Thinking About Weaning

I started weaning my daughter at 12 months (took til 14 months though for it to really kick in). We started to make rules about when she could breastfeed. Rules like: not out of the house, or when guests are over. We then started adding more rules every week until the rules said "no more breastfeeding"

You stop when YOU're ready, not when your family/friends think it's "right" - everyone has a different perception/time schedule. I nursed my twins until they were almost 15 months; I've seen people nursing 3 yos. I simply became ready to have my body back to myself & was only down to nursing 1st thing in the morning (a nice "good morning" time) & last thing at night (getting them to sleep, like you said). It'll work itself out soon enough, but don't let others pressure you -

Let's break this down. What I am hearing from you is
1. your daughter still nurses four times in twenty four hours.
2. the night nursings make both your lives easier, as she gets back to sleep quickly
3. you've had more than enough of having your clothing mauled
4. some of your friends and acquaintances think nursing past one year is strange
5. you worry about using nursing to comfort her

1. Great! superior nutrition, even in small amounts If weight control is an issue for you, it's still helping a bit.
2. Sounds wonderful! why give up sleep?
3. it's never to early to introduce the idea that other people's bodies are theirs, and not to be touched without permission. help her find another cue when she wants to nurse
4. it's unusual - but it's good. would you feel this way if at seventeen they asked if you were 'still' attending your daughter's music or sports events?
5. strange thing about nursing for comfort. although it is, technically, emotional eating it doesn't have the same negative effects as emotional eating and doesn't seem to lead to emotional eating later. it's a lot safer than whipping out the juice bottle every time she's distressed (not that I haven't done just that in my time...) You can also start thinking about other ways to comfort her, because she will wean eventually. But there truly is no need to rush it.

I hope this helps.

E.

Don't let pressure from either side make you feel weird about nursing so long or guilty about wanting to quit. My oldest boy weaned himself at 15 months, my second I had to wean at 15 months because I had to go on a business trip and I couldn't take him (and I was a little tired of the public shirt tucking too). My daughter weaned herself at 8 months of age (I wished I could have kept her on longer). At that point, they were mostly nursing in the morning and at night. If you want to wean, begin with daytime, since it's easiest, then tackle nighttime. You're going to have to teach her to fall asleep on her own, so if she has some kind of lovey, let her keep it during that time. Good luck!
C.

First off, congratulations for nursing for a year--so many mothers do not, or can not. You have nourishedand nutured your child well.
When I read your note, it came across as if you were thinking about weaning because of what OTHERS think--what their opinions or reponses are, not your own. As a mom, you know to listen to your gut, right? So what is it telling you to do?
I will say, that nursing an older toddler does get easier (in terms of the "public" eye) because soon your child will only need nightime feedings. I nursed both of my daughers until about 2 1/2.....but it was just nightime feedings for much of the ends of those times. You can certainly introduce milk, water, or watered-down juice for daytime if YOU feel it is time. Just remember, nursing isnot only for comfort at this age--you are still helping to fight off ear infections, for example! There is nothing healthier than mom's milk.
Whatever you decide I wish you luck--but if it's support for nursing an older child that you need, I would seek out people like yourself online---nursingmom.net is a great community, or for real-life support contact your local la leche league. There are other nursing moms out there who would applaud you, rather than chastise you for nursing a one year old!

Hi S.,
I remember hearing my friends and family asking me when I was going to wean my kids. I nursed both my kids until they were almost 3. I found a great deal of support to do this through La Leche League. This organization supports mothers who nurse and who decide to nurse past a year. I highly recommend contacting this organization in your town. I am so grateful for having found this group of mothers. My kids still remember the special bonding we had during nursing. I wish I had that memory of closeness with my mother. Good Luck.
-J.

Hi S.,

We had these same moments of "when do we stop?" too. I have just recently come to realize that when you're ready, it is obvious and my daughter & I both have begun to perceive it. My daughter is almost 2 years old, and her need for breastfeeding has tapered off dramatically on her own (almost zero direction from me) in the last several months.

I was very stubborn about not making it a battle. I knew I'd better stay on her side, instead of working against her, or we would struggle unnecessarily.

