Thoughtful but Wrong Gift

Express how much you love him and appreciate the laptop, but that you noticed your devices won't hook up to it. Find the current model of the very same one and gently ask if he would exchange them for you so that your devices will work with it. Let him know that you LOVE the laptop and want the very same one in the updated version.

I don't think it's ungrateful and petty to be honest. I think it's unhealthy and silly not to be. You can be gracious and appreciative while expressing your concerns.

He put in so much "thought and love" when shopping for a used laptop?

I don't get it. I am writing this on a six year old Dell that connects to all our newer devices and runs all the programs I need to run two businesses and a household.

This is a strange question.

Is there a reason you need to find that out? I mean, are you going to try to return or sell it? If my husband got me something that I couldn't use or wasn't satisfied with, I would thank him profusely and then talk to him about options. Is there a reason you can't simply express your concerns to him? Are his feelings hurt that easily?

A.,

Welcome to mamapedia!!

So are you saying he bought you a used computer/laptop??? Or what? So you've already called someone to ask questions and they told you that it will be "outdated" within a year? Yeah...that's the truth...technology is changing so rapidly that it seems everything is "outdated" within months of purchasing it.

If you do NOT like it?? Sorry - you're gonna have to grow a back bone and say "Honey - while I really appreciate this laptop - it's not the one for me. Do you still have the receipt so we can exchange it??"

I know I've bought the wrong gift for my husband before - I'd rather him tell me upfront - that it's not the right one - than let me go on thinking it's a good choice...and yeah - he's bought the wrong stuff for me...I tell him..It's called communication. If you are walking on egg shells in your relationship? you have bigger problems than the "wrong" gift.

Good luck!

Why does it matter how much he spent if it can't be returned. If it's so old it won't sync with your other devices I suggest it's a used computer and it's likely he purchased it from a private person. If it came in a sealed box and perports to be new than I would wonder if he bought it from a private person who acquired it illegally. I suggest the problem is more about how he purchased a seriously out of date computer and whether or not it can be returned.

if you want to keep the computer, then cost is not as relevant as where he purchased it is. Knowing whether or not he paid too much, unless he bought it from a reliable source, is not helpful. If he bought it from a store with a good reputation I suggest the price was reasonable. Then the question is do you want to keep it or not.

I suggest you trust that your husband made a reasonable choice as to cost.If whether or not you keep it depends on the cost, then tell him so and if the price is too much ask him if you can return or exchange it. Since you both decided to not buy a computer I ssuggest you use that decision as a way to start a conversation about cost and how it fits into that decision.

I, too, wonder about the compter's age. My computer is 14 years old and I can do everything I want to do on it. It syncs with my phone and tablet. I wonder if you just need help getting it to do what you want. A reason to ask where he bought it so you can ask for their help.

I am thinking he bought this computer because the cost fit better in your budget than a newer or more complete one that you'd decided against buying earlier. Therefore, because of the cost, you can't return it in exchange for a "better" computer. Whatever the reason for having gotten this one I urge you to just be honest with your husband about the difficulties you have with this one and work out what to do together.

I think I might've been disappointed that my husband made a purchase for something we'd decided together to not do. And I would've wanted to be involved in making the choice if you agreed that buying a computer was ok after all. I wonder if you're hesitant to discuss this with your husband because of feelings you don't know how to deal with.

I've told my husband "I love the thought, but the gift...not so much". My husband likes to surprise me. I don't like surprises. He now knows to keep the receipt. He also knows that my favorite surprise is when he says "surprise, we are going to go get you XYZ today and you can pick it out"

So what happens if you find out?
Will you be upset if you find out it was a cheap deal or will you be upset if he spent a huge wad of money?
Why not just return it for what ever model you had in mind?
You can't live with a software incompatibility so nicely tell him "I love the effort you put into this but another model is what I really need".

I don't understand your need to have a better computer than what you believe your husband so thoughtfully gave you. Why do you need to know the details of the purchase? Do you think he stole it? Bought it illegally? Or are just nosy?

Do you two communicate much?

I am using a Dell that I bought new almost 5 yrs ago and I have no issues with it syncing to all of my devices including my latest and greatest Apple products. I also run my business on this computer and have had no issues whatsoever.

Maybe the problem lies with whomever is setting your system up and learning the system as well as communication between the two of you.

Personally, I'd rather someone return a gift I give than have it sit unused.

Is this a used computer? How old is it? I think you need some professional help (computer, not mental - hahaha).

This is petty and you do not fully appreciate it. I have been on this site for YEARS and can't tell you how many questions there are from women whose husbands never buy them anything. So although it was not your ideal computer, I would use it and not say a word to him about how much it was or how it isn't up to your standards. And what exactly is your "question" anyway? If it's ok to find out sneakily how much he spent? So not cool. Good luck.

Partof being married is being able to communicate with our partners. If you can't ask him something without him getting butt hurt, well that's on him.
"Bob, I appreciate how much thought you put into my gift. You KNEW that I wanted a computer. However, it's not connecting to a lot of my devices or software. I wonder if we can exchange this model for one that might connect better? Lets shop together!"
My husband would rather we spend our hard earned money on something that is useful.
L..

That's way too old. I have a 2010 and it's dodgy at this point. It doesn't really matter how much he spent. Graciously and lovingly tell him you appreciate the gesture, but you need to return it until you guys can afford a newer one.

Nothing is worse than old computers imo. And I have had to tell my husband this type of thing before. It's not a big deal if done in kindness within a strong relationship. The computer is too old, and he should not take it personally.

Wow! He was really nice to do that for you. I'd not say anything.

If it's truly that old then he had to buy it from an individual and can't return it. If he bought it at a store then I'm going to say it's not as old as you're saying. Maybe too out of date for you but if it gets on the internet and does stuff like mamapedia then it's a good computer. Again, maybe not for your devices but if it's windows XP or higher it will work for normal people for years to come.

So you're stuck with it, why make him feel bad on top of it.

How old IS it ? What exactly doesn't it connect to? A little more info about those things....

If it can be returned, then return it. Tell hubby how much you appreciate the gesture, but you decided (together) to wait. So you want to wait and shop later. By then, the model you wanted will be older and more affordable.

But it must be used and very old (and un-returnable?) if you have devices it won't connect with. Unless you are just missing some software or some sort of video cards or something that you could add to it.

Can't you return it and get one that suits you better? Hopefully that wouldn't hurt his feelings.

The box should indicate what store it came form. Go there and see if you BOTH can exchange it.

Did it come sealed in a box with a quick set-up manual, instructions about where to access the complete manual online, all the components (necessary cables etc), factory sealed? Or was it shrink-wrapped with an "open box" sticker on it? Or was it wrapped in birthday gift wrap, without a box? When you went online to register it for warranty purposes, what happened?

Is your husband computer-savvy, or does he not use a computer at all? If you have devices and software, did you already have a functioning computer?

Could you reveal any details about it, such as the operating system (windows 7, 8.1, or what?)? What about the USB ports? Who makes the computer? What experts did you consult? Maybe it operates on Linux, or it's a Mac when you have Windows components (or vice versa?)

Can you provide some more information about the computer?

I would ask him to help you figure out how to connect your devices to it. Maybe your missing something. If he can't figure it out, or realizes that they aren't compatible then you both can go back to the store and purchase a different model.

While Macs do tend to have a longer life, 2005 is too old. We are using a 2008 model and that still works fine with our devices. I would just gently explain that while you love it, it isn't going to work for you. See if would be able to exchange for a 2007 or newer model. If not, call an Apple Store and see if there is a way to update the parts in your computer so it will work with the more current items.