Time Out Question

First of all, you will find that a lot of child care experts say that time-outs don't really have much effect until a child is 2. My suggestion would be to firmly tell him no and then place the toy out of reach but within his sight. I would leave it there for quite a while too since it sounds like this problem is frequent. All kids test their limits around his age.

I think a lot of it also has to do with age. My daughter is almost 2 (next month) and she throws stuff too. Taking toys away is a good idea, but it doesn't really work here. She just finds something else to throw, lol. She is also really good about letting us know when she's done something she's not supposed to (for example: today she got into my coat pocket and got out a pack of gum and said 'It's a no no.'), but when we correct her, she does the same thing again. It makes me so angry when she does this constantly. I'm tired of the most common word out of my mouth has become 'no' because I want to play and have a good time with her. People keep saying it's just going to take time. Not easy to hear when it's every day, all day since she was a little over a year old, lol.

skip the time out & take the toys away from him . start with the one he throws and work on up. Don't give him so much attention. Let him play in an area where you can see him but he can't see you, in order to give him some time alone.

Hi Emily,
Your son is still young and this behavior is typical, but, have you tried redirecting his actions? You write that he is inquisitive and inventive so, why not challenge him. Perhaps he throws a car at you. You in turn tell him that cars are not to be thrown in a stern voice, and then ask him if he can show mommy how a car vrooms fast...slow...crashes, etc. Praise this behavior! His mind is now geared toward getting positive attention and forgetting about throwing.

Do you have a basket of soft balls on hand. All toddlers love to throw! If he insists on throwing, get out the balls and explain that he may only choose balls to play with if he is going to throw toys. You can set out your laundry basket and have a goal in mind for his target...not mommy and daddy!
Maybe one day he'll be in the major league!!!!

My rule: If a toy is used to hurt someone, the toy is taken away...for a minute, an hour, a day or permananetly (depends on severity and if it is done repeatedly) Say itin a very manner of fact way. I don't want to be hurt so it is getting put away. But then you have to engage him--verbally or with an activity. If you really believe he is trying to get your atention for something, maybe you can try to anticipate when he will act out and engage him before he does. If time out is what you do (not my choice of discipline) then follow it up with a distraction and engagement activity so that the behaviot is not repeated. Try cooking with him, pouring and "cutting" i.e. tearing salad etc., coloring with crayons while you do the bills, lift the flap books, puzzles etc. Something that occupies the mind and the hands!

We struggled with finding the right discipline for our now 7 year old son. And he would go through phases where something would not work and months later when we tried it, it was exactly what he needed. So, don't give up on time outs totally.

For our wonder-boy we had to get creative and do "reality discpline". What I mean by that is whatever he offended with was part of the discipline. If he threw a toy, the toy was taken away. (At that age we put it up high so he could see it but not have it.) If he ran into the street, we had to go in the house to stay. If he threw sand in the sandbox, he lost his sandbox priviledge for the day.

I have to be honest and say that it was hard. It was tough coming up with something that made sense for the offense, but that did get a little easier with time. It was also tough because we would miss out on things - like being outside on a nice day. But for him those "natural consequences" were what he needed.

Another thing that was huge for him was catching him do the right thing and praising it - not always easy. One problem we had was him climbing up on the kids picnic table. I could tell him no until I was blue in the face. Catching him actually sitting at the table the right way was hard because he almost never did or would for only seconds. But I caught it one time and praised him, he didn't climb up again. He fed off that praise.

To try this, would be praising him on how he plays nice with a toy. "Good job putting that toy down nice."

Hang in there! He won't be 18 months forever!!!!

