Time-outs

I have a chair in my kitchen that my 3 year old has time outs in. It faces the wall and she can't see much from that spot so i know she will not get distracted by whatever the rest of us are doing, and she knows that if she sits quitly she will be able to join the rest of us sooner.

with my boys i would always put them in the same place but it has to be somewhere that they don't have any distractions so they know they are in trouble if they have stuff to be amused by then they start to play.

We've found that a neutral place is best- definitely not where they sleep (don't want to make them feel like their place to relax/be alone is bad) and not where they have access to toys or other fun things. In our house it's the corner between their bedroom and the bathroom- it's terribly boring and my boys know that there is nothing to do or see when they're in trouble. Really, though, consistency is best no matter where you put the little lads. Good luck!

We started time-outs with our son (now 2 1/2) around that same age. Our spot is on our stairs. There is a small landing 2 steps up, before the rest of the stairs go up. It's a good and a bad spot! (He gets wiggly, can see his toys- but that can be good because he sees what he's missing out on!) But the important thing is consistency. For a long time, we thought he wasn't getting it but we still put him there. Well, in the last few months if we even threaten it he doesn't want to be there. So I guess if you stick to it, it will sink in eventually. One more thing, when my son threw tantrums and would not stop crying/screaming, we told him to go to his room until he was done. It wasn't really a punishment, we just said (calmly) that we didn't want to hear his crying and that he could come back when he was done. Usually he was done by the time he got up the stairs to go in his room. We never used his room as a time-out though. Hope this helps.

I used a fold up chair in the living room. i turn off the t.v. and other distractions when i give a time-out. Make her sit there the whole time. Time goes by the age so a minute and a half. One minute per year

This was a huge thing in our home also!! I tried to do the time outs in their room but the effect wasn't what I wanted. My girls would just play. I turned to the nanny on tv and put a rug on the floor for each of my children. It was rolled up when not in use but still on the floor. They were not allowed to use or play with it. It was only for the time out! I like it because it was in a place in the house that I could always see them but they were out of the way. Then I set a timer and when it went off we had a talk and then after they appologized they can go about their business. Time outs are not fun but they have really taught my kids something.
A.

Hi C.!
A toddler chair of some sort would be fine, otherwise, sitting their "naughty" butts on the floor works just as well. Might even work better if they are not 'comfortable' in a nice kiddie chair, then it wouldn't matter what room she goes in. I would recommend to not have any play things available for them to touch with hands or feet (or even on the walls near them to touch or play with). More than likely you will experience her getting up right away, but loving firmness is the best key to getting past that. If she screams, let her. Time-out is to teach a lesson (as I'm sure you know). So if she does get up, put her back. It doesn't have to be in any one specific room, but just let it be where you can see her, to ensure that she is remaining in time-out. If you are in the living room, have her sit up against the wall, or on the floor in front of the couch (but not watching tv). Or if you are in the kitchen, somewhere near you (safe) but again, not able to touch or play with anything. I hope this helps, and to think I'm going to be going through this again with my fourth lol.

B.

C.,
Your topic made me chuckle. I clearly remember when my now 21 year old was 4 and in preschool. We would put her in "time out" by sending her to her room for a period of time. After a while (we were a little slow to catch on), she wasn't crying or whining AT ALL about being sent to her room. Why? Because that was where all of her toys, books, radio, etc. were! So it was no big deal to her to be sent to her room.
Once we figured that out, we used a spot in the hallway. She would have to just sit there for a period of time and from where she was, she could see everyone having a good time or whatever. Knowing how badly she wanted to rejoin everyone, she did her "Time Out" without much resistance and was soon back with everyone having a good time.
"Time Out" is a good tool...if used properly. "Time Out" has to be age-appropriate and issue-appropriate as well. Please don't call it "The Naughty Chair"...that is so demeaning. Children learn enough from us as it is...put-downs, shame, etc. shouldn't be one of them.
Use "Time Out" not only as a means of discipline but as a learning tool as well.
Good luck.

Hi C.-
As a family therapist, I would caution against time outs because children really don't understand them and they create more frustration for children than anything. I tell families to deal with children the same way you would deal with anyone one else you know. Ask yourself "Would I tell my secretary to go to time out if she were angry or frustrated"? Would I send send my husband to time out for expressing his opinion about something?.
But if time outs are a way of you both taking a break for a minute to sit on the couch together and take a breather, then do that and gently explain the behavior that you'd prefer from your child, the way you would want things explained to you if you were fairly new to the world. ( I have a three year old and this gets easier each time because she expects it now)! Good Luck.

Through my experience (mom of 3 and daycare provider to 15 others) you have to go with the temperment of the child. If your child is doing the behavior for attention, having them go to their room or an area of the home away from your sight will be more effective. With my daughter we told her to go to her room until she could be calm and was ready to behave. My twins on the other hand we have to stand them in the timeout corner, facing the wall. I have found that time limits are not as effective as just the seperation from others. One daycare kid I would have to put in a playpen in the napping area so they had no interaction with others. Other children, just having them sit on the couch was enough. Use your gut and use trial and error. Also remember, an 18mo old is learning to be independant. They need to learn to influence their environment. Set clear boundry's and follow through with consequences, your child will probably turn into a defient, "NO" mechine. Allow your child to make set choices (do you want to wear this or that). The more control your child feels they have the easier the "two's" will be. Any child can have chioces in a controled environment.

