okay my son is 21 months old, but he is a pretty advanced 21 months, saying and comprehending probably 100 or more words easily. he counts 1-10 and "sings" a couple different songs, although not with the correct words :) anyway, a lot of times i know for a fact he knows something he's doing is wrong (hitting the cat, touching the floor fan or other electronics, etc). i've begun telling him that if he does it again, he'll be put in time out - and it seems to have some impact because after the first couple times of reinforcing it, just the warning seems to mostly stop the behavior now.
i'm just wondering, when have other people started with time outs? we mostly follow the "supernanny" method, i will warn him that what he's doing will get him a time out if he does it again, then if he does, pick him up and carry him to our spot, telling him "mommy warned you that if you did that you would get a time out..." basically leave him there, right now, for about a minute,picking him up without saying anything, and putting him back when he gets up. then i go get him, give him a hug and tell him the reason he was put in there. then we cuddle!
the first couple times were super hard, because he was screaming and kept getting up (just like on supernanny!) and i really don't think he understood "every time you get up it starts over!" so i finally just gave in. i have to say though, that now when i put him there, he hesistates before standing up, then if i turn and look at him he goes back to the spot i put him. in a way i am gratified because i feel he does understand that he must stay there until i go get him...but i'm somewhat paranoid that he's just reacting out of fear. he's SO sensitive. and he screamed SO loud the first couple times, i felt like he was just terrified. (that was another reason i gave in!) but on the other hand, i do think he understands about 90% of what i'm telling him.
i don't know if i'm doing the right thing! my sitter got me doing it because she told me she had to put him in timeout twice last time he was there, one time for hitting a child. i think the other was throwing a toy maybe? anyway, i trust her judgement so i gave it a try. now i'm just not sure. ideas??
I think young toddlers understand more than what we give them credit for. You're doing the right thing - just stay consistent. I started giving my two daughters time-outs at about 18 months of age. I have now condensed their warning into a very stern 1 - 2 - 3 count. (if you don't stop what you are doing by the time I get to three, then you get a time-out). They usually correct their behavior after I say 1. I think only once did I actually have to say 3 and follow through with a time-out. There are also situations in which there is no warning and they go straight to time-out: biting(we seem to be past that phase now), hitting and kicking.
After a time-out and explaining why they were there and they've apologized, I like to explain what the appropriate behavior should have been.
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C.M.
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Good job Mom! My daughter is about 17 months and even though we do not do it very often, she has been put in time out before. Since she is little, I put her in her bed but she gets the point. She will also go and sit by her sister if she gets put in time out so I know she understands. They usually do throw a fit (just like on Super Nanny) the first couple of times because you are making them do something that they don't want to do and they are not getting away with the bad behavior. Be consistant with him. It sounds like he already understands the process and it is effective so keep it up.
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K.W.
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Our Daughter is 27 months old and we have been doing time out for about 6 months. It works wonders. It never ever worked for my older kids, but I was not consistent with it. I think that is the key. We do 2 minutes and start over if she gets up. She will cry while in time out, but knows that in order to get up when the timer goes off, the tears have to be gone. It gives her time to calm herself down. She even apologizes for whatever it was she has done. I think you are doing the right thing and it sounds like you are doing it the right way.
Our Daughter knows when it is coming and what to expect. If she is downright throwing a fit, she has to go to bed. (Mostly because she only throws fits when she is extremely tired) But, also to totally remove her from the situation. This works very well. She is forewarned about having to go to bed and about time out. She seems to somewhat understand and whichever thing we do stops the bad behavior.
Good luck
~K.~
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A.P.
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Don't give up! You're doing it exactly right! He definitely knows what he's doing--they know way, way more than we moms think they do. His screams really are more upsetting to you than to him--he's trying to intimidate you, mom. But that's his job--just stick to your guns b/c you know best.
Also, discipline means teaching someone to control themselves. You might feel like you're in the trenches now, but it will pay off in long run. (I started when my daughter was 15 months. She's 8 now, and our great relationship is partly b/c she knows that I always follow through with warnings, so when I choose to battle, she already knows she won't win.)
Good luck with this life long lesson!
Angie
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S.L.
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I guarantee you he was NOT terrified. What is there to be afraid of? Kids pretty much always know way more than people think they do. Of course, he knows what he is doing is wrong. Part of the reason they want to do things is because these things get a rise out of their parents.
Personally, I don't think 1 minute per age is nearly long enough. I know it's what is recommended but it really doesn't do a thing for them. But I also think it depends on what's happening. If a child is doing the same thing over and over I keep increasing their time in time out. But if they are thinking of new things to do each time I'll give them the benefit of the doubt that they are just learning what's ok and what's not. If I know for a fact they are just trying to push my buttons I'll put them down for an early nap or another nap. I don't mess around with them anymore when it becomes a battle of the wills.
Suzi
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C.M.
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St. Louis
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You are doing the right thing!! At this age, they test their limits of what they can get away with, and showing him there are consequences to bad behaviour is the most important lesson you can teach him. He wasn't scared... he was mad at you for making him do something he didn't want to do!! LOL Just be consistant, and never backslide. Once they see a crack in your consistency.. they will take advantage of it. I know, it seems like I'm talking about a sneaky burgler or something. But, between the ages of 2-4...they really, really test you and see how willing you are to discipline them. I watch Super Nanny, and Nanny 911 too, and I think her method is great... it teaches a lesson with LOVE, and yes your son understands. You are doing a good job, keep up the good work!
Don't let them smell your fear!!! LOL You are doing the right thing. If he realizes that by screaming louder he'll get you to give in, that's what he's going to do. They are all smarter than we think. By putting him in Time Out you are teaching him what is acceptable and what is not, and that there are consiquences for his actions. Great Job Mom!!
M.
