Tiny Bullies

well, the problem I have with situations like this, is I don't want my kid thinking this is the way people act. My girls have a cousin who has a lot of bad behaviors, and I cringe whenever they are near her, because they have picked up a few of her behaviors, which then i have to correct.

I think I would have a talk with the 5 year old, tell her that the way she is acting isn't very nice, and that your son won't be allowed to play with her anymore if she can't play nicer. I would also tell her that we "do NOT treat animals this way and if she can't treat the dog nice, she won't be allowed to play with the dog either."
My daughter is an "older sister", and she is not pushy or mean (bossy maybe! haha!!!). Quite the opposite really. it seems as though no one has told this girl that it's not nice to behave this way.

I would also talk with your son on things he can say to her when these things happen. nothing mean, but to stand up for himself. good luck!

Grandpa is done raising his kids and not used to watch his granddaughters every move for bullying. My suggestion is to stay closer and teach them yourself with words. 5 year old, please do not grab the dog, he might bite you for being mean to him. 5 year old, is that the way you were taught to share your toys? Why did you do that? Would you like it if someone did that to you? When you start school, someone older might do the same thing to you, will you like it? You will be not only teaching the 5 yo, but you will be teaching your son how to handle uncomfortable situations with his words and not fists or physical assaults. Then when she behaves be sure to find the good things and praise her for them. She is in turmoil because of her home life so now you can be her adult mentor by using deeds and kind words fairly for all children.

I know how hard it is to be moved around alot and the adults want you to watch the smaller child...they have taken her childhood away and not given her tools to cope with it so bossy is the only things she knows. Time for a positive adult figure in her life...it will make everyone's life better.

This is a tough one. As a preschool teacher, most of the children in my group are your son's age and need a LOT of coaching, either to get along with others or to assert themselves. If your son goes to the neighbors, it sounds like you need to go with him.

Although it sounds like a common space, you can help set the stage by making your little piece of turf a safe place. Set the precedent that way, by being present for your son. Explain, when Little Miss is being rude or unsafe, that she needs to ask for things, be kind, etc, or that she needs to go see her grandparents. I would also explain to her, in a friendly way, that when she is in your space, she plays fair and nice. That means that she may not hit, scream at, or ridicule/bully any other children. This will mean that she will probably dislike you a lot for making some boundaries, but that she will also come to a point of either respecting your wishes or not coming over.

I would be clear, too, that if you need to have her removed from your space physically, ask a grandparent to do it. Don't open yourself up for more trouble.

Another tactic would be that if she wants to come and play in your space, she needs to have a grown-up with her. Then, if things get out of hand, you can politely say "I see it's time for us to go inside. Have a good afternoon." and let her be their concern.

For what it's worth, I don't let my son play around kids that are playing in a mean way. It only teaches our little ones to be mean. If you are feeling that Grandpa is overwhelmed, don't expect him to go the extra mile for your little guy. He won't do it for himself, right? Sorry it's such a hard situation. We can't pick our neighbors, and we can't control them, but we can take charge of our own actions.

Best of luck!

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I haven't read the responses, so forgive me if I'm repeating anything.
First of all, if your son is playing with them, go out there and supervise. There's no reason why you can't grab a chair and go hang out with the Grandpa. I know you're a private person, but it sounds like maybe Grandpa could use an extra set of eyes. Maybe you would wind up being a great influence on the girls!
I think it's great that you're willing to give this little girl the benefit of the doubt. It's wonderful that you understand that she most likely has had a hard time and is just acting out. But, you're right..it doesn't give her the right to be rude to your child (or to her sister). If my daughter were being bullied by someone, I wouldn't hesitate to say something to the child's parent. You don't have to be rude. You could just kindly say "Wow! Those kids must have really been playing hard! My son came home with a scratch on his arm that was bleeding!" and see what Grandpa has to say. I, for one, wouldn't hesitate to correct her. That's just me though. If the behavior continues you're going to have to do something. I know you want to teach your little man to stand up for himself, but most 3 year olds just want to get along and play with the other kids. IMO, it's a little young for the real world ;)
I really think the only way to stop that kind of behavior is to supervise them yourself.

I agree you need to be out there monitoring and correcting the behavior yourself. It sounds like this little girl is in turmoil from what ever family drama she has been through, from what you describe. She needs some parenting, and some boundaries. For her own sake- kids need that. I am sure that Grandpa is trying to keep her happy and keep things peaceful if she has been through a tough time, but that isn't doing her any favors. I would not hesitate to politely correct her behavior, and also be sure to praise her good behavior. Maybe Grandpa doesn't even realize that he can stand up to her without the world coming to an end. And remember, he is probably of a generation where men did not do most of the parenting, especially not for little girls. Your presence might really help him know what to do. Most little kids will stop the behavior when another adult calls them on it. And when your son sees you telling her it is not appropriate to treat people that way, he will learn that you don't have to allow that kind of thing. I think in time you will be able to encourage him to stand up for himself more, but you can start with showing him what is acceptable and what isn't.

I'm guessing that not playing with these girls is not an option so I would probably make sure whenever my son was outside with the 5 year old that my presence was known! I would be out there watching everything and making sure she knew I was watching everything. She thinks she's the big dog in the backyard, I would let her know that's not true anymore. The other thing I would do is invite the 2 year old over to play but not the 5 year old. I know that sounds harsh, but honestly she is a little old to be playing with a 3 and a 2 year old regularly and it might send a message home to her that if she continues to behave that way no one will want to play with her.

Good luck,
K.

If these kids will be around your kids and the grandparents aren't doing anything about it, I'd talk to the children. I'd tell them it is not OK to do whatever they are doing that is not OK. If grandpa's only fault is being too nice he maybe isn't teaching the girls proper manners. He may be at a loss of how to deal with the child's behavior. A five-year old calling someone a stupid jerk is not OK in my book. You can talk to the child in a nice but firm way. I'm not saying do it behind the grandparents back. I'd do it nicely right when the incident happens. You might give the child another more appropriate way to express herself. If that doesn't work then you just don't let your kids play with them. JMO

You need to talk to the grandfather and if the behavior doesn't improve, you'll need to tell your boy he can't play with her. Make sure he knows it's not his fault, but don't back down. As parents, sometimes we have to intervene and insist that our children can't be friends with children who act too inappropriately. It sucks to have to be the "bad guy" but you might have to do it. Talk to the grandfather, first, though. Careful not to be at all confrontational, though. You're trying to solve a problem, not escalate it.