Those Parents Who Do Not Believe in CIO...

Five months is too young even for CIO. She needs something and it might just be you. Do what feels right to you, just know even if one does want to do the CIO method , most Drs don't recommend that until at least 6 mos. Good luck!

I don't know what CIO is, being in my 40s now, but it was my personal choice to not let my babies cry, just could not take it! But I believe the only right method is the one that FEELS right for you.

Ok WAS IS COI?? I am lost, it sounds like cruel and unusal punishment to me!! Please let me know!
I am CLUELESS!
For once.HAHAHAH

A' OTAY I get it. That's not bad, I thought it was something awlful "DAAHH!"
CIO builds thier lungs. no biggy.

Bring her to bed with you, or get a co sleeper next to your bed. Nurse her to sleep, nurse her when she wakes, but having her close keeps you in a sleep phase so you don't fully wake up and you won't lose as much sleep as you would walking to her room an having to sit and nurse. Pull her into your bed, nurse, and doze until she's done. Trust me, life will be so much easier for all of you!

I agree with the person who said you need to think of your WHOLE FAMILY in this situation. You're saying everyone is miserable, exhausted and your health is suffering. That's no way to live - you might be able to go with no sleep but with a health issue on top of it, you have more to worry about.

I wonder what your definition of CIO is? I did this with both of my children and it has not hurt either of them. They're both very happy children and when I say it's bedtime, they go straight to bed and they're able to put themselves back to sleep if they wake up. You don't just put the baby in the crib and just let her scream her head off all night. I made sure their needs were already met before putting them down - they were fed, they had a clean diaper and whatever else they might need - we followed the same routine every night so they knew when bedtime was coming. I would put them down; if they started to cry, I'd let it go for maybe a minute or two, then go in, rub their back or sing softly to them - the key is to NEVER pick them up. It really didn't take that long and worked wonders for our whole family - it got everybody to being happy and sleeping restfully every night. With my next baby I'll be doing the same thing.

I realize you don't want to hear about CIO, but I don't think it's nearly as bad as people try to make it out to be. Like I said unless you're just sticking an already uncomfortable, unhappy, hungry baby in a crib to scream for hours, there's no harm in it.

I am against CIO and have not practiced it with my child. I think that all it teaches a young child is that you are not there for them and will indeed not respond to their cries - not what I wanted my daughter to learn.
If you're breastfeeding then waking ever every 2-3 hours for nursing isn't really that unusual.

Personally I have found that I was happiest when I checked out my expectations and just went with what worked. When my daughter was less than a year old I would respond to her as soon as she woke up. I actually tried to get to her before she started crying (as soon as I heard her stirring) so she would not fully wake and go back to sleep much faster and easier.
My hubby also worked shifts and wnet to school, so he needed his sleep. I went back to work at 6 months PP and needed my sleep too! What worked for us was a mattress in my daughters room. When she woke up, I layed down with her and nursed her back to sleep. Laying down myself I could rest as well and usually I ended up falling asleep right then and there.

Many people may not agree with this, because they feel that you should sleep in your own room, or that you are babying your baby... I was confronted with these opinions too. Especially my husband family came up with all kind of sleep training advice, that I, to honor my DH's opinion tried - but as I said, once I shed these expectations my entire family got a whole lot more sleep and we were a lot happier!

My daughter dropped her night feedings and started sleeping through the night just after she turned one year old. My sister had 4 children, all of whom went on formula at 6 months and she practiced CIO - NONE of them slept through the night any earlier than one year old. I believe frequent night waking in the first year of life is very normal, yes there are those kids who don't wake at night, but there are also many who do!

I also wanted to add that even though I always responded to my daughter, she is now a very independent, perfectly normal 2.5 year old. She has no sleep or behavioral issues at all and I am very happy how everything has worked out. I would do exactly the same if I were to do it again (except I would NOT listen to all the naysayers and try to "sleeptrain" my infant ever again). Good luck.

I feel for you, and I'm sorry about the stress it is causing. You did not mention the age of your child.

CIO did not work for us. I tried it with my first, and I deeply regret it. We travelled a lot and we would do a week, get in a pattern, travel and have to start all over again. It was hell.

With my second I tried the no-cry. It didn't work, either. I'm now of the opinion that the best we could do was to wait it out.

But if your health and your family are truly suffering then maybe CIO is the lesser of two evils?

Have you tried co-sleeping? Get a co-sleeper so no one rolls over onto baby. You bf, right? I think the best thing we did was co-sleep and if baby was hungry I just had to lift my shirt. Every other option was exhausting.

I only briefly skimmed the other responses so sorry if I repeat. I did the CIO method with my daughter when she was 10 months old. She was still waking at night for a feeding (but it was really just comfort) and I continued to feed her. I was tired during the day and it was getting to me. It took 3 nights for her to finally sleep through the night! Since that 4th night, she has truly been sleeping through the night from 8 - 7:30/8 and doesn't wake up at all (or if she does, she gets herself back to sleep). She is 28 months now. I would read her books, then put her down awake. The 1st night I let her cry for 5 min, then went in and rubbed her belly to let her know I didn't abandon her, then after 10 min, I went in and did the same thing. I kept increasing my time by 5 min until she was asleep. That 1st night took about 45 min and if I didn't constantly watch a clock, it would have seemed much longer. The second night I started at 10 min and then increased my time by 10 min and it only took her about 20/30 min to get to sleep, by the 3rd night, I only went in once and she was asleep within 10 min. My son on the other hand has a very sensitive personality and I didn't want to do CIO with him because of that. I tried so many other methods, but I don't believe in co-sleeping and I don't have the time to lay down with him because I have a 2 yr old! In the end, I realized I had to do CIO. I would only let him cry for like 2 min and then go in and check on him. He actually still wakes up once a night which I am trying to work on right now. My son was so cranky and tired and the CIO was the only thing that worked. His naps are great now and he is finally getting the sleep he needs. It will not hurt your child to let her cry. 35 years ago when I was born, my mother, and other mothers, didn't have the internet to look on to get advice and honestly, I sometimes think that was better. My mom let me cry and I turned out just fine, except for the mommy stress!! You need to do what you feel is right, not what other moms are telling you. You DO need to get sleep though, so that you can manage through the day. Have you tried for several nights to let her CIO, just to see if it works? Make adjustments to different methods to suit you and your child, it doesn't have to be by the book. I know I didn't really answer your question of other methods, but I just wanted to let you know of my experience. Good luck!

