To Repeat or NOT to Repeat Kindergarden

These responses actually makes me really upset. Maybe it's where I live? My daughter knows sight words that they went over in K, but she does not read. At all. She writes well. The K teacher never said she should repeat K, rather she said she was definitely going to first grade. But from the responses you're getting, it sounds like first grade is for kids who thoroughly read. My daughter has an April birthday, so she's not the youngest. She is social, and happy in school. I don't know if she's ready for whats to come. It has me thinking.

Is it even up to the parents whether a child move up? I thought if the school sends them, they go? Can a parent go against the suggestion and hold back on their own?

I have never heard a person say, "I really regret taht she repeated kinder". i have heard plenty-, "I should of held her back".

Kids repeat Kinder all the time. Better to do it now, as it becomes increasingly difficult to "hold back" a child in the following grades.

My son's K class was reading (well!) by mid-year, so I think just the fact that she's not reading yet is reason enough to have her repeat K.

If she's not reading and or writing, she's not going to be "bored" at all!

I am leaning towards repeating. I would rather her be a little emotionally hurt by friends for not moving into first grade than the alternative of being behind academically and it really hurting her emotionally and always feeling behind and having to catch up. First grade is a huge jump in academics. She should already be able to read and write pretty well to advance well in first grade. I really think that having another year will give her a big boost in confidence and skill. She is on the young side so I also think another year couldn't hurt all around.

Such a tough predicament..good luck and best wishes.

I had 2 children I wanted to hold back (one I did, one I didn't) but both of them were academically behind, and one was ADHD and just not ready for kindergarten in any shape or form. It went better for the one I held back.

It sounds to ME as if your daughter IS ready for first grade. Every child is in a different space academically, at this point, that if you are able to teach her at home (in other words she is teachable) - then, I would say, sure, let her go on.

I do however, regret not holding my youngest daughter back, because she has had to have special education ever since she started. But I didn't hold her back because of opposition from her daddy and the school. I should have (on hindsight) listened to my gut instincts. She would have done much better, had she been held back.

The best thing as Moms for us to do, is to listen to our gut instinct, in spite of what the world says.

Kindergarten is the one grade that you can hold back, and no one really notices or says anything to the child. It's much harder to do in later grades.

Good luck!

I see you have a lot of answers, but I haven't read them so sorry if I'm repeating.
I say hold her back.
I teach kindergarten (here in LA), and, based on what you describe she's not ready to have a successful start in 1st grade (academically).
I wouldn't worry too much about her being hurt emotionally- it could even have the opposite effect. Some people don't realize how aware kids are already- she probably knows she doesn't read as well as her friends or that others are not going to summer tutoring. This time around she'll be a star and that could be great for her esteem. Tell her she's the youngest in the class, and that's why she's doing it again- but this time with kids her age. Maybe you can think of a way to not have her announcing to her new class that she's been in K before without giving her the impression it's something to be embarrassed about.
And I doubt she'll be bored (ask for a different teacher) b/c really, every day in K is fun and has so many things going on at all the different levels and interests of the kids.

Repeating kinder seems pretty common where we are... We had a friend who decided to have her daughter repeat kindergarten and it worked out fine. The Moms were the ones who were weird about it, not really the kids. Kids in kindergarten are so young an usually haven't established any super solid friendships yet... not like they do in the later grades.

I think I'd give her another year with a different teacher to make sure she gets a solid academic start. You're also wise to be thinking about her teenage years when she will be younger than her peers. Those teen years are tough enough!

What does her kindergarten teacher say?

good luck!!

Repeating now is better than letting her progress in grade and finding at the end of first, or second, or later, that she needs to repeat a grade. It's going to be much, much harder socially and emotionally for her to repeat a grade later than for her to repeat kindergarten, now, when she is probably pretty much not realizing or caring much that she's repeating.

What really disturbs me is that this is still being decided when it's already August and school starts soon. This should have been resolved last spring at the latest. Her teacher (not just the counselor as someone else mentioned) AND the first grade teacher(s) need to be talking to you NOW about this decision. But good luck getting them to talk to you when they may not even be back at school themselves yet. I'm kind of flabbergasted that the K teacher would send her on to first if she is doing, as you yourself say, absolutely no writing and no reading other than a very few sight words. Is she really doing nothing in writing at all? Can she at least form letters?

