The "Playroom"

I completely agree with Denise.....I WISH I had a room like that for my boys, 4 & 2. The mess you describe is made in my living room every day so I HAVE to pick it up. Some days I feel like throwing everything in the garabage, but that would make me evil mommy. : )

I think it's great the mess doesn't bother "you" so if boys are happy and mommy is happy, let it be. Maybe pick one day out of the week everyone can help out and pitch in with the clean up, to help Daddy & MIL's anxiety. : )

As long as they are understanding how to keep other parts of the house tidy, I think it's marvelous that they have a place to play in their own way. I have a friend who is in his sixties who still regrets that he had to put all of his wonderful projects away every Sunday evening because the cleaning lady came on Mondays. It's good to vacuum once in a while, but it can be done respectfully instead of blatantly destroying whatever they have built.

I think that room sounds wonderful! :) We live in a small house, and you just described my living room and dining room! hahah! it doesn't bother me too much, because as you said... they are playing nice in there, and though it looks like a disaster zone, it cleans up pretty quick. I hate to interrupt my girls when they are playing so nice together, to clean up before we leave, or before bed, or whatever.... especially when they have whole towns built and everything! haha!

I don't like stepping on all the tiny toys though... ouch! It drives my husband crazy... and he says the same thing... they have too many toys and we have to get rid of some. but when I look around, they play with 90% of it on a regular basis!!!
mind you, my husband leaves his trash everywhere for me to pick up. I don't mind messy toys, but trash drives me crazy!

I would be SOOOOO happy with that arrangement. If your hubby or MIL wants it cleaner downstairs, let them clean it up. Enjoy your upstairs kingdom!

Sounds like fun! I can understand not wanting to interfere with the kids' playtime, but there is nothing wrong with making them responsible for keeping it neat at the end of the day. I don't have a play room, but my son does get very involved with things in his bedroom. My husband calls before he leaves work...that's the cue that toys need to get picked up. It doesn't have to be perfect (he is 4 and he is cleans it himself), but it helps keep things manageable. Anything involved...like forts or block castles, lego villages, etc can stay out for the next day. Fridays everything has to get put up so it's clean for the weekend. The Friday clean ups also help keep him from postponing pick up...he hasn't played with it for three days, but will try to convince me he's going to finish it tomorrow, just to try and get out of cleaning it (whatever "it" is at the time). :) And Mondays I get in there...check things out and help when needed, wash the linens, etc. It gives him his privacy and independence, but it also helps keep things presentable. This works for us...our house isn't a showcase by any means, but I don't cringe when people see his room either.

We have the same situation at our house, finished basement that is used solely for playroom. Our kids (ages 7, 4 and 2) love that they can go down there and be kids without the worry of picking everything up after they are done playing. I must admit, the mess drives me CRAZY when it gets to the point where it's hard to walk down there but I just have learned to let it go and understand that it's the kids' room and people that come over don't see it (our upstairs is always picked up and the kids know to pick up upstairs). About every 3 weeks or so I will take the time to pick up, organize a little, just so it doesn't get too out of hand. I think what you're doing is just fine, as long as your boys know that the basement is the only room where they have free reign.:)

If it bothers them so much, tell them to clean it up! I have a basement that is wonderful for this purpose. We straighten up to vacuum and we work with the boys to clean up after themselves as an overall life-learning skill, but it's at the bottom of my list as to whether it's all neat and tidy all the time. Again -whoever has an issue -let that person deal with it! You MIL should also keep her mouth shut about your house!

I would get them in the