Perhaps it depends on the type of crying and the age of the child as well as eating habits. I guess what I am saying is that when you hear or read that a technique (whatever it is CIO, co-sleeping, solid foods, vaccines, no vaccines, etc.) is the BEST or conversely is TERRIBLE and should NEVER be used...Well, take a step back. If there were a set of sure fire ways to raise a perfect, happy baby...Well, then, a thing like mamapedia wouldn't even exist. Your baby is precious and unique and may need you to try several approaches before y'all find the one that is right for you.

I guess what I am hearing is that you are afraid to try CIO because you have been told it is WRONG. If so, leave the fear and guilt behind and read up on how to do CIO. Then try it for a few days. If it doesn't seem to work or is breaking your heart, then stop and try something else.

Our first was a lovely, deep, contented, wonderful sleeper. Slept thru the night at 9 weeks and is still at it at 9 years. I think it is genetic and reflects nothing we as parents did "right".

Our youngest was adept about postponing bedtime from the day we brought him home. Once we got him to sleep, he slept thru fine. Seeing this and knowing how he operated, around 7-9 months (I'd have to scroll thru the baby journal to be sure), we tried a simple version of CIO and it worked within a week.

We let him cry (and we are not talking agonized wailing here...We are talking about a stubborn sort of demanding cry), for 2 mins and then came in, soothed him and tucked him back in. Then set the time to 5 minutes, then 10, etc. I do not think we ever made it passed 20 minutes of crying. And even though that single week "cured" him, we totally knew when he was crying for a more serious reason and went straight to co-sleeping on such a night. Let's be honest, a mom knows the difference between a stubborn/bored cry vs a pitiful, I-really-really-need you cry.

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I didn't get to read all the answers, so sorry for the repeat.

Did you try a pacifier? Some are shaped differently than a bottle nipple. It worked for my son.

My kids are 7 & 3 1/2. I refused to CIO either of them. Parenting is 24/7, not just when it's convenient for me. So, how did I stay sane-naps & co-sleeping. My oldest didn't like to co-sleep, so I got up with him when he needed it. I was working & it was tough. But, as the days & months progressed, he slept longer. He didn't sleep straight through until he was about 15 months. Around that time, we also started leaving a bottle of water in his bed, gradually decreasing the amount until it was only about 1 ounce a night & he occasionally used it as a pacifier. With my youngest, she coslept. So, for us, it was simply a factor of waiting it out. As the kids got older, they slept better. My daughter is 3 1/2 and still doesn't sleep through the night every night. But, she is allowed to come to our bed. Her getting up rarely affects my sleep. I feel her come to bed, then we both go back to sleep.
Yes, there are a lot of opinions about CIO-mine--it is cruel punishment & doesn't teach a baby to sleep, it teaches them that no one is coming for them when they need something, no matter what it is. Again, we didn't have kids just to shut them out at night. Parenting 24/7.
Opinions aside, there is also a lot of reputable research that states that CIO is harmful. Google it. And, think about how you feel after crying. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Get good sleep that night?
Again, naps are great. Are there times when your husband is home & you can nap? I know you said that she doesn't take a bottle, but that would be a big help. One of you might actually have to leave the house, you to go somewhere, or your DH leave with the baby & a bottle. Because as long as she knows that you are close by, she will refuse the bottle. It might even be trial & error to find the bottle that she will take. One more thing, how do you know that she's not hungry? Since she's breastfeeding, it is very possible that she actually is.
I wish you the best.

I never did CIO.... My motto during the itty-bitty baby stage was "hungry children will not sleep."

Around 4-5 months, the baby goes through a growth spurt and it's metabolism changes a little. During this time, I started to cluster feed her right before bed and, for when she woke up around 11pm, gave my daughter a small bottle of half breastmilk and half formula. The formula helped her keep hunger away and stay asleep longer. Otherwise, my daughter would wake up every 3 hours. My pediatrician also suggested to mix in a little rice cereal in her bottle (granted, this is contraversial). If you do give a bottle with a little rice cereal, you'll need to use the fast flow nipples.

I found the best thing for me to do was to stop stressing out about it. If your baby is still getting up every couple of hours to eat, it's too early for sleep training. I just let my kids sleep with me for the first few months, then put them next to the bed, then into a crib. Have you tried nursing her until she is juuuuust done, then laying her down in a swaddle and leaving?

Dear PB&J, Ok. First of all, good for you for trying a gentle solution to help your baby fall asleep. I have been there. It took a while for my LO to sleep more regularly and at longer intervals, so I truly relate. Some babies need more nursing in the beginning than others and I applaud you for trying to meet your baby's needs in day and at nite.

Having written that, I know that you need to take care of yourself for all the reasons in the world. Some questions and suggestions:
-- can you nap with your baby?
-- can you pump breast milk and hire a nite nurse, MIL, Friend, Sister once a week to watch over your baby while you rest and to give your baby a bottle?
-- Have you checked out Elizabeth Pantleys "No Cry Sleep Solution" (She also has a facebook page with her email address. She answers questions like yours personally. I would email her as she probably also has good professional advice)
-- Addition (based on below good advice) -- I second the idea of co-sleeping. It immensely helped. our LO was calmer and nursing was easier when I did not have to get out of bed.

You can also look at www.drjaygordon.com about how to gently night wean. also www.askdrsears.com for other ideas.

I hope the above helps. Just know you are not alone, and our babies sleep habits do get better in time. I am sure you will find the solution that works for your family.

Please take care.

Jilly

CIO is fine, if done right and with love. If done wrong, I guess it can be neglectful, but I don't think that generally happens.