We still nurse at most naps & nighttime, though just in the last few weeks I have begun to give her some direction and we will not nurse into complete sleep, just til she's sleepy. This was impossible to do a month ago. But we talk about how boobs are tired or empty and how they need rest like she needs rest etc. I figured once there was very clear communication between us, we could set down rules and boundaries and we are slowly & successfully doing that.

I think the frustrating thing is that it takes time to get there, and because outsiders sometimes bug you about it, that erodes confidence. Just know that you are not the only one out there! :)

My daughter is 16 months and im still nursing.. which no one knows about it beacuse i don't do it in front of them. Really it's no one else's business.. this is benefiting your little one more then you can imagine. When your out in public carry a sippy cup with you in your bag or snacks to give to the little one. Till you get some private time then go breastfeed her. At the age that your little one is at, this is the time for bonding. I was going to quit after a year of breastfeeding but i didn't. And i am so glad I didn't because it has gotten me closer to my daughter then anything else i know. When i get to hold her... it's just you and the baby you get to talk to her she understands little now and ends up loving you even more. It's a bond that can not be described with words. Besides it gets even easier. Mine is 16 months old almost 17 months old and her tummy is a lot bigger now since she's grown from 12 months and the changes Ive seen is when I breastfeed her she drinks a lot more but fewer times. So i don't have to feed her ever 2 hours. If you stick to it, do it because you love your little one, it'll benefit her with benefits that you can't even imagine (fewer sick times to name one)plus the bandage! So if you decide no more... do it because you want to and not because others think it's "strange"... She's yours and a "MOTHER knows best". Best Wishes!

I say, don't let your friends and family let you feel like you should stop nursing. I think you should wean when you are ready. If it makes it easier for you at night, keep doing it, you need your sleep. I am still nursing my 16 month old daughter at night.

Nursing is a personal choice, healthy and a great bond between mother and child. Do not let ANYONE tell you to stop. You stop when you want or your child weans herself. she will not be going to preschool asking for the breast.LOL my son and dau stopped and weaned themselves when they were 20 months. So what she pulls on your shirt. woman in the streets are showing breast all the time. do what is right for you and your child

Dear S.,

As a mom of two (wonderful) teen-agers, I have come to realize that the time with your babies is short and precious. It's sad that our society tends to look down its proverbial nose at motherhood (must be a super mom, detached from home and children to be worthwhile). The calling of motherhood is often demeaned, and nursing mothers are ridiculed for doing something completely natural and very good for their little ones.

I nursed my daughter until she was 18 months old; then she was ready to be "independent". In the later months, she nursed only at bedtime, but it was a special time of comfort and quietness that only she and I shared. Don't short-change yourself or you daughter because of outside pressure. Once this time is gone, you won't be able to go back. **Side Note: As far as the embarrassing moments, be sure there will be MANY more to come, and if you learn to laugh them off now, you'll be in great shape for later! :o)

My son was a different story. He started biting when he was 8 months old; thus, the end of nursing, and he was perfectly fine with it. Every child is different.

My advise (though I hesitate to give anyone advise!) is to do what is good for you and your baby, and let everyone else keep their own opinions. Quitting because of embarrassment is a rather weak reason. Throughout your kids' lives, you will face a multitude of conflicting advise and pressures. Your children need you to do what is best for them, not necessarily what is most popular or convenient. Check your motivations. Sometimes the best things for your children are the hardest things to do. Thank God that nursing isn't one of those! Enjoy your little ones while you can, because before you know it they'll be taller than you!

Blessings to you,
Debbie
ps. My 16-year-old daughter and I are still very close (my son too). It's a special bond that has come from quiet times together. As moms, we can be a much needed safe haven of comfort for our children - no matter what else is going on in the world. They need our love.

