We've been cosleeping with my 2.5 year old basically forever. I enjoy my son sleeping in our bed, but it is causing him to get to bed later than he should, wake up when we come up to bed, and wake when I get up super early for work in the morning (my husband takes him to school two hours after I've left for work). I know he is not getting enough undisturbed sleep and he is acting cranky and tired all the time. At school they tell me they have such a hard time waking him up from his nap (he sleeps the longest of all the kids - sometimes almost 4 hours). I know getting him into a better bedtime routine and putting him in his own room will get him the sleep he needs.
We have tried to do this in the past and failed. DH and I both work full time and we have other kids in the home, so with other attempts I know we have given up too easily. But my son is so persistent and will scream for hours. I've tried staying with him til he falls asleep then leaving, but if he wakes in the night he will scream again. Should I go back in and lay down with him again? I have no idea the best way to do this. DH believes we get him settled, leave him in there, and let him figure it out. I think this is harsh but at the same time I know it will work. But I don't want my son to feel abandoned or alone. I am worried he will feel like we're kicking him out and be sad.
Any advice/tips for getting through this? We've already been talking it up to him and given him a goal -- if he sleeps in his own bed for five nights in a row he can get this Lego set he's been begging for. We also do a star chart. I'm just worried *I'm* not going to make it!!
Thanks in advance!
Thanks, everyone. Miraculously, the Lego bribe worked and we were met with such minimal resistance from him I was truly amazed! I guess he was finally ready and just needed the push to get there. Only the first night was there any real crying, but I got him down within an hour tops. Last night was the first night he woke in the middle of the night -- I went in and sat by the bed and let him rub my ear for a few minutes and he was back out. I can tell he is more rested and happy. *I*, however, miss my baby!
I just asked the same question about my 3.5 year old! I am going to be stalking your answers! Good luck!
I would begin by starting every night in his bed. Whatever routine works for you, whether that's putting him to sleep in your bed and moving him or doing a routine in his room or whatever. Then, when he wakes in the middle just let him join you. As he gets used to his own bed, he will wake less and less. Also, overtime, he will begin to fall back to sleep in his own bed because he will recognize it as his own bed.
This is what we did with our boys. We decided that we wanted to have an open door policy at night, so we don't turn them down in the middle of the night. We did begin co-sleeping, so when we were ready for a change, we began (almost) every night in their bed.
They both go through phases of coming to us at night, but it's not every night. They also go through phases of sleeping the whole night in their own bed.
Good luck! You'll get there.
Do you ever watch the Supernanny?
Her approach (which is the same as Dr. Weisbluth's) is to just take however long it requires to keep walking him back to bed...until he gets that he needs to sleep in his own room.
Don't lay down with thim. You're just going to create a new habit that you'll need to get out of.
Plan to take 2-3 nights, where you're sitting in the hallway outside his door for a couple of hours at a time. Yes, it will suck.
You may have to walk him back once. You may have to walk him back 162 times. Whatever it takes for him to get the message that it's time to sleep in his big boy bed.
You'll do yourself such a huge favor with this.
(I plan to start this myself shortly, as we're potty training. Up until now, we've actually locked DS in his room every night.)
I think you are on the right tack with the sticker chart and playing it up a bit. We promised to re-do the room after 30 days of sleeping in there every night. Making him want to be in there is 1/2 the battle. We just went through the same thing this year. We got the kids out of our room in June and they were sharing a room. In July we separated them and it's gone really well. There are still nights where they wake up (like last night), but they want me to go and lay with them versus wanting to come in our bed which is GREAT to me. I would get a desk or floor fan that you can turn on for white noise, that hum always seems to help. Good luck!!! I know I sleep better without them in our room or in our bed!
Shorten that goal! At this age, he has no concept of "5 nights". I would have something very small for him each morning and then if he makes it to 5 nights, go for the Legos!
Just put him to bed. Get him settled, say good night, give him a kiss and close the door. Don't stay with him until he falls asleep unless you are planning on doing the every night for the next several years. One new routine, one transition.
In all honesty you have waited a long time to do this, so it's going to take a while for him to get into the routine of going to bed on his own. Try not to make a big deal out of it. The more you hype it up, the more he's going to see this as something major- which it's not. Stick with it... remember that you are trying to break a 2+ year habit here! He's going to fight it (hard), but it will be good for all of you in the end. Know that this will take at least one full week if not longer. If you give-in (even once), you actually reinforce his behavior so strongly that it will take twice as long the next time you try.
I'm sure he'll pull the "I want mommy!" quite a bit in the beginning, but just go in, rub his back and walk back out. Don't pick him up (I've made that mistake before) and don't stay too long.
It's going to upset you far more than it will upset him. Treat yourself to something too at the end of the week! Good luck!
Whenever we tried something like this we started on a Thursday night. That way we only had to get through Friday dead tired and then could take naps on the weekend and hopefully by Sunday night you will be through the worst of it.
Keep reminding yourself that it's for your son's own good since he isnt able to get an uninterrupted night of sleep any longer in your bed.
Maybe put a pallet on the floor for him next to your bed where you can sneak in and out without disturbing him until he gets the sleep pattern down? Then start putting him in his own room.
I have no advice because I didnt co sleep with my kids except for when they toddled into my bed at night I'd let them stay.
My 3yr old granddaughter is still co sleeping with my dil and son, and they havent had a reason to put her out yet.
At that age, as I recollect. I put mine down with a story at bedtime and they usually were asleep no later than 8-8:30. Usually fell asleep during the story even. Try that. Then sneak out of his room.
Those are my suggestions.
Good luck.
**I'm not a fan of cio, but at that age you would only have to do it for a couple of nights before he'd get the clue, and it's not gonna damage him any if that's what youre afraid of.