Co sleeping.
Maybe try some white noise, my younger son needed it.
FTR...I ended up doing CIO with my youngest. Before I had kids I was so against it, thought it was an awful thing to do. then I had my first son and thought, well *I* wouldn't ever do cio but I guess I can understand how some people resort to it (he didn't go more than 3 hours until he was 2, and that was b/c I night weaned, and he co-slept--it was worse when he was on his own).
Then, my 2nd son. He was heading down the good sleeper road--but got rsv at 3 months and kept up the every 2 hour (or so) waking. AND, by 6 months he would NOT sleep by me. I kept trying but he'd be restless until I put him in a crib (next to my bed). It was really really getting to me by 8 months, I struggled with it, kept hoping and hoping for miraculous improvement but nothing. I tried the other methods but no-cry, and even cio, methods pretty much say that if they can put themselves to sleep at night then they *should* easily sleep thru the night--not my guy. He'd been refusing to nurse to sleep since 2 months, needed to lay on his own before drifting off.
So at 13 months I decided to put him in his own room and just try cio--I could not believe i was doing it, i didn't tell anyone. I think the most important part for me was that I gave myself permission to stop at any time.
Funny thing is, the first night he complain cried for 10 minutes--totally minor, and then for 5 minutes a 2nd time. Then woke up happier than ever, not clingy at all like I expected. Turns out he just didn't want to sleep by me.
Don't dismiss your health too much. I certainly did, and now that I can get decent sleep I realize how much that interrupted sleep was hurting me--not being able to lose weight (and all the things that come with that), my mood, my energy level. I was a better, nicer mom once I started sleeping more.
I realized I was spending my days focused on when I would get sleep, anxious about how well baby might sleep...not focusing on my kids when I was with them.

I couldn't bring myself to let my son cry himself to sleep until he was almost a year old. The best thing you can probably do right now (aka what I wish I'd done at that age) is to make sure you put her down awake. I always nursed my son to sleep and that really came back to bite me later. Make sure she is groggy and has a full tummy, but let her fall asleep in her own bed. It will make it so much easier for you later on!

Also if you just need to get some rest, let her sleep in your bed for a night here and there. My son also refused bottles, so my husband could never take a shift for me. I got to the point where I could fall asleep while he nursed, and all 3 of us got more sleep on those nights.

You can try a sippy cup, my son did well with the Platex stage 3 when he was about 6 months old. If that doesn't work, just keep reminding each other "this is just a phase!" No matter how rough it gets, it won't last forever. Good luck.

5 months is still a bit young to expect her to totally sleep thru the night. Some babies do and most don't. Most "sleep training" methods will tell you around 6 months is a good time to start but I think it's very important to have a consistent routine from day 1.

How do you know she isn't hungry? She's breastfed so she may very well be as breastmilk being the perfect food it is very easily digested and she is coming toward a growth spurt. Or she could be teething and need you and the comfort you provide. Baby is going thru a lot in this great big new world and they rely on what the know for sure and that is mom and dad.

I really found a lot of useful info in The Baby Whisperer and Dr. Sears Baby Sleep Book. I learned a lot about routines and how baby sleep actually works. It really helped me come up with a routine so my little one knew what to expect and what was expected. I literally did and said the same things every night for about 6 weeks with my 6 month old son before he started to get it. He was about 7 1/2 months before he started sleeping thru the night. My daughter was closer to a year. Both were exclusively breastfed. Even with the routine there were times I would have to go in and stand by the crib with my hand on baby, my head down on the side rails so they knew I was there but that it was sleep time for them.

Dr. Sears talks about nighttime parenting. Because it doesn't stop at night and babies have special needs at night while they are learning how to sleep and babies have to be taught how to sleep. They don't automatically know how. That's just one of my beefs with cio-it doesn't teach baby a thing about sleep. It teaches baby to just give up because no one is going to come in and parent me and comfort me in this crib they have layed me down in and I don't really know why I'm here. And for some reason they won't come when I cry like they always do. It floods baby's system with stress hormones.

How did I stay sane? I grabbed a nap when baby would nap (might not be a long one but even 30 minutes could help recharge the batteries), take turns sleeping in when you can, going to bed earlier-even if it means ignoring some of the housework or such, eating well, drinking enough water all helped me especially when my preemie son came home from the hospital and I felt like I was running a foot race every day for 6 months.

Baby is so little for such a short period of time. It will be over before you know it.

Get together a group of 5-10 year old children and ask them if it made them feel bad when their parents let them CIO. What? You say they don't remember it? My point exactly.

Let the baby cry and get some sleep. You all need it.

I haven't read through all your responses, but I'm sure you are seeing that opinions on this are all over the place. The fact is is you have to do what works best for your family. For some, CIO works. For some it doesn't. I tried it and it worked a bit (after awhile he didn't cry as long), but did not get me to the end result of my child sleeping through the night. And it was much harder on me then I thought it would be. If it doesn't work in a week, it can become really wearing on the parents. I really believe that it depends on the child. I had twins...one slept through the night at 4 months...the other not until he was 2!!! Same environment, same parenting. We tried every method under the sun...it really didn't work. I beleive you can do a lot to help your child sleep, but you can't make them sleep. I just had to wait it out...which means I was sleep deprived for a long time. My 3rd child didn't sleep through the night until she was 15 months. For her giving her a bottle, that we eventually watered down and got it down to water worked for her. I know they say never to give a child a bottle in bed, but that is all it took for me to get back to sleep quickly. And she is just fine...no detal problems at all!!

So my advice is to nap when your child naps and do whatever works for you. Get advice from the internet....but take all you read with a grain of salt. Good luck and remember you will sleep again...my kids are 6 and 3 and I am finally getting some sleep!!

I have been there! I remember my husband and I riding around in our car with the baby at 3a.m. because that was what put him to sleep. By the time we got home he was awake and screaming again. Could your baby be suffering from gas or be colicly. I remember giving my son these drops I believe it was called Mylocon drops or something similar pronouciation.
We tried the CIO method a couple of times and it did not work. so we stopped. It actually made matters worse because with the baby screaming and becoming more frustrated he was actually to worked up to sleep. Then we had to spend lots of time trying to calm him down so he could sleep.
What worked sometimes for me was just walking with him and rocking him. Do you swaddle your baby? Get those arms tied in a blanket that also helps. I don't think 5 months is too old to be swaddled.
Good Luck.