I know it's "easier said than done", but you really shouldn't care about what other people think. You're giving your daughter the best nutrition you can. And kudos to you for being able to do it for her first year of life. I nursed all three of my boys (and I'm still nursing my 12-mo old) well past their first birthday - 16 mos and 15 mos. The decision to wean was, on large part, based on their personalities. Once I sensed they were becoming "manipulative" (using nursing as a means), I knew it was time to wean. At least, for me. Aside from nutrition, we all nurse until it makes sense for us to stop. And until you think it's time, you shouldn't stop because of pressure from other people. That's the worst thing you can do. Leave it to your daughter ...and you. Take it stride and don't stress yourself if you decide you should. Be patient with her and with yourself as you go through the weaning process. Selfishly, I would have nursed my boys much longer, but I knew it made sense to stop. I haven't gotten that sense for my third yet, so I'll continue to indulge in this wonderful privilege we have as moms. I don't expect to have anymore children and, so, I know this time will pass quickly ...and then be gone. I look at my 6 year old (as I'm sure you do with yours) and I can't believe he's already so grown.

Good for you for nursing period! As far as how long "should" you nurse... for as long as you can and for as long as you feel comfortable with it. I nursed my little one until he was 2. By then I could talk to him and tell him that once he turned 2, there would be no more milk. We slowly took out the daytimes and then the night. He fussed at first, but during the day he got a sippy cup with his choice of juice which he loved! Then at night, I did not offer anything to drink, just kisses and cuddles and rocking over my shoulder. The first coupole of weeks were rough esp. at night, but eventually he was fine. I didnt want to wean to a bottle, then go through the same process of taking that away from him, so I went straight to sippy cup. He loved all the different cups and juices etc... As far as other people - I too got the same grief from family and friends and was shocked at the lack of support - even from other moms! But I knew I was doing what was right for my little guy and for me and just tried to stay focused on that. So good for you, good for your little one and know that there are lots of Moms out there in the same boat and you are doing the right thing!

Question, do you want to quit nursing?

I would look at what Dr. Sears says about weaning. I really love his advice.
Don't let people make you feel embarrassed because you are still nursing. It is a personal choice that is strictly between you and your daughter. To me at 12 months they are still so much a baby. I have not done the research on weaning yet because my baby boy is just 7 months.

I just wanted to lend a little support to you that I think you are doing a great job. Do what you feel is right for you and be proud that you're still nursing. I think is fabulous that you are still nursing and I wouldn't care what other people think!

Blessings!

Hi S.. It does have something to do with comfort at this point and yes she could thrive just fine without receiving
your milk now BUT ... she still gets a lot of nutrition from you. Your breastmilk is loaded with all kinds of nutritional goodies her body still needs. Not to mention that the comfort factor is a good thing. At 12 months old she is really still a baby and there is nothing wrong with continuing to nurse and reassure her in that way. The AMA even recommends nursing until 24 months. I wouldn't worry a smidge about what other people have to say concerning YOUR realtionship with YOUR baby. If nursing still feels right to you then don't wean her yet.

Sara,

I nursed two of my three children until they were almost two. It is a very special thing between a child and mother. You should not be embarrased at all about this natural act. At 1 yr you can teach her not to pull at your shirt perhaps by encouraging her to verbalize when she would like to nurse. I always wondered when the right time was to wean as well. I let nature run its course and eventually the child weaned herself. It was very comfortable prog4ression and neither one of us suffered! Good Luck!

Hi! I think that, whatever you decide to do, it should be because of you and your daughter, not other people. Don't be embarrassed by your decisions! And the breastmilk is nutritional insurance. It still provides antibodies and comfort is an important need to fill.

My daughter breastfed until fifteen months and then she stopped on her own. I "nursed her to sleep" so bedtime and then naptimes were the last to go. She was down to those three by a year and by three months later she dropped her morning nap and didn't want the other two feedings (we started stories instead!).

My son is eight months now and still going strong--five times a day! He'll probably drop one soon.

My husband can't wait for me to be able to leave the baby more easily, and that pressure can be a pain, but it's such a short time out of our lives!

Whatever you and your daughter do, be happy about it!

Hi S.. I am 28 year old stay at home mom and have a 10 month old son that still nurses. I have been thinking about weaning soon because I will need to go back to work soon. However, I also think it is more about comfort at this age. I will tell you that I have slowly started to give him a bottle at night and just do half bottle then let him nurse for a bit. I think weaning should be when you and/or he is ready, not when others think you should. Good luck!

