The Stress of Motherhood

I believe this is how every mother feels the first well I still feel this way at times and my boys are 3 and 1 its definately a life change but once you realize you can't do everything and that sometimes you need down and alone time you feel much better another good thing is trying to get a routine going this has been a lifesaver for my family. good luck and congrats.

Hi D., I feel for you!! I remember at that time breast feeding/ pumping and everything else really got to me!! It does get better though as you get used to mommy hood =) You are not the only one who goes through this!! Have you thought about going back to work and putting the baby in daycare?

Aw, honey... everyone feels that way. You can never imagine the fact that every aspect of your life is about to change. And as much as you think you have it figured out, you never do. It's OK to feel overwhelmed. No one would expect anything else from you. Just do what you can, take all the help you can get, and lean on family and friends when you need to. You'll get through it... I promise. =0)

Believe me, you are not alone. I never imagined what an adjustment a baby would be. I had a picture in my head of what life with a baby would be, and it was far from reality. I love it, but it's so overwhelming. And it does get better. Once the baby is waking up only once a night and then sleeping through the night, it is a huge relief. Also, when the breastfeeding changes from every two hours to every three to four hours, it's amazing the difference an hour can make! You actually have time to do something in between. And like you said, I can't imagine what it must be like to have an infant and a toddler, or twins. I don't know how they do it! My son is now eight months old. And he's become so easy. It does get better. My biggest advice is make sure you get out by yourself for an hour or two, at least once a week. You need that time to re-gain some sanity and be you again, even if only for a short time. As the baby gets older, the time will get longer, and you'll start to feel like yourself again. Believe me, I understand how you feel. There is a light at the end of your sleepless tunnel. Good luck and congratulations!

D.,
I felt the exact same way and it is stressful because this is all new and you are now responsible for another human being! My mom kept telling me, you need to sleep when the baby sleeps. Don't worry about the laundry and the dishes in the sink. Before you know it that little girl is going to be walking. Just take it one day at a time, you just had a baby! Let your husband or whoever offers help to let them take care of the other stuff and focus on that baby. Do you think that your daughter is going to remember the times you spent doing laundry or dishes, or the time you spent with her reading books, snuggling or just having fun. Sometimes you just have to let that stuff go, especially when you are a new mom. It gets a little easier, give yourself a break and let your husband watch her for an hour while you go get a manicure or run to the store just to get out! Good luck!

First off congratulations. Welcome to the club. Just to put you at ease right away every mother has felt the way you do atleast once and probably closer to every day. I have 2 children a daughter 13 and a son almost 9 and I vividly remember nights when my son and I both would cry ourselves to sleep. But it really is all worth it I promise.

The best advice I can give you is if you have a friend or family member who can come over even just one day a week ask them to come over for about an hour if they don't mind. Then while they are there taking care of the baby go take a nice long bubble bath. Light some candles play some music and relax. Also don't try to be supermom every day. If the laundry sits for one day the world will not fall apart. Since you said you are pumping let Daddy feed her and take that time to sit down and maybe put your feet up. The me moments are far and few in between but you have to find them not only for your own sanity but for a healthy relationship between you, your daughter and your husband.

I hope that this helps and good luck and don't blink because the next thing you know she will be all grown up. Enjoy every moment.

No worries! Having a baby is a MAJOR adjustment and IT DOES GET BETTER. Not only are you trying to care for this little person, you are trying to maintain your sanity (with little sleep and time for you). I remember not showering...the house a mess...and not much time for anyone else...but you will find tricks to take a shower (maybe while the baby naps) ask your husband to help out with the cleaning. If you can take some time out for yourself that will help too! I asked my husband to watch the baby on Saturdays so I could grocery shop and let me tell you that hour a way saved my sanity. Also the older your baby gets the easier (and sometimes harder) it gets. Your able to know the schedual that they are on better, you are able to not nurse as much and they eventually become more independant.

