This Is Not a New Argument, Why Can't He Get It!

Yeah to everything Lee said!

I totally agree. You cant change their behavior unless you change their mind and Good Luck on that one!It may take several chats and several signs on cabinets and doors before they notice and even THEN if they pay attention they eventually go back to doing their "bad" and annoying habits anyway......

I would get the white noise machine first and see what that does and then work on the husband many times over!

Good Luck! Let us know how it all works out...
S.

This is not going to help you, but I just have to say it... THAT IS SUCH A MAN THING!

I think it's an innate characteristic in MOST men to be loud. My ex was exactly the same way... he wasn't being malicious, but despite my repeated cues to do things like shutting doors, cabinets, etc. more quietly, he just never got it. And my ex's mother says that his dad was the exact same way. My dad does it too. Coughs outside the door of my sleeping son. Sorry, but you just might not win this one. I do certainly feel that it's a rather simple request, and with very little effort, your request could be met, but they have to see it as a problem too, which it seems they don't.

You could try kind of playfully, but with serious intention, placing signs on all of the culprit areas...
On the cabinets - PLEASE CLOSE CABINET QUIETLY
On the closets - PLEASE GENTLY CLOSE CLOSET DOOR
On the door - PLEASE USE KNOB TO QUIETLY CLOSE DOOR
You get the picture... kind of make a playful joke about it, but it will be a good reminder... And tell him that if he complies, he gets a reward... and maybe give him a little "extra attention" if he does a good job. YES, I am suggesting you treat him like a child, because unfortunately, sometimes that's how our men behave, so that's how we have to respond! lol

Good luck to you... I know how freaking annoying and disrupting that behavior is!!!

Oh, and by the way, your son sleeping with you is only a problem IF its a problem for YOU! Co-sleeping with our kids is a completely natural, wonderful, loving experience for us and our kids. :)

Welcome to my world, lol! I had this battle as well but I honestly am not as nice as you are to your husband. We have a bathroom in our bedroom. There's a kids bathroom down the hall and then there's a guest bathroom with shower downstairs on the main floor. I can honestly say that we are not the only people who do this. Many many people do. Hubby needs to lay out his clothes before he goes to bed and gather everything before bed. When he wakes with the alarm he is NEVER allowed to hit the snooze button. How rude is that to keep waking up your spouse over and over again cuz they're too lazy to get up the first time. If he's that tired then I give him a midnight curfew rather than his 2am TV rallies. When he gets up he showers downstairs in the guest bathroom and has all of his shaving gear and whatnot in that bathroom. He shares that with our 14 year old son who sleeps in the basement. Our 5 year old triplets sleep on the same floor as us upstairs. When he would wake up and be loud I'd be sure that it was HIS job to tend to the children when he got home that evening! No doubt about that!

When it comes to the baby waking at night, he didn't like getting up cuz he had to "work" cuz apparently what I did with the children was a vacation, lol! If it was just once, I'd get up. If it was more than that then we'd take turns. After all, if I'm so tired I fall asleep and let food burn on the stove or the kids are running wild, that's not a good thing! The safety of the kids come first, so we took turns, and he didn't like it but he did it cuz I kicked him in the ribs. He wanted children as much as I did so he needs to take on the responsibility as a parent like the rest of the world. Another thing we did was I'd get up during the week for 5 days, if it was just once or twice, and he got up with them on the weekends! That way he was pulling his weight as a parent and I was getting some rest to deal with children for the next week. Not that I slept through kids crying, right? I mean, parenting is a team effort and sometimes Mom has to play team captain and keep the team on track, like keeping Dad on track as a parent.

