Tired at Night

He's wrong and not very understanding. You need to tell him to either start helping and stop complaining. Men can be so uncaring sometimes........you need to tell him everything you did for the day, then explain that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but some other night would be better, if you have too make a date night.....on your less hectic day................

If this doesn't help, you might want to just leave for a day and let HIM take care of the kids and tell him you don't want him to dirty the house up either...........and if he does, tell him to clean up after himself and his kids.......

Good Luck....don't know how long you've been married, but unless he does some major changing, not sure this one is going to last........take care.

Hey was. But I have a solution for you, and it may not be very popular. It worked for me, and it may work for you too.

I read Dr. Lauar Slessinger's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and did what she said to do. I don't care for a lot of what she says, but she understands what makes men tick, and if you do what she says, he may step up and help out, and you will be much happier. My husband realizes that I am manipulating him, and he is happy about it and does not care on little bit. Men are very simple creatures, and you really do have the upper hand and the power, you just have to find it. She is right on.

M.

This seems to be an issue in our home too. We have 4 kids, the youngest is 15 months and suffers from grade 5 kidney reflux and is sick a lot. I am a SAHM. My day starts at the rise of the sun and doesn't end until alomst 11pm. I take care of 100% of the home duties including mowing the yard, trash and oil changes on the cars and caring for the dog and 3 cats(2 disabled) I take car of 95% of the child care. I have no days off, no mommy time and no outside hobbies.

Is this right? Probably not, but I do nothing to change it.

Last week I spent 5 days in Childrens hospital with our daughter because of kidney infections. The night I got home I had 5 days of things to catch up on and when I finally went to bed he got angry that we didn't have sex. Are you kidding me?? 5days of very little sleep caring for a sick child . . . .

So, this is what I said to him.

"You go to work and then come home and you are off duty. I work in the home and I am NEVER off duty. If you want sex than get off your butt and help me! Don't hide in your office after dinner. Help get the kids off to bed at a decent time, help clean up after dinner, help move things along so I am not going to bed at 11pm. I get up an average of 3 times per night with kids. I need sleep or I am going to fall over and then no one will be here to take care of you and the kids. If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem!"

Sounds harsh, but we have been together for 21 years now. He just has to be reminded sometimes that although I am good at what I do, I am not Super Woman!

Wait till day time and no kids around and just tell him you enjoy your intimate time with him, but you need help making time for it. Tell him you can't enjoy it when you are so exhausted. Ask him nicely to help you out a little bit.

I will admit, I wasn't as nice when I said what I said. Usually I am more compassionate in my words.

Men view sex differently than we do. For them, it is a show of love. Usually a woman needs to feel loved before she wants to have sex.

I hope he helps out a little more.

Who wouldn't be tired after all that?
I got tired just READING about your day. :)

Sometimes men can be so insensitive. Being mad at you for being too tired to have sex isn't going to exactly butter you up any. And, being told you don't have a reason for being tired isn't exactly a turn on.
When things cool down I would just come out and tell him how you feel. With 3 kids, evenings can be hectic so maybe you can work out a plan together to have him help you out more. He and the 7 year old can do the dishes and clean the kitchen while you bathe the twins or vice versa. He can try helping get the kids to bed earlier so you have a minute to sit down, relax and take a few breaths before going to bed.
I'm sure you love your husband and you have to be careful what you say to an extent because they can have such tender egos sometimes, but dang, sex shouldn't be just one more chore you have to complete before you can finally get some rest. Even with the kindest husbands, some days that's what it feels like for women. Women DO get tired.
I have lots of married male friends who talk to me all the time and I have heard, "By the time she works, takes the kids to sports, helps with their homework, cooks, does the housework and gets them to bed, there's nothing left of her for me. She has all this time for everything else......"
I will tell them, "Are you listening to yourself? You go to work. You come home. Everything else is taken care of. Do you really think she runs herself ragged just to have an excuse not to badda-bing badda-boom your head off every night? She's not choosing things INSTEAD of you...there are only so many hours in a day. Maybe you should try helping her instead of expecting her to have some "vixen" time scheduled for every hour she spends doing other things in order to keep it "fair" in your eyes. You might want to re-think the whole "fair" thing. "
A little understanding and a little pitching in can go a long way!

I would just talk to your husband because throughout the years there will be plenty of times one or the other of you are too tired and it shouldn't have to end up in a fight.

Best wishes.

He is wrong, and I am sure this is a pretty common occurance in lots of marriages, mine included. One night just tell him. Hey, if you get the kids bathed and to bed, then we can fool around tonight. I would think most men would jump at that opportunity.

My husband and I have come a LONG way in our marriage, and one of the obstacles we overcame is the frequency of sex. Up until a couple of years ago, and we've been married now for 7 years, about once every couple of months he'd act annoyed and eventually would tell me that it was because he didn't think we were having sex enough. I know he just didn't understand how exhausting my days were. We have 2 kids, 15 months apart, and he has worked 10-12 hour days all along. So, I would always just make sure we had sex more back then, but a couple of years ago I finally decided I should talk to him. One night I asked him how often he'd like for us to be having sex. I told him that I don't need to have sex as often as he does, but want to make sure his needs are being met also. So, after we both talked about our needs, we haven't had the problem since! It's so funny, because even after being married for 5 years, you still learn new things about how to handle your marital problems. If I were you, I'd do the same thing. It doesn't work to say "I'm tired, I've been taking care of kids all day" stuff like that, because their minds shut down at the initial rejection, they don't care about the reasons. But, if you voice your individual needs to each other, it's a lot better.