do I have buyers remorse??? Sometimes.
Most days I choose to remind myself, that my apt seemed great at the time, and continues to be "good enough." We've got tolerant and even some caring neighbors which is a bonus. Not willing to change my apartment, therefore I change my attitude and remind myself that it is certainly "good enough."

Best,
F. B.

PS- two stories above us, in the same space and layout are a husb & wife, their two strapping teenage boys, and three french bulldogs. If they can make it work. so can we.

I would never trade staying home with my girls when they were little for more storage, a dormer or better house layout.

In a few years they will both be in school and you could find a more flexible job to bring in renovation money around their schedules. If you're not thrilled about this job you will really resent paying for another person to take care of your kids.

Get rid of some stuff and buy a couple of armoires and a storage shed for the yard. I say enjoy them while their young, people over stuff wins every time in my opinion.

Can you have an objective friend come over? Someone highly organized that can look at the house with fresh eyes? Storage can be added in many ways. Maybe if you can narrow down the biggest improvements, maybe a contractor could give you a bid. Even if they got half of your problems solved, it would be worth staying. Sounds like a good house, just needs tweaking.

Stay put.

Other than a wonky floor plan, your life sounds great. You are able to stay home with your kids and own a home.

I have buyers remorse, but I am not choosing either of your options. We are making the best of things and letting the house build up some equity, and then we will move when finances and the timing are better. The house is too small, with out enough parking or yard space, but there are worse things in life then living in a house you don't love. I have learned from moving all over the world and living in many different types of houses that any house can be a home, even if it is a little too small or does not have as much storage as we would like.

What are the ages of your children? That would have impact on my decision, as I firmly believe that being home with your own children is the best.

Rather than focus on how the space is not what you wanted, can you research small space living arrangements?

I think of my husband who lived in Japan for several years with his family of 6: Mom, Dad, 4 kids in a small 400 sq ft apartment. The parents slept on tatami mats every night. I doubt your space is that small, but you get the drift. We as humans really don't need as much space as we think.

Americans like to compare their living quarters to every one around them and I see you doing that. You can't replace good schools and yard and pool in too many areas I imagine.

I vote you spend time at the library or on-line focusing on how to live simply, live on less, research Ikea style small furniture, add wardrobe closets to walls to provide closet space.

I have lived in both large and small quarters, and some of my most favorite, fond memories are in our 24' RV and a 2 bedroom condo we rented while building. It was so easy to clean and keep things simple and we enjoyed the parks and outdoors way more when we had less to manage.

I think managing 2 careers will increase your family stress and lead to untold angst, in critical areas, of who will take sick days home when the kids are not well? Who will shop, clean, cook, do laundry? Your situation sounds best if you scale back on your renovation dreams and learn to live simply and appreciate this time you have at home with your babes.

Avoid the job. I would never give up the time i had with my little ones. When my husband wanted me to go back to work so we could afford our dream house, I told him i'd happily live in a two bedroom apt. never eat out or buy designer jeans again. That settled that and he thanks me often for drawing that line because he can see that having me home with kids is a blessing for everyone in the family.

Can you sell a house that is not working for you and make a lateral move to something that does work? Upgrade your housing when both kids in school? There is no harm in trying to sell. It wont cost you to just list it and see what you can get "as is." Then you will know if you are able to make a lateral move.

FYI, I hate remodel. As an interior designer I have never seen a remodel go smoothly, stay in budget, or on schedule. There are so many variables and unknowns with remodel. Remodel is great for people who can do a lot of the work themselves or act as their own contractors. Otherwise you are paying full mark up on labor and product.

You could write out the pluses and minuses, but from what you have said, it sounds like going back to the job will just make you and everyone else miserable. The childcare expenses alone will cut into the extra income, and if you were not that happy before, I bet you'll be actively unhappy returning just so you can renovate.

Moving also has its big downsides--it is really unlikely that you will find another place where everything outside the house suits your needs so well. Maybe someone can help you figure out a way to make the house work as is and wait to renovate until the kids are older?

Are you saying that you would stay if you could fix the layout, install closets and fix a dormer?

If so, then I'd stay. And fix it.

I might not go back to work, 9-5, out of the house, with a husband unable to be home til 8:00.
I might look for something else, closer, more flexible hours.

It's not like this stuff has to be done all at once immediately, right?

