To Invite or Not?

All you can control in this world is you. Do what you can live with. If you feel extending the invite is the right thing to do, then whether they accept or not or reciprocate or not is irrelevant.

I think you should just keep sending the invites because you said she rarely goes anyway, so no big deal. If she goes, fine, if not, fine. At least you are being nice and inviting her, which is more than she does for you. good luck!

If your husband would like you to include them, send the invite. If your husband doesn't care, then don't.

Personally, I would probably not send an invite.

Continue to invite them. Even if you know they won't come, you do this for your in-laws and your husband, not necessarily for them. Continue to take the high road and ignore their differences.

Send the invitation.

I wouldn't send invites and I wouldn't even think about them anymore.

You should still send the invites. Always invite. It keeps family harmony.

I would have said to invite them and don't let it bother you at all if they don't come. But then you mention her awful remark to you while in the hospital after your son was born. Nice people? Really?

I don't know them - none of us do. You really have to figure out if you are a thorn in their side (do they see you as "Those People" that won't leave them alone), or continue with the status quo.

Personally, I'd stop inviting people who really don't want to come.

I'd invite them over when it's just ya'll and NOT when there's a gift involved, if that's your concern. Maybe they don't want to infringe on your friends or feel they wouldn't know anyone except for her Dad.

I'd still include them in any celebration though - if they choose not to come, it's their decision - you've done the right thing.

Sounds like a clear sign to me too. But your husband has expressed an interest in still inviting them, so do it. But just have your expectations as high as the floor. That way it won't continue to bother you.

You know what I do in situations like that? I invite them but I don't count on them coming. If they come--fine, if they don't come--fine.

This is your husband's stepsister. What is THEIR relationship like? I'd follow his lead--and he says to invite them, right?

Do you ever invite them over for no reason other than to GET to know them better & get closer to them? (Then it wouldn't seem like a grab-for-gifts, holiday formality, etc.)

I think you are right to chalk the different little idiosyncrasies up to just being different and I wouldn't dwell on those things. As such, I would still invite them, to at least the bigger things, and have little expectations for them to come. Then, when they do show up, it can be a welcome surprise.

Leave things as they are!

Updated

Don't go anywhere you are not welcome and let them. Tell your MIL off in a nice way.

A clear sign of what? You cannot read their minds. I suggest that since this bothers you that you give her a call and say that you enjoy having them come over but they seldom do. Should you keep sending invites?

Keep in mind that they might have a very active social life with their family and just don't have time for your side's social occasions. The fact that they come some of the time indicates to me the possibility that they do enjoy coming once in awhile. I would continue to send invites.

They may also think that your invitations are more obligatory than heartfelt. I would try personally, over the phone, offering invitations.

Communication is the key to a good relationship. If you can't talk about this with her then you don't have much of a relationship. If you don't want to talk with her, I suggest that it may not be a relationship you want to pursue. In which case stop giving invitations.

Have you asked your inlaws for some insight? Tell them how you're feeling and ask for their take on the relationship.

I can partially agree with Marda about them thinking this was more out of obligation than out of kindness. If you can't call her, try writing out a little sticky on one of the invites that says "We understand if you guys are busy, so please don't feel obligated - we love to see you and the family!" Sometimes a hand written note can be a substitute.

Yes, her parenting style is different than yours, but she really doesn't have to rub it in your face.

Take the high road and keep the invites going. Good luck!

Have you considered calling her and saying "hey do you want to do christmas, easter ...l. fill in the blank here holiday together" so mom and dad don't have to drive all over once they hit town?

If your hubby insists--do it. Otherwise heck no.

I personally wouldn't send any more invitations, and would NOT make any family announcements about it. Just quietly stop. That's just me, and that's ONLY if my husband agreed with me.

Since your husband wants to continue inviting them and it seems important to him, I would honor that as much as I didn't want to do it. If they decline, then they decline and no feelings are hurt. If they attend, then great... your husband gets to see his former step-sister and maintain their relationship. What loss if there if you give in on this issue?

Invite and then forget it. If they show up they show up. If they don't you aren't out anything.

To quote your post:
"To be honest, it isn't a relationship that I am completely vested in, they are nice people and although are of no blood relation, my husband's parents are still good and keep them a part of the family."
Do you honestly believe that she doesn't feel that? You can snub people with very small actions. For instance if a 'blood relative' walks in and you great them with a big smile, and a warm hug and she walks in the room and you greet her with a straigtht face and a 'hey how ya doing' she knows she isn't really welcome. It's like being put at a wobbly TV tray in the den to eat dinner while the rest of the family is at the dining room table.

This woman is your SIL and a part of your family. She may have a different parenting style than you do but that doesn't make her a bad person. It's not her fault that her parents divorced and her dad married your MIL--it just the way things worked out.
Your husband grew up with this woman as his sister--learn to accept her. Spend some time with her and get to know her.

Simple answer is just to send an invite as common courtesy. If they come great, if not, fine. Try not to let them not inviting ya'll get to you. Take the high road. I understand how you feel if it was just up to me, I wouldn't send them invites anymore but your husband says you should so for that, I would. Maybe they don't feel comfortable or something. I don't know. From what you said describing them, they seem kind of out there. Still feeding their children when they are 5 & 7? Do they wipe their butts for them as well? To each their own I guess but geez.......