My 3-year-old has been going to daycare/preschool since she was 6 months old. She's never had any problems before (the teachers would rave about her and how she was such a good helper). Recently she's gotten two new teachers and I've been getting told almost every day when I pick her up that she screams at the top of her lungs if she doesn't get her way and throws tantrums (takes off her shoes and throws them off). When I asked what sets her off, they say its little things like wanting a specific lego piece that another kid has. How should I address this behavior?
ETA: She does tantrum at home - she's quite spirited - but they seem to be in the realm of normal toddler behavior. I don't want to be that parent that doesn't believe the teachers but it does concern me that this coincides with the new teachers (they were floaters at the school and took over the class when the current teacher had to leave unexpectedly for health reasons). Thanks all for the thoughts. I might give the director a call to discuss..
So there's two teachers. One said that she's really great, but when she loses it, she LOSES it. And she said that one tantrum a day she can handle but if there's more than one, that's when she thinks it's something to discuss with me. Some days, my daughter doesn't trantrum at all but there are other days (usually when she's tired) that she has 2 or 3 tantrums.
The second teacher seems to think my kid is headed straight to juvie. I actually hate the way that the second teacher talks about my child (the tone, the words she uses). Luckily, the first teacher is the main teacher.
I'm having problems with my child screaming at home when she doesn't get her way as well, so I know it's not made up or anything. But it saddens me that her old teacher LOVED her and had no problems with her. I think it's a personality thing. My daughter still talks about the old teacher and says she misses her :(
Please address this immediately if you have any concerns about her safety. I know routine and staff changes can throw some children off, but I don't like the sound of this. At all.
While I think it's ok they are letting you know of your child's behavior, they should be addressing it at the daycare. What are they doing to address it? Surely they shouldn't be expecting you to handle it when you take her home.
It's good to be on the same page - so you can ask to have a few minutes with them to see what they do in these situations. Usually, I would say that until she stops screaming, the lego is put away. When she can use her nice voice, she's welcome to play with the lego. Or distraction, or whatever method they feel like using. Perhaps she was tired, not feeling well that week, maybe it was just before snack time, who knows.
These new teachers - is this a new classroom? Maybe she's moved up and around older kiddos and your daughter has to get used to a new dynamic? More info would be helpful. Every time my kids had a change, whether it be new kiddos, new teachers, even a new environment (new toys even) there was an adjustment period.
Trying to handle a tantrum hours later, as others have said, it pointless. Most tantrums are from being over-tired and cranky. Spent .. as we used to say. She's just done was another way we put it. Maybe these teachers are new to working with kids and need some practical experience.
Talk to the director if this seems to become a routine problem and your daughter seems to have tantrums all the time. That's not fair on her either - may indicate a problem with how the class is being run.
It's strange that this has begun when new teachers started at the school.
While some tantrum throwing at 3 yrs old is to be expected, I suspect the 2 new teachers don't relate to your 3 yr old well.
It's hard when a school or a teacher are not a good fit.
I don't think it's completely the behavior that needs addressing.
Your 3 yr old is being three - she will out grow it eventually and in her own time.
The new teachers need to get better with how 3 yr olds work.
Are others kids in this same age range suddenly having troubles at school?
Personnel changes can make or break a school.
If it's not possible to change the teachers it might be time to find a new school.
You can't. tantrums have to be dealt with in the moment. Talking with a 3 year old 4 or 6 hours later has zero impact because they barely remember the tantrum, and it won't carry over to the next school day. She's 3. Some people say the "Terrible Twos" just happen later, when the child becomes a "Threenager" with teenage attitudes and two-year-old behaviors.
The teachers have to handle it. If they are unable to do so effectively after a while, you might reconsider schools, but it's not an overnight fix or even a one week fix. They have to be consistent so that every adult does exactly the same thing and says the same words. Basically, you contain the damage and let the kid see the consequences. If she throws her shoes AT someone, they address that. If she takes her shoes off in a fit, I would think it would be very effective to take the kids out to the playground or somewhere else that requires shoes, and let the child know she's going to be sitting in the director's office and missing out. The message has to be some version of "How unfortunate for you that you decided to take your shoes off. The kids who kept their shoes on get to play." Or "How unfortunate for you that you were screaming and had to leave story time. Kids who are quiet get to see how the story turns out." Unless she loses opportunities, she won't stop.
how do you address it at home when she loses it?
cuz three year olds tantrum a lot.
i'd actually be a bit concerned about a daycare that is so lost and helpless in the face of a three year old's tantrums.
rather than ask them why your toddler has tantrums, i'd ask them how THEY plan to handle it going forward.
if you're not there, you can't fix it. you can't retroactively discipline (or otherwise respond to) a toddler.
khairete
S.
