To Relocate--or Not to Relocate?

NJ Mom, I wouldn't make such a big move deciding you want warmer weather, lower cost of living and less stress and just pick a place randomly. Have you spent much time in NC? I would rent a place for the summer and see if you like it. Also, are the schools there really comparable? My inlaws live there and what they tell me about the teens they know, compared to my own high schooler, doesn't impress me - high dropout and teen pregnancy rates, not a lot of college bound kids. Also, you are still parenting young school aged kids - honestly, I would find it impossible to spend entire weekends travelling away from home every month and a half. Kids have homework, friends, team sports and you can't necessarily get away, and if you do, it won't be stressfree, you'll be trying to get the kids to cram in all their homework, they'll be tired from flying back late at night and have to go to school the next day, etc.

I moved from NJ to NC when I was 8 years old... and I was miserable. It is quite a culture shock and I was not prepared for the heat of NC summers that seem to be taking over Spring and Fall more and more. To be honest, you're probably in for a rough time with the kiddos. I can't say there's a lot of benefit to living in NC. Taxes are high (not as bad a Jersey, but still) schooling is substandard in the majority of schools (there are a few exceptions) and I just can't say enough about the culture shock. Of course we went from suburban (20 minutes from Philly) to rural, redneck, every-negative-stereotype land. Be careful and do a lot of recon.

Good luck.

GO. If you don't like it you can move back to NJ. Leave he crowds and the pollution and the endless state scandals behind. Your parents can come for visits.
Warm weather is such a plus when it comes to raising children. They are outside more, get more exercise, get to know the neighborhood children. And for you too a more relaxed atmosphere.

A suggestion based on what I've seen happen to other folks, and what I've learned in some research for my work:

Don't commit to relocation until you have spent some real, substantial time in an area, in several different seasons of the year (try July, when NC will be very humid). A one-weekend trip would not tell you what you need to know or give you a real feel for the area. Spend an entire vacation, with kids along, in the area. Work in advance to set up house tours with realtors, school tours, get detailed maps, get job advice, etc. Make more than one trip down there. I would give the same advice about any area, not just NC.

I know folks who relocated (not to NC) based on pretty much nothing but a feeling and an area's reputation who were unhappy once they moved there because they hadn't visited enough to learn anything about an area's culture and lifestyle (Too slow for you? Too fast? Too "Southern"? Enough emphasis on education? Not enough? What do folks with kids do on weekends? Is it what you and your kids like to do? Does service take longer everywhere? Do people tend to be polite, brusque, brisk, slow, fast, etc. etc etc.) Those things do make a difference but one you may not grasp based on quick trips.

Also consider one important thing -- How old and how healthy are your parents? If they're relatively young and healthy, moving is easier for you. If they are older (or even youngish) but there are health issue on the horizon, consider: Will you be able to help look after them from that distance? Are you expected to do that eventually as they age, by them, by siblings, etc.? It could be that they're happy to jump into the car and come see you regularly, or it could be that you are expected to do 100 percent of the traveling to see them; would that be stressful? Would you find you really didnt' see them "every 6-8 weeks" as you say? Once the kids start elementary school and have weekeend soccer and dance and friends and other activities, you very likely may find those 8 weeks going by and you just haven't made it back to N.J. -- that's a reality of having younger kids with increasingly busy schedules of their own that aren't always in your control.

I'm not saying don't move -- I'm from eastern NC and love it there! I'm saying, look at ALL sides of it, not just cost of living and warmer weather.

That's exactly what it is - you're just scared. Everything else falls right into place. Your husband is on the same page as you. It seems like you have everything covered. I'd say go for it. If you don't, you will always wonder "what if".. and you will never be satisfied with anything other than going for warmer weather.

The children will be fine. How do you think military family do it? It is not where you go, but where you hang your hat. That's what makes it a home.

I'm all for adventure. Go for it and have fun with new beginnings.. It'll be great!

I'm sort of in the same boat as you. I'm from NYC and 9 years ago moved to the Mississippi Gulf Coast. I needed a change, warmer weather, etc. Ended up meeting my husband while living there. After Katrina we moved to his home state of TN, and after 5 years and 2 kids we've decided to move back to the Coast. Even though we know it's the right decision for us, it's still a hard thing to do. We don't have jobs (I'll go back to freelancing) and have a little bit of savings, and hate taking the kids from everyone they know and love, but still we know it's what's best for our family. We move in just a few weeks.