I question why this is still being dealt with so very late. If she was having academic issues, the kindergarten teacher should have been in contact with you throughout the year updating you on how she was doing and whether she was ready for first grade. I would speak not just to her teacher from K but also, maybe more importantly now, the first grade teaching team to ask what they need and expect from a child entering first grade.

You don't want her to start first grade, struggle and end up disliking school because of the struggle.

As others note, it is better to be a bit older than others in your grade and tougher to be a bit younger. She will always be the youngest and that age difference really shows up more as they get into middle and high school -- she will be with peers who are at least a year ahead of her not only in age but in what they're telling her, what they're doing outside school, and what they're bringing to bear when they influence her.

I had this dilemma last year. My son was the youngest in his kinder class, he was doing fine academically, but struggling socially as he was shy etc. His teacher recommended he repeat. His Principal was pushing for him to move up. I went with the teacher. I had the same reservations as you, particularly in regard to how he would feel being held back. Well, I went with the experienced teacher who observed him in class everyday. As he's gone through his repeat year, he has found his wings and is flying. It's just wonderful to see. When he gets bored with work he may have done before, his teacher gives him something more challenging. He has had no social issues with being repeated, I don't think it registers at that age to be worried or embarrassed by it.

I say have a good talk with your little girl's teacher, and then if you do decide to go ahead and repeat, know it can work. Good luck!

You have received lots of good advice. My vote? Repeat the grade.

Hi just thought I would mention I too am a "V."..lol..

I have been exactly where you are..my daughter is now 28 soon to be 29..so I can give you perspective from the other end..so to speak.
I can't tell you how strongly I feel you should let her repear Kindergarten. If I were to do it over again..I truly believe that was my mistake..I did NOT have her repeat. (She is a November baby) We really didn't have much trouble until the very first day of High School...she went our little girl and came home possessed!.. Her high school years were terrible...acting out..everyone was older then she was ..dating..partying..and she was determined to be a part of it. She did manage to gradaute HS and got into San Diego State University where she spiraled out of contral and flunked out after year one. (She was 17 when she went off to college)..so..it was really the social aspect of her being too young and immature at that time.
She never managed to finish college..which is still a goal..although a difficult one now. She is and has been on her own..self supporting...living first in San Francisco..now in LA. She works a full time job and works for a private catering company in Beverly Hills on the weekend to help make ends meet. It's been a long hard road for her.. and she is the first to admit she learns things the hard way..lol. I know you will make the best decision for your little one...but I would strongly recommend another year of kindergarten. No one will care after a month or so..and in the long run..she will be more mature..and maybe even top of the class with that extra year behind her. Good Luck to you......
V. R.

Trust your instinct Mama! Absolutely keep her back a year. I had the same dilemma with my son and we chose to let him repeat Kinder whereas friends of ours (whose son is the same age as our son) chose to let their son start Primary School. Long story short, our friends had to go through hell to keep him back in Primary School cos he wasn't coping, started stuttering etc, whereas our son is now 18 years old and is going to graduate this year. Letting him do a second year of Kinder was absolutely the best thing for him! Best of luck with your decision :)

I think her K teacher would have the best insight on this

Hi, I didn't read all the answers, but, I held my kinder girl last year (she is going into 1st in sept). She is an end of July bday so just turned 7. We had the opposite problem of adacemically ready (uppermiddle of the class) but not quite socially. Anyway, we did switch schools from public to private and it was the best thing ever. Not only was I frustrated with the Ca. public school system but I didn't want her wondering why her friends were moving along (something to consider).
She was a LITTLE bored for the first couple months, but then was challenged. She is now an amazing reader and her math comes so easy. She is one of the faster girls physically (still one of the shortest though) which just helps her self esteem too. I think it will only benefit her. It was a HARD decision that we grappled with all summer too and we finally went with our gut. You can message me if you have any other ?'s.

Let me give you my experience.

