M.P.
You are having a difficult time and you do need to see your doctor. Medication will greatly help you at this point. Counseling could help you learn a different way of thinking so that you have less stress but it will help you to start out with medication. Most doctors will prescribe an anti-anxiety medication even when they recommend counseling.
It sounds to me that you have panic attacks even without all this stress. I think that medication is a must for panic attacks. Please see your doctor.
I would like to make some suggestions about the situation but I need the ages of your children and how often they see their father before I can do some of that. I do recommend that you not even try to talk with your ex and his girlfriend. Let your attorney handle that. And I'd try having your ex pick the kids up at a neutral place so that you won't see him at all.
You also need a support system to help you. Do you have a friend that could go with you to the drs? Could you take a yoga or mediation class to learn how to relax? I think that you'd need to already be on an anti-anxiety med before you would be able to do that.
The doctor can also give you medication to control the hives. I get hives from allergies as does my grandaughter. The dr recommended an over the counter anti-histamine.
Without knowing your children's ages I can't know what would help you most. But I do say that no matter what age they are it will not hurt them for them to call her mom unless you make a big deal of it. The angry interactions that you are having with your ex and his girlfriend are probably doing more emotional damage to your children than whatever else is happening. It is important for your children's mental health that you remain as neutral as possible about their father and what he does. When we bad mouth a parent we are also bad mouthing our children. Remember he is both a biological and emotional part of them. We are also putting them in the middle asking them to choose between the two parents.
I do know that you are having a really difficult and painful time. And from your description I believe that a great deal of this is caused by an anxiety and/or panic disorder over which you have no control at this time. You can regain control with medication and be much better able to handle this extremely stressful situation. If your doctor doesn't recognize this change drs. But I think that it's highly likely that he will understand and give you the medication you need.
Have a friend help you get the appointment and get you out of the house so that you can begin the healing process.
I'm with you! Write again if you want. M.