I agree with most of the ladies that you should not be embarassed, but I can understand where you are coming from. However, at 1 year old your daughter should not be waking up during the night to nurse. She should be sleeping straight through the night now. She knows that you will get up and feed her and thats why she continues to wake. I would try to wean the night feedings so that you, yourself can get a full nights sleep. You deserve it!!

Hi S.,

Believe it or not, I nursed my son until he was 2 1/2 y/o. At first I was ready but then I changed my mind b/c neither one of us were ready and the closeness and bonding is such a wonderful experience. Don't let anyone make you feel uncomfortable or make you feel that it's a "dirty thing" to do. Heck, in England there B/F their children up until 5 y/o.....lol. There were times when I couldn't nurse him when I went out but when I couldn't nurse I pumped ahead of time and brought it with me. Don't let your friends change your mind about nursing, you go with your gut instinct. I hope this helps you out and go luck with everything.

C.

Please do what you feel is best for your baby and not worry what others say or think.
A child is getting excellent nutritional benefits for as long as he/she breastfeeds. And don't forget the benefits to you too of reducing the risks of many cancers, including breast cancer. There are many benefiits to continuing and even if comfort is one of them, that is a real need for a child this age. Follow your mama instincts and try not to pay attention to other people's opinion.

I am still nursing my baby boy (8 months old) but I nursed my daughter for a year. I stopped because I felt we were both ready and I encourage you to listen to your intuition and do what you think is right. I wouldn't worry about what other people think! When I feel the twinge of embarrassment by something my child is doing I try to remember that there is nothing in this world more important that my child. Then I try to block everyone else out and focus on him/her. Believe me, it's not always easy for me to do this and I'm sure I'm not always successful but I give it my best effort.

I nursed my daughter until she was 13 months old. She sort of stopped on her own. I think it was something I ate or drank that made my milk taste funny to her so she didn't want anymore. My friend nursed her babies until they were 2! I would say if you want to cut the daytime feedings and nurse at night for help in falling to sleep that would be great. Try not to let others make you feel badly about nursing your baby. It is the most wonderful thing you can do. Why should others care or judge you about how long you are nursing? It's up to you and your baby to make the transition. The more a baby is nurtured the better!! You are doing the right thing! Hang in there!

I nursed my first child until 14 months then I was done!! One night I just stuck him in his crib awake(he cried for a few minutes) then slept all night from there on out!!! VICTORY!!!! My second gave up nursing himself at 8 months. People hate to hear their kids cry, but I also hated being woken up all night and being irritated. We all wake up happy now!

Oh the lovely unwanted and unasked for advise of friends and family.... In my oppinion If you want to wean, do it because you and your daughter are ready. If you need something to say to busybodies (that's what they're being when advise is unwanted) Just simply say "Yes, we are" If there are anymore comments you can nicely refuse to discuss it further. "this is a personal decision and I don't feel comfortable talking about this with you" If they get offended, too darn bad. It's your baby, you are the mama you get to make the decisions and as long as you aren't harming your child the rest of the world gets to say nada about it!
Good luck whatever u decide and take care
H.

Hi S.! Great job keeping up on nursing. I weaned mine at 12 months and it was very easy for us because I didn't nurse her back to sleep after she was about 6 months. That was one of the best things that I did for both of us. She began sleeping through the night immediately after I broke that habit. I also think she was ready to wean herself. I can't imagine how anyone would have the nerve to tell you that you should stop nursing YOUR child. I remember the day I decided quit, she was nursing but very restless and I just knew. I was so afraid, but she never tried to nurse again. We just changed our routine around and moved on to the next stage. You're doing a great job! You will always know what's best! That's what you should tell those people when they make you feel bad about giving your child exactly what she needs!
Great job Mom!
~J.

I nursed my daughter until she was 15 1/2 months. At about a year I went to nursing only right before bed. From 7 to 12 months she and I slept together and she nursed several times a night. I cut out the day time nursing around 9 months (I think). I knew the time was right because I was feeling ready and one night she bit me and I told her that was it. Everything worked out pretty naturally for us.