I repeated kinder because in one state I was of age but when we moved I was still only kinder age. I have a late Nov birthday. So they put me back in kinder. I am 45 years old and still feel the sting of failing kindergarten, y family brings it up.

If you are still in the district when she is in middle school, kids will say things, they will remember.
Age will make no difference in high school.

If you and the teacher think she can rise to the occasion and do 1st grade work then put her in 1st. If you truly believe that she will get more out of repeating kinder then do so.

One word of advice NEVER EVER say out loud in front of her She repeated kinder because______.

I started K early. I was social but not academic. Older peers were always, well, older. This presented a problem all the way through school. I think had I waited another year I would have had a better grasp academically and would have been closer in age to those in my class. I was also late to develop physically so there were draw backs for me all the way around.

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If you keep her back and your school has several kinder classes. Ask the principal to out her with the toughest teacher. The one who will challenge her the most. My daughter repeated kinder nit because if academic but speech issues. She was able to become the teachers helper, kind of like the leader in the class, big sister if you will. It really helped her socially and she became super strong academically. She went into first grade this being top in her class and if we keep her on task she will always be top of her class throughout her education. And she was average her first year in kinder and she definetly could of moved on. It really was the best decision ever. Do it you wont regret it. Plus it only will impact get emotionally if she is held back in 2nd 3rd and above. Good luck!

I wouldn't worry about friendships because at 5 they really are able to move on, and make new friends easily. I think the questions you should ask yourself are, does she handle challenge well?, and does she enjoy doing the work or is it a struggle? If you answer no to both then I would give her another year in Kinder. First grade is very difficult, a lot of homework and reading and writing. If she gets frustrated and tires easily then I would let her repeat Kinder and work on her beginning reading an writing skills it will never hurt her. If she is willing, and does not get upset and is up to the extra work, and challenges then move her up. This will require help from you at home as well to keep her on track. Only you know your daughter so I say go with your gut. Tough call I know, but repeating Kinder will never hurt her, but moving up when she's not ready can make a difficult and miserable school year for both of you. Good luck!!

It sounds like you feel and from your comments I agree that she might do better academically being held back. I was a year older that others in my class and socially I really enjoyed that experience in middle, high school and college. Academically I believe that if you have reservations that you should go for holding back in kindergarten. The biggest key to success in school is success in reading and if she falls behind in that longterm than she could fall behind in other subjects as well.

Hi!
I understand your situation. I taught Kindergarten for 5 years before my child was born. Since he started school, though I am not teaching full time, I am a substitute teacher at his school and am very involved in his school and education. I had my child wait until he was 6 to start kinder and I am so happy I did. I can also tell you that in all my years of teaching and being involved in education, I have never had anyone regret waiting or repeating kindergarten. However, I have had MANY regret not having their child wait or repeat. Go with your gut. Nobody knows your child better than you do.

Hello, I would think that her kindergarten teacher would have discussed retaining your daughter, if it was something of concern. That being said, I will say that the younger the child is when retaining them, the easier it is to help them past this. If you are concerned enough to consider this, there may be a good reason to allow her to have another year in kindergarten. She may just come out of there way ahead. If there is no improvement, I would ask that the school do an I.E.P. and see if there is something else going. Your daughter is very lucky to have a parent who is looking at the whole picture and ready to do what is best.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

Here's my thought. She wasn't 5 when she started Kindergarten according to your post. She turned 5 right after school started. In most states she would not have been allowed until she was a full 5 years old. If she is not a full 6 years old in my opinion she is not old enough to go to first grade.

Kids are supposed to be 5 and turn 6 in Kindergarten, then 6 and turn 7 in first grade...all the way up to 17 turning 18 as a senior.

As an experienced mother of five (four daughters), and grandmother of five, who has a child currently starting in second grade, (so I KNOW what school is like nowadays, trust me!) I would say to hold her back. She will not be bored, kindergarten is a real learning ground now. She will only benefit in the long and the short run! She will adapt (kids don't think like we do, it will be easier than you think), and like you've expressed, she will not be the youngest of her group, she will have more time with you, more time to grow up. I think this one is an easy call, really. Parents are holding their kids back so much to start school, till they are six to start kindergarten, she will not feel too old! It will be great for her to do better and not fall behind. First grade curriculum is tough and you would hate to have her feel as if she can't keep up.