As for being a Yankee moving to the South, that was hands down the best thing I could have done. I love NYC, but can't say enough for how much I love the Gulf Coast and how much it's my true home.

All in all, I think you have to look at the overall picture and do what's best for your family and not for parents, friends, etc, and it sounds to me like you already know what that is.

A.

A year and a half ago we moved FAR from family for financial reasons and so that our children would be in a better environment (GOOD schools, less pollution, no gangs walking down the street...). We REALLY like the area we are in, there are so many nature related things to do, and the people here are SO nice. Traffic is nonexistent, and we even have aunts and uncles and cousins nearby. BUUUUUT, I miss my mom and sisters sooooo much. So do my kids. My mom and sisters also miss us soooo much, to the point that my mom is selling her house and coming to live with us so she doesn't miss out on her only grandchildren's lives! The "plan" of my husband getting a good job and us having the finances to travel back to see my mom and sisters twice a year didn't pan out, and travel has been very limited on their end as well. Honestly, I wish we would have just moved into a smaller but safer place in our original city and I would have homeschooled (which I'll probably end up doing anyway for various reasons). Think about the connection you have, and want to have in the future with your family, for yourself, your parents, and your kids. in the end we all learned that for us, it doesn't matter where you live, it matters who you are near!

I've lived in the same are my entire life, and if I had the chance to do that, I'd move in a heart beat!!! Your children are still very young and will make friends easily. If this means less stress for you guys, what more could you ask for? Life is stressful enough, what a great thing to have an opportunity to make it easier. Good luck on your decision.

This is a very person decision. You want to do what is best for your family. We have lived in many places (far from family and where we grew up) and decided that being where the schools were great and where family was were some of the most important things to us, so we moved from a cheap place back to an expensive place. My house is not as nice, but we live in a great neighborhood and my kids are thriving. They love being near their family and it is nice for use to have help from family when we need it. Whatever you decide should be what YOU (you and your husband) think is best for you and your family. Good Luck on this important decision.

Right there with you. After June, I have no real reason to remain in the state I am currently residing. I haven't been able to find career related work without having to move to a big city or drive 50 miles one way. I don't want to raise my 4 year old in a big city and don't get me started on the gas prices.

It is scary and I would like to move somewhere where I at least know one person. Where I want to go is a higher cost of living, warmer weather, and would definitely reduce my stress. I just don't want to leave my Mom behind but she is locked in where she's at and can't relocate near me. I 'm used to calling her and asking her to come out...3hr drive..and have her be there the next day or two. So that saddens me that I would not be able to do that once I relocate.

It is a big step, but one that's needed in order to move on and get a new start. Good luck.

You will only be a 2.5 hour flight away! My parents moved us almost every 2 year, from Suriname to Curacao to the Netherlands to Georgia in the USA, then Massachusetts. You learn that you can make friends anywhere. You learn what climate and culture you like. Yes, missing family is difficult, BUT I think my relationship with my mom deepened due to long emails and phone calls when she moved back to the Netherlands before my move to Massachusetts. We have friends that just moved to Singapore, so staying within the US and even more so the East Coast, should not be too difficult. The hardest thing will probably for the girls to get used to new schools and friends, but if they are doing fine in school here they will do fine there. Enjoy the change, you are giving yourself and your kids an adventure.

Go for it.

If you don't, you'll have regrets and wonder if you should have moved when your girls were little. If you do relocate and hate it, you can always move back. Inconvenient but at least you gave it a try.