Oh yeah...welcome to the fold. I hear ya on the milk truck, but it does get alot easier after the first couple of months. For one thing, you won't have to pump as often (every 4 hrs instead of every 2). Don't worry about a thing, what you are going through is perfectly normal. Besides trying to adjust to a new very needy little person in your home, there is a looong list of things to get done and very little time to do any of it. Here's the key to your sanity.....

Forget about it!

You're main goal right now is taking care of your new little bundle of joy and getting some sleep whenever she does. If you can get some other work done in the day, great, but don't stress over it if you can't do everything. Its a huge adjustment that takes time to work out the kinks. Once the baby is a little bit older (and not on such a demanding feeding schedule) you'll be able to resume a semi-normal day. Talk to your husband...now's the time when he should be Mr. helpful around the house and taking on some of the extra burden (ie. making dinner, dishes, etc). If he wants to give you a hard time, just point out your stretch marks and remind him of the 20+ hours of labor you just went thru not to mention 40 weeks of physical and hormonal strife to give him such a beautiful daughter :)

Good luck! :)

Hi D.,
Congrats on your baby girl! No it's not unusual or abnormal to feel the way you do. I use to have my house spic and span before I had my baby, and it's not now. LOL What I've learned is that you can't do everything all the time. You can try and be a supermom, but it doesn't work that way. Tackle one chore at a time. Say for instance, laundry one day with dishes at night, bathroom another day with dishes at night, and so forth. I use to do dishes all the time and now I only do them at night. Drives me nuts when they're just sitting there, but there are other things to do also. Plus not to mention spending time with my son who is now two. I have a great husband that really has helped me out a lot. He's in charge of play time when he gets home from work, bath time, and bed time while I'm in charge of the rest. It helps out a great deal and it also gives me a break. Somewhat, but it's better than nothing. My Parents live across state, and my husbands mom isn't involved in our lives, so that just leaves 'us' to kind of fend for ourselves without any help or relief. My parents try and make the trip when they can, and it sure is nice when they do so and that's the only time my husband and I get a couple of hours to ourselves. It seems like your relationship with your spouse gets put on hold when you have a new baby, but that's ok. It's normal, but you have to try and keep the communication open, and always talk about how you're feeling. Ask your husband to help you, but make sure he understands the overwhelmness of what you're going thru. If there are any other questions, please don't hesitate to email me: ____@____.com
Take care, best wishes, G.

Hi D., I know exactly how you feel. Here are some tips for you. First, for a shower try putting your baby in her car seat and putting her in the bathroom with you around her normal nap time. The water helps put them to sleep. Next, get used to your house being a mess until your child moves out, LOL. Sad but true in most cases, the less you worry about the house right now the better. That doesn't mean you have to live in a pig sty, but it's easier to clean one room a day. Your body is still adapting and you need your rest too. Congratulations and good luck! Hope this helps at least a little.
B.

You are not alone. I had no idea I would feel so trapped at first, so overwhelmed, so scared. I think it's a stigma to talk about how miserable motherhood can be. Somehow moms feel that if they say they're miserable, they don't love their kids. I felt that way. I felt so outer directed so much, I couldn't even think straight, and it triggered depression. As they get older, it gets so much easier. Just know it's not just you. One thing I did was to be sure to at least have time where I got out without baby. Start early on taking care of yourself!

Oh my gosh - it's not just you. I went through the same exact thing... or so it sounds. Everything you described I believe I experienced. I went through a period where I didn't sleep or eat (which caused me to stop producing so I had to stop breastfeeding) because I felt like I NEEDED to get everything to the way it use to be. A clean house, a happy husband, and a smiley baby. That was a bad idea... but I think I know how you feel, and I know it's good to hear you're not the only one. For sometime I thought I was inept of motherhood. My own father kept making comments (when I would have my mom come over to give me a break for a few hours to sleep or something)about how my mom never had someone over to give her breaks and their home was always tidy. But then I joined a support group... it helped a lot to know that there were others out there with the same worries, and I found out it's more normal than we all think. I suppose some just have the "knack", but all in all being a new mom is totally hard work. And amen to commending all mommies of 1+!!!! Anyway - stick to it. If you ever need anyone to just talk with, send a message my way. Hope it gets easier!!!