I don't think you can address this except by talking to the daycare director, because if 2 preschool teachers don't know how to handle tantrums, then they need more mentorship.
ETA: I also agree with others with respect to asking about a new routine and other changes - changes in the timing of naps or food could be the culprit. You might be able to help the teachers figure it out, but ultimately they have to handle it, not you.
I just want to say that it really is tough when a kid is acting out in school. Our first kid was a biter as a toddler and also went into a really difficult angry phase at 3 1/2 when he started pre-school. If it's any comfort (because I imagined mine might turn out to be a juvenile delinquent), he has grown into a model teenager/young adult. They do often grow out of these tough phases.
Anyway, as the others said, if she isn't having tantrums in your presence, you can't do anything about what happens at school. You do need talk to the school to find out what tactics they are using. First of all, a daycare/pre-school should have a whole array of options for dealing with this kind of thing, and if they don't, you need another daycare. Second, if she does start throwing tantrums in your presence, you need to address them in the same way as the teachers. I like Diane B's suggestions--you might see whether the school is using those kinds of techniques, and if they aren't, ask them whether they think they might be an option. B's suggestion is also good. There just might not be a good match with the new teachers and you might need to go pre-school/daycare shopping again. Ugh.
Good luck with it!
You can't. If she does something at school, there's not a whole lot you can do about it. At 3 years, things need to be addressed in the moment.
The best thing you can do is remain consistent about dealing with tantrums at home and address things in the moment.
You can talk to her about the importance of being a good listener and remind her that teachers are people we listen to. That's a good life lesson, but it will really only go so far in helping with the tantrums. The daycare teachers need to be consistent about addressing that in the moment.
Why does she have two new teachers? Did her old teachers leave? Did the school move her to a new classroom because she is three? I think day cares sometimes underestimate the importance of attachment and the impact of change on young children.
How are you feeling about her new teachers? Are they telling you about their concerns because you all care about her, and they are wanting to work together with you to gain insight into what the problem might be and how to help her? Or, are they telling you because they want you to “do something” about it?
I think the school needs to take some time with her to address these changes in her life. If her old teachers are in a different classroom, maybe she could visit them. If they are gone from the school, maybe she could draw a picture for them. She needs help with the transition. You can also help her by talking about the change and listening to what she says about it. Just acknowledging the change, and helping her express some feelings about it should help.
As others have said, the school also needs to be helping her with tantrums in the moment. You can try to ask her about what happened, and reiterate the importance of asking for help when she needs it rather than screaming or throwing things, but I strongly suspect the suddenness of these tantrums emerging is related to the loss of teachers who loved her, (or have their been any significant changes/events in her home life?)
Ditto what B said. It sounds like they don’t know how to handle tantrums and are expecting you to “fix this”.
You haven’t mentioned whether or not she tantrums at home...
When my kid was acting out at school at age 5 I spoke to the teacher about it and asked about how she was handling it. I fully supported her and I let my son know that. The behavior kept up, so then I told him when I hear he has done it again in school, he is going to be punished/have consequences when he gets home bc that is not acceptable. He stopped pretty much immediately after that. But age 5 is very different than age 3. I do think let your daughter know her teacher is right and she is to listen to the teacher. Find out how the teacher handles it and consider doing the same thing at home. My son also could not share at age 3 and would have a tantrum. I would give the toy to the other kid, say, no, it is Bobby's turn now, and give him a time out if he continued to tantrum. He outgrew it. He only did this at home on playdates though. If he had done it at preschool I would have wanted the teachers to handle it in a similar way...make him share, give him a timeout.
I think the only way you can really address it at home is to "practice" the behavior that is difficult for her to tolerate.
For example, a toddler who is allowed to play outside barefoot at home might tantrum when a teacher insists that the child put on sneakers to go outside to the playground at school.
In your case, if it is a need for your daughter to practice "sharing", just try for more socialization, playdates etc.
3's tantrum- or can, over everything small and insignificant.
I agree with others, sounds like these teachers don't know what they are doing.
