My son is just about 15 months old. Now that he is a confident walker, I try to let him practice when we go out as much as possible. I want him to feel independent. But I also can't be chasing him all around the supermarket (last night through the wine aisle!) when he runs away from me. I know he is exercising his new skills and freedom, so I am looking for tips to keep him walking near me without imposing on his new confidence. He is very resistant to holding my hand.
Of course in dangerous situations like parking lots, if he doesn't hold my hand I pick him up immediately and carry him to the car. When we are playing in the yard too I sometimes have to grab him and say no before he runs into the street -- even though we live in a VERY low traffic area he has to learn his boundaries for safety.
I am looking more for suggestions to guide him to walk close to me (not run away) in safe situations like the morning when I need him to walk to to the car (rather than running all over the yard picking up every stick and leaf!).
Thanks so much!
Thanks so much for all the great suggestions! We are trying out many of them and he seems to be getting it slowly. Working on it in free time, yard, play areas mostly, and on some non-shopping trips to Target etc. just for practice. Based on the input here it seems he is too young for walking in stores when I'm actually shopping, and he's OK with riding in the cart. Thanks again!
I bought one of those harness/leash things for kids. It was great! I felt safe because I was holding onto my son so he couldn't get in any trouble, and he was happy because he felt like he was free.
Im in the same boat, trying to get my son (18 mos) to walk more, especially now that im pregnant and the belly gets in the way of carrying him! Anyhow, whenever I'm in a high-traffic area (near roads, in a store, or somewhere more crowded like museums) I also use the backpack leash by Eddie Bauer. He actually really likes it (it's cute with a stuffed dog), and it helps guide where to walk (where I walk!) and I know he's safe and close by me.
Edit: To those that don't like the leash.. that's fine. I'm not judging, but I've tried to hold my kids hand, and sometimes it works, but other times he just pulls away and doesn't want to be held like that. That's great if you can hang on, but it's not always going to work, and I'd much rather be safe than sorry. If he doesn't mind the leash backpack, why should I? Safety first right??? Plus, when you're out doing things (ie running errands or juggling whats in your hands already - or in my case pregnant), you can't just hold your kid's hand the entire time!
At 15 months old that's a bit too much to expect of him. When my daughter was that age she was so HAPPY to be walking that whenever I set her down she was off like a shot. There was just so much to explore and figure out - like leaves and sticks. When we were at home or in another safe place that was fine, but in public and in parking lots? Not so much. We had to hold her or keep her in the carts until she really understood the words I was saying to her. Children, especially that young, do not have impulse control. Merely telling them to do something is not going to work because they cannot process that they need to do this consistently, only in the moment you speak it. Now that she is 23 months I feel confident letting her walk in the grocery store, because she knows she has to hold my hand or in the cart she goes. Yes, it does take a little longer to get the shopping done but at least she's not a yelling mess!
What I did with my daughter is I told her she could walk next to me in the grocery store or other shopping areas BUT if she wounder away then she will go in the cart for 5 mins, repeating as often as needed. Since she wanted to be out of the cart she eventually learned that to stay out of the cart she had to stay by me.
If I was on a tight schedule and did not have time to be putting her in the cart and getting her out again I would just say mommy needs to do the shopping quickly so you need to stay in the cart today. Now at age 3 she wants to be in the cart, which she is getting way to heavy to lift up high enough to get into the cart so she has to walk.
When outside walking to the car I would say "we are going straight to the car, please hold my hand." that way the task was set. If the toddler ventured of the task I would remind what we are doing or pick them up (depends on how quickly we had to get somewhere).
I have no ideas for playing outside, we have a fenced in back yard and I have always just let my daughter explore. She was never big into sticking things in her mouth. After a year of repeating that the street is unsafe she finally had it committed to memory. We also set a boundary she could see, you can not go past the side walk that way she knew how far she could go.
Repetition, Repetition, Repetition... that is the way a child learns what to do and not to do. It may get boring for the parent but that is our job :)
With my daughter, ever since she started wanting to walk in the grocery store, the rules are that she can walk if she stays next to me with one hand on the side of the cart. If she runs off or doesn't listen when I tell her not to touch something, she has to sit in the cart like she did before she could walk. I never waiver from this rule. She doesn't pay attention, she sits in the cart. Period.
I think he is too young to be walking at the grocery store. Plus it causes you stress and a difficult shopping trip. Going to the car from the house...just carry him for now, he can learn to follow directions at a different time than when you are trying to get somewhere on time or get the shopping done. I kept mine in the cart...all three of them for years. Made life much easier.
He's testing your boundaries. Will he be allowed to run all over when not holding your hand, and will you let go of him (even in the wine aisle) when he's resistant to holding it?
Start training him to walk next to you and not run off. There's a time for freedom and playing with no restrictions - at that's outside in a fenced in yard, but start at home, teaching him how to stick by your side. Make it a game, with rewards for him obeying, practicing not touching things etc... Once he learns to do this at home, then try it in a store. Otherwise, he needs to be holding your hand or in the seat of the cart. It just gets worse the bigger and faster they get. Kids seem to think its funny watching Mommy chase them in a store (and honestly it does look funny - even though it isn't). I learned this the hard way with my oldest. She was normally very obedient, and when I got pregnant and couldn't keep up with her anymore she played it to the max. I'm still working on some of the bad habits I allowed her to create by not being consistent and insisting that she obey me.