As a working mom, I will say I don't regret not having been home with my children when they were younger. Now that they are late elementary it seems more important to me to be home. So I don't think going back to work is so bad but just to remodel a house I'm not sure and when you bring in a very demanding job and all the stress this change would seem to bring, doesn't seem worth it. My job has always offered a lot of flexibility and is very close to home and it's one of the reasons I don't regret working. A high pressure job and daycare versus the loving and wonderful full time nanny we had with my flexible, not that stressful job is a different story if it's not necessary. I don't love our house either. But you know what? A house is where you live, not your life. Lots of people aren't in their ideal home when kids are little. Unless it's horrible like super loud neighbors or things like that, I'd just deal with it. Decluttering will help if you have too much stuff. I know plenty of families in Manhattan living in really small spaces. I bet you have more than that. Just a yard is a big deal. Give it 4-5 years and then see.

Have a realtor come over and give you an honest evaluation of the home. You never know.

Personally, I think going back to work to pay for renovations is a little silly. I wouldn't do that. However, IF money is an issue and your sentence stated "would you just stay put and go back to career you didn't love to help out with bills and renovate?" Now, if money is an issue then yes, I would go back to work. I know you said your husband doesn't have a set schedule. Why? If you go back, he is going to have to step up.

In the end, yes, I would sell and buy something else. I would do that over going back to work to pay for renovations.

L.

If you weren't happy in the career, there's no sense in going back just to fix the house. Why not have a real estate appraiser come and look at the house and give you the home's current value and make your decision from there?

If you can get back into the job market - find a job that works for you and your family and will do more than take care of expenses for day care.

What does your husband want to do?
Can he do any of the repairs/updates himself?
Have you had any quotes on what it would cost to update/fix?
Hard to make a decision when you don't have all the questions answered. Make a list of what you want to do, what MUST be done, get quotes on how much it will cost.
Get someone out (appraiser/real estate agent) to give you the current value and go from there. You might have equity you might not. You won't know until you have someone come out.

We don't have buyers remorse so much as like you it sounds... Have out grown our home and need more storage and a better flow. We are planning to make it work till the kids are older though. Childcare is really expensive and it just seems like these are the most precious years with them. So I feel guilty my girls have to share a room, and my middle girls clothes are in the babies room closet... Among other complaints. But staying here for the time being means we can be together more. Our stress level is much less I think even though where all in close quarters... We're happier than if we move and make the necessary sacrifices to make the bigger house happen...
We will probably move or add on in a few years is our goal when the kids are older and in school all day... And we have more equity and a more realistic view of what our real NEEDS are. :)
I think if you stop looking at the Jones's and look at your life for what it is. You may find things are looking pritty good in your little awkward space. :)

If your husband works that much, I'd stay put and reorganize what you can with what you have. I don't think your sanity would survive if you had to go back to work and keep up with everything else, since he won't be able to help at home much. My husband and I both work and have flexible schedules. I'm barely holding on and I have his help. Working is very hard when you have kids. I would declutter, set up a shelving system for clothes and enjoy what you have. The stress isn't worth it.

Stay. Purge. Buy only storage worthy furniture, shelves with baskets, clothing armoire, use a chest as a coffee table, lifts on beds to put storage boxes under. Play in the pool! I would take quality of life over a bigger house any day!

I would stay.

Pretty much everyone I know has issues with their homes, parts they would remodel, and a wish list. Even my friends who built new homes they designed. We moved to our dream home a few years ago, and it still isn't perfect. In fact, I find you have to live in a home for about a year before you know how you will use it.

I think from what you describe, you can make changes to your home. I would stay home, and budget and make changes as you can afford them. Prioritize and take care of the major pet peeves first. Hire someone to do your dormer for more space. Anything you can do yourselves, tackle one project at a time.

Once both kids are in school, and if you want to go back to work (for yourself and for the extra income), if I were you - I would find something with more flexible hours, less demanding, something you would enjoy more, even if it was a pay cut. Then you could do more remodeling down the road.

Good luck :)

i would call my friend dee dee who is a WHIZ with organization, and i'd pay her to help me whip it all into shape.
do you have a dee dee?
i suck at it, but dee dee loves it and is really, really good.
come to think of it, it's probably time to pay dee dee to come back and do my kitchen again<G>.
going to work at a job you don't love doesn't sound like a great idea, mostly because it doesn't sound as if you'd be happy doing it. nothing wrong with working, but you sound pretty underwhelmed at the prospect.
before doing anything drastic, i'd super-minimize your stuff, consider renting a storage bin if necessary, organize tightly, and dwell on the positives. it sounds as if there are some great ones. a big yard and a pool are huge pluses!
khairete
S.

Why can't you use before and after care? Or have the child care business do the drop off and pick up? That's what most mom's do so they don't have to go to 2 places to pick up kids. I do think most kids would be happier staying at the school though. That's fun because they get to come from class to the gym or cafeteria then have snacks. Then they get to play and have fun while waiting for mom with their friends.

I think you should consider buying a bigger house. If your house now is so great with the yard and everything then moving to a bigger place would be easier now. Just put a contingency note in that to buy any new house you have to sell your old house first.