Hi Sara,

I nursed my son until he was 7 months old. We were both done (he didn't have much interest in nusing once he discovered solid foods and I was only nursing 'cause it was good for him). Stop whenever you are ready. Any FYI...WHO recommends nursing until two because in many parts of the world they don't have clean water and nursing prevents the children from dying of water-boure illness which is not a problem in this country.

S.,

Way to go for choosing to give your daughter the best gift that you can give by breastfeeding! Be strong and confident about what you are doing for your baby, and at only 12 months she is still just a baby. In the US most babies are formula fed or weaned too early, therefore you will get funny comments from people because the wonderful thing you are doing is just not the norm in our country...unfortunately.

The AAP recommends a MINIMUM of one year, or as long thereafter as mutually desired by mom and baby. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends a minimum of 2 years! Not only are you providing nutritional benefits that can not be matched, but you are also still fulfilling an emotional and comfort need that she has, hence why she still asks to nurse. This will taper off differently for each child, as each child develops and matures at their own rate. She still needs you and wants you. If you could ask her to write her own storybook for her road to weaning, I don't think it would be now, and it would say that SHE was the leader, and you followed her lead down that path. As hard as it is at first, you should forget what others say or respond confidently that yes, she is still nursing as recommended by the WHO and you are so glad that she is staying so healthy! She is also building alot of security, trust and bonds that is so wonderful. Be proud of what yo are doing for her (and you!).

Yo can always teach rules regarding proper asking for milk. I taught my daughter to sign milk from an early age. She almost never tugged at my shirt unless I wasn't paying attention and she got frustrated that I didn't listen to her. Signing is silent, polite and usually an 'unknown' to most others in public.

I highly recommend coming to the Morton Plant Nursing Moms Care and Share group... infants (up till walking very well) meet at the S. Walker Womens Ctr the 1st and 3rd Fridays at 10am, toddlers meet every 2nd Friday. It is AWESOME and your baby does not have to been born there. There are also monthly Le Leche League meetings throughout the county as well as numerous online support groups on Yahoo, including several specifically geared toward 'extended nursing' (nursing beyond 12 months). I strongly recommend you join the online groups and any in person ones you can, as it really helps to have people in the same situation as you to listen to and get support from! I wish you and your daughter a long happy nursing relationship, you will never regret it...

Don't worry. Nursing is a natural way to build your baby's immune system.... the more you nurse, the healthier he/she will be...and more resistant to any problems associated with immunizations. Don't let people tell you to STOP! People sometimes nurse up to 2 years old... and there is nothing wrong with that. This is your time to bond with your baby... as well as provide the most nutritious food you can, and there should be no embarrassment.

Nursing is ALWAYS about nutrition... mom's breast milk is the healthiest form of food for your baby....so nurse as long as you can.

Forget what everyone says or thinks. Do what you feel is right for you. The longer you nurse the healthier your child will be. Both of my girls gave up nursing on their own. Usually when they get to eating more solids they want to nurse less and less. Actually, they have learned in college that babies that nurse grow up to be smarter than bottle fed babies. Keep on nursing until you or she want to quit. Every time you nurse just think to yourself, (I am building strong bones, a strong mind and a healthy daughter). Tell your family and friends to mind their own business. I am sure they do things that you don't like all the time. Also, I used to open up a can of peas and put some of them on the high chair tray for my girls to play with and eat. Peas are also good for the mind and they loved them.

S.,
I'm so happy you asked this question! I am in the same situation with the night feedings. Sometimes my daughter (turning 1 next week) nurses before her nap during the day and I always nurse her to sleep at night, and usually back to sleep when she wakes up (which she still does...I have not had a full night's sleep since 2 months before she was born!)I am going to be reading all of the responses you get to try to figure this out too. All I know is if I let her try to cry things out, she's either up for 2 hours or she wakes my 3 year old up, who is then up for 2 hours. I wish you the best of luck and as my mom says, she won't be nursing at her high school graduation, so don't worry too much.