D.- Reading your post reminded me about these days. My son is 7 months old and I feel your stress! The best advice I can give is it gets MUCH easier as time goes by and when they are 7 months and moving like crazy I miss the days when they just laid there :) Enjoy it now because it will change soon. Breast feeding gets so much easier- the babies get better at it and it goes quickly. They start sleeping through the night and things just fall into place. You are majorly sleep deprieved now and your body is going haywire so with time it all settles down. You are totally normal and it is not easy for anyone! I thought I was organized and on the ball. Tons of support and it still sent me for a spin. The best advice is don't try and get back to what you used to do because it will frustrate you. Just relax and enjoy your life for what it is now- with time you can go back to having a bit more time. Best of luck!

Wow D., when I read this, I felt like you described ME perfectly. I felt the exact same way. (Notice I said felt, I've picked up a few tricks.) I have six month old twins, so everything is double for me. They were born 12 weeks early, and so they spent three months in the hospital. I have had them both home since December 15, and while I'm loving it, it is just so hard sometimes to get through the day. And I don't have a husband, it's just me. I moved in with my mom so that she could help, but she's gone from the house 16 hours a day, so when she comes home, it's time for dinner, then maybe a half hour with the kids, and then bed-time. So I don't REALLY have help. I mean, she does what she can, but from the time we wake up until around 7:30 at night, it's just me and the babies. I quit my job when they came home, and I totaled my van two weeks after they came home, so I have been literally at STAY AT HOME mom. It's 7 miles to the closest bus stop from where I live, and 5 miles to the closest store. So if I run out of something that I need, I have to call my mom and leave her a message to get it when she comes home. And since I moved in with my mom, I don't know my neighbors, so I don't have any help there. Most days, I felt like I cried ALL THE TIME. And you know what, that's okay! If you feel like crying, cry. It will help with some of the stress. Alot of the problem is your hormones, since you are breastfeeding. That gets easier. As for the dishes, I know it sounds tacky, but invest in paper plates, disposable cups and plastic silverware. That way, you can just throw them away instead of having to clean. The only dishes you will have to do are pots and pans and even those can go in one load. Laundry also, take one day and catch up on all of it, that way, all you have is the stuff that you wear that day. I do two loads of laundry a day. One for my clothes, and one for the babies (because I use Dreft for them, and regular soap for me). Put the water on small load, and just do that each day. That way, you don't feel overwheled by six or seven loads on the weekends. The same thing works for the house cleaning. Take one day and get everything done, that way you will only have to spend about ten minutes a day of up-keep (which can be done while you are waiting for the laundry to spin and the dishes to rinse). Tell your husband that you will pick up your stuff and the baby's, if he will make sure to keep his stuff clean. Have him put away his shoes, laundry in the basket, foodstuff in the garbage or dishwasher. Small little things like that can help you out so much. Wow, this is a novel already, and I haven't even gotten to help with the baby stuff. The best thing for your sanity will be to get yourself and your little girl on a schedule. It will be hard at first, but stick to it, and just knowing that you have an hour until you have to do something helps so much. Tell yourself that at 8am, 10am, and noon, you will feed the baby or pump. Diaper her right before you feed her, and then you will know that each thing is getting done. Also, then you're not feeling like you're spending your whole day doing either thing. Another great investment for your sanity is a swing, and a Boppy pillow. That way, you can put her in the swing and take a shower, or do whatever you need to do. A Boppy is nice because you can sit your baby up and prop a bottle on a blanket. That's what I do since I have two babies, and it has been so wonderful not to have to worry about holding them while they eat. That also gives you ten to twenty minutes for other things. Man, I have so many other things to say, but this is really too long already. If you would like more help, then feel free to write to me at ____@____.com and ask me some things. I will leave you with one more closing thought. The absolute BEST piece of advice that I have learned throughout all of this, came from my mom. She said "Let the baby cry." I know, it's hard to sit there and listen to your precious little darling screaming her head off, but you know what, it has been such a life saver for me to know that it's okay to just set the kids in their playpen, and so something for myself. Whether it is taking a shower, catching up on e-mails and MamaSource, or just watching TV. For instance, right now my kids are in their swings in front of the TV bawling. It doesn't make me a bad mom, it just means that I need my time to myself. And don't worry about the neighbors. They know that you have a new little one, and you know what, she's a baby, babies cry, it's what they do (and it's good for lung development). If they have kids of their own, they'll understand, and if they don't have kids of their own, well then they will find out some day. Okay, now I'm seriously done. But please write to me if you need anything else.