Hi Vicky,
I'm going to base my opinion on what my daughter has accomplished this past year as a kindergartener. She is 6 1/2. She is now going into first grade. Anyway, before she even started K she had learned how to read in preschool. She could give you the sound for every letter. She could read short stories, write our cards, write the names (first and last) of every family member we know and sound out words. By the end of K, she is able to sound out any word, there are a few challenging ones that she can't but you get the idea. I don't think my daughter is any more advanced than the rest of her classmates because some of them can read novels already. So, with all of that said, maybe your daughter does need a repeat of K. She is really young to be going into 1st grade. In PA you have to be 5 before Sept 1st in order to start K. Do you think she is going to struggle? If you do, just let her repeat. If you think her age is an issue, again, you should just let her repeat. It's not a big deal. You don't want her struggling starting off her school career. I'm sure you'll make the best decission. Best wishes!

what does the school say? Are they recommending repeat? That should be the core of your decision.

To have your child repeat will not cause her emotional harm, & it may academically help her. BUT all of your other questions should have been addressed one year ago! To consider her age at graduation now....well, it's a little too late. & I don't want to seem harsh....but if she's happy, then I would allow her to move on with her current group. I seriously believe that the school would have made interventive recommendations if academically she needed it.

Don't allow your fears/concerns to possibly disrupt her forward growth....please place some trust in her teacher from last year & the school's part of her education.

In your position I would hold her back now. Better to do it while she's only in kindergarten than have to do it in first or second grade. My best friend (who is a teacher) was in the exact same position as you and she didn't hold her child back but should have. She ended up having to hold him back later when it did hurt him socially and emotionally, as he found it embarrassing. Had it occurred in kindergarten rather than in a higher grade, it would have been far easier.

My situation was a bit different. I held my middle daughter back for a second preschool year, and she has summer school every year as part of her IEP due to having special needs. Keeping her back was the best move.

I agree with Momma W =o)

My friend is repeating kindergarten with her son because he is lagging mostly in academics. My son is entering first grade this year and he can read, identify long and short vowels, read special sounds (sch, pl, pr, gr, etc ). He is a math wizard too and I still had him tutor this summer. If he couldn't write...I would most definitely hold him back. I would worry about the emotional consequences though. He would see his friends moving on and he would be stuck in the "baby class" as he calls it. Kids are tough! If you feel strongly about moving to first grade, get her a tutor to get her writing and reading up to speed. Ask her kinder teacher about tutoring, and how much she might need. It's funny, when their "little switch" decides to go on, they take off like reading and writing pros!

I would hope/think that her kinder teacher has offered some insight? If she has also expressed concern, you are on the right track thinking about retention. It's much easier for a child to adjust to being retained younger than older.

My daughter had a boy in her class who was repeating kinder & it was truly no big deal. He was a leader in the class and had great academic and social confidence.

Good luck!

PS: i would also add that the jump in terms of academic rigor from kinder to 1st is pretty big. What is expected of the kids inside the classroom and the homework that they are required to complete at home is quite a bit. Another consideration....

Just curious, what did her teacher suggest? Typically, a teacher will make this suggestion if they feel the child will benefit from another year.
I was a teacher for 17 years (four of those years in first grade), and very few of my incoming first graders knew how to read before they came in the class. These were some of the critical readiness standards that we tested the kids on in the beginning of the year and at the end of the year (to see how much they grew): ability to write first and last name, able to write out the entire alphabet, ability to sound out simple short vowel words, ability to count by 2's, 5's and 10's, ability to do simple addition and subtraction, able to write all her numbers in a hundred chart to 100, ability to copy a sentence on a separate sheet of paper.