Unfortunately, time-outs don't work for many kids, especially this young. I taught preschool before my kids were born. Most preschools don't use timeouts because of their limited effectiveness. That being said, I do use them occasionally with my 3.5 yr old. But not with my 15mo old. Under two is just too young, even if you plan to use them when he's older. It's more effective to put the offending toy into timeout than to put the child into timeout. (At his age, only time out the toy for a few minutes because he can't understand any longer and it will stop being effective because he'll forget and mve on.) Typically, at 18mo the most effective thing is to remove all your attention, especially since you've focuses on the fact that he's throwing the toys even to get negative attention. When my toddler daughter hits (which is her way to get a reaction from me, even sometimes when she has my undivided attention), I tell her no strongly, then put her down and either walk away or igore her getting upset. That way you are truly removing all reaction, which is what your son is going for. (In his mind, even negative attention is good.) After a minute or two, I pick her back up and normally she won't repeat the behavior because she doesn't want to have me put her down again. If she does hit again, I will repeat the same technique. Keep in mind that kids at this age are constantly experimenting with the world over and over (keep in mind the drop the cup again and again game) and that concequences are something that don't make a whole lot of sense to them yet. So it may not be effective every time. But then neither are the timeouts, acorrding to you! And these kinds of discipline are really all they can understand before two.

I would shower him with praise and attention when he DOESN'T throw things at you. If you walk by and he doesn't throw something, go hug him and say "Thank you for not throwing your toy. Mommy is so proud of you."
Give him attention when he is behaving well. Thank him and show him that you appreciate it when he follows the rules.
Good Luck.

Without reading everyone else's answers, your inquisitive and inventive son obviously needs to alone time to think about stuff and look at his world in his way. I doubt it's healthy for you to spend every single moment with him; all kids need some alone time to explore.
He probably doesn't even WANT to throw the toys, but he knows he'll get what he really wants (some time alone) by doing that. Try giving him some without him doing bad things first. Then, if he's still throwing toys, I think you should tell him that "we don't throw things" and when he throws it again, take it away and say "sorry, you threw that toy after I told you no, so now we have to put it away". He'll get the idea.
To take it one step further, if something he throws lands on someone else, say "ouch, that hurts mommy. no throwing." Then take it away if he does it again. Makie sure that you and your husband don't throw things either. He sees every move you guys make.

Emily, I do think you are right that he likes all the attention wether good or bad. Why don't you try ignoring his bad behavior all togther? Just praise him when he is good. Or put the toys in time out instead of him. That last one works for my boy. Good luck.

Take something he likes away when he misbehaves and make him earn it back with good behavior.

I wonder if he has too many toys. Children do get overstimulated and handle things any way they know how. Considering your child is only 18 months, he probably does not know how to communicate to you why he is doing what he is doing. You need to simplify his life. It is easy as parents to overindulge our kids but is it really good for him. He is looking for love in relationships not toys. Start with giving him a few toys and if he gets bored with them replace them with something else but always remove something in its' place. If you want a topic to "google" check the internet about facts on sensory skills or sensory integration or even sensory overload.

My daughter is somewhat the same way, sometimes it does not bother her that she has to go to time out. The first thing I did was up the time on the timer, if the time you are making him sit is fine with him, then its too short. make him sit longer. Then if that doesnt work, I take things away from my daughter that are important to her.(maybe in your case, the toys he is throwing). B.

Emily - Similar to the other responses, but I put the toy in 'time out' and explain that we don't hit with or throw toys. My timeout spot for toys is on top of the refrigerator, so he still knows it's there and really wants it back. I give hime one chance to play with again and if he throws it or hits his sister with it again I take it away for a few days. It has taken a few times for it to sink in, but it seems to be working

i have gone through something like this with my son - several times
its pretty much our children are WAY TO SMART!! as parents we have to try and out smart them:( sucks huh
i suggest trying to take his toys that he is throwing away act like you are throwing them into the trash and put them some place where he can not see them
i actually had my son push my buttons one day and i just took all but like 5 toys and threw them in one of our extra cars that don't work.
also the more creative you are the better

Dear Emily, I also had a child who liked time out! what works for one not always works for another. Try taking the toys he throws, and making him earn them back. you throw it you loose it. to get it back he should help the person he hurt. This makes the punishment fit the crime sort to speek. Also maybe he needs some time with peers to gain more social skills, and learn how to interact with others better. Hope this helps, E.