You have to start being the witch of the house and demanding order and a team effort or the next child coming will cause much more problems than you can imagine, so set up your team NOW. Dad won't like it but he has no choice. And remember, on the days that Dad wakes up children too early and causes problems with the schedule, make him tend to the kids when he gets home, period! Demand it! This is no game. You will eventually become resentful and your children need to learn how to be good parents themselves by what they learn from Mom and Dad. Mom should not be the do all push over, and Dad should not be the lazy bum.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
events and chat within 2 hour radius

Hi L., My hubby gets up really early (4:30am) every day too. You need to tell your hubby about the P's...Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance!! My hubby sets his clothes and towels in the bathroom before he goes to bed. He sets up his coffee, and has his lunch made and ready to put together in the kitchen before he goes to bed too! He never wakes me or our three girls up before he leaves for work...he enjoys the quiet of the house before he starts his busy day. Congrats on the new baby...and you should have him help every night with the night time feedings or at least on the weekends You need the rest just as much as he does!! Remember your partners! Best wishes.

Ok, am I the only one who feels that maybe you should all wake up in the morning together? There is only a little more than an hour difference between the time he is up and the time you are up. So, why can't you all wake up together and spend that time together before he leaves?

L.:
It is laughable and so relievable to read how much in common all wives-mothers have in regard to their husbands. In addition to what Lee said, men snore, listen to the TV very loud and talk the same way: Loudly, even though you are in front of their faces. I thought all these years that I was too meticulous with all these details already described by other moms, but now I realize that it is a rule and not an exception in man to behave in such a way. Based on my experience, I have a month old baby boy and a two year old son. Be ready for what it comes and be PATIENT with what you will likely will have to handle. Try to set a routine with your husband and write notes on the places of interest, as Lee said. My husband does the same with the difference that he does not work out, but snores as a lion and I have to use ear plugs to rest during the 1 1/2 to 2 hours period time, while my LO is sleeping. You can suggest him to bottle feed your baby the last meal before midnight in order to give you extra hours for you to sleep between the last meal of that very night and first meal later after midnight around 3 or so. It works for me. On weekends, you can delegate more meals to your husband, while you rest. I suppose he does not work on weekends; therefore, does not have to get up to follow his routine so early. Likewise, think that this first month or so is temporary and after 10 or 12 weeks, you LO will sleep during the night. On the other hand, my two year old son sleeps in his own room and he is a great sleeper. Pointing out, the he does not like to go to bed like most kid do, but It does not bother me that much because he is such a great and adorable child. I wish you the best and congrats for you second one.

This was actually a worse problem for us before we had the baby (lived in a really small house). When I was pregnant I minimized the sleep disruption by sleeping in another room with the door closed. Now we are back to sharing a room with our 4 month old, but still sleep in different beds (we both get better sleep this way). Anyhow, running both a fan and a white noise machine, setting rules about the snooze button, giving him the downstairs bathroom all to himself and using open shelving (as opposed to a bureau) has really helped.

This is why I would never consider buying a ranch style home! Growing up if I breathed too loud I would wake my mother. We have a two story home and my husband's clothes are on the first floor along with the bathroom where he gets ready. I guess this doesn't help unless you have the opportunity to move :-(

I guess my only other suggestion would be to have your husband get as much together the night before to minimize the noise.

I too do not think co-sleeping is the issue nor an issue.

L.,
UGH! Lee hit it on the head--he's a MAN, and I always say: Men. Can't live with them & can't crack them in the head with a 2x4! LOL
Actually my husband is REALLY quiet in the morning. It's a good thing because he starts work at 5:00 A.M. and I generally don't get to bed til around midnight. I think I'd have to hurt him if he woke me up every morning, let alone our son.
Seriously, I have three ideas for you that help in my house:
1. Have him get his workout clothes AND work clothes ready the night before so once he's up and OUT of the bedroom, he's out for good. He can put his kit & kaboodle downstairs, in the living room, or wherever, just so it's NOT in the bedroom. Mu husband keeps all of his work clothes in our basement.
2. Run a white noise machine, fan or humidifier in your bedroom. It's amazing how many sounds a little white noise will cover up.
3. tell him to quietly and gently give your son a kiss goodbye while he's asleep.
Good luck to you!

Hi, L., hang in there. Men will be men!