At this age waking every 2-3 hours sounds normal to me. Mine didn't sleep through the night until about 10 months when I was confident that she definelty didn't need the feedings anymore. Is she moving around a lot at night? If so it might be time to have something for her to snuggle with at night. Be it a blankie or a stuffed animal. Being exhausted is all apart of being a parent. If you think she is ready to stop nursing at night then you probably still need to go in and comfort her. Pick her up, rock for a minute or two and then put her back and give her some time to put herself back to sleep. Repeat if necessary. My 19 month old sleeps through the night 99% of the time but still needs a hug every now and then to make her feel safe and secure.

I don't know what all those "sleep programs" are all about. I'm from the old school and I used CIO with my daughter. She doesn't seem to be effected. She definitely knows she can count on me - in fact, she knows that all too well and uses it to her advantage because she knows I've always been there for her so I really don't know what all these long term effects of CIO are all about. Also, my parents used it with my sisters and I and we are all fine, well-adjusted, productive members of society with no issues about abandonment or anything else. It sounds like your son is just in the habit of waking up and the only way to break the habit is cold turkey. So, go in, pat his little back, no lights, no talking, no getting him up, just pat his back and let him figure out how to self-soothe himself back to sleep. It truly won't hurt him! He'll wake up the same happy baby the next morning as he did before you used CIO but after a couple of nights, you will also be bright and sunny in the morning!

I tried everything we could think of to help my baby who also woke up every 2-3 hours at night and would only be put back to sleep by nursing (just as you described.) The night before her 6 month check up, she had nursed 4 TIMES! I was completely exhausted and on edge and had done everything I could to help her. Honestly CIO was the only thing that worked to get her out of those habitual wakings at night but it took a good month. We didn't start it until 6 months though. I wish I had started it earlier though b/c by 6 months she could stand in her crib and it made it that much harder. I know this is NOT what you wanted to hear but your situation sounded so similar to mine that I just really wanted to respond. You have to do what you and your husband are comfortable with though b/c whatever you choose to do has to be done consistently or it won't work. You might want to try co-sleeping (even though that will create an entirely new habit you will eventually have to break) or the Baby Whisperer book has some great advice in it as well. If we had not done CIO, I'm convinced my daughter (1 year old) would STILL be waking up at those times and I would be completely out of sorts. Do what you have to do, but don't do anything you will feel guilty about.

I know this is extremely difficult and if it helps, we've all been there, whether we believe in CIO or not. The good news is that you can and will get more sleep if and when you're ready for sleep training. I know there are a lot of people out there who say sleep-training is cruel, but honestly, I think it's best to consider the WHOLE FAMILY and do what's best for all of you. If you are all sleep deprived, it's not good for anyone, especially your child. Many families I know who never sleep-trained, are having the same issues with 3 and 5 year old kids, and they are all exhausted, including the kids who never get a full night of uninterrupted sleep. We did sleep train our kids, and as new parents it was really difficult to ignore the "it's cruel" advice, but we're happy we did. Our kids now know how to go to bed by themselves, when they wake up in the night, they re-adjust their own pillows and blankets, and go back to sleep without waking us (unless they're sick or something!). So, as with all things parenting, do what works for your whole family. If you can find a solution without using the CIO method, by all means go for it. We couldn't find anything that worked other than that, but there were minimal tears and I'm glad we found a solution so we can all sleep. There's nothing worse than chronic sleep-deprivation, especially if you already have chronic health issues. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!

i did not use CIO untiol my kids were two. i couldn't do it, i thought it was cruel, and i wanted to meet my kids needs. they cried i was there.
how did i do it?
well after i stopped breastfeeding, i started drinking lots of coffee round the clock. i think that kept me sane, i also slept when they slept, i ate when i got a chance and i seriously parted ways with trying to keep a clean house. i did not cook or clean. my husband did those and i was there a 100 per cent for my babies.
now if i were to do it all over again i would do CIO at age 1. i think i waited too long. it worked, don't get me wrong, my babies at age 2 knew i was not going to come in, so they sleep-trained VERY FAST, but i could have done it after they turned 1 to help myself.
oh well

Have you had her checked to make sure she doesn't have an ear problem or gastric problem that may cause her to wake during the night? Is she too hot or cold or bundled too tight? Is she really hungary at night or just in need of consoling? If she teething? If she does not have ear or gastric problems, is not teething or hungary, then have you considered a pacifier? I never thought I would use one, but my youngest had mild colic and woke several times a night. She became a thumb sucker, which I thought was better than a pacifier, until it came time to get her to stop. A pacifier can be taken away or made less satisfying , a thumb is harder :).
With my oldest letting her cry didn't work, you had to rock her to sleep and at nearly 12 she is still not a great sleeper. My youngest could cry it out (with us going in at 5-15 min intervals) and today she is always a great sleeper. But at 8 she will still wake up crying if she is too warm. Every child is different and you just need to try the different ideas and see what works for you. It seems to take about a week for something new to work, with each day/night getting a little better.
Follow your instincts and enlist the help of all those people who offer and you trust. Remember, "it takes a village to raise a child".

I was okay with CIO because my kids usually didn't cry long unless there was something wrong. But I am an insomniac and can be cranky and miserable to be a round if I get severely overtired. Can you get someone to watch the baby for a 2-3 hours a few times a week so you can nap and catch up a little? And there is always the nap when the baby naps advice. Naps made a huge difference for me when I was pregnant and had severe insomnia (3-4 hours sleep or less interspersed with nights on no sleep at all). I know it doesn't solve the baby's sleep problem but at least if you can catch up a little you can cope better.
Some babies are better sleepers than others. Mine slept pretty well once they got to sleep. On thing that helped when they were very small was to wake the baby up partly and feed them right before you go to bed (sometimes called a dream feeding). Sometimes even a few ounces (half a normal feed) will buy you a good stretch of sleep while you are sleeping too.

What the hell? You made it clear you don't want to do CIO, so what is the deal that so many answered with the same thing...'try CIO'. I'm sorry you were not being heard.