So you bet that no one has hear this one, WELL, I have a three year old boy that has been punishing himself since about 16 months. He does something bad and we tell him, "your going to get time out" and he just says "OK" and sits in the time out corner. He hits, throws, basiclly everything. Recently though, he will be 4 in Oct., he has gotten better with the hitting and throwing. When he throws something or hits with it, we take it away. We bought one of those stuff animal nets that hang from the ceiling, when he throws a toy, we take it immediately and put it in the net. He does not get it back until we feel he deserves it. It has really worked because we have pretty much taken away everything at some point. As far as the punishing part, we had to come up with something else. He did not care about time out, so we work with no TV, or sit in your bed, we try anything...really the only thing that works is the Toy Net. Good Luck but know that it does get easier.

Emily,
I will tell you what I did and it solved the same problem and many others. We built a huge toy box of wood and put a lock on it. When a toy would be thrown or left to step on or even not put away at the end of the day "Mommy had to protect it from mean people" and I would lock all the toys in the box from all 4 of my kids till the guilty party endured enough peer pressure to tell the toy they were sorry. Toys have feelings to you know even blocks just like baby dolls. Every time one of the kids would whine for a toy I would send them to the guilty party tell them how toys had feelings too. Once the child apologized to the toy the box would be opened. We keep all the toys in the box except games(which were always out of reach) and 3 special bedroom toys usually sleeping toys. When they were done playing with a toy it had to go back to the box before another one came out. We put the box on the enclosed porch. No toys in the house unless they were being played with. I bought them all a small fold flat basket to transport toys to and from with that way they can take them on trips, sleep overs or just outside. It worked wonders in my home. It also worked for my flowers and trees when one sister told the other sister "how would you like if someone ripped your arm off? Now be nice to the tree!" This taught my kids to respect just about everything except when one would take the others toy, lol. My children are not mentally scared nor disfunctional. Folks comment on how well my children behave and I have such loving children. I'm not a drill sargent but I keep my foot down on the family rules. I must be doing something right. When your home give him the choice to help you do your housework or dinner or whatever if he does not want to then just keep one eye on him and go about your business. He has not seen you all day and needs his time to shift gears of having you home just like you shifting from employee to house wife. I aim for 6pm supper and 7pm wheel of fortune in our home as a regular daily family time. I won 30,000 last night and rubbed it in good too.lol You might have to watch cartoons but it is the fact that you are teaching him family time. Maybe play with him or what ever you choose. After that time let him chose if he wants to continue or not. I'm sure he will. I know you want to spend all the time you can with him when your home but your learning I'm sure thats not possible and keep a content home. Teach him your schedule NOW while he is young so he is not shocked later on. Remember it's quality not quanity with family time. Continue to time out though but try putting him back to the TV on a naughty mat. (special towel or material, it's very portible even to the store when you have to do the shopping)Mine have sat in the ilses a few times and ppl smile at you and frown at the child(even make helpful comments to the child) and walk on. Gives you time to look at lables and prices too, lol. My kids hated time outs when cartoons were on. lol I can change the channel faster than they could sneak a peek. They really can't stand to watch CNN now. lol Of course this only worked till the kids started to really get big but by that time they knew better. All I can say is hide the key well from the kids. I have been down that road too. No toys for a week about killed them and me too but it only happend once.
Good luck with any method you try. Emily
C.'

I love the responses about redirection. That is a fabulous approach that I think we often forget when frustration happens on our part. (At least that is how I feel about myself at times) He may be so surprised at your "lack or response" to his behavior that it will work wonders. Sometimes the simplest solution is the best one. And then, if the frustrating behavior persists, perhaps designating a time-out area out of sight from you would help. My Mom always told me we raise our children to grow and be responsible. It would be perfectly fine to be sure he has time during the day to feel confident in his ability to play alone. That is an awesome gift to give him as well as the gift you already have lovingly given him - your attention.

Here's an idea, every time he throws a toy at you, it goes bye bye- for GOOD like in the garbage can outside or to the thrift store or in a box and mailed to a cousin. Maybe take the expensive toys and put them away for awhile. It might take a few times for him to learn that you are serious but Im guessing it will work.

