No kiddie question, sorry, but i do need some advise. thank you
I don't have a close relationship with my father, never have. In fact, i distant myself from him because he would disrespect my mother badly in front of me and my brother, other ppl, etc etc. He has a short temper and a dirty mouth. I told myself that i wouldn't marry somebody that would remind me of my father and lo and behold i did. My husband reminds me so much its making me sick. He's got my father's attitude, dirty mouth, short temper, and they're both just as lazy ! Well, nobody beats my dad, but my husband is right up that alley. I don't know what to do. If i tell my DH he gets offended and or gets upset. I've compared them once in a "jokingly" way to see how he would take it and he didn't take it so well, figures. My MIL compared them as well, and she hardly sees my father. Thats bad. It's confusing me so much because I don't know if i can stay like this, i don't want to end up disliking him or distant from him like i have with my father. I've got too much pride , I'm afraid i might act upon it. Should i talk to my husband or think about what i really want to do
I agree with Tony V. If you don't have kids, LEAVE. I was in the same situation, married to a man that was much like my selfish, shallow father. Once I realized what was going on, I left. Even if you have children and this is putting them in a bad environment, then leaving would still be a good option.
Krys, If you don't have any children with this man and he mistreats and disrespects you and is not open to marriage counselling, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200....Pack your bags, cut your losses, get to a place where you love yourself and then perhaps you will find a relationship that is based on truth, love and mutual respect.
Blessings.....
How long did you know your husband before you got married? Generally speaking people don't completely change their entire personality overnight, so you *must* have known how he was before you married him. And then you did.
Is councelling an option? Either on your own or with your husband. I strongly urge you to consider councelling, especially if you have children. If you do not have children, maybe it's best to cut your loses.
I think if you DON'T talk to him about it, you can only go down the route of resenting him more. Will it cause a big fight? Probably. But at least he'll know what you're seeing/feeling. If he doesn't know, then he DEFINITELY won't make any changes. If, once you talk to him, he doesn't seem to care about what you're feeling or how to possibly address why he acts that way, it becomes a whole other issue that only you can decide where to go from there. I wish you all the best, and hope you can sit down with him and have a calm discussion about your feelings (and possibly his!).
Sheesh Im with you on this one. While we were dating my bf and I never had issues with money or my money situation or debts etc. Now that we practically live together its an argument I cant win. He pays no bills/mortgage here but he doesn concern himself with it as he feels he has to be ready to help me if I get into a bind. Well, I am in a bind and he is the last person I am running to, sad I know! BUT my father is the same way with my mother, money is always an argument with them...Im actually in shock right now over my situation. Im eager to see what others share with you.
I think this is pretty much why Freud invented analysis. Seek therapy and move on from there.
If you want this situation to change you must deal with your own issues first! You obviously have a lesson to learn and unless you want to do this same thing same relationship same issues same detachment you need to look head on and see what it is you need to change about yourself! These things don't happen to us by chance. It is our lesson to become better people. It is our lesson to break the cycle. Do you want your daughter to make the same mistake?? She will unless you change! If you don't have children yet, do you want to and have the same cycle continue??
Take the concentration off of what is bothering you and move it to something positive. CHURCH, EXERCISE, A Woman's Group. You will surprised how your own attitude improves when you concentrate on your own issues and not others.
I have prayed over and over again for help with my relationship. Each time I asked GOD if I should leave and each time it became obvious to me that was the easy answer. Staying and actually working on making the relationship better was by far harder but more rewarding. 5 yrs and alot of praying and alot of self evaluation and we are on the right track. We attend church TOGETHER, he quit drinking and attends AA. I have my own activities outside of the house and a hobby that I enjoy. I can actually say I am happy. I love him. Is he still annoying?? YES. BUT my reaction is changed!
Hope this makes sense!
Good Luck and God BLESS!!
D.
There is the saying, that people marry what they are used to.
Since you know this... there needs to be proactive improvement... counseling or Therapy.
To a certain extent, IF a person admits they have issues, they can do self-improvement.
But if your Husband does not or will not do anything to improve, then I don't know.
A person cannot 'change' unless they want to.
Your Husband has a temper problem.
I don't know how you'd approach him with this.