We used the book, "The No Cry Sleep Solution" and I'm not sure if that is the one you are referring to. It was great (both kids). Is it going to work in a few days or a week? No. But I feel it is cruel to not answer your baby's cry for you. She's just that--a precious (and yes, developmentally immature) baby. She's trying...as you say, she's tired too. I had the best luck responding to my children the moment I heard them stir. That way when I went in to soothe or nurse them, they were not fully awake (at least not every time) and this made things go so much faster. If they for some reason did get worked up to a cry, I had my hands full as it took them longer to recover. Think about when you cry really hard or for a long time--it elevates your blood pressure and heart rate, your head hurts, etc. And they can't even wipe their tears or blow their nose. You're a tender Mommy to not put your baby through that.

At just 5 months, I can tell you they are hungry. I had a lot of luck cluster feeding in the evenings before bed (per my pediatrician). I would offer the breast a lot during the few hours right before bed time. This helps to really top them off plus gives them lots of skin-to-skin and eye contact with you...both wonderful for happy dreaming. Teething might also be a big thing right now. If she doesn't have them yet, she's working on them now I bet.

Another tip related to the hunger (again from my wonderful pediatrician) was that once they are old enough to not be truly hungry at night (he said around 9-10 months), have Dad go in if he can/is there. So what we did, for example, is we said if it was after 3:00 am, then I would go in and nurse back to sleep. If it was before 3:00 am, then he would go in and soothe/rock, pat, walk with baby, etc. This gently helps baby to learn that the breast is not the only way to get back to sleep in the middle of the night. It made for a more tired Daddy, but more bonding too and empathy on his part for all I had done over the months since I had the 'equipment'. At some point when you feel real confident that it's not a hunger issue (remember growth spurts), then he can respond every time.

Finally, my children did not consistently sleep through the night until about one year. My first/girl was 13 months, and by second/boy was about 10 months.

It will happen, and I'm so sorry you are so tired. I have a husband who works very long hours out of town and I too have some chronic health problems which wear me out and make me irritable. I remember those awful days (with lots of coffee and grumpy parents...real grumpy!). Please try to remember, this too shall pass. Keep doing what your are doing--answering your dear baby when she needs you. I stayed sane with coffee during the day, being a couch potato sometimes because of low energy, and a glass of wine most nights (yes, of course I know it went into the breast milk...Dr. said it was fine as long as I didn't get hammered).

Like others have said, CIO isn't appropriate for babies under six months. There are so many options out there, you may need to experiment a little to find what works best for you and your child. We didn't want to do CIO, but Pantley's No Cry didn't work either, if we were in the room our son wouldn't go to sleep. Sears' co-sleeping never would have worked, the few times we brought our son into our bed, I almost ended up on the floor, the kid is like a cat, takes up three times as much space as should be physically possible. And having him in our room was horrible too, he is a noisy sleeper and even now, when traveling, if he is in the same room as me, he wants to nurse all night. In the end, we used a combination of Jodi Mindall (sp) and the Baby Whisperer's Pick-Up/Put-Down (which may also be for babies over six months). We did PU/PD at bedtime, so he learned to fall asleep, but responded in the middle of the night with rocking (dad) or nursing (me). There were some health issues (his) which made it all last longer than it should have, but once those were resolved we went down to two wakings, then one, then none within about six weeks (he was by then nearly 10 months old). The sleep deprivation was AWFUL, and my health and temper were shredded, but we all survived, and now he sleeps well (most nights) and for the first time in nearly two years (I had a rough pregnancy), I'm starting to feel rested again. You might also want to to check out the baby sleep sight blog, http://www.babysleepsite.com/, lots of good info on "sleep training" techniques.

At 5 months old, it is very normal for an exclusively breastfed baby to wake every 3 hours - there is no "set rule" for how long the gaps between nursing should be. I too, have major health problems and the only way I got decent sleep was to co-sleep with my children. I did tie the crib with the side off to my bed however and whenever possible, I would nurse my child to sleep in my bed and then gently put her into their crib, often on their tummy (they had great head control, so the pedi said the tummy sleeping is fine). By utilizing the crib when they were young in a safe and happy, co-sleeping way, my kids came to be confident sleepers and have never, to this day, had to CIO.

I was the most exhausted when I was walking between our bedroom and the nursery, thinking like a fool that my child needed to sleep in their own room, far from us (but that was my first child and I was young and stupid). As soon as I started co-sleeping, she slept MUCH better AND SO DID I).

With my son, I learned to feed him some rice cereal when he was 6 months before bed (then wipe their teeth). He would then nurse and the rice cereal would allow him to sleep a bit longer.

Sleep with her - even if hubby has so sleep somewhere else till you guys get better sleep. Invest in a really nice King Size mattress and understand that she won't be this little for very long.

Best of luck!

Ok we tried the Cry It Out (CIO) method and no, it did not work. Was my child harmed from it, no! LOL. They are just crying. I wasn't hurting her, but it still did not work. I had to travel a lot with my baby (due to a sick parent) and she slept in a bed with me everytime we traveled, this was from Newborn to 6 1/2 months. She got so used to it she hated her crib. So, even though I didn't want to, we had to co-sleep. At 1 she started sleeping in her own big girl bed which she loves. I just wanted to say on the internet you will find tons of pro's and con's to whatever it is you want to try. You do what you feel you have to do! Good Luck!

I feel you I have not done cio method either but as a result we have had a very hard time w/ sleep and my DD. I nurse her so also she was waking up a lot more, as nursing babies do that, I did read the no cry sleep solution and the sleep lady and once myu DD was old enough I did the night weaning: pantly pull off and that did help a lot! but still not perfect, some nights are better than others depending on how she feels. I have noticed that if she does not nap well she will not sleep well either so that is important. she is also a co-sleeper (bc we just needed sleep) and I have finally at 18 mo. just got her to nap in her own room in her own toddler bed for the past 8 days now! yeah! I nurse her, rock her, lay w/ her till she passes out (not easy in a toddler bed) and then sneak out. I knwo this is not the best thing to do but baby steps and it is working. I am hoping to eventually not have to lay w/ her and then once that goes well we will move to sleeping there at night. I know her and if I push her she will regress so we go slow. you have to go w/ what your baby needs not you....it might suck but that is what we noticed works best. I know this was not major helpful as we still dont have it figured out, but maybe something i said helped. so xo take care.