Hi! This caught my notice: "He recieves a lot of our attention, dad works from home and I spend every moment I can with him." He might actually be giving himself a break from your attention. Maybe deliberately spend time doing something you like that has nothing to do with him. Give him his crayons and a stack of paper, grab a book or pick up your hobby, and let him be for a while to figure out what he wants to do. I think you have the opposite of trying to get attention. I mean, he throws the toy, then sits by himself. If a grownup did something equivalent to me, I'd think, "Boy, he must have gotten tired of company!"

You sound like a wonderful mother. Bet you could get away with doing less.

Take what he throws away from him in addition to putting him in time out. don't give the toy back until the next day or even a day or two. Maybe even keep a special box of thrown toys so he can see what he is losing. little ones are alot smarter than we give them credit.

two thoughts...
maybe he is overstimulated and needs to have some alone time, without toys,maybe read instead?
the second idea is to take away the toys he throws for a week. I have tried this and it seemed to help.

You bet I've heard of this! We tried putting our daughter, who's 3, into time out a few times, but she seemed to like it too much. She would even put her stuffed animals into time out. We decided the best way to punish her would be to put her in her room and close the door. We tell her that she has to stay in there until she can learn to be nice and apologize, if necessary. She doesn't like to be up there as a punishment, especially since we put her in her bed, walk out, and close her door. Guess you just have to find the best thing that your son doesn't like! Good luck!

I noticed that no one else mentioned that at 18 months your son probably is communicating to you something that he wants, but doesn't know how to say. If he wants your attention, teach him the correct words to say in that situation. The next time he throws a toy, say to him "If you want my attention, call for me; "Mommy, I need your help (or whatever). Please don't throw your toys that's not a good way to get my attention." Then take the toy away and go back to what you were doing. When he does use his words, stop what you are doing and help him, or whatever, to show him that words work best. This is what we did when my oldest daughter was this age. She would get so frustrated and angry with something and couldn't express herself well enough to speak the words, so we gave them to her.

My 6-year-old son went through a time of throwing things and ripping things, usually when he was angry or frustrated. It was simple, after many corrections (time-outs, explaining why it was wrong, re-direction) it didn't stop. So I warned him the next time he threw something he would lose it forever. The next time he had the outburst (I think he was about 3 or 4) I took the stuffed animals and toys (there was close to 20) and boxed them up. Next time we were able I took him in the car with the toys and drove to a Goodwill, I showed him the stuff inside the box and told him that it would be going to kids who knew how to treat things. Then WE handed it to the attendant and drove off. He was very quiet on the way home. When we got back he said," So, that's it? We can't get them back?" and I said, "yes, that's right. They're gone." He NEVER threw toys in anger again (in play yes, but that's expected). He also used to rip things, books, poster, projects he had done at school or daycare. After first I was upset, but realized he was looking for things that would make me sad (like the pictures he created). I then just threw the remains away. I didn't yell, didn't punish, just tossed them away like I didn't care (I now photograph is most precious projects). He began ripping things that I knew meant a lot to him and then complaining about it. My response was, "Well that was a silly thing to do, better not do it again." One time (he was 5) he ripped up a Pokemon poster that was his absolute fav. He pointed it out and I threw it away (again no comment, he knew how I felt about it.) He then asked for a new one a week later. I told him absolutely not, he needed to learn how to care for things. He pouted and begged, but I stayed strong. Recently he had saved some money from birthdays, Christmas, etc and bought a new Pokemon book and poster with his money. He threatened to rip it in a fit of anger and I said, "it's yours to do with what you want." He decided to draw a picture showing his anger and frustration. The Pokemon poster is still hanging untouched and we started a binder called, "Sometimes I'm angry." He likes to make fun of his pictures when he's stopped being angry.

Hi emily, the time out is good but if he gets the toy back soon, that may not be. Let him know each time that you give him time out, that toy will be put up for a day or time period. This is a respect matter also, he is old enough to teach these things now.

Sounds like you need Jo, the SuperNanny!!! Just kidding> I know she says more than one minute per age of the child is useless for time outs. (I never used them anyway). How about each time he throws a toy at you or anywhere, keep the toy and don't give it back?? Later reward him with his toys, one at a time, for his good behavior.

Have you tried taking the toy away? When we have a toy issue, the toy first goes on top of the refrigerator, where DD can see it, but not play with it. She can tell us when she's ready to have it back and play nicely. If the same thing happens again, the toy goes away.