hey there, my advice is hang in there. My son is 4 months old now, but when he was seven weeks old, I felt exactly how you felt!!! I did not realize how consuming being a mommy was. All I know is around the 2-3 month mark, things suddenly became easier. He liked to be put down and would play for periods of time, he got on more of a schedule, meaning sleeping more at night and 2 long naps a day which gave me time for my stuff. Just hang in there, it will get easier soon, I promise. Just try to slow down and enjoy this time, I know it is hard to do, but just try. I just accepted the fact that I might miss a shower, clothes will stay dirty, or we will have to have top ramen for dinner, that is just life right now. Relax and feed your baby. Soon, she will not be so needy and will feed with more gaps between the feedings. You are alomost there to that mark, good luck and write me if you have more questions.

K.

Hi, I can't Say i totally know what your going through but i do some.the number 1 thing that helped me the most when my son was born, was my husband. He took the baby over when he got home, He would help me with dinner, sometimes he would just bring dinner home. My son had colic so my husband would take him for a car ride so i can rest and shower, read a magazine. I was pretty stressed. I Breast fed also and would pump a bottle for when my husband got home, so he can feed him while i had some time. Its hard but after the first 6 months are over, it kinda slides from there. Then you look back and relize how it was all worth it. Now i am having another so i guess we will see how that goes, Good luck with everything

It is not just you!! I always thought it would be a breeze and my children would be the best and wouldn't act like all the little brats you see walking through a store......reality check....its nothing like that! And so many people have told me it will get easier the older they get.....thats a lie too! I have 3 all 21 months and a few days apart.....I have OCD when it comes to my house being cleaned, I used to sweep/mop my floors 4 times a day.....now, I am a mother of 3, a wife (feels like another child sometimes), we have 3 dogs, 3 puppies (looking to get rid of 2, know anyone?), have a full time job, and still have to cook and clean......I love my life and my children, but damn....life is hard! And it doesn't get easier, I know not what you wanted to hear, right? But, here is the best advise I was ever given....sleep when they sleep! It can help, and if you are rested, that's when you tackle the housework, don't be quiet while they are sleeping or the slightest sound will wake them up. Trust me, after having multiple kids, you learn a few secrets..LOL...I'm sorry there isnt better advise to give you, just enjoy them they grow FAST. And if you need someone to talk to....I know exactly how you feel, I will listen!

How you're feeling is completely normal. But it's not going to last forever. By the time your little one is about six months everything will be less stressful. Just take your time and do one thing at a time. Don't worry about the house beeing messy or the showers your never seem to get and don't be afriad to ask your husband to take over for a little while so that you can get in a break. I am 23 with three little girls 5, 3, 7 months. My husband has been a life saver when it comes to my sanity. As for time management don't try to do everything at once. Take naps with your baby so you don't get too tired and if you hace a baby carrier they work great for taskes you need two hand for. A bouncy chair works great too. DON'T WORRY!! This happens to every one.

