Tips to Get Son to Stop Hitting at Daycare

my advice is too ask him what is troubling him. Sounds kinda silly but instead of just assuming what may be making him upset or causing him to do things like knock over blocks just ask him why he is doing that in a really nice way. I had many problems like this with my son when he was that age, he's about to be 10. He would tell me something that usually sounded pretty silly to me to get mad or upset about, but I realized its a huge deal to him so once I put myself on his level and we talked about different approaches it worked. I shared my trials with the teachers too so we were on the same page.
For example at naptime (cause mine didn't want to sleep either and said he would get bored) I gave him something he could think about that he could tell me about later when I picked him up. Kinda like giving him his own little job to do and if he did it I would praise him with a quarter or something or just a big hug and a job well done. Hope that helps, you have to be persistant though. Good Luck!!!

At 4, I think there's very little you can do if he's not exhibiting the same behaviors at home. I'd probably talk to the teachers about having him try to sleep somewhere quieter... That's all it took for one of my four year o,ds who stopped napping at school. They moved her nap spot away from the door where the teachers were going in and out to one under the window and she suddenly started napping again.

Id also talk to the teachers to see if they can limit whatever is setting him off. Perhaps he needs more quiet play in the afternoons.

unfortunately if he honestly is not doing it at home, there isn't much you can do. at 4 he is not going to remember how mom had a nice talk with him at 8 am, at 2 pm when he lashes out without thinking. it's the teachers' responsibility to stop him THEN and THERE. i'm sorry, but you aren't there and you can't do it. of course i would still talk to him about it, make your views on the matter clear. but maybe ask the teachers what they expect you to do. he's not with you. he's with them. my first question would have been to them, "what do you suggest i can do at home to help with this?" maybe they have a suggestion. but first you have to catch him in the act. if you don't there's not much you can do really. just my opinion.

currently in my daycare, I have an almost 2yo who behaves in a similar manner. He is the youngest in his family, with the next closest sibling 6 years older. He is considered the Crown Prince, & the other kids in the family are not allowed to play with his toys, wrestle/rough-house with him, & are expected to cater to him when he's stressing.

The dynamics at home have created a monster who was unable to function within any socialization .....until I was adamant & taught him how to cooperatively play with his peers. It is an ongoing issue & most Mondays are spent re-orienting him into group play. I am bull-headed determined to continue with this....simply because I think he's a phenomenal little boy & his mom should feel shame over her preferences at home.

By NO means am I accusing you of the same behavior!! What I am recommending is for the teachers at the daycare to take heart, to spend extra time PREventing his behavior issues, & reward his good moments. I also strongly believe that naptime needs to be encouraged.....& this will only happen if you also follow thru with it at home.

In our school district, the children are required to have "quiet time" on a mat for the 1st semester of KG. Naps are not required, but the "quiet time" is. For this reason, I insist on naps all the way up to KG for all kids in my daycare. I also truly believe that your daycare is seeing this behavior in the afternoon, because he is overloaded & overtired. Again, this falls back onto the staff & they need to take the extra time to work with him over actually sleeping.

Thru it all, I believe the daycare staff needs to be proactive in both behavior prevention & at naptime. Unfortunately, naptime for many daycares is manned by a shorter staff roster.....to allow lunch/break times. You might want to look into how things are run at the daycare & see if he's with his usual teachers during naptime/later in the afternoon. He may not be responding to the staff caring for him. Hope some of this helps!

Yes... I know this behavior. It is probably due to the fact that he is tired and not very able to handle his impulses by the late afternoon. I agree with your suggestion that he's overstimulated and sending him to quiet time might be a better solution to the problem than reprimanding after the fact.

I would also see what they can do to make sure that he is resting/napping in the afternoon. This is easier said than done with a child who is dead set on giving up his nap, but even a forced rest will help him recharge and be able to handle emotions better.

Good luck. Stay on top of this and be an advocate for your kiddo. We had a hellish preschool experience because of some similar behaviors... I'll tell you more about it if you want to PM me.