I would put the toy in time out for as long as it takes. My daughter I only take toys away for 5 minutes or so, if he has tons of toys you might take them away for a half day or day, when he runs out of his favorite toys he may change his behavior. But also remember that he is only 18 months and it may take a while for this to work.

I had a simialar problem but mine included playing in time out. Try putting him somewhere where he can't see the tv, you or anything that is going on. One book I read, and I've actually tried this and it worked, is using an old car seat with the 5 point harness. Put it on the floor so he can't hurt himself and strap his little butt in it when it's time for time out. I got that idea from a book called 1-2-3 Magic. Look for that book. It has some other great ideas in it.

Since he likes "Time Out" so much, maybe the best punishment is to start taking away the toys he is throwing at people.

Next time he throws something, tell him that throwing toys at people can give them boo-boo's and that is why he should not do it again. Then let him know that the next time he does that, you will throw it away.

Once he does it again after the first warning, have him watch you throw it in the garbage. I am guessing that most of the toys are small and are probably not expensive. But, if they are expensive, maybe have a special toy garbage can. The thing is he should not be able to play with those toys again until his bad habit is broken.

Have you taken the toys he throws and put them in "the garbage"?? It may not take too long before he gets the hint!!

When my son would not clean up, or de-valued a toy, I put it in the garbage (a bag that I hid in the garage)..What I came to find is that he had too many toys and was overwhelmed and didn't miss them, he prized his tried and true things and took better care of them or never see them again.

We also stopped buying toys- and got gift cards instead. he 'saves up' all his gift cards from holidays and birthdays and buys something he really wants, or saves for a big item... He is 11 now and has come to be grateful and appreciate what he has.

Time out never worked for my son Chris either. He was way too laid back. He's 14 and his life motto is still "whatever." Toys is time-out or "thrown away" could work and even if it takes a bit he will notice one day when he looks up and their are no toys left to play with.
One thing to think about is what is your response? Are you outraged, indignant? Depending on that, he might be waying the odds and decided the price is worth they pay-off. These little guys love feeling powerful. I would still take the toy away, but show as little upset as possible.
I have five kids and one thing I have found is that they all have different triggers. You have to find the one that works for your kid. What does he value the most? My friend's daughter HATES early bedtime because even though it's only 15 minutes she just knows she's missing all the fun.

What about using over-correction? When he throws, have him throw something (obviously not at someone/thing!)for the time that he would have been in time out-without giving him attention? Then he may realize that he won't get attention and get tired of throwing...and what about funneling throwing into something positive-i.e. throwing a baseball or football at a target area..so he learns the appropriateness of throwing.

I agree with a lot of the moms who say the toy needs a time out too, but the one response saying kids can get overwhelmed with too many toys nailed it!! We are in the same situation where I think my son has every single toy possible out there, hahaha - thanks grandma and pappy and all the uncles and aunts - hahaha. Well we came to the same conclusion that he was just getting overwhelmed and his time out was a "break" that he needed. We ended up buying those wonderful bins, haha, and sorted out the toys and have ALL toys put away(in a sense out of sight out of mind). When we are ready to play we open the "fun" door (the closet) and he is allowed to choose one bin at a time. This allows him to focus on the cars, trucks, books, buidling blocks, balls, or whatever bin he has decided on. It also has helped him to not be overwhelmed to pick his toys up at the end too. (which was another big issue we had for a long time too...he didn't ever want to help clean up and he would get mad and that is when he would start throwing toys and trucks at us). Anyways. We used to think that having all the toys out allowed him to make dissusions and use his imagination and was the best to let him choose... but now we think a smaller amount to choose from is best. The only things we do keep out at all times are his books... b/c he loves to read and I wouln't do anything to discourage that.