Hi D.!
That's exactly how I felt too, and from what I hear, it is COMPLETELY NORMAL. No matter how prepared (or in my case, unprepared) you feel, when your little one arrives, it is a huge adjustment. Try not to let the little things get to you, like messes around the house. Before you know it, you and your baby girl will have a routine, she will become more independent, and you will have more time. For right now, take a deep breath and remember that it will get better! Do you have a swing or bouncy chair? It took me a long time to realize I could set my daughter down. Even if it's only for a couple of minutes it really does help. I put my daughter in her bouncy chair and took her into the bathroom while I showered! Anyway, congratulations, and if you want to talk any more, please feel free to send me a message. I would love to talk!

I think everyone feels that way at some point, but I think it gets easier as time goes on..

Its very overwhelming and what you are feeling is very normal! I don't think we really have a realistic perspective on motherhood till we live it. My first born was up every 2 hours and I was like OMG I am so exhausted! I had never felt exhaustion like that before in my life and I was 25 at that time. Breastfeeding is also exhausting and really it just takes time to adjust. I remeber when my son was about 3 mos old I came home sat down to feed him and in my mind raced a billion things I needed to do. Now 3 1/2 years later I have 2 kids and they are 16 mos apart. Try finding other moms to talk to. Try just getting out for frsh air especially while it is nice! GOOD LUCk.

D.,
I went the same things as you and it is very hard at the begining. I wanted to go back to work after the first month but my boyfriend would not let me. Once my son was 3 months I found an in home daycare where my friend took her babies and he has been going there since January. He loves it. He is now 5 mo and is growing by the day. It will get better thats all I have to say. Also just a piece of advice the first month I let my baby boy sleep with us just because I am a new mommy and he was my first but then when he was 2 mo my boyfriend started putting him in his crib and since he has been 2 mo he has been sleeping on his own and he is on a scheldule for bed and eat times. He is my pride and joy. It is also very hard to juggle the baby time with hubby and laundry. The best time to get things done is when the baby is napping. Girl I used to feel the same way as you. You might want to also ask your husband to help you out. If that means for him to watch the baby while you go out and shop or take a walk around the block. You need your time to otherwise you will really go bannanas.

1st of all CONGRATULATIONS on your little one....You need to get your hubby to help out a little... explain to him how overwhelmed you feel and that you just need a warm bath to relax. Go to the bathroom and draw a warm bath get a radio and listen to music and "zone" out. It is not only you, I personally think that every new mom has this feeling. It WILL get easier, it will all just "come together" one day and you will be thinking "wow this is getting better" Just be patient for another month or two and it will all come together.

First of all: No, It isn't just you! I definately relate to your stress, and I had my stay at home husband to help the whole time! My little one is now 9mo and she is wonderful. I am not stressed as much as before, she is becoming more independant. I would say the worst stress is between birth and 3 months old. After that it slowly tappers off.

I've just found out I am about 6 weeks along on a second baby, wow. I find myself worring about us caring for our current one, who will be 17mo old when this one comes, in addition to a brand new one.

I don't think that mothers make it look easy, we just do what we have to do. In our heads it is stressful, to everyone else, they just see a happy brand new mom and then focus on the baby. They assume it is easy...

D.,
I am a new mom to a 6 month old daughter! I remember when she was so tiny and I could hold her for however long I wanted without her struggling to sit up to see everything around her! I told my husband that he had to fend for himself and if he made the mess he cleaned the mess! HE DID TOO !! He washes bottle for me in the evening ( still does ) and he sometimes makes me dinner ( more when I was at home her first 3 months ). ENJOY this time because it will never happen again. Who cares about the house being perfect..... who cares if dinner is on the table at a specific time..... who cares if the phone rings, get a machine to do it for you!!! Enjoy your baby to max!
I agree with one of the responses given...soon you will be getting smiles and belly laughs that are just for you and then you will be the one who can make her laugh and giggle and boy let me tell you it feels great to be the one to make her so happy! My husband can't even get her to giggle like I can...STILL ! :0)

I was there. My son is 8 months old now, and he still constantly wants to be held (which I am ok with... it just makes it really hard to get anything done) I find that he absolutely loves watching the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, thank GOD for TIVO! There will be a time within the next few months that you can set your baby in front of the tv, or in a playpen with some toys and you will be able to get things done. Just be patient (I know it can be hard!) They are only little for so long... and you will look back and miss these times! whenshe is craawling and getting into the dog food or when you want a hug but she is "Too cool" to hug mommy. my 8.5 months have flown by so fast. I cant believe he will be a year old soon! If you haven't already you will be getting smiles and belly laughs! Try not to stress too much, because in a blink of an eye she will be asking to borrow your car.

