To Enroll or Not to Enroll in Daycare?

Welcome back! I would enroll in daycare. I found that two days of daycare and three days of grandma care was the best situation for my kids. It took away any anxiety I had about being left in a lurch if my mom got sick or injured and having to find emergency care. My kids really, really enjoyed daycare and thrived in that setting and were more than ready for school when Kindergarten came around. My two younger boys are still friends with kids they met in daycare. It really was a positive experience for us.

I also wouldn't necessarily count on being able to bring your daughter to work when she's older. There's a HUGE difference between how much stimulation and structure an 18 month old needs compared with a 2 or 3 year old. Even in a school setting, trying to work with a pre-schooler underfoot does not sound very doable at all. I think that she and your employer would be better served by having her have adequate care 5 days a week.

Daycare for sure. Makes it easier all the way around. Your Mom may not feel well one day. It will say bring her. We will manage. Then you worry. Much easier having reliable day are. I would probably do three days. Easier to adjust to.

I certainly would not count on taking a 2 1/2 year old to work. Kids need consistency so I would continue ue with day are. Kids need other kids at that age.

Take it from someone who depended on family for childcare- put her in daycare. If you foresee any problems now, then generally that's exactly what will happen. It will be a relief to have a dependable place to take your child if you need to.
Besides, daycare isn't like your dropping her off in the pit of hell. It's daycare. Of course there will be some adjustments, but that's life- right? You never know, she may just absolutely love it.

Daycare is only as traumatic as you want it to be - figure out why you dread it and then get over it.
If she's a spitfire now, the terrible 3's might be a real shock for everyone every which way around.
There is NO WAY a 3 yr old is going to occupy themselves long enough for you to get any work done.
It's just not a realistic expectation.
And you do not want to piss off your co-workers.
They are being polite when they say they won't mind - really, they are going to mind a lot.
In daycare she'll have other kids to play with and it's a better preparation for pre-school and school.
But try to make it for 3 or 4 days a week.
2 days a week is not enough for her to get use to it.

I never thought I would put my child in day care but I did - and I loved it. She was not home all day with one person, she had lots of pairs of eyes on her, she did crafts, had more than enough to play with and played outdoors every day. More importantly, SHE LOVED IT. I never regretted my decision. I'd do it again. And I put her in at about 18 months (similar situation as yours). They key is to look around and find the place that jumps out to you.

Bringing a three year old to work sounds like a blessing but in fact, may be a total nightmare. What will she do while you are trying to work. Do you have your own office? I think it might wear everyone down pretty quickly.

And with daycare, you can do a couple of days a week and when you need an extra, you can ask them if they have room. Then you don't have to use a sick or vacation day.

Good luck!!

Hi L.,

If it were me, I would enroll her in daycare. For so many reasons--
Daycare is reliable.
Daycare would be closer.

Here's something that you haven't considered, and I don't want to burst your bubble, but it is REALLY hard to get work done with a little one around. It's not about their ability to get engaged in something although, consider that their average attention span *can* sometimes be 1 minute per year and you're looking at the possibility of being interrupted every three minutes.

It's REALLY hard to get yourself mentally engaged in that sort of situation. I know because I've had to do some work while my son was present at that age and it was hell! Hell, I tell you!!! And he's a kid who could sit and play blocks for 15 minutes at a time. :) (I had my own preschool at that time; did my curriculum prep in the evenings and quickly decided to find some after-care for him just so I could do my cleanup/prep without 1,000 interruptions. Lots of working 'around' him.)

I think having a reliable option with daycare is ideal. Yes, it is a transition, and it would still be a transition taking her to work with you. Plus, we don't know what the future holds-- there may end up being someone in your office who has a problem with little kids around.

The other piece of this is that your mom really needs help to be able to watch your girl. If this were my mom in the same situation, I would be looking at finding alternatives because I would feel *horrible* if something happened to her back/health. She and others are going out of their way to do a very huge kindness for you... if she cannot care for your daughter (usually) without assistance, she really needs to be relieved of this job so that she can just enjoy being grandma.

You have a wonderful and connected community around you... which is truly a great thing. I think it is time, however, to be a little less reliant on them and find options which give them their time back. People are hugely going out of their way for you. Daycare would be the first step.

This job sounds important to your family's needs. I would put her in daycare (assuming you can afford it). You have been very lucky all these people have pulled together for you. I would worry that these helpful people would become resentful if this goes on too long.

Employers want a dependable employee, so be careful depending on sick days.

I would look for a daycare with a preschool or vice versa. My DD's old daycare was a preschool as well and you could enroll the child in preschool and fill the rest of the day with a PT daycare slot. She may enjoy the setting and then also be able to pick up actual preschool next year. My cousin's daughter is going to preschool 2 days a week and says it works well for them. It might be the best win-win if you only need 2 days of coverage.