I did not want to use CIO either but sleep is so important and it is your job to teach your baby to sleep well and on their own is the best. I noticed that my daughter would cry a little even when I was holding her to get her to sleep - it was just the way she settled herself down. So we tried CIO and turns out it never took more than 10-15 minutes of crying (not 2 hours like some horror stories) to get my daughter to sleep. I would just check it out - it is hard to sit through, even 10 minutes- but if it works it gets better and your little one has learn a important skill and you can get better sleep too. The earlier you do this, the easier it is. There are so many posts on this website about toddlers that don't sleep well - that is the last thing you want!

Is your baby teething? Too hot? Too cold? Not getting enough to eat during the day? Is the room too hot or cold? These are all the types of things you should look at before thinking of sleep training. I have 3 children and they have all had their quirks to get them to sleep better. My first needed a sleep positioner and to be swaddled for months. My second had to have a blanket tucked around him but hated being swaddled. My third I have a humidifier running at night almost all the time and while she needs her blankie to cuddle with I can't have it on top of her in any way. My first never slept well in polyester pajamas and had to have 100% cotton. My second always needed one notch down weight wise in pajamas than his older brother or he's overheat and get sweaty (in otherwords..blanket sleeper for the older and cotton longsleeve long pants for the second).
I would try looking here http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp for some solutions. Dr Sears is amazing and has helped me through all 3 of my kids.
They do eventually sleep. My husband and I thought our oldest never would sleep, he was such a challenge, but he does now quite well at 9 years old.
Good luck!

I second the recommendation for "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" - great book that changed everything for us and made it easier. Good luck and remember - they do grow up and eventually sleep through the night no matter what you do! Trust me, at age 6 you will not be able to tell which children are the ones who's parents used CIO and those who didn't. With lots of love, the kids will turn out fine!

Cosleeping worked wonders for us. It doesn't have to be forever, just until they are ready to sleep on their own. My son is 25 months old now, and usually sleeps in his crib from 8-6:30. When he was that age, all I did was nurse and sleep at night! As long as you're comfortable with it, I would try it. That way she knows you're there, and you don't have to get up to feed her!
She is still an infant, and every kiddo is different. Lots of them like to have mommy close though, so this could be a win win as long as you are confident she will be safe! Good luck!

My son woke up at least 3-4 times to nurse for the first year. I'd been told and had read not to nurse at night and then he wouldn't wake up. Or go in but don't pick him up. Or let him cry for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, etc. None of that really worked. My kid can cry for hours. And I also noticed that after letting him cry, I'd have to reintroduce the crib and his room as a positive place. That usually involved playing with him in the crib and sleeping on the floor for 3 nights afterwards. CIO was not the miracle solution for us.

When he was younger, I could bring him back to bed with me and he'd sleep pretty well. But now, the bed is a fun place for him - he crawls here, crawls there, and no one gets sleep. My son has to sleep in his crib.

What did seem to help was looking at his nap schedule and making sure he wasn't overtired at bedtime. Also making a bedtime routine - wind down time in his room, put on pjs, read books, and then I say goodnight and my husband gives our son a nighttime bottle and then puts him down to sleep.

Another biggie was weaning - once I had weaned (about 1 year), my son cut down to 2 night awakenings. We also started mixing 1/3 Pediasure and 2/3 whole milk. Then all of a sudden, he slept through the night - 10 hours. That lasted for maybe a week, then he started waking about once a night - 4 hours sleep, wake/change/6 oz milk, 6 hours sleep. That lasted for maybe 6 weeks. Now, he's slept through the night the last 2 nights - 10.5 hours. We're not doing anything different - but I do think it might have to do with how much he eats during the day. I'll also mention that my son usually does make a few peeps/cry outs during the night, but unless it is distraught crying or lasts longer than 5 minutes, I'll give it a few minutes to see if he can soothe himself back to sleep.

I read lots of books that were helpful - I think if you pick and choose what works best for you, then you're more likely to follow through with those points that you agree with.

The Baby Sleep Solution by Suzy Giordano
http://books.google.com/books?id=mIk1XIt_mowC&printse...
The No Cry Nap Solution by Elizabeth Pantley
The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg

Good luck! You're not alone - some babies are not great sleepers - mine sure isn't, but he's getting there.

I don't believe in CIO either. It would be so nice if babies could talk and could say "I'm not sleeping because X is happening." Since they can't do that for a few more years yet, guessing, researching and trial and error are what we can use.

I discovered Harvey Karp at about 7 months of age. He has some great you tube viedos of how to swaddle a newborn and that really helped us. It is kind and respectful. ( I didn't do the ear shhh noise personally).

I also know several mothers who swear by crainal sacral therapy. Look it up. They had great results after only one or two visits. Also a chirpractor is another option.

You may want to try restricting your diet. If your baby is sensitive to a certain food substance, eliminating that could help her. Things like dairy, wheat or even tomatoes could make the difference. One place to start is the yahoo group 'foodlabs' - chock full of moms who've done the same.

One other thing is "Sleepless in America" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. She's more focused on older children, but the concepts are the same. She is also available by phone for consultation. She is very well known and if this were me, would be worth the price for quality sleep.

Best of luck. Lack of sleep is horrible. If you have time, please post an update and congratulations for opting not to go the CIO route.

Is your baby still in your room? What worked for us is moving him into his own room and if he woke up, letting him cry for just a few minutes. That way, very quickly, he learned that crying was not worth it most of the time. I always went to him when he cried for more than a couple minutes and got him to sleep 10 hours a night at 4 1/2 months. Before that, he was in our room waking up every 3-5 hours. It was horrible! I would nurse your baby in her room when you know she is tired and lay her down. Then if she wakes up, let her cry a few minutes before running in there and nursing her down again. An Ocean Wonders Aquarium and a lovie will also help you guys.

What worked for us was to co-sleep. NOT the right fit for every family but worked for us. I was able to nurse and go back to sleep at the same time. NOT to mention, the baby would sleep LONGER in my arms in our bed. We have never used the cry it out method with either of our 2 kids.