I completely understand what you are saying. It is a big adjustment and I was a little surprised at how busy I actually was in the beginning. But then I learned that a little mess is okay. I slept when she slept and when I wanted to take a shower I put the bouncy chair in the bathroom with me so she was right there. I also found that the bouncy chair worked great while doing dishes, and other things.

D.,
I remember after my first was born I felt the same way. I mean I didnt know where all the time in a day went! It does get easier, she will be getting a nap schedule down in a few months giving you a few hours at a time. The breast feeding gets easier, I think back and I know I felt like a walking milk machine! My best advise is get yourself into a schedule with her. Take her into the bathroom on a bouncy seat and get your shower. Ask for help if you need it.
Congrats on the new baby!

D.,

I know it is very hard, and I hate it when people sometimes say that being a SAHM is easy. I have 2 kids that are 16 mo apart they are now 2.5 and 16 mo. and I have been staying at home for over 2 years now and I am just finally getting a good routine down. The first thing I do when I wake up if the kids are not awake, I put in a load of laundry and do the dishes. Then the kids wake up and I swear I burn a half hour just getting milk and feeding them and changing diapers. But by 9 am I've done a laundry and the kitchen. When my kids were younger I would put them on the carpet with a couple of toys and go about my house work, then they can eventually go into a bouncer or an entertainment chair. After I first had my son I would put him in his swing in front of the TV and put on baby Enstiens for him and that gave me at least a half hour. And if you get a chance invest in a BUMBO that will allow a child to sit up as early as 3 mo old. and they love that. Don't worry I went crazy for awhile too. You just need to find your nitche in this new life:)
Good Luck
D.

It is very normal to feel this way. First thing don't worry so much about everything needing to be perfect. If your house isn't as clean as it usually is that's ok. With your first child it alwasy's feel's overwhelming because you have never had to do this before. Right now you should be resting when the baby sleeps. The more sleep deprived you feel, the more it seems that everything will stress you out. Just enjoy your new baby and let everything else go to the back burner.

Congratulations!!!

Hi D.,
I am a single new mother of a 3 1/2 month old and I spent the first month or so crying. It's overwhelming, and a shower is now a luxury. You are not alone, this is very normal to feel this way. I just have to say a bouncy chair is my life saver. I can put him in it to take my shower and get things done around the house. I have to say for me, going back to work was the best thing. You get routine back in your life and you look forward to seeing your beautiful baby after a long day away from him/her. I just suggest taking it one day at a time, because this time will go so fast, the next thing you know you will be celebrating her first birthday. So good luck to you and it does get a little easier as time goes. And it goes fast.

Hi D.. I know you have already received quite a few responses, but when I read your message I really felt for you! My son is now almost 16 months. When he was first born I was overjoyed, but also very stressed and anxious. Some things helped quite a bit. Taking a shower everyday was so important to me, and I started bringing him into the bathroom in his secure infant recliner. Sometimes he slept, sometimes not, but I would sing or talk to him and I got my shower. Also, taking a walk with him everyday was so important for clearing my mind. Having a routine (as much as I could) helped me, and I think was good for him, too. I think until they start falling into a semi-regular feeding/sleeping schedule, your day can feel a little chaotic, but give it a little more time, and you will start to feel that you have some more time to yourself. I think I could write an entire essay here, but I'll leave it at these few suggestions and hope that helps. And just know that everything is so temporary. Even now when there are times when I'm frustrated because my son is needing comfort during the night and I'm tired, I remind myself that there will be a day when I miss this. When you do need time for yourself, though, ask someone to help you – even if it is just for an hour! Best wishes.