Good luck!

one of my daughter puts herself in time out when she is over stimulated. It's funny the first time at school the teach called me at work and said she got up from her desk, went to the corner sat down and announced that she needed to be alone and she was in time out. She was very upset that the teach did not understand. It sounds like your son may have the same mind set. That's great. Playdate outside the home, and even though he gets a lot of attention, just leaving the house every day for a few minutes makes a huge difference.

i actually am familiar with this.
i don't think he likes the punishment, but the "break" he gets in time out. in fact, that's what we call time out now, just break time.
he probably gets tired or enjoys the few minutes to himself, so just designate a few minutes of break time where he doesn't need to break the rules, but he relaxes for a bit anyway. tell him, " you didn't do anything wrong, we just need a couple minutes to regroup. you sit here, mommy will be over there doing the same thing. i'll see you in a few minutes!"

I think 18 months is a bit young to get the cause/effect of a timeout for throwing a toy. It seems obvious he thinks it's a game. My son never cared about timeouts - he seemed to enjoy them so they were not a deterent at all. I believe in more natural and logical consequences... you throw a toy, the toy goes away for a day. You can also try redirection -- "We don't throw the car. Here, throw the ball this way." and then give him the opportunity to throw to his heart's content, with the appropriate thing.

Hi,
My experience is that sometimes time-outs don't work for some children. I have three, 13,9,3 and they all have been disciplined in different ways. I guess what I'm saying is that if time-outs aren't working then maybe it's time for a more strict punishment. I have always found that if the punishment doesn't disappoint them and give them boundaries then they won't learn not to do it. With my three year old daughter we have tried everything like time outs, nose in the corner, taking favorite toys away, loss of dessert, no T.V. She is very hard-headed and the only thing that has worked so far is an idea my husband had, she has to be a bug. That is when she doesn't follow the rules or is being unruly, she has to lay on the floor and put her hands and feet in the air and hold them there for about three minutes. She doesn't like that at all. Maybe you could just try to use your imagination and try different things until you find something that works for him. Good luck, I know it's difficult but if you get it under hand now, he will be in less trouble as he gets older in school and in social settings. I have been a school bus driver for 8 years and I can always tell when a child has not been disciplined at home.

That is kind of crazy, but not unheard of! Have you tried letting him know the next time he throws something, it goes away? Maybe try to take them away and hide them and see how that works.Can't hurt, and maybe he'll see thats not fun at all.

Emily-

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this, I have a 2 1/2 yr old boy that I feel doesn't respond to timeouts either. If he takes something he is not supposed to have and I try to get it back, he throws it before I can get it from him. He also seems unphased by timeouts. I ask him if he wants a timeout and he just says..."OK". I am interested to see what responses you get as I could use the help as well. Good luck!

When my adult children, my grandchildren, or all the children that I have had in childcare over the last twenty years have thrown things, they lose that item for the day. If it continues, they lose it for a longer period of time and have to earn it back. When he doesn't have anything to play with, he might get the idea. You also have to let him know when he is in the time out why he is sitting there and that it is not acceptable to throw toys at anyone, that he might hurt someone or hurt mommy or daddy. They understand more than you realize.

This definitely sounds familiar. You have to battle the bad, but remember to acknowledge the good. Since he is used to the time- out, it's time to change it up. Make him sit down or stand, make him face the wall, add a minute or two-do something different and stick to that for a couple months. He must know you are in charge. He doesn't say how the time out is going to be handled. Explain that time-outs get harder as he gets older. And take the item and put it away for an entire day (don't forget to explain that you are giving him another chance when you give it back). And you can start a chart, letting him add little stars for the days he is good and then he gets to tell or call someone with your help of course(daddy, grandma) to reinerate how good he was.

Instead of putting him in the time out, take the toy away for 2 minutes. When my two year old is mistreating his things, throwing them or crashing them into things - we get down on his level & give him a warning first..."We don't throw/crash/hurt our toys...if you throw your toy again, Mommy is going to take it away." If he does it again, we simply take it away (place it somewhere high), set the kitchen timer for two minutes - and then ask him to apologize for not listening to our words before we give it back. Be calm and be consistent. If he throws a fit for losing his toy, then you know you found some currency - simply say, "Mommy's sorry, but you didn't listen to my words. When times up you can have another try with your toy." When he gets it back, sit down and play with him - modeling how he should take care of his toys. It's worked for us (most of the time - after all, two is still two). Good luck!