The biggest thing about daycare, IMO, is the research. Do your best. Visit. See the kids. Happy kids are a huge indicator of the overall program. Is the place too "something" for you? Antiseptic? Authoritarian? Etc. I loved my DD's daycare, and only pulled her out when I changed jobs and no longer worked in that area. It was in a center, but very homey.

So that's my $.02. Look for something she can love long-term where a summer off might just feel like a normal break in the school year and she can get more benefits out of being in someone else's care than just "don't stick your finger in that".

Even though the other dad works from home, I hope he can get a lot done during naps. He knows his schedule best. But it is very punctuated when a child is afoot. So it may be good to make sure it's not impacting his work more than he thought it would.

Visit the local daycares and see if there is one you feel comfortable with. Kids can get a lot from daycare..... depending on the daycare. You might be pleasantly surprised. And if not, you can always stay with the arrangement you have.

Have you considered a nanny? It seems like you really, really don't want to do daycare, but you definitely need something for the days that your MIL can't watch her through the winter. A nanny would allow your daughter the personal attention and home environment that you want for her.

Also, bringing her to work with you is probably not going to be as easy as it seems and can make it very hard to get anything done. You may need to consider long-term options rather than a short-term solution.

Try the daycare and if it turns out to be bad, pull her. Welcome back. More questions please!

We all hear about the horrors of daycare, and indeed there are some tragic situations. But my kids love daycare. My oldest has really only done after care, as I started working full-time when he started school full-time. He was off school Friday and today, and my husband and I both had to work. We told him he would need to go to daycare all day both days, and he got really excited because he knew he'd be spending the day with his friends.

Our youngest was 2 1/2 when he started daycare full-time. He loves it. I teach, so I'm off for the summer and a few weeks at Christmas. It can be a bit of a transition for him when he goes back, but we've learned he will always need extra attention during transitions. I don't think he's alone in that regard.

Daycare can be wonderful. The kids have a routine, they have toys and playmates, arts & crafts, playtime outside, games, songs, field trips. Take some time to visit a few daycare centers in your area. You might be very surprised at what you see.

But please don't take your daughter to work. You need to be able to get work done, and little ones are a handful. You really do need to find daycare.

ADD: We had the crying thing at dropoff. BUT - it stops when you leave. I had to talk to the director for about 10 minutes, and I popped by and looked in the window at my formerly crying son, who was happily playing - no big deal. I felt much better after that. It's more like a giant playdate.

And they got him potty trained!!!!

ORIGINAL: Daycare. Don't freak yourself out about the "trauma". Every child is different. She has been around tons of family so if she's social, it may be a blast for her. New toys, new people, etc. And I tried to work from home - it's not possible, really, to fully concentrate on work and pay attention to your kid at the same time - especially at that age. You'd need to have someone taking care of her while you were home to get anything done.

Find a daycare you like, that gives you good vibes, has good ratings. We had a great kindercare near our home and my son enjoyed it there. He's 6 now, and went there when he was 3-4 years old. He was just talking about the yard, and riding the tricycles yesterday (very cute).

I agree with Momoftwo. You should think about hiring a part time nanny. Your Mom could still watch her and the nanny could help.

I would do what it takes to get your child into daycare. Daycare is beneficial, fun and educational. Find a good one and don't stress. She'll also benefit from better immunity later in life, which is huge. The benefits are great.

I can't afford to do daycare full-time with all of mine, and I'm at home.
But if you can afford daycare, you are lucky, go for it!

Do not bring a child to work. That is very unfair to her and others. Why have her languish in the corners of a work when you can have her enrolled in a center that's right for her?

I send the kids to daycare whenever there is a school day off. I can afford to do this since it's just now and then. They love it. EVEN though I'm at home, I do this. I can see how much they learn and grow at daycare, and their friends make it even more fun! 3 YO loves it, too.

What is it about daycare that worries you so much?

There are many positive things about daycare. You just have to find the right one. Maybe your daughter will have difficult drop offs at first, but if it's a good daycare they will know how to help her (and you) with the transition. Plus she'll get great experience socializing with other kids, build her immune system, have different learning opportunities, learn how to adjust to other adults and adapt to another schedule and you'll have reliable care that you don't have to scramble with if someone is sick. The great thing for you is that if SHE is sick you have a great circle of caregivers to help you so you don't have to miss work.

To be frank, your schedule of having all these different people watching her every week makes my head spin. I'd much rather find a place that I was comfortable with and that she loves than bounce her all around.

And taking her to work with you will not the cup of tea you are envisioning. Trust me. She will be 3 and have to occupy herself while you are working how many hours a day? I'm sure she's a great kiddo, but she'll be three.

Good luck with your decision!

The thing is that child care is based on a weekly fee. Even if you don't take your child to the center every day you still will have to pay that weekly fee. They have staff and utilities to pay whether your child is there or not. They have that classroom there and waiting for your child and they can't take anyone else on that day just because you don't come in.

So enroll the little one in child care and plan on taking them every day. If you don't work you just stay at home or take them in. That way you can have a free day to deep clean or to go to the doc or shopping.