In my opinion, don't worry about your son sleeping with you. That won't last forever and cherish it while it lasts. Our son wants someone to sleep with him, too. He is 5. I am a teacher and I am up VERY early. So, during the week, my husband and son sleep in a different room. My husband snores, so I actually get the better deal! Weekends are fun and we all sleep together. Yes, my husband and I still find time for intimacy! It works for us. You have to make your situation work, whatever it may be. I'm sure it will all change when my son enters first grade. We've been trying to transition him to his own bed, but we're taking our time.
Maybe sleeping in a different room would help with the noise issue?

Another suggestion is something my sister-in-law did. She would put all of her stuff for the next morning in a different room, and she would get ready there as to not wake up her husband and daughter. Maybe your husband (or you could help) to get all of his things ready and put it into another room so he doesn't need to wake up the little one.

take care and good luck!

It is good to know that we are all in the same boat :) It took me years to finally get my husband to pick out all of his clothes before bed. I also have a fan running which i think does help. The one thing i cannot get him to budge on is the snooze :( I have him down to only pressing it once or twice...lol! He really needs to have his clothes ready down to the socks. The slamming of the drawers would make me want to scream! I would keep talking to your husband and telling him how disrupptive he is. MEN! All the ladies are right...they are all the same...lol!

I, too, enjoyed and agree with Lee's response. My husband does the same. He has gotten a little better - I notice he opens and closes the bathroom door more quietly in recent months. I think the eye opener for him was experiencing how cranky the kids got when they were awakened too early. It seemed to hit them around dinner time or shortly thereafter making the evenings - when he was home - unbearable.

I also wanted to second the white noise machine. When we were first married my husband would stay up late watching tv or lifting weights in our small apartment. I was given a noise machine as a present. It had several sounds to choose from. It really helped block out his noise and help me sleep.

being that he won't change get a white noise machine. they are wonderful!!!!
T.

I understand what you are going through. My husband was the same way in that he thought he was being quiet all the time but the reality was that he wasn't! Is there a bed in your son's room? Maybe you and he can move into it. Or your husband and your son can move into it. That way when the baby comes it won't be as much a problem. Children do go thru phases and maybe he will start to sleep better even though he is in the room next door. We have put a fan/humidifier and a white noise maker in the room with my child which really helps with the noises in our house. I hope this helps you. Good luck!

Hi, L.:

You say you are working on other issues. What are they?

Honey, this is a control issue. We learn to meet each other's needs. What does your husband need?

I will suggest that you find a Co-Dependents Anonymous near you and start attending.

In the mean time. How can you arrange yourself and the baby without being disturbed. Take the BR door off the hinges, move the microwave,practice asking him for the baby at least once a day for starters then progress up to 4 times a day.

Ask for help, ask for help, ask for help.

Good luck. D.

I completely understand. My husband is the same way. I work as an RN 3 days a week and and up and out of the house by 6:15 in the morning. I make sure I am as quiet as possible but on the days I don't work I like to sleep in until my son wakes up at 7:30 or 8am. I have reminded my husband many times to please be quiet but still no luck. So I have posted reminder notes on the bathroom mirror, his dresser drawers, our closet door and even our laundry room door (right next to the baby's room). I also put on self stick foam pads (bought at Lowes/Home Depot) onto our door frames so he can't slam any doors shut. It has helped somewhat.

Maybe you could try a different approach--don't argue, help him be quieter for you. Perhaps you could lay out his workout and work clothes for him the night before, out in the living room, and he could change out there. That would get him out of the room. Also, you could try putting on a fan or white noise machine in your room, so that it would fuzz out the sounds he does make. It doesn't sound like he's being too terribly loud--just normal getting ready sounds, but you're really tired with the pregnancy, so it's draining you. Maybe once he sees that you want to help him solve this, he'll meet you halfway.
Another aspect seems to be that he wants to spend more time with your son--so he might be subconsciously making noise to wake him early to get the extra time. See if you can examine the rest of the day, and the amount and quality of time they get together, and arrange for more of it.
Good luck getting more sleep!

Just wondered what time you put your son to bed, could you adjust his and your sleep schedule to accomdate this early waking?? get everyone to bed an hour early?? I think your husband Should change but i'm not realy optimistic about that.

Lee hit it right on the nose! Love her response.