Man, I'm in the same boat as you! Her kinder teacher was adament that she is ready for first grade. Her bday is August 26 and she won't turn 6 until the first week of school is over. So, I've had my reservations. I knew her kinder teacher very well, as I subbed with her and we were able to communicate really well. With my daughter, the social skills are there and she's very bright and can read well. She struggles with writing and knows that. She's even made comments that she's slower than everyone else. That concerns me - as I can see she's already disliking school in some ways. If she continues to struggle, it's going to put a bad taste in her mouth about school in the years to come. I've worked with her some this summer, but she can't stand writing. We've gotten the dry erase boards and fun stuff to work on, but she stills breaks down when it's time to write. We're meeting her 1st grade teacher this week, so I hope we can get a feel for what to expect. We're going ahead with 1st grade and saying our prayers that she'll have a breakthrough! We'll continue to work patiently with her, but we'll just have to see how things go this year. If anyone has any suggestions/experiences with this struggle, I'd love to hear from you!

My sister has a late august birthday only days before the sept. 1 cut off here and I watched her struggle or years finally between third and forth grade m mom had to hire her a private home tutor. I think if she hadn't always ben trying to catch up she would hav been very smart but she always struggled. It sounds like your daughter is already struggling I would repeat kindergarten I think it's better to repeat kindergarten than have to repeat a higher grade. You not want her to struggle and always have to play catch up.

Edited: half way through kindergarten my oldest was expected to read simple stories and directions.

I think at this age it's better to move on. My oldest daughter decided on her own to repeat a year of highschool because she couldn't fit in all the electives she wanted and the basic requirements too. Then after making that choice she was irritated with us for not starting her younger because she was 19 when she graduated. If you have to move around at all or switch schools later on in junior high or highschool, it can throw off her transcripts and credts with different school districts doing things differently. Should she, God forbid, get sick later or something else happen that messes up even one semester of highschool, she'd then run longer.

I think she does sound ready and she will read just fine.

It's nice to be social but academic is where it is at. If she is not filling in all the blocks it would be best to have her stay behind a year in Kindergarten with a different teacher. She will not know the difference. If she asks you will just let her know that she needs more time to get the hang of things. It is not a punishment.

I say this because I held my daughter back in second grade. It was hard but it was the best thing we could have done. She was ready to move on and do the work that was needed. In fact when she got into high school she was bold enough to inform one of her teachers that he/she could put the work due on Friday on the board Monday and that way the class would have the whole week to turn it in on time. This way they would be getting prepared for college. The teacher took her advice.

Also the friends she makes now will not necessarily be the friends she maintains later in life. It is a small bump in the road of life and living so don't sweat the small stuff.

The other S.

I am not a fan of holding a child back because she is the youngest in the class. If you have concerns about her academics, though, I would hold her back. My mom recently retired as a kinder teacher. The CA standards are that she should be able to write 2 sentences with little assistance by the end of the year.

I was usually one of the youngest in my class (Aug 25th), I always did well academically and socially and graduated at 17.

My daughter is following in my footsteps (Sept 3rd) and I hope my son too (Aug 8th).

Don't worry about age - only worry if you do not think she can catch up... you could have been spending the summer practicing with her...

You may have to go with your gut feeling and just do what you think is best.
My son started at 5 and will graduate at 17. I SO wish I had waited a year!!! But my daughter also started at 5, and so far I have no regrets. Girls are just SO different than boys! So it's kinda hard to compare.
It sounds good to think that if you wait, she will be 18 when she graduates and so much more mature. But, it also means she will be 18 her entire senior year of high school and that could be problematic as she declares her adulthood and thinks you should have no say in anything she does.
Good luck!

Talk to her kindergarten teacher!! By this time the decision should have already been made, unless she is changing schools.

I taught first grade for many years, and although I can't judge 100% because I don't know anything about your child :) it seems as though a retention would benefit her.

Your pros and cons list is awesome, because your pro is real and the con is not. It will not hurt her emotionally, in fact knowing, understanding, and being ready for first grade will help her confidence to soar. If she is moved up, just because she already did kinder she will suffer from not understanding and being able to keep up. From where she is right now it seems that even if she does go to first grade, unless there are some big changes this year you will be having the same debate next year.

Does she know all her letters and sounds? Can she write all her letters? How is she with taking turns, following 3 step directions, playing with friends, sitting quietly and listening? Can she count to 100? Skip count by 2, 5, and 10? Does she know her months and days?
These are all important skills to have entering first grade.