Good luck
C.

Choose a place that's convenient for you. Or a room your in or through a lot. Some people put a chair in the kitchen. or in the hallway. Usually away from toys or things they like or could see that they want.

Their room is their personal safe zone and you don't want to associate that with something "bad" happening.

the present "nanny" idea. is a naughty spot. being that it's movable. They did an arrow that says naughty spot and you just stick in on the wall somewhere and they have to sit against the wall right under the arrow. We personally did like the floor, because they can roll around and not discern a difference between playing on the floor and "sitting in time out" That's why we use a chair. We have an extra dining room chair that is hard, straight back. So it's not something they can "get comfortable" in. We put the chair in our front room, which is used some, but not a main activity place, mostly for through traffic. My sister uses a chair up in their sitting room. So her girls don't want to have to go up there, because it's removed from the action. They'd be all by themselves.

Most of the time, I think kids act up due to lack of attention so getting them removed from play areas and where they can still interact with you or others seems to be the most effective. The first few times you'll spend the most time, putting them back. And you may have to do that several times. Our son will put himself in the naughty chair now or if we do it he'll stay there because we have used it long enough. Our dau. whose just 2 still doesn't quite get it, but she is getting the fact that she is removed from everything and doesn't like it. She's actually stayed sitting for a brief time (20 seconds) after us sitting her down a few times.

I would suggest making the time out place mobile so you can put him in a time out no matter what room you are in. Plus, if need be, you can take it places with you, such as your parents/in-laws house so he has consistency. A rug sounds like the best idea.

Hi C.,

I have found in the 8 years of parenting I've experienced that it is best to have a time out chair/area in the living room or a room that the whole family spends the most time in. That way, you can keep an eye on your child and enforce the timeout. It you put them somewhere where you can't watch them, they tend to get up and play or do something else that would earn them an additional time out. Good luck!! :)
K. H.

Most 18 month olds are, in my experience C., too young to really understand time out. Frankly, whatever behavior you're trying to discourage a firm (not angry or painful) slap to the back of the hand or the bum and a firm NO (BEHAVIOR) (repeated EVERY TIME WITH NO EXTRA WARNINGS) will probably be more effective. Yes there may be tears. You really can't develop a conscience without them. Hope this is helpful! V.

Courntey
I just have to add that using time outs can be very effective if done correctly. You have received a lot of good advice here. This is my two cents..
Time out should be used as discipline not punishment. The difference? Discipline is a positive method of teaching a child self-control and confidence. Punishment is one technique used in discipline, it focuses on past misbehavior and offers little or nothing to help a child behave better in the future.
So to make the most of Time outs here are some rules you might want to consider following.
1. Use time out for yourself. Decided what you would call it for yourself and use the same names for her too. When you are loosing it or feeling angry, say out loud, I just need some "time out", or "alone time" or "self renewal" (what ever you decide on) and put yourself in a place you can think.
2. Be consistent in what you use time out for, and don't over use it. Decide ahead of time what gets a time out.
3. State why she is going in time out while you are putting her there matter of fact-ly.
4. Use a timer, so you don't forget she is in time out. It should be one min for each year
5. Don't talk to her while she is "thinking" about what she did, except to say "you are in time out we will talk after"
6. Talk about why she was in time out after the timer goes off.
7. Hold and hug her when she is done and discuss with her what you expect her to do next time. I love to ask what they think they should have done and what they will do next time.

I personally like NOT using the same place every time. I always pick a spot that is removed, but where I am. I like this because then I can still do what I was doing and keep an eye on them (so I can reinforce if needed) and so that when I am not at home I can still use it in any place.

If you use time out appropriately, you will need it less and less. It is a method of teaching your child how to use self control and self discipline. I let them have time out in their rooms if they have not done something that is against our rules. For example, just having a bad attitude or feeling sad or throwing a fit. I then will say, "I think you need some alone time in your room, you can come out when you can be nice and when you feel better". I even have used the crib before for little ones that don't want to stay put(usually around 18 months). Children are smart they know the difference between a nice bed time routine filled with hugs and kisses and a firm, time out. They will not associate their room or bed with negative feelings, especially if you are not using it as a punishment. Many times my 8 and 3 year old will put themselves in their rooms so they can calm down. I see this as success, that at some point they know when they need to gain control again with out me helping. My six year old needs people to feel better, she is an extrovert, and she will come to me and say she need me to hug her. Which for her is some renewal time. Each child is different.:)
Sorry for the length,
Good luck finding the right way that will work for you and your little one.
E.

C.,

I would suggest someplace that is empty like a hallway or something. I put my kids on the wall in the hallway where there aren't any toys or what not. If they get up befoe their time is done they go right back and start over. It works pretty for us.

Good luck.
A.

Hi C.... My son is 3 and has one of those rubber mats that he sits on for time outs. i've been using it since around your son's age. i put it in the middle of the kitchen and sit at the table or do dishes or something. that way he has really nothing to do that is fun while he's there, and i can keep and eye on him and still get things done at the same time. i hope that helps. A.