Time for a Change - Seeking Advice

I, too, would discuss it with my kids. They are plenty old enough.

Best to you, change is hard.

:)

My younger kids are 10 and 12, things like this I would discuss with them. Hey, guys, I was thinking about downsizing but I like you guys having a room of your own. How do you feel about it? Do you feel you need a room?

You will find kids are damn honest about things like this.

Two weeks really isn't long enough to gauge the situation...it could change. What you SHOULDN'T do is get a one bedroom house...no matter how flexible you think your children are, that still sends a message. You have to have a space for them, even if (temporarily) it rarely gets used. Even with a two bedroom, one of them is on the couch...it's a tough situation.

Two weeks in....not such a long time, the honeymoon isn't over. Wait a little bit until Dad starts enforcing HIS rules.

If you stayed in your place and your kids came home, would you receive enough child support to pay the rent? If not, does your current landlord have a two bedroom that would be available for you?

You have no obligation to tell your landlord anything right now (especially if you have been a GOOD long term tenant).

Nice that your children THINK, it's no big deal...but they really wouldn't know until they and YOU were put in a cramped position with just one bedroom. You are going through enough right now that you really need to sit back and think things through.

Divorce is very painful, even when you are the one that wanted out....which doesn't seem to be what happened. So be kind to yourself and BREATH.

Please keep us posted.

Blessings....

Dear T.,

As many have advice you... do not downsize. The courts will make you have a place for them. Plus, a 12 yo boy and 10 yo girl should not be rooming together. Is your husband or I guess it's your ex (not your husband) paying child support? Are you going to have to pay child support? You have many unresolved issues. Even if right now everything is by agreement, if it changes, you can be putting yourself in a bad situation. Kids don't know best... you are the parent. What is best for your kids? Downsizing will send them the message that they are not that important to you. They need their own space. Plus if it gets to court, you may not even get to have them see you every other weekend! Breaking a lease will cost you even more money. Setting a new place, costs more out of pocket too with all new deposits required. Second, you don't address whether your ex lives nearby, same school district or not, has rooms for them, how is your relationship with him, what's his parenting style, is he remarried, any other kids, etc. Are you and your husband going to stay in limbo forever or are decisions being made? In Texas, there are no legal separations so you are still married and everything you both have (or get) is still part of that marriage. Can you not afford your lease right now? Or is that going to change because you and your present husband? Your kids are the most important, don't let them feel like they are less important because your existing marriage is disintegrating. Maybe that is affecting them and making them want to now live with their dad.

You really should meet with a good lawyer that can counsel you on all this issues before you do things that you will regret later. And like others have said... 2 weeks is too soon! Your kids need to know that they are always your priority and that you will always have a place for them. You need to be stable and strong for them, and be their loving parent, not their friend. Best wishes and God bless!

If I were you, I'd go for the 2 bedroom. But your daughter can room with you, or you can take the couch and she can have your room when she visits. In my house, I am the one that has the least amount of personal space. It's what moms do, we sacrifice for our kids. Even if they do decide they want to come home, you can always move again. Try and find a place with a 6 month lease or that allows a month to month after a certain point.

I don't see problem tell them you are moving, and wanted to know if they wanted to still living with their dad most of the time. If you can afford it, I would go for the 2 bedroom just in case they change their mind, but at that age they also can take responsibility that if they do change their mind and want to go back to live with you, they would have to share a room until you can move, they sound like they are being supportive to your needs.

If you want them to be able to both visit you there will have to separate sleeping arrangements for them. The courts will not allow you to sleep with your daughter and she cannot sleep in the same room as your son. If you are seriously thinking of following through with a divorce, speak to a lawyer before you downsize.

I would think bunk beds in their own room.

Ultimately you get what you can afford. Personally, I would want a two bedroom apartment - one bedroom for me, one for the kids.

I wouldn't base my decision on whether or not the kids are going to move in with me in the future. Cross that bridge when/if you get to it.

If it were me, I'd get a 2 bedroom place, put bunk beds in the 2nd bedroom and have an airbed available for when both kids come over and don't want to share a room. That way your daughter can sleep in your room if she wants. Could be fun having girls overnight together. I'd do the 2 bedroom even if the 2nd room was tiny, just so my kids would know that there is always a place for them at my house. It would allow them to come over and not worry about how late it was when they are visiting, since they could always just stay the night.

If you can't afford a 2 bedroom, you could always get a futon or airbed to throw on the living room floor. Heck, my kids sleep on the floor at their friends' house, you could even keep sleeping bags for them and still let them know that they are welcome at your place.

I think that paying rent is the question. How much cheaper will it be to have a smaller place. If it's comparable then I would say stay where you are. If you are paying thousands per month and can live somewhere else much cheaper then that might make sense.

But what do they say? Do they realize that you are moving on? Giving up "the family home" so to speak? I would not consider anything like this without talking to them. They may want to move back to their childhood home for summer so they can see everyone and be home. I think their opinion matters. Ask them to have a family meeting.

Since this a monetary issue why, I would do whatever I can to have at the very least one room for the children to stay in and put their things, especially since living arrangements can change any time. If you looked around really hard, you may be able to find a 2 bedroom that is affordable, I know we had to do that and there are some out there, even rental homes.

They may not like sharing the one room, but your daughter can always sleep in your room and your son in the 2nd room, or you can have a fold out guest bed in the living room for one child to sleep and the other can sleep in the second room.

You could look into a home-share situation? I've actually considered having a college student or retiree move into one of our rooms (we have 2 extra). It would help us out--make a little bit of money. And, I know there are people out there who may need a little help... Of course, it's a hard thing to give up our privacy, so we haven't made the decision to try it yet.
Just an idea.

can you find a place that is a one bedroom with a Den...or an area that you can block off for a set of bunk beds. That is my suggestion. My husband has a family memeber who does this He has four kiddos but rents a 1 bedroom with a den. They are only at the place ever other weekend and it works out just fine.

Hugs