Well my neice was held back in kindergarden. She is 16 now and on the honor roll every grade period and has no emotional scars from it. My sons were young starters too. They both have july birthdays and went to kindergarden at 5. My oldest is going into 4th(middle into 1st). I wish I had held my oldest back in K because 1st was so hard for him he had a hard time. He caught up and passed but he still struggles in reading and math the extra year of K might have made the difference. My middle I believe will do better than fine as long as he behaves himself. I don't know if the school system will let you hold her back if she passed though or let you put her through if she didn't. Also my oldest didn't know how to read leaving K(neither does middle) but learned in 1st so I wouldn't worry about that a whole lot if I were you.

They wanted my son to go into what they called then Young Fives and not start kindergarten. We chose for him to go to Kindergarten then they wanted him to stay another year in it they said his fine motor skills weren't developed and that he would have trouble reading and writing we went talked to a lot of different Doctors and they all said holding him back would hurt him but he was fine and ready to move to First Grade. We didn't hold him back my Son always kept right up with the rest of the kids he is now a Music Education Teacher he is 32 now, and married with a son that will be 4 in October. I want to go back to the school that caused us this grief and say Look at him now. My advice is you know your child better then anyone I wouldn't hold her back and I am so glad we didn't hold my son back.

My 5 year old son who turned 5 on June 13th was suggested at his private school that is highly academic to have him do Transitional Kindergarden (give him the gift of time). He also has ADHD and he's very smart and that would mean he would be 19 graduation from high school like me because I got held back and I was a March Birthday. Anyhow, we choose to get him assessed at a more expensive private school and he qualifies for Kindergarden. This year we will see if he did well otherwise we will choose to hold him back. You gave your daughter the year of Kindergarden, you should know know if you should be better informed if she should continue or not but if you fill an ounce of she should than do it now.

Does she want to move up? Then I think you should let her.

They usually learn to read and write in first and second grades. My daughter was younger than yours in first grade, and didn't know much reading, either. She has had a stellar school career.

Ask your daughter what she thinks. I was prepared to allow my daughter to repeat Kinder, since I started her young, but she wanted to move up with her friends, so that's what I let her do.

And if your daughter really wants to move up along with her friends, seriously take into consideration Margie M's advice. Also, take into consideration the advice to listen to the recommendation of your daughter's Kindergarten teacher.

Keep her back. I know it's a tough pill to swallow but depending on your school district, it doesn't sound like she is ready. I can't tell you about California, but here in Illinois (Chicago) the teachers would not be letting her move on if she was only "more or less under control" with her sight words.They must know their sight words and they are writing sentences and short stories by then end of kindergarten. It is so much easier and better to keep her back now than waiting for the first grade teacher to tell you that she can't move to second? That would be horrible. At that point she has been with all of her friends for two years and then she will have to stay back? Emotionally it will be tougher for her if her peers are doing well in school and she is struggling. Here in Illinois the birthday cut off is Sept 1st. She wouldn't be starting Kindergarten until this year, and she would be an older 5. So much is expected from our kindergarten kids now, it's not like it was when we were going to kindergarten. The last thing you want is for her to struggle with school. That's when kids start to fail. If she gets a good base and is confident in what she knows, school will come easier for her. If a child struggles in school, school then becomes a chore and not somewhere where they want to be. Don't think about high school, think about now. Get her a strong base, repeat kindergarten and have her fully ready for 1st grade. Remember, the teacher can't do everything on her own, parent involvement is key. Work with writing and word recognition with your daughter at home. Most importantly, read to your child every single day. Make it a part of your bedtime routine. Once she starts learning more and more sight words, get early reader books and have her read to you at night. More and more studies are showing that kids that read well and love reading do better in all subjects.

It sounds like academically she isn't ready. I'd be afraid of her falling behind and then getting frustrated with and not liking school. Also, I went to college at 17 and it isn't something I would recommend to other people. There were so many adult decisions not only with what to study but socially that another year of maturity will help her. Dealing with drinking and sex at 18 almost 19 is much better than 17 almost 18.