I asked essentially the same question about 13 months ago. I thought I would throw it out there again as I need suggestions.
My kids seem to always need something, fight with each other, have a meltdown or, my personal favorite, pick up one of the 2 landlines on a different floor that I'm on while on the phone. This is despite my efforts to involve them in an activity and reviewing my expectations prior to making or taking a phone call. My 5 year old is usually the guilty party. When it became particularly troublesome with picking up the extension, I just removed the phone for awhile. Out of sight out of mind. But now I feel that my children are old enough to respect my need to make/receive an occasional phone call. I have tried roleplaying with them demonstrating how difficult it is to hear the other party when noise is all around. Frankly, I think its just a matter of impulse control and need for instant gratification.
What are your household rules/expectations/procedures and consequences related to phone interruptions? I wonder if Super Nanny has addressed this at all. I am hoping that it's just one of those annoying phases that move on quickly. In the meantime, I need your ideas!!
I had a problem with my daughter trying to always get my attention when I was on the phone. (She is almost 5) I explained to her that she was interrupting me and it was rude. She now raises her hand if she needs to tell or ask me something when I am on the phone and she is quiet until I "call on her".
I sometimes take business related calls when my 6.5 and 8 year old are at home. I have a zero-tolerance policy: absolutely no disruptions. I always move to another part of the house and the children are not allowed to follow me. About a year ago my sons started fighting and the younger one burst into the room screaming at the top of his lungs. Fortunately, I was on a conference call with my line muted. I simply pointed at the door indicating that he leave the room. After the call ended he got a 2 hour time-out and then he and I had a long discussion. During the discussion I started with interrupting him and talking over him each time he tried to talk. Then I explained that that was exactly what he was doing to me.
I'm much more relaxed when taking personal calls, but I still expect that there will not be screaming and fighting in the background. I don't agree with other moms that say you just have to get used to it. I know my sister feels this way (or felt this way) and every conversation I have with her her kids are screaming at her, picking up the phone in another room and basically showing no respect for her. When they pick up the other line they start singing, or whining, or yelling for her. Recently I lost my patience while trying to give her information about a relative in the hospital and told her to call me when she had time to talk. She was upset with me and complained to our mother saying I was being rude. Later my sister told me that our mom told her that she dreaded calling her house because her kids were so obnoxious and it was unpleasant trying to have a conversation. Our mom also told her that she would appreciate it if my sister didn't call her from her car when the kids are with her because all my mom can hear are the kids screaming. So now my sister is trying to teach her 4.5 & 6 year old some telephone manners too. I would do what you're comfortable with and try to keep it in the context of how you feel when you're talking to someone and they are half-listening to you because they're also trying to talk to their children who won't stop interrupting.
Isn't this the story of our lives as mothers!! You think everyone is quiet and occupied, then you get on the phone and all hell breaks loose!! I hide in my pantry.
When I am on the phone, that is always when something happens...fight, argument, need something.
I have told my kids, and the other ones that I watch...Unless you are bleeding, there is nothing that can't wait til I am off the phone.
Even raising your hand is an interruption and it is rude. I appreciate the fact that he raises his hand, but is it still a disruption to adults whether in person or on the phone, especially when it is just to find out if it is his turn to watch a different tv channel or something trivial to that effect. Good luck. There is no reason they can't have manners.
I told my kids that for every interuption from a child gets 3 no's to things they want that day and they will be arbitrary and this applies to each child even if the other interupts. Since this leads to them working together to remind each other to hush and find quiet play that won't get them both in trouble it has cut way down on interuptions. I also set an egg timer for myself so that my attention is fair. My limit on a call is 15 minutes but I first set it for 10 so I have a warning. Most who I talk to socially know that warning and try to wrap up loose ends of the conversation. It also gives the kids an idea of how long they have to wait.
Good Luck. This is the life of a mom. Mine just always have an important question while on the phone. They are 15 and 17!
I did not quite have this problem. My problem was trying to talk to me when I was on the phone. He never picked up the other line. But what we did was decided on a punishment for doing this and followed through with the punishment. You must set the rules, post them if necessary, and follow through with the punishment. MUST follow through.
That is the only way you will get it to stop and at the ages they are now it is a bad habit they are use to doing.
S.
My daughters are 5 and 3. If they get loud, I tell them to keep quiet or they'll be in time out. And I follow through.
Ha, mine are 10 and they interrupt me, or scream etc. I put up my hand and tell them to quiet. If they don't, they know they will be in trouble--and they have gotten there too. If I have to say excuse me, then they know they have passed the line. OF course it does not always work. The fighting starts the second the phone is picked up. Or they want to know who I am talking to and why and when they can...whatever. If I can I go into the bathroom or my bedroom. And yes I have hidden in the pantry. I figure I will get my revenge when they are teens on the phone with friends.
Michelle,
I was a professional nanny for twenty years and had five different family and have nine wonderful past charges. Here is the trick that I used and it worked. First, I would ask the children to hop on one foot and stand still at the same time(which then they would say I can't do that), then I would say run as fast as you can in the house and at the same time stand still(which they would say I can't do that). Then I would get down on my knees and say when I am on the phone talking to someone I can't listen to them and hear you at the same time. I would have the children talk to each other, then I would try and talk at the same time. Then, the got it. I understand that some children do not have the patience to wait. I would have paper by the phone and if they had to tell me something, or ask (which believe me, when you are on the phone or bathroom, that is when they absolutley need you the most), I would have them write it down, or draw a picture of what they wanted. I would then praise them for letting me finish the phone call without interrupting. I think for a 5 year old the consequence of interputting or picking up the phone, could be she has to do something for you. Give you five minutes of free time, since she took that away from you. Maybe you could make a sticker chart and if they don't interrupt you or pick up the phone have them put on a sticker and after so many stickers they get something. I would reward them with time, a extra book and bedtime, extra mintues in the bath, more snuggle time. Maybe in the beginning after you get off the phone you can ask her what she would like to do for five minutes with you, reward her with time, since she did the same for you.
Good luck!
K.
I have a zero tolerance policy while im on the [hone. if the phone is on my ear, no one talks to me. i let the little ones know ahead of time (mom is going to get on the phone for 10 minutes, so no disrupting me) and thats that. if i get inturupted, except for an extreem emergency (blood, limbs hanging off) they have time out. period. no questions. hasnt been a problem since.
Explain the rules and consequences BEFORE you pick up the phone - every day if necessary - until it sinks in. You only want to be interrupted if someone is bleeding. Or if they want your attention, they need to raise their hand. If you ignore them, they have to come back after you've hung up. Explain how rude it is to interrupt and how rude it is to be screaming/fighting while you are on the phone. This also applies when you are talking to someone face to face. As soon as our attention is engaged elsewhere - our children want it. That doesn't mean we have to give it to them - or even react to what they are doing.
Then if they break the rules, say excuse me to whomever you are talking to and issue the consequence. Don't yell, be matter of fact. I would especially punish the kid that picks up the extension. Why are they touching the phone at all? Hands off or else! I've made my kids sit down together and hold hands - they hate it. Or I've sent them to their rooms with orders to engage in silent reading. They've lost TV time, computer time, toys, you name it. But now a days, my kids rarely interrupt any phone conversation I'm having. I think the key is consistency.
I agree with you, your kids are old enough to know better. Good luck!
Good Luck. My children are almost twenty five and nineteen. They still bother me while I'm on the phone LOL.
while hating to sound sarcastic...that is one of the funniest questions I've ever seen posted.
