The Social Life of a Seventh Grader

If you want the child to go home earlier then tell her to call her parents and have them pick her up earlier. It doesn't matter what others consider to be "normal."

I had just posted recently about my husband always having things to do and not being home, and I do get that he is an extrovert and I am an introvert but
it breaks my heart to think my kids are going to be anywhere and everywhere in a few years too, when do theses kids have family time? is just one big family vacation a year enough to create and keep family bonds. once they start doing things with their friends, I honestly think that he and the kids could go months with out ever being awake in the same room.
Thank you for posting this so I can start to think about how to balance this into an already unbalance situation.

for a 7th grader, this is the norm. & I'm surprised you don't have a few overnighters! But my rule was....weekends only, except during school breaks/summer. Chores/homework had to be completed beforehand. All food shopping/prep/cleanup had to be completed by my sons &/or their friends.

I loved having kids in the house. I loved having extra kids on trips. & I loved when my son was at other homes, too!

That's so normal!!

My house was usually filled with teens as daughter grew up.

I made sure ahead that I had good food and drink ( healthy) around for everyone. I much preferred them at my house vs an unknown house!!

Everyone who stayed over had a bed and I was in contact with parents. My upstairs was a place many teens loved. They had bedrooms, bathrooms, game rooms, library , food and more. All located in a safe place.

Right now, my house is super quiet. Daughter moved into her condo in august just before college classes, oh how I miss the teens upstairs!!!!

Enjoy while you can. They grow up too fast!

oh my, how i miss those days! a houseful of happy kids, hanging out, eating me out of house and home, the rafters ringing with laughter.
i'm sure i'm romanticizing it somewhat, but seriously, my dear, enjoy it!
:) khairete
S.

Sounds like my oldest. It's been a while but oh my goodness, I remember sleepless nights and loud laughter! He did hang out with good kids but I also knew their parents. They were wishing they would go home, too!

Remember, it's your house. You set the rules. If they are reasonable, everybody wins, including the tired parents!

My 8th grader has a social life similar to this.

Last night there was a group of probably 8 kids that went to the ice skating rink until 930.

Last Friday they went to the town center and watched a movie...

They come over to my/our home and play games - XBOX or even go outside and play flag football or work on La Cross skills. It's not odd to have 3 more kids at my home on any given day.

We have school night rules - no one over past 730 and all homework MUST be done - they can sit at the kitchen table and work on projects together. Middle school - at least ours - has group projects to work on.

Weekends? Usually no curfew. Just need to know where they are, who they are with.

It varies quite a bit.
It's normal at that age for some but not for others.
Some kids get busy socially on the early side while others don't get into it till high school or even college.
Sometimes the peer group is a good one and sometimes not so good.
Even kids from decent families will sometimes try drugs and/or booze so it's good to keep some parental supervision involved.
They are still growing up and it's not an easy process.
I was a late bloomer myself (college) and there's nothing wrong with that.

My sixth grader is at a dance tonight. The dance ends at 9:30pm, and he will be dropped off at home by 10:00pm. My other son who is in third grade went to the dance last Friday night, but his ended at 9:00pm. Both my boys often have friends over until 10:00pm on the weekend (if they aren't sleeping over). School nights I like them to leave by 9:00pm so we can get homework done before bed.

When I was in the seventh grade it seemed like there was a dance every weekend. I remember my curfew was 11:00pm, because most of my activities went until 10:00pm and I usually took the bus home or walked.

The group of friends thing started with my oldest daughter in 6-7th grade. My 5th grader typically has plans with friends on the weekends now too. I thought it maybe because her sister is now rarely home but I think some kids are just very social.
My youngest had her first girl boy party at the end of 3rd grade and my oldest has been having girl/boy parties since 5th grade.

Son didn't do any of that. He's 15 now and still doesn't do alot outside of his sports and hanging out with the guys after practices or matches (wrestling). My husband says that with boys it is pretty normal to stick close around home until you are driving on your own. We'll see.

Daughter is 12 and 7th grade. I think it really depends a lot upon the kid and whatever else is going on. Last year (6th grade) the next to last week of school, several of them met up at the skating rink to hang out since one of the girl's family was moving overseas the following week. They were dropped off and picked up later. I stayed there (but in the "shadows") and took my daughter home at what I thought was an appropriate time (around 9:30/9:45). That was a Friday night. There were probably 30 kids of various ages from her school (and some younger! still in elementary) that were dropped off by parents and left to their own devices. Daughter's friends were still there when we left.
I would not have been comfortable leaving her there completely on her own (even with the group of friends). I was dumbfounded at some of the drama that was going on around them (not my daughter or her core group, but some of the other kids that I recognized). And at 6th grade! Girls in the bathroom crying, etc.. I've heard (especially on this site) about how drama filled girls become at these ages, but my daughter is not like that and neither are her friends. But, I digress.

Halloween week, a friends' dad took a group of them to the haunted house on the base. That "event" the kids hung out at that girl's house until around 9:30 or so. Halloween night (a school night) same family followed a group of them (maybe 7 kids? both boys and girls) as they went Trick or Treating around their neighborhood. Cooked them hotdogs and chips... then sat out with them while they hung out in the converted garage trading candy... I picked up my daughter around 8:30, and she was not the last to go home--on a school night.

