To Reward or Not Reward?

Take her! Thumb sucking isn't so awful. I sucked mine forever with no problems at all. She'll quit eventually, but you'll always remember a special day with her at Sea World!

I may be in the minority with your responses, but I guess I don't think thumb sucking is so bad. If it sooths her and makes her more comfortable then why not? It sounds like it's not really at inappropriate times (bed time and nap time). If her hands bothered her then she would stop. Maybe some organic or non toxic lotion for her hands to soothe them?

I say tell her how proud of her you are that she worked so hard to break her habit and bring her to the show. Have a great mother-daughter day together and enjoy yourselves. That's what you will remember and cherish.

Yes, my advice is next time don't set up one HUGE reward with no little steps in between that don't account for any slips. Also, don't make rewards dependent on someone else (school) doing the work to monitor. But you've figured that out.

Also giving her animal without 'coaching' her on how to swap out self-soothing behaviors won't work. You've got to spend time with her teaching her how to change behaviors from sucking her thumb as a form of self-soothing to say, patting the animals back. Otherwise, she doesn't really understand.

As far as Sea World.....
You're sorta screwed either way. If you take her you are sending the message that you don't have follow through. If you don't take her she will be angry and may go right back to sucking her thumb because she feels 'cheated'. This is why I don't set up rewards this way.

However, the advice I would give you is to take her. Understand that you've just made things harder on yourself and then be 100% consistent from now on, with whatever rules you set.

Parent her so that her "reward" is feeling positive about her ability to accomplish something. Otherwise she will always need a reward... that's not the message you want to send.

Also - if she's not taking naps at home, she shouldn't have to take naps at preschool. most pre-schools will allow quiet time, as long as they sit on the mat and say, look at a picture book or color quietly. Check with her teachers.

Good Luck and have fun at SeaWorld.

I say to take her and to encourage her to continue trying as hard as she's been not to suck her thumb. She's done pretty great!
My daughter sucked her thumb for quite a while. It drove my husband crazy, but the more he nagged about it, the worse it got so he finally left her alone about it. She only did it when she getting ready to fall asleep and she even would pull her blanket up and "hide" to do it. She grew out of it.
I think your daughter has been doing quite well. So...she didn't go cold turkey, but she's done pretty well.

Just my opinion.

I only stopped sucking my thumb with the promise of a Cabbage Patch doll as a reward. I worked really hard to stop it, (and so did my parents who put that nasty stuff on my finger) and earned my reward.

I would say, since this event is a special time, then to go with the intention that she has to keep up her promise to not suck her thumb.... some kids need that ongoing encouragement and positive reinforcement.

A child needs to suck and sometimes they just need to suck longer that other children. I think punishing her for a biological urge is not a wonderful idea.

She will eventually grow out of it. If she had a pacifier she would still be using it too but it would not be harming her bones so I do understand your concern. A finger is not shaped to fit the mouth like a binky would be.

The more you focus on the action the more she is focused on the action. I say let it go and let her suck her thumb as long as she needs to and ignore it. Punishing her for sucking is kind of like punishing her for being hungry between meals times and wanting a snack.

I think that a for a four-year-old to stay on track for almost two weeks is really good. Without lecturing, you might ask her if some event or some feeling was impelling her to "fall off the wagon," as you put it. I'd let her know how proud I was of her, and encourage her to start again, just as everyone does who is trying to change a part of his/her life.

People a little (!) older than four are working on changing their drinking or eating habits, their mouth habits, their work habits, their thinking habits - and they go three steps forward and two steps back, as a rule, while they change.

And I'd go ahead and take her to the show. Hope you both enjoy it.

Rewards don't do the trick completely. They just start the ball rolling.

I say take her. Thumb sucking is a tough habit to break and it sounds like she is working at it. You can mention how it's a work in progress and how proud you are of how well she is doing.

As the mom of a former thumb sucker, I also can't help buy wonder if she is doing it subconsciously, after she falls asleep. When we were working on breaking my son's habit (which we had to do per dentist orders, it was affecting his teeth and pallet), he stopped sucking his thumb when he was awake, but he'd often find his thumb after he was asleep. We never held him accountable for times he was asleep and less in control. We just removed his thumb when we noticed it. After he stopped self soothing to fall asleep, it took about another month for him to stop doing it when he was actually asleep.

Under the circumstances I would probably take her. She has made a huge improvement but still has to work a little more to reach her goal. Give her a reminder/pep talk about her great progress and what she still needs to do and maybe consider a smaller reward when she gets to her no thumb sucking at all goal. Also, maybe you can get some kind of edible oil or lotion for the irritated skin on her hands. Maybe olive oil, almond oil or nipple cream for nursing would be good.

I think she is too young to try and go too long before actually being given her reward. It also sounds like a lot of pressure for her at her little age. She could be stressed at school and that is what is comforting her. Maybe try sending her to school with a substitute comfort object like a small blanket she can leave in her backpack but take it out for nap time at school. If you do want to try the reward system I'd have something she gets immediately, not something down the road as she can't comprehend time yet in her head so she has no idea when the max/ruby fun day is actually going to happen which is causing more stress for her. Personally, you told her you'd take her, I'd go ahead and let her know you can tell she is trying and let her have her fun day with max/ruby. Good luck!