I would encourage him to communicate what is going on. Why did he knock over the blocks? Was he bored? frustrated? lonely? Also have the teacher observe him as much as possible for a few days (especially during the afternoons when this is happening the most. I know it is tough for a teacher to shadow one child when there is a room full of kids to look after, but perhaps an assistant of even the director could observe him for awhile to see if they see any behavior patterns developing.) I would also stress what nice behavior looks like, sounds like. Giving hugs, holding hands, passing toys to another friend, saying please, thank you, I'm sorry, etc.
Also, I love Jim Fay's books Parenting with Love and Logic and you can also suggest Teaching with Love and Logic to the teachers. Particularly the section about giving choices. You mentioned that it is easier to head him off from a meltdown by being proactive (the quiet time before an offense occurs) instead reactive (with time out after the offense occurs). Giving choices is a great way for him to feel like he has some control and also sets boundaries too. Does he tend to do better doing activities by himself or with friends? Perhaps giving him two choices at free play time instead of everything in the playroom would work better such as choosing to paint or play with blocks. When he finishes one activity, then he gets two more choices. It may be less overwhelming. Hope this helps!
A.

hi
this must be something hard for you to fix. i would recomend a reward if he behaves...give him examples of consequences this could bring. If he has any siblings, you should ask him, would you like someone at school hurting your brothers or sisters?
my older sister has a 6 year old and she was having the same problem...i offered to talk to him averyday so he could be involve with family members and feel like they are proud of him and his acomplishments. I always told him before hanging up the phone to take care of his mother because he's the man of her life and his roll its to make mama proud. and always give her kisses and hugs etc..basically promoting him to be a lil bit more sweet with people.

How long has he been at Daycare?

Some kids, get real tweaked/frustrated, because... of ALL the kids there/different personalities/over stimulation and generally, kids this age do NOT have, automatic "coping-skills" for frustrations.
It is, taught.

Also, if he is over-all, over-tired daily... then this makes a young child, pretty much have nil, patience or tolerance for anything and everything, and they get, fussy. Thus, acting out.

YES... being around tons of kids all day, is hard. And yes, even I would get irked. LOL
He is 4.
Sure he shouldn't do that... but that is what kids do, when they don't know "coping-skills" or how to express their frustrations VERBALLY....

Kids this age, also do not have, skillful, impulse-control.

Put it all together, and a kids acts out....

BUT at this age, you need to enforce boundaries and that there is a right and a wrong.
Don't pussy foot around it.
Tell him what he did was wrong. It is not nice. He hurts other kids.
Then teach him how to cope... role play with him.
ie: if he is frustrated.. say so. TELL you or the Teacher.
IF some kid did something to him, TELL the Teacher and explain the best he can.
Teach him, the Teacher is there to HELP him... with any difficulty or things he is irked by.
TEACH him... the other kids are kids too... who are still learning.. and that NO ONE is perfect. But that we all "try our best..." to be, pleasant and not hurt others.

He is getting tweaked at school... because of all the other kids/noises/routines/over stimulation.
But you cannot always avoid that.
Once he starts elementary school.... this may or will happen too. There are other kids, there. It can't be helped.

Teach him HOW to communicate, his irks.
Teach him that it is okay to be grumpy or happy... but to SAY it with his words.
He is old enough to know that.
My kids since they were 2 years old, I taught them this and the names for their feelings etc.
My son is now 4 almost 5... and he knows his feelings and irks.... astutely.
He will TELL me "Mommy, I am irritated now. I want to be by myself." I let him. Then he feels better and he is back in the groove. He also knows the difference between him being "grumpy" or "irritated" or "frustrated."
The point being: he KNOWS himself and his emotions...and how to convey that and communicate it. AND how to tell me/daddy, if he needs our help or to commiserate.

A kid can learn that, at this age.
Teach him.

Or, maybe a smaller daycare for him?
OR, put him into Preschool. NOT daycare.

But again, once he starts elementary school... there will be, lots of other kids in the mix and in the classroom.

talk with him... about what it is that irks, him.
Validate him.
Then commiserate with him, THEN, tell him that as a 'TEAM' to try his best to be nice... in class. His Teachers, believe in him.... and you too.
If he is irked.... to tell his Teachers....
Role-play with him and give him the actual words/sentences he can use.

Tell him, that just because he is bigger/taller than the other kids, it does NOT make him, "boss" or the bully or stronger or more powerful or better than the other kids. That HE is a kid too.

My son is 4 and 49 pounds and 46" tall. He, is good with the other kids and younger kids at Preschool. He takes care of them.
It has to be taught.

If he hits the other kids, let the other kids hit back.