The Yearly Christmas Shopping Battle

First and foremost, you both need to get on the same page when it comes to money. If you don't have an actual monthly budget and aren't putting a specified amount into savings each month, you aren't on the same page. That's dangerous territory to be in when it comes to a marriage.

Try the Dave Ramsey approach. Get that $400 Christmas money in cash. Put the specified amount into envelopes, each marked with the name of the person and the amount on it. "Mom and Dad --$100"

Then ONLY use the envelopes when you go shopping. Leave the debit cards, credit cards and checkbook at home. Take the temptation to spend more completely out of the equation. Once that money is spent, there is NO MORE spending for that person. That's the whole point of a budget, isn't it?

Also, when you get that $600? Deposit that check into SAVINGS instead of checking...and leave it there. It sounds to me like ya'll could use some cash in savings in case of emergency.

ETA: Are your parents elderly or disabled? Why are you living with them "for years?"

I think maybe he needs to spend cash and once it's gone, it's gone. What I do is all year I look for things. I go to craft shows. I went to Joann's Fabric store over the weekend and got craft items for DD - she will be making a ton of ornaments. You say you'll spend $25, but do you have to? Can you find a nice gift for less? If he wants to buy for all those people, then maybe he gives you a list of what he would like to buy and then you go online and try to find good prices? You also need to talk to him about your family's NEEDS. The baby NEEDS diapers. So and so doesn't need a $50 gift if you can't afford it. The price tag doesn't = the love behind the gift. He needs to get over that or he might as well just write each a check. I just told DH I'd like a sweater, which is currently on sale and I found him a 20% off coupon if he buys it soon. There are ways to spend less. If he thinks things = money, maybe make it a crafty Christmas vs a commercial one. You cannot buy people's love. Not truly.

You have to STOP the presses here.... Adults who are in debt don't buy gifts for other adults... plain and simple.. and IF someone expects a gift from you, then either you haven't been upfront with them about your TRUE financial situation OR haven't made it clear (this aspect falls on you both as a couple) you may need to more clearly and readily communicate to people that you simple cannot afford monetary gifts at this time............

it doesn't mean you don't care or love them.... but if you want to get out of this bind, then it means taking action...

Also, it needn't be you don't do anything.. you say you live with your parents.. then give them a nice Christmas card and in it, list all the things you are willing to do..... could be clean the house, gardening, running errands.... cooking dinner... your gift to them could simple but thoughtful... even making them special cookies or whatever they enjoy...
What's important is that you do what you can....but not spend what you don't have....

I am a recovering :) over-giver.. I have spent $1,000s of dollars throughout the years buying that special gift for someone.... I did what your husband does in that whenever I knew I was getting money, I'd go out and spend it before I had it... sadly, it meant that I never really got to enjoy the money for myself..... I bought gifts because I do enjoy giving, but I also bought gifts because of my EGO and hence didn't want to seem cheap......... it was important to me to save face....... I did all that spending at the expense of ME........ and now... since I am learning to curb this... it's tough...... WHEW.. I have to constantly hold myself back from wanting to buy something.... but I do it. because more than anything, my recovery from spending too much and moveover, being too compulsive has to come first..

so the secrets out.... I can't afford to buy gifts for many people... and now, your secret can be out too.......... tell people the truth.. you ll feel much better if you do... and believe it or not, most will understand.. if they don't.. too bad... it's their problem..

Does he feel he needs to buy their love? Does he feel guilty he doesnt spend enough time with his family and god daughter? Can he give them an "experience" or "To Do gift" ? For instance a certificate for the four and six yr old to take a joint trip to the movies with him!
For brother and sister it depends on their ages and interests, a day sightseeing in NYC, a day at the zoo, a museum,
If there is any way he can spend time with these people they would love that more!

I think you need to get into the Christmas spirit. Remember what Christmas is all about. Hint... It's not about spending money.

None of this makes any sense to me...
- Your daughter has no clue what Christmas is about, there's no need to get her a gift unless it's a special keepsake.
- Your parents understand your financial situation. Why would they want you to spend money you don't have? Why not do something for them to show your appreciation for letting you live with them? I get the same mother's day present every year, my car cleaned inside and out. You could clean the cars, clean the house, do some yard work.
- Why gift cards? IMO that's how you spend too much. Look for sales. Take time to think about that person and spend some time searching for the right gift. (I know with a new baby you can't be going from store to store, look through catalogs, go online)
- You don't have money, so why do you have to act like you do? Your family knows you're broke. Having a baby is expensive, and that's probably the reason your living with your parents.

Give yourself and hubby a gift you both desperately need, a balance budget and savings account.

I'll never understand this pressure. My family and extended family is very comfortable financially but a long time ago we said enough with the presents. The running around was a hassle for everyone and no one enjoyed it. We now do a grab bag so each adult gets ONE present and then we buy for the kids. Can you suggest that? My husband's family does the same thing. Many families i know do and the ones who don't are always complaining and stressed at the holidays...

ish.
christmas should not be about going broke.
khairete
S.

We went to buying theme presents, like one year everything had some sort of smiley face, another everyone got pj's. Its fun to look for something that's in the theme and suits the person your buying for. It also cuts down on spending and arguing because you are going into the buying already with limits placed. It's also a big hit when unwrapping because everyone is trying to guess the theme that year.
_____________
For those he doesn't see often, one year I did A Year In A Box
1 Calendar: Mark each calendar with important dates (birthday, anniversaries, etc)
A card or small gift for every month wrapped and dated, mark on calendar when they are to be opened (birthday, Easter, Valentines, and so on).
All placed in nice hat box.

Why does he need to spend so much on everyone? There is no reason to spend $50 on his brother and sister. They have parents too that give them gifts. I think you have every right to ask him to spend less on everyone. And your parents and his parents is there a reason you spend so much? I usually only spend $25 on my mom (My dad is not with us anymore) and then about $10 to $15 on the siblings that we spend christmas with. The ones out of town we don't get them anything. Which is not great I know but we just don't have the money. Sounds like you both need to cut back. Tell him we have our daughter now we need to think of her. My husband had to do that when we got married cause I had my oldest already and he had his own family to think of and his extended family got less.

For the past few years, everyone bought for the kids under 18, but we drew names on both sides of the family between the adults. We decided this year we are only buying for the kids. No one really needs anything, my retired inlaws and parents don't want more junk cluttering up their homes either. I have decided this year I am going to put together some goodie baskets of homemade goodies for everyone. I always host Christmas dinner at our house, usually an all day affair consisting of 15-25 people (most being adults) and spend a pretty penny on food, drinks, etc, so that in itself should be a gift. :)

We buy for our parents and kids. I do not buy anything for my brother but I do buy for his kids, my niece and nephew. He does the same. We do the same with hubby's family. However, my BIL's kids are grown and have their own kids. I buy for my nieces kids (3 of them) but not our nieces.

In years past, we could only do for our parents and our kids and that was IT! One year, I made presents. I'm not crafty at all but we had NO money!! It was more important that our kids had a Christmas than getting stuff for our parents and they were completely okay with that.

In the end, to me, Christmas is for the kids. With the new addition to your family, you both need to get on the same page and save for YOUR family.

I think that is waaaay too much money to spend on anyone! I know my parents would be horrified if I spent 75 dollars on each or even both of them even if we didn't have money trouble. I am concerned by the lack of discipline when it comes to money. Although they may come from the heart, presents are just objects and for the most part, they are disposable. If he really insists on buying for everyone, why not 10 dollar gift cards? Also, your daughter is 4 months old. She doesn't need anything presents.