I would spend time this Summer traveling and touring several states until I found one that was a good fit. You will need to make sure you have the amenities you need to survive in whatever area you decide on. I could not live in an area that didn't have a city nearby. I was raised in the city and require culture on occasion. I enjoy trips to the Zoo, the Omniplex, the Track, all kinds of things that I enjoy.

do it while kids are young or else its to late try it can always move back rent something for a year and try it

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do it while kids are young or else its to late try it can always move back rent something for a year and try it

My brother moved to an island a couple of years back. Seriously. He said he didn't want to say he could have done it and didn't.So he got it out of his system. He has since moved back. The experience was too much in spite of the beauty of the water and the ocean. HIs son is happy and his wife hasn't ever liked him much anyway (apparently she always thought she should have married a prince) but they all do fine here. He lives about twenty minutes away and we do not see him that much, but he likes it better here. His family is fine and happy and they tried it. Nothing is etched in stone. As far as a lower cost of living goes, I'm not so sure that exists anywhere anymore. Best of luck to you whatever your decision~

NC is not NJ.
What are you used to?
Are you used to getting things done now, your way and without much backtalk?
Or are you willing to wait a bit, maybe a week for a repair, doing it this way first then your way and making friends with every one you meet before you get what you want.
You will have to start using the air conditioner in March. It's very sticky, humid. You wont' get used to it the first summer.
Bugs, NC has those large cockroaches they call Palmetto Bugs. You'll need an exterminator.
Taxes are high, gas is high, milk is high. THe actual cost of living in NC was higher than that of Northern VA.

But if you can slow your expectations down and start talking to complete strangers about their kids and mother, and deal with the heat you will do OK.
I grew up in Chicago. I moved to NC first in '98 then left in '01. I hated it. It was so different. I cried for many nights.
THe 2nd time we were here was '06 to last July. Now I miss it. The southern hospitality is a treat if you let them show you the ways of the South.
No one up North does sweet tea like NC.
And no one will give their shirts off their backs faster than those in NC.

And schools, well there are good schools in NC and bad teachers, there are bad schools and good teachers. But the same can be sad for VA, NY, and TX. My daughter did fine, actually very well.
The colleges are rated tops in the nation, UNC, NCState, and Duke is in Durham.
Really look deep inside and think about if you can do this. You are a Yankee, I am too, I still say pop, I hate sticky humid days. But I loved NC and would have stayed.

Updated

NC is not NJ.
What are you used to?
Are you used to getting things done now, your way and without much backtalk?
Or are you willing to wait a bit, maybe a week for a repair, doing it this way first then your way and making friends with every one you meet before you get what you want.
You will have to start using the air conditioner in March. It's very sticky, humid. You wont' get used to it the first summer.
Bugs, NC has those large cockroaches they call Palmetto Bugs. You'll need an exterminator.
Taxes are high, gas is high, milk is high. THe actual cost of living in NC was higher than that of Northern VA.

But if you can slow your expectations down and start talking to complete strangers about their kids and mother, and deal with the heat you will do OK.
I grew up in Chicago. I moved to NC first in '98 then left in '01. I hated it. It was so different. I cried for many nights.
THe 2nd time we were here was '06 to last July. Now I miss it. The southern hospitality is a treat if you let them show you the ways of the South.
No one up North does sweet tea like NC.
And no one will give their shirts off their backs faster than those in NC.

And schools, well there are good schools in NC and bad teachers, there are bad schools and good teachers. But the same can be sad for VA, NY, and TX. My daughter did fine, actually very well.
The colleges are rated tops in the nation, UNC, NCState, and Duke is in Durham.
Really look deep inside and think about if you can do this. You are a Yankee, I am too, I still say pop, I hate sticky humid days. But I loved NC and would have stayed.

Your girls are young. You feel it in your gut. Do it.
My brother, SIL and three nieces live five hours away. We all freaked when they moved. But we are all sooo much closer now than we were before! We see each other about every six weeks (either they come here or we go there). It's only a five hour drive and works out perfect for weekend trips.
Your parents will be OK. What's most important is what is what works for you, your husband and your kids.

Both of my sisters recently moved to Charlotte from FL. My older sister loves it and will never move back. My younger sister likes it--the schools are good, housing prices are affordable, and the people are nicer. However, she misses our mother terribly!

If you can get the same things about half the distance then go for it.

I know how you feel as I've lived in one area my entire life, we've been tinkering with moving south as well (we're in OH). Just spent spring break in Charlotte area with a girlfriend and our little ones (other kids were not on break). I checked out all the towns in the area and found three that I really love. So spending time there is important. Hoping to get back there this summer and spend some more time exploring. We're thinking next year...