I didn't do what you are describing at that age. Not even close. And really, my daughter doesn't either. I am very on top of where she is and who else is there... meeting the parents, the whole shebang. Even with my son. I get other parents' phone numbers, I make a point to meet them, etc. I know where they live before my kid goes there (usually because I take them and pick them up). I know who will be present if a sleep over is going on.
Including non-invitees (parents, siblings, sibling's friends, extended family, etc.).

It's a Friday night, so nearly 10:00, I would think they are close to wrapping it up. I wouldn't be shocked. But I also wouldn't expect it to be an every weekend occurrence. It seems to go in spurts with our daughter. For a couple of weeks, she'll have a dozen events/invitations... then everyone gets busy and bogged down with their extra-curriculars, etc. Then there will be a school break/holiday and there will be another round of events. Then it will quiet down for a few months, then another round near the end of school.

I think part of it, (my personal opinion) is that so many kids have cell phones that their parents allow activity they wouldn't otherwise. My kids don't have phones. It helps keep ME accountable. And they are as safe as they would be with a phone--probably more so.
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Oh, and the other thing that I find (probably b/c of the phone thing, too) is that I always speak with the parents before I allow my kid to go/do. There is adult coordination about the event, b/c kids do NOT discuss what time they'll be going home, or how they'll get there, or if there is a plan to eat actual food. Maybe that is why you are sitting wondering... did any of these kids' parents talk directly to you ?

Sounds normal down here and our daughter was not even that social compared to my niece and nephew. and she and her friends always tried to get together at least once each weekend.

Now my niece and nephew were were always with friends starting friday afternoon through Sunday.

They were on school teams and community teams so practices and games were on Sat and Sunday. They were in Church groups and then they would meet on Sunday mornings and do things early afternoon. Some of the games were late afternoon on Sundays.

Then include meals, snacks, sleep overs, birthday parties, hunting, weekend homes.. .. .. they were very active at school, church and team sports. which made them very social.

They had all sorts of groups of friends. The good news is all of the middle school years and early high high school years, parents were around. most of these gatherings were at their homes so their parents or someones parents were always around.

Rather have them in a home with adults, than running around without supervision.

I'd make it clear to the parents that they needed to pick up their kids by 9pm, or earlier. They don't need to be at someone's house this late. The parents just come get them when they're told to pick them up.

Updated

I'd make it clear to the parents that they needed to pick up their kids by 9pm, or earlier. They don't need to be at someone's house this late. The parents just come get them when they're told to pick them up.

Yes, it sounds very normal. It depends on your child... if you have an extrovert or an introvert. My son is an extrovert and extroverts NEED to be with people. He's 13. When he was younger, there was always 1 friend over our house for weekend sleepovers. I remember wanting to be out (hanging out) with my friends at this age. Introverts are the opposite, they NEED alone time.

I highly recommend the book RAISING YOUR SPIRITED CHILD by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It has chapters devoted to these 2 types.

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Percept...

I remember when I was in middle school.
It was a flurry of activities/outings etc. at our house or others.
But my house growing up, was the go to, house.

Anyway, no matter what, there are parents... behind every kid.
Sometimes. Sometimes not.
My daughter is in 6th grade, but some Moms/parents, just let their kid do anything anytime, and seem to have no limits. Even my daughter, says that about certain kids. She knows, it. And is cognizant of that. I am glad.
I will have limits, we will, me and Husband.
And we will even as my kiddo gets older, per situation/circumstance etc.
Kids don't make the plans, sans parents or without asking the parent.
They are not their own, satellite.
Yet.

I had curfews as a kid.
And I will have that with my kids, too.
I don't care what other parents are doing or not, this is my kid.
I am a parent.
I am not a "buddy" and will do what I feel is best.
But sure, my kids have lives, activities, they go to them and have fun with friends and our home is always, play-date central.
The kids like coming here.
But we have rules.
And I will speak up to them/the friends, when and if, I need to.

I don't care what "strict" is or not, in comparison. To my kids friend's Moms.
I do, what I do and know, as the parent of my kids, and I know them, each as individuals with their own proclivities and behaviors.
That is my "job" as a Mom. Too.

One Mom even told my daughter "how come you have to go home by a certain time? Your Mom is always like that...." (it was said in a friendly joshing tone, per my daughter, but said by a Mom that has NO "curfews" at all, with her kids). And my daughter told her "My Mom goes by what is best. And we have responsibilities and family things to do." And that was that. That is my daughter. And I was proud of her.

Yes, it's normal but if they are at your house then YOU tell them when it's time to go home!
Right now you're the free Friday night babysitter/chaperone ;-)
Just march right in there and say, okay guys, glad you're having fun but everyone needs to be picked up by X-PM.
Oh, wait, so they're already gone?
Good!

I think if I wasn't staying somewhere I was out by 930 or 10. Can't remember. I think when my daughter gets that age 10 on the weekends maybe 11 depending on what is going on and no friends really over during the week as week days are super busy between school sports and homework

I liked when kids came to my house.

If I had more than one child though I would not include friends on family outings. Siblings need to bond on family trips. Take that from me. My estranged sisters care more about making their friends feel a part of a celebration than they care about cousins or even me, their youngest sister.

Never went to anyone's house or had another over. 7th grade I didn't do anything but school. No after school stuff either; I was happy to get out of ____@____.com all kids are different.