PS> Our second who was breastfed till 18 months, continued waking for night feedings till he was weaned...... He NEVER took a nuk and also refused a bottle (tried MANY different kinds....)

didnt have time to read all the advice so i hope mine is not a repeart.but have you tried to Five S's. you can look them up online but they are swaddle,shush,sway,left side sorry cant remember the 5th one right now but it really worked on my daughter now almost 10 months.hope this helps..

I love the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. Basically, lets say your child is getting up at 9pm, 12am, 3am & 6am. Start delaying the feedings during the times that you want to get rid of. Example: don't feed her or pick her up out of the crib until 12:15 & 3:15. After about 1 week, she will start waking up around those times, then increase it to 12:45 and 3:45, etc. It sounds like it takes forever, but it will only take a month or two and you can increase her sleep time to 5-6 hours at a time.

We are currently using the CIO method, it's not fun but we still have yet to see if it works for us. So far some nights he cry for hours and some nights he would cry a little bit and pass out. I think depends on how tired he is.

Maybe you can try the following if you don't want to use the CIO method:
1) Rock your baby to sleep then put your baby down. But this means more work for you and doesn't really teach them to fall asleep on their own but I did this for a while just so there's less drama and a quick way for us to get some sleep too.
2) Take your baby for a walk or stroll right before bedtime to tired her out? We take our 9 1/2 old out for walks sometimes before his bedtime and it seems to help a little because he is more tired and would cry less and would just fall asleep after a little fussing.

Hope you will find a way to put your daughter down to sleep peacefully soon so you can get some rest too.

I really like "The Baby Whisperer."

Greetings PB&J,
I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. I know the easy answer is to say you need rest, so now for the hard part some ideas on how you can get it. I am a tough love type of parent but I never was one to ever let a child cry it out and have seen as a foster parent the damage that has been done to children that have gone through it.
Are you apart of a church or have neighborhood friends that can step in and help watch the baby while you rest for a few hours each day? I have 5 children and I would hire a neighbor teen/preteen to come and play with them or to just rock and hold the baby while I took a nap, or got something else done-- the dihes will wait or heck just use paper and plastic sliverware for a short time and that will save you hours of time in the kitchen!
I carried my babies in a back pack as well while I did things. Now my 2 really smart daughter in laws are teaching me something great!!! They have the television on with ??Veggie Tales - if you have not watched one then do its so good for even you to laugh at. The 7 month old loves the silly songs, reconizes Bob the Tomatoe and when she goes to the grocery store her mom can get her to laugh by showing her Bob , Larry cucmber etc the other one plays the Planet Earth viedo the best money she ever spent and it is lovely to see the animals of the earth the sounds and the colors. So it is educational and yet entertaining so that you can all rest and relax AND its not just turning your child over to the Barney monster that I find disgusting! For our 2yo twins we find that crying it out just about destroyed ones spirit and I am glad the parent gave it up we just have to be firm about boundries. Your babyis still tiny and needs you and what you alone can offer which is comfort, security and love. I appreciate that your husband is taking a good part of the care along with you. That makes things so much easier if he only cleans up around the house and does his own laundry then it works out to being helpful. My son was given some great advice by a friend that told him to take care of his laundry and iron his own shirts and that his wife would love him for it and he has done it the entire 10 yers of marriage and she does brag aboutit.
Honey, once you all get some rest you will feel better about so many things. I wish you well-- and always remember that asking for help is not a bad thing or mean you ae a bad person/parent it means you are wise enough to take care of the needs of your family. Nana Glenda

We couldn't bring ourselves to do that either. So we were sleep deprived for about 14 months. At the 1-year checkup, our pediatrician recommended "Sleeping Through the Night" by Jodi Mindell. It solved all our problems after about a week. The bottom line is you have a routine then put baby in baby's bed with quiet, gentle "go to sleep" tones. Leave room. Baby cries for 5 minutes. Go back in for no more than 30 seconds to let baby know you're still there, with a quiet, gentle "shhh, it's ok, I love you, go to sleep now." But whatever you do, don't pick up the baby. Leave again for 5 minutes. Visit again for 30 seconds. Repeat. I understand this will take longer periods of time than CIO, but eventually the baby gets tired and falls asleep. Our first night this lasted for about 45 minutes and it was painful. The second night it was more like 20 minutes. Then the third night it was maybe 10 min. And after a week, it became the routine and there was no crying at all. I realize there's crying involved in this solution, but I felt it was FAR better than CIO because there couldn't be feelings of abandonment (you keep going back in every 5 min) and you're able to make sure baby isn't wrestling her arm/leg between crib slats. Hope this helps a little -- in the end, you've gotta do whatever works best for your family and every family is different :o)

We used the CIO method for all three children and it worked. However, we also made sure the room was absolutely dark (a dark towel over the window to prevent light through the blinds), we followed a very strict routine prior to putting a child to bed so they knew what was coming, and then we held our breaths for 3 days to make sure that it worked. Those first few days were hard but the sleep later on was worth it.

That said, I think that the routine: 7:30 bath, story, song, dark room, bed was the biggest winner. Each step worked to calm down the child and by the time she or he was in bed, he was ready to sleep. It was also the same time every night. The great thing now is that it still works to put my 10, 7, and 6 yr olds to bed. They follow the routine and we have very few trying nights, only the occasional bad dream and only with the 2 youngest. They are not traumatized and they love having a routine.

Hi PB&J,

We tried CIO briefly and just couldn't do it. I know it works, I know people have used and everyone suvives and it still just was too severe for us.

Our son is 18 mos and the one thing I know for sure is regardless of the method, after they've reached the six month mark, the sooner you do it the better. Doing this now is great especially if your health is suffering. Unfortunately I think CIO is the 'quickest' method. Everything else seems to be much slower/gentler in progress... which isn't a bad thing unless you're as exhausted as you sound.

I also recommend co-sleeping. It allows everyone to rest and feed, if you're still interested in breastfeeding through the night. If you'd like to wean night feedings, go to this link - the method worked great for us http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

If you continue to breastfeed, learn how to feed while lying on your side and you'll get a lot more rest.. baby usually feeds for a few mins and then unlatches after you both fall asleep or you can unlatch her.

