I met a lady at work a few years ago. I used to go down to the break room with another lady I worked with, and she would be there at lunch time. One day I was there by myself, and she said something to the effect of, "it's hard to meet people these days." Since I'd just moved to a new state, I agreed and we got to talked and formed a friendship. We went through getting married and starting families together. Our girls played together when they were younger. About a year ago, maybe two, she just suddenly stopped contacting me. I thought it was weird, but let it go. My daughter wanted to get together and play with her kids. I would call her to try to set something up, but there was always some reason as to why they couldn't play.
I've come to realize--belatedly--that this friend was a friend of convenience--when it was convenient for her and furthered whatever "goal" she was looking for. We would get invited over for her daughter's birthday parties--they have a fairly large family and lots of family friends, who all live near them. We didn't necessarily always invite them to our daughter's birthday parties--because many times, we didn't have one. We moved here from out of state and rarely ever had big birthday parties, primarily because we didn't have enough people to invite to throw a big shinding. I realize now we were invited because that way, her kids got more toys/gifts.
I also realized the more I thought about it that I was always the one who called her, who e-mailed her, who initiated get togethers or play dates for the girls, etc. When I got sick--and she knew I was sick--I didn't get any phone calls or e-mails or any indications at all from her as to how am I doing, could she help, would it make life easier if she watched my daughter for me? I came to realize that she is a user. She used me to get what she wanted--whether it was to inflate her ego as to what big birthday parties she could throw for the girls, or to show off the bigger house she had than mine, etc. Um, you know, I really don't care. She tries very hard to fit into the yuppy crowd; I really could care less what the yuppies are doing. I have enough to keep up with our household; I don't need to try to keep up with the Joneses.
I had a lot of friends back in the state I lived in before I moved to where we currently live. I have never found it so difficult to make and keep friends as I do here. Either I'm finding the wrong type of friends, or people have really, really changed in the last few years, because it seems like I'm always running after people, trying to maintain a friendship. Whatever happened to the fact that a friendship needs to go both ways? People always seem to genuinely like to hear from me, but it's like everyone's so busy running around in their own little worlds and doing family stuff that no one's interested or has time to get together and do something. I'm not so sure when it became so hard to get together for a cup of tea.
I used to live by the Twin Cities, and I never had a problem or an issue making and keeping friends--in fact, I still have those friends, and I've lived in a different state now for 13 years--but man, come to a university town and I can't hardly make friends worth squat. People keep telling me it's because it's a university/transient town. I just say, so is the Twin Cities.
I hear you loud and clear. I just chalk it up to the fact that people have very hectic lives right now and not many of them are looking for friendships. I'm assuming once their kids are grown and they're all alone they'll perhaps be looking, but apparently, many people don't see the need for friends these days. I'd like more friends. Haven't quite figured out yet how to go about finding them, though. I belong to church, a writers group, a gluten-free support group, and I know the people in my husband's Civil War Reenactment group. But finding friends...well, that isn't an easy endeavor.
Just chalk your experience up to a person who was looking for someone she could use and had no expectations it was an actual friendship. It was nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her. She's the one who one day will end up with no one. You, on the other hand, know what a friend is. You'll be richly blessed.