Best wishes!
I played a game with my twins called "stop and go". I taught it to them in the yard before I needed it. Basically, you say go and they run like crazy, then STOP, and the freeze.
It was a godsend in places like stores if they got ahead of me, and with 2 going in opposite directions, you can imagine. Its funny to see little ones come to a screeching halt immediately, and reassuring as a parent that they will do this in case of something dangerous.
Make up a simple game of going to the car, maybe like "Straight as an arrow' or BEE-line" and make it fun. Reward with great praise. Teach it with you are not rushed to get out of the door.
As far as walking by your side, that takes a lot of patience, and good enforcement. Your child may not be ready to do this for very long at a time.
On a store I have my kids hold onto their backpack string, and tell them we are flying a kite. they love it, and it gives me and them some freedom.
Good luck,
D.
You could try buying reins - I know they are a bit old school but they work - give the kid some freedom but not to wander very far from you. it worked with my twins as they always went in opposite directions otherwise...
Practicing is great, but in stores he is still of the age and size that being in a shopping cart or stroller or pack is still important, for his own safety. Plus its a real pain shopping with little ones getting in other people's way. If you are in a situation where none of these is available, they have sweet harness type "leashes" that look like stuffed animals with long "tails" that our little guys thought were fun to wear, and helped keep them close to us. The kids would play with it at home and give each other "walks" to make it like a game. You could also play this game at home just with hand holding. Make it fun. "Going to cross the street," "Let's hold hands :)" Practice different situations at home and then have a treat with a smile for doing well. Smile at your child and invite him to do the right thing...and make what you expect him to do a routine. You are bigger than he. Don't be afraid to pick a rebellious child up and put him in the car/cart with the instruction of what you expect him to do. Be firm in your instruction/expectation, but make obeying you appealing.
I'm working with my 2-yr-old on this very thing. I've started giving him choices like, "Are you going to walk on my right side or my left side? I need you to stay next to me - do you want to use walking feet or jumping feet? Little running feet or stomping feet?" It's not foolproof, but if he's feeling the least bit cooperative he'll choose one or the other and stay with me. I do use a "monkey backpack" (leash) for safety in the airport and when the zoo or aquarium is particularly crowded and he doesn't mind in the least - I tell him that "monkey wants to wrap his arms around you and give you a big hug!"
If you are consistent your little guy will become consistent, too - eventually! :-) Good luck!
15 months is hard but your gonna have to be tough on this one for obvious safety reasons...when my son was first walking the rule was that if he wanted to walk on his own and not hold my hand he had to have a hand on the stroller or cart while we were walking and he had to stay within my sight when we stopped...he would get one warning then get strapped into the stroller/cart/picked up...it took a few crying episodes but he finally figured it out...as for getting in the car without an hour of exploration I just found something to bribe him with for getting in fast :) I used fruit gummies for mine...good luck! Glad he's found his walking legs :)
Good luck with that one :) He is 15 months old so learning boundaries is part of the process of learning to walk. They make those leash like things but I've always found them repulsive (just my opinion) I haven't seen any better way then hand holding in dangerous situations and picking up and redirecting in not dangerous ones. Just look at it this way it's good exercise for both of you. As for the grocery store I don't let my youngest walk unless she can prove to me that she is going to stay by my side and not touch everything. The older one I expect to be at my side and listen and if he doesn't then we start the discipline. As he gets older he will figure out the rules but the only way that is going to happen is if you show him what the rules are. If you have time to let him run around the yard and pick up sticks then you let him walk. If you are in a hurry then you carry him to the car. It is NEVER imposing on them to teach them right from wrong. He may hate you for it right now but much like most things when it comes to parenting he will thank you for it later. (Like when he isn't flattened by a car.) My oldest still wants to run down the middle of our street, all of his friends do and he is the only one who isn't allowed. It's my rule and my job to reinforce it. The other day a friend of his almost got hit by a car that came flying around the corner. It scared both of them and once I got them calmed down enough to tell me what happened my son said "now I know why you won't let me run in the road" I was glad they were both ok and I have noticed that more of the kids are keeping to the edge of the road since. Kids don't know all the things that can hurt them that's why they have parents.
I always had my son put his hand in my back pocket or loop his fingers around my belt loop...sounds weird but he actually did it!! If he could do this til we got to the car i had a stash of 'sweet treats' he could pick from. He hated holding hands and this for whatever reason made him still feel independent...
It must be the age, because my 15-month-old girl is exactly the same! She gets distracted and wants to look at this, or that, or whatever! What I do is take her places where it is okay for her to walk far away from me (at the park, in the back yard) and say "we're at the park, you can go play way over there!" Then, when we are somewhere that she has to be close by (in the parking lot, in a store) I say, "now we're at xyz place and you have to hold my hand!" Sometimes she still struggles, but I stop to get her attention and tell her that she has to hold my hand or she will get "put up" (in the basket, in the carseat, in the stroller). Mostly she listens, so I just keep repeating. Eventually she will fully understand the reasons, for now, I just need her to do what I want. Oh, and I really do NOT like those "leash" things! I'm sure some kids like them and they are "cute" or whatever, but c'mon--just hold your kid's hand! :) Good luck!