We also liked having a bassinet next to the bed which is the next closest thing to co sleeping.

We recently have moved our baby out of our bed into his room but when he occasionally is in bed with us he defnitely sleeps better/longer. It says a lot. But that doesn't mean he doesn't need to get used to sleeping alone - just interesting.

Six months is about the best age to start night weaning and getting babies to sleep through the night - it just gets harder and takes longer the older they get... we are living proof of that. Also, the younger they get used to daddy being a night time comfort the better. Otherwise, it's always you to put them down and it's sad for both parents.

I guess it just depends how aggressive you want/need to be but it sounds like since your baby's still pretty young and you're still breastfeeding you may want to just co sleep to get caught up on sleep and move slowly from there. Best of luck and health to you all.

I slept with my babies until 10 months for my first, and 14 months with my second, When they are so small like your daughter they need mommy and need nursing every few hours, so it was easier for all to get good sleep when we shared a bed, I got more sleep b/c I did not have to get up and at 5 months your baby can hold her head up and sleeping with her is safe, of course follow all safety measures for sleeping with babies, t(here are good guidelines in the baby book by Dr Sears). this worked for us and then we sleep trained at 10 and 14 months when baby was older and was ready

The ONLY thing that has worked for me is just to accept that I'm not going to get a full night's sleep for a long time yet. I have a 3.5yo who didn't sleep more than 4 hours at a time until he was almost 18months, and even now, he STILL wakes up at least once each night. He was 2 and still waking 2-4 times EVERY night, and I was exhausted! Now, I have a 7mo as well, so some nights, I may not get more than a few hours of sleep period, let alone during each stretch. I had to change my entire attitude towards night-time parenting, and I still struggle with the lack of sleep.

It's probably more frustrating for you because of your health, and I'm really sorry that you're going through that :( Co-sleeping has worked for me, but my husband doesn't sleep in the same bed during the week (to let me sleep; he gets up uber-early), so I have more room. Routines and Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution have been my life-saver in adjusting how I think and what has worked for us!

I recommend NOT nursing her to sleep. If your daughter wakes up, of course you should nurse her (she may be hungry!) but make sure she is awake when you put her down to sleep. As my husband and I used to say, make sure she is "blinky blinky," or nearly asleep in the beginning, and then once she gets the knack of putting herself to sleep, you can put her down more and more awake. Don't expect things to get better right away, because your daughter has to be taught how to put herself to sleep, and right now, she needs to nurse to do it! As long as that is the case, she will continue to wake you every time she wakes up in the middle of the night because she needs you to get her back to sleep. Expect a couple of nights of very little sleep while your daughter catches on. Since you don't want to CIO, you'll have to hang out in her room, and if she wakes herself up, you'll have to do the process over again. My son was sleep-trained this way by the time he was about 4.5 months old, and it isn't perfect. She will still wake you up when she is hungry, frightened, or wants attention. But she may not wake you just because she is awake, which will hopefully get you up to more like 4-5 hours of sleep at a time instead of 2-3. Good luck!

Does your baby nap anywhere successfully? To get us through the first year, we tried various methods-- stroller in the kitchen with dishwasher going then move baby into bedroom with us. Pack n play portable crib- baby slept better there than in the crib and then also co-slept a great deal. I didn't use the CIO method. I responded to my child whatever he needed and fulfilled that need. I would find a nightime routine that you can feel comfortable with and stick with it. Eventually your baby will adapt to it. OR if you are comfortable trying multiple things-- do some of the things suggested above. It could change daily what you do, but if you want sleep--it works. Your baby will sleep and so will you. Good luck!

Ours is 25 months, and still doesn't sleep through the night...and that's ok...what saved us was co-sleeping...much easier on you if you don't have to get up every time the kids does...these days i am so used to nursing her to sleep, that most of the nights i can sleep through it...

Hi PB&J,

I didn't use CIO with my first child. I tried the No Cry Sleep Solution method and a few others but none worked for her. So I basically rode out the worst part of sleep deprivation and eventually settled with bringing her to our bed when she woke up at night. I then trained her to sleep on her own when she was 2.

With my 2nd child, at 5 months he was waking up 2-3 times at night and each time has to be rocked an hour or more before he would go back to sleep. I was gettng way too exhausted because of that. My lifesaver was Dr Marc Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It taught me to watch for signs of tiredness in m baby, putting the baby down to sleep on a schedule, not letting him stay awake for longer than 2 hours in between naps, basically sleep begets sleep. There are a lot of practical and useful information in the book. In just the first day after I started following the advise, my baby's sleep improved. On the second day he only woke up once at night and didn't have to be rocked back to sleep. He also went down for his naps very easily. One caveat, I did employ CIO on the first day, but it was really minimal because I followed everything else suggested by Dr. Weissbluth.

I understand you don't want to use CIO and you should do what you feel is right for your baby. But if you'd like to read about a different viewpoint on it, Dr. Weissbluth covers that part in this book in a way that makes sense to me. I personally found that letting my baby cry it out in the first day was well worth the much better sleep and rest that he and myself get since then. Having gone through the experience with my first child, I still can't believe to this day what a good sleeper my 2nd child has become using Weissbluth's technique.

Again though, every child and every parent is different. You do what is right for you and your child. My suggestion would be to give Weissbluth's technique a try without using CIO. So keep everything else as suggested (watching for cues of tiredness, keeping a schedule, don't let the baby stay longer than 2 hours between naps, earlier bed time, etc. ), but employ a non CIO method when it comes time to putting her to bed. Don't know if it'll work, but it may be worth trying.

we did the cio with my daughter. it worked for us but i know its not for everyone. have you tried putting her on her belly to sleep (as long has she has good head control)?. also maybe try some rice cereal before bed if your baby is ready for that. my daughter was in her own room by that time but she was also formula fed and didnt wake as much as bf babies do. does she have a mobile on her crib? if so try playing it or use white noise. do you happen to have a family member that can help you at night? even though your bf they can bring you your baby and then put her back in bed so you get more sleep. when my daughter would be really cranky at night i would just put her in bed with me and it calmed it down. shes 3 now and sleeps with me and my husband 1-2 times a week and we love it. you will find a way that works for you in time hang in there.