"Tickling Herself"

totally normal.
Explain to her that the area covered by her panties is private and she shouldn't touch it in public and noone except mommy (and daddy) or the doctor should touch her there and if someone does she should tell you.
When you catch her learning about herself (which is all she's doing) just distract her with something else. Reminding her that that's private.

It's a shame that it seems to be such a social no-no for girls to touch themselves but seems to go virtually unnoticed when boys do (0-99 years old! lol) We are all sexual beings and when something feels good we want more, weather we know the social standards or not.

hope that helps,
R.

When they are little dont make too much of it. When she gets older (around 5 or 6) you can explain personal hygenie and that its a special part of her body and she should respect it. Keep your explaination brief. This kind of "play" is normal at this age unless you find her doing it all the time. Some children can discover it feels good and do it for comfort when times get emotionally tough. Right now she is exploring her body in a very child like way.
Unlike the others who posted, I dont feel you should tell her to "go do it in her room". As she gets older, especially as a teenager there are many emotional side effects of masturbation that are not positive.
Ask yourself what kind of attitude you want her to have about sex in the future? Telling her now that she can go to her room may not be the attitude you want her to have when she is old enough to understand about what that feeling in her body is!
Think aobut if you want your teenager to be okay with masturbation? Do you want her appetite for sexual feelings aroused or would you rather teach her that there is a time and a place for that feeling and its a very special moment that a husband and wife share and she should wait till she can express that feeling to someone with all her heart rather than out of curiosity.
Obviously this is not a discussion you will have now but you have to think about the future. Right now she is too young to understand her body. Promote good hygenie and wash her hands often but dont make a big deal about it now. You want her to feel okay about her body and not that she has a bad part! You want her to be able to understand and appreciate what it is when she is old enough to undertand.

This is a normal thing, boy or girl. You don't want to tell her to stop doing it, but yes, do tell her that's private, just for her. Tell her you expect her not to do it out in the living room and in front of you or others. And she certainly shouldn't be pulling her pants down, no matter what the reason. That's just not proper behavior. All 5 of mine have done it to one extent or another. As they got older I'd just tell them if they were going to do that go do it in their room, lol! It's not the action that's wrong, but the time and place.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat

J.,

I know it might be uncomfortable for you but there is nothing wrong with what she is doing. In my opinion I would not tell her she can't touch, you don't want her to feel ashamed of her private areas. I would suggest you let her know that touching is something for only her and she needs to do that in her room only. Check out the book Amazing You. It talks about private parts using correct terms and it is a book written for little ones so they can understand their bodies without uncovering the whole where do babies come from. My kids love it and it took a lot of the awkwardness and focus off our private areas. Just my thoughts.

This is normal and you don't want ot make her feel ashamed for touching herself but at the same time you don't want her doing it everywhere in front of everyone.

My best advice is to explain to her that those are her private areas. If she needs to touch them, then she should only do so in the bathroom and/or her bedroom (your decision). Then tell her that she should ALWAYS wash her hands when she is done touching herself just like after going to the potty. Most kids go through this stage and most kids outgrow the curiousity.

Good luck with your little girl.

i found a great book that addresses age-specific ways to talk to kids about sexuality at various ages - toddler through teenager

"Everything you never wanted your kids to know about sex and were afraid they'd ask" it is written by 2 physicians and helps you talk about issues without making kids feel ashamed or uncomfortable.

I really recommend it-
good luck

It's normal. It just feels good. You shouldn't make her feel like she is doing something bad because it's not. Maybe just try to explain to her that she does it in her room and that way she won't be doing it in public. It has nothing to do with anything sexual. She is 3 she doesn't know what sex means. She just knows that it feels good when she does that. I am a mother of 2 boys. It's the same for boys and girls. Good Luck

This is a very common thing with girls and boys that age. Be careful not to overreact or she'll become that much more fascinated with what she will view as taboo. I'm sure you don't want her to become scared of all things sexual at this point. My suggestion is just that you tell her that's her private area and she needs to be in private when she's doing that. She'll figure out leaving the family every time she wants to "tickle" herself isn't so fun, and she'll grow tired of the experiment. Good luck.

This is so normal, I can remember doing this as a child too. She is exploring her body and discovering herself. I agree with some of the posts that say just tell her there is time and place for these things. That it is special private time she has with herself and should only be done when no one else is around - and by all means, wash her hands.
There is no shame in this and to instill shame will create BIG self esteem problems down the road. I believe as girls we need to know our bodies so that when it comes time to be sexually active, we have the confidence to make smart, educated desicions about our bodies without feeling pressure from the opposite sex. If we know that we have control over our bodies from a very young age, we will surely not have shame, peer pressure, body image issues etc...
Take care

Hi, J.!
That's perfectly normal! I think what I would (and have done w/ my now-almost-5-y.o.) is told her that I know that feels good & that it's perfectly fine for her to touch and explore her own body. However, those are "private parts" (meaning only she, mommy or daddy or a doctor IF there is a reason and IF mommy or daddy is there!) can touch them; and private parts are for private places like their bedroom or in their bathroom at home with the door shut.

There's some good books off of Amazon about private parts & bodies & stuff too. We just got one that was really good--I THINK it was called "My Body is Special" but I'm not sure.

Good luck!
A.

J.,

this is absolutely appropriate, developmentally. she is developing autonomy and also learning gender identification. whether she does this in public, and that is of concern - i don't know much about how to change that behaviour.

check out online searches of 'erikson's stages of development' and 'stages of sexual development', or if you're at work, there might be a psychiatry text or online text you can reference - or even ask the resident psych. they can help you with resources.

C.
pax

If she's doing it in private, ignore it. If she's doing it in public, tell her she can do that in private. Don't make a big deal out of it. Explain how parts of the body covered by a bathing suit are private.

No don't tell her she shouldn't touch! Just let her know that kind of tickleing is something that sould be done in her room in private.

E.

what adults deem as sexual is often not so for children. they lack the societal/cultural influences that surround sexuality. for your daughter, all she knows is that this feels good. she just needs to understand that there are ok places and times to tickle herself. i think it's important that she understand that tickling herself can bring her pleasure, but that it's never ok for anyone else to do this to her. also, you could discuss when/where it is ok to do this -- i.e., in private, etc. try to keep open communication with her about this and watch shame/embarassment issues. it is perfectly normal to masturbate, and there should not be any shame in it...believe it or not, this behavior is very common in young children.

sincerely, C. caffrey-dobosh, ms, lpc, ncc
mom of two wee men, licensed professional counselor and nationally certified counselor

Yes it is completely normal for this age. Just tell her that it is something that is done in private and she should go to her room if she wants to do it. Don't yell at her or punish her she is just exploring. Just simply tell her that she should do that in her room away from other people. Just watch that she doesn't become obsessed with it. Some children do it when they get to school age and have done it in school, make sure by then she knows that it should only be done at home in her room. Hope this helps, and please remmeber that yes it is normal, uncomfortable but normal.

J.,

Telling your daughter not to touch herself can instill a sense of shame about her body. Masturbating is completely normal, and childen often explore their own bodies.

Rather than telling her not to do it, it would be much healthier to teach her that those are HER private parts and if she wants to touch them (outside of bathing or using the bathroom) she should do so in private. It might also be a good idea to start teaching her good touch from bad . . .

C.

tickling is normal.

Just teach her to do it in private--like going to the bathroom, it's something you do by yourself.