Three Yr Old Thinks I Am an All Day Kitch

Hi E.,

Since he's 3, I have one suggestion for you: make him the choices you mentioned, and put them where he can get them. If it needs to be refridgerated, put it on the lowest shelf he can reach(at his age, he should be able to open it), and if not, then in a bottom cabinet. Just make sure that it's not 6 bags of teddy Grahams(for example), or he might eat all 6. Maybe 1 or 2 bags, along with 1 other choice. That way, if he passes on whatever meal, he can get it when he wants it.

To me, this is a compromise in which both of you win. You are not being aggravated, and he's able to have some independence and choice as to when he wants to eat.

Good luck!

K. W

P.S. I should clarify: I don't mean to let him "graze" perse. When it's time for him to eat, *then* put his choices where he can get to them. Or even on the table. This way, he can either choose then not to eat them, and come back to them later, or eat them right then and there.

What you are doing is giving him the choice to eat them or not. This phaase he's in won't last forever. Right now, he is power struggling with you. This is a way to give him some power while you still control the situation.

My kids were doing the same. I talked to their doctor about it because they are by no means overweight and I don't want them to look starved. He suggested having set times to eat. 3 meals and 2-3 snacks depending on your child. If they don't want to eat what you cook them, then they will have to wait until the next mealtime to eat again. Period. Your kids will not starve themselves, but they may put up a fuss and act like it at first. Allowing them to graze throughout the day could lead to poor eating habits later in life.

Good for you sticking to it! That is soo hard. The only thing I have to offer is when you send him to his room give him a time limit. Then, when your hands are full of soap, you can send him to his room for 5 mins anyway. He is just prolonging you drying your hands and draging him there.
At 3 (nor at 15) he is not going to fully understand that you are not his servant I'm afraid, but standing your ground will teach him boundries!

My 4 year old went through this. He has always been a bit picky. We had a friend staying with us and he had a 5 year old that was the pickiest kid I have ever seen. All of a sudden my son wouldn't eat any of the things he had always eaten before. I just tried to be consistent through it all and made sure that he had options, but only healthy ones. We also have a healthy snack shelf like the other mother suggested. About a month after our friend moved out into his own place and his son was not around all the time my son started eating all the old things he had rejected for the last 6 months. I also wait to do breakfast until they ask for it. I know most mom's probably have a better schedules then this, but I found my kids need some wake up time to really eat well. Kids seem to go though stages, to test there limits and feel some sense of control. I guess what I'm saying is hang in there, and he will give up, grow out of it, and move on to something else that makes you crazy. My 4 year old just discover talking back and boy isn't that fun. Good Luck.

A.

Hi! I feel your pain. My now 5 year old is soooo picky. He has learned, thru many a hungry times, that this is the food offered and if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to eat it. However, there is no other food offered until the next eating time. Over the past couple of years, he has actually learned to like many things, after several offered times and 'learning bites'. It has even surprised himself. I totally encourage you to NOT give in to the tantrums. When my kids decide something is worth attempting a tantrum, they learn really fast that it will be done in their rooms, away from an audience because no one else in the family should have to witness that kind of behavior. A friend of mine comes over a couple times a month and her daughter had a tantrum once. I asked to intervene and let her know that was unacceptable at my house but if she wanted to continue, it had to be in a room upstairs with the door closed. She actually tested me on it that very first time. To this day, I just have to remind her of her options and she immediately stops. Good luck, just remember like others and the doc have said, they won't starve themselves and will figure out the eating schedule very quickly, IF you are consistent.

I am so sorry you are at the end of your rope. I understand. Know that your job is to provide a healthy meal for your child, not cook on demand. Your three year old is old enough to express likes and dislikes. Encourage him to do so, without a fit. If he doesn't like breakfast, it is ok to say so, throwing a fit just gets you put in your room, down for a nap, in time out, whatever your family does. My kids learned a saying long ago from a friend of the family who ran a daycare...."you get what you get and you don't throw a fit". You don't have to eat everything that is given to you, that is your choice. It is your choice to wait till lunch or snack time to eat. If he doesn't eat his fruit for breakfast, you can just let him know, well at snack time, this will be your snack, regardless of what everyone else has. You can put a list on the wall of meal and snack times. When he asks for his snack, you can show him, see the clock says it is 8:30, but here it says it won't be snack time till the clock says 10:30. I will come get you when the clock says it's time, or you can let me know when the clock shows that time. I don't know if this will help, I hope it does a little. Whatever you do, don't give in to his temper tantrums, because then they will just run your life. Take a deep breath, put on some relaxing music, and know that as a sahm we have one of the hardest most rewarding jobs in the world. Good luck, if I can help at all let me know.

When you gave the option of going to his room or calming down, you really should have followed through and taken him to his room. I have my boys' doorknob turned around so I can lock them in there (or put a child lock on the inside of the doorknob - but my two-year-old can take those right off). You don't have to be abused by his tantrums. Definitely don't give in and give him snacks; let him get good and hungry for lunch. If you start leaving him in his room for an hour, he'll get the idea and dispense with the tantrums; it may take a few weeks while he is feeling you out to see if you're going to be consistent and mean it. I will often leave the uneaten oatmeal or whatever on the table and when the kid comes around looking for food, I say "there it is" and often they will eat it, and if not he can wait until the next meal. My two-year-old, who has never been picky, has recently been declining to eat his dinner. So last night I put his uneaten split pea soup into the fridge (which he normally loves to eat, but said "I don't like it" before he even tried it - so he went to bed without eating), and pulled it out for his lunch today. I warmed it up and put it in front of him, and he said he didn't like it, so I left the room and said, "fine, you don't have to eat it". I could soon hear him eating it. I think he's not growing much right now, because he's not eating a whole lot, but still, I'm not catering to nonsense.

My daughter did that as well. She was (is) a grazer. She can't be bothered to stop and eat enough to get truly full, so she would eat a little bit, say "I'm full" and leave the table leaving quite a lot of food. The waste killed me! Of course in 20 minutes she was back again claiming she was hungry. What I started doing was making breakfasts and lunches that could stand to sit out for an hour or two without going bad or getting mushy. She would come to the table and eat with all of us and whatever was left on her plate was all she was allowed to snack on until the next meal. It took almost a week of calm consistency before she knew I was serious. But after awhile, she would almost without fail, finish whatever the meal was, even if it took a few "sessions."

Another thing I did for deciding on what to make everyone for breakfast was as a family decide what we have each day. For example, Monday is always english muffin and eggs, Tuesday pancakes, Wednesday oats, Thursday cereal, etc. They all know what to expect each day and I don't have to think that early in the day. I am all about giving kids choices, but sometimes you just gotta be the boss, esp. when it becomes an arena for power struggles.

yikes!
Sounds like you are going to have to deal with the tantrums. he has learned you don't like them and they work.
My son is actually the same way but has learned that I mean business. He is so stubborn he will go to bed without dinner because he thinks he needs to have icecream instead. the rule in our house is good stuff before treats. and after a couple weeks of letting him go hungry he's eating and actually saying, Good stuff right mama? and gets out some carrots or an apple, banana, strawberries, etc.
Then he can have a treat.

Yesterday I made his lunch and there was a treat involved for after he ate his good stuff. he didn't like the new strawberry cream cheese on his whole wheat bagel. So I asked him to try it. he tried to cry and throw a fit, so I took his fruit, and his treat. he stopped instantly and said, Is this a bite? YES! I said, thank you!!! and he ate his carrots, fruit and then got to have his treat. see I knew he didn't like the bagel so i didn't push it but he had to try it. that had never worked before. he wouldn't try things to save my life!! lol...

The day before he brought his lunch to the counter because he was done. and he kept trying to get me to give him some pudding. I told him his lunch box was on the counter and when he ate it he could have his pudding. He actually came back to the counter probably 4 times taking his lunch to the table eating it putting it back and then ended up deciding that he really wanted that pudding so he ate his luch. and then didn't like the pudding! lol.. poor kid..

He knows i mean business.
However!! we've been battling for a year now. he was a very stubborn 2 year old. and now that he is 3 and a few months he's much more negotiable and works with me so we're both happy.

Don't get me wrong.. he's still 3..still tries with cries but they don't last but a couple minutes.

If he chooses to cry I get up and take him to his room instantly. he can cry in there. I tell him it hurts my ears and he is welcome to cry in his room.

Hang in there. Keep your foot down and do not give in once or he's won and you are forever at his beck n' call.

Keep up the good work. I also have the rule that there is no snack if they choose not to eat their breakfast.

Get a lunch box and pack him a lunch my son loves his and is so excited to use it. also it is his and he gets to open it and eat from it from lunch to dinner time. If he doesn't eat his lunch at lunch time he can use it for snack. I don't usually give him an afternoon snack because we eat dinner so early so if he wakes up from nap and is hungry it is usually because his lunch is still there. he is allowed to get that and eat from it.

Hi Elizabth- I just wanted to throw in my two cents. My first born eats breakfast like it's going out of style, my second born really isn't that into it. He is usually hungry about a half hour after we eat, maybe an hour. So, I give him his breakfast when he says he wants it, then he doesn't eat very much of it, and I leave it out (if I can) and he might grab it later to eat. He does NOT get anything else to eat, that is his meal, and he knows it. He just may eat it a little later than the rest of us, and I think that's okay. My husband is not a big breakfast eater, but if I don't eat within a half hour of waking up, watch out!! My advice for the fits and tantrums....Crouch down to his eye level(ouch!) and look him straight in the eyes and tell him, "this is not appropriate behaviour, and if you do not stop by the time I count to three you will go and sit in time out (not his room, cuz there's toys to play with there). Then count. If he doesn't cut out the tantrum, he gets to go and sit in time out. Sit him down and crouch down again (ouch!) and say, " you are going in time out because you are throwing a fit. I told you you may not have any (food, water, juice...) because you chose not to eat breakfast, you will get to eat at lunch time. Do not move until I tell you your time out is done." 3 minutes. If he gets up, put him back. Say nothing. Repeat, until gets it. BEWARE...it could go on for a LONG time. It's a battle of the wills mama, and you have got to win! If you think it's bad now, just wait. If you don't teach him how to respect you and your house now, it will be 1,000 times worse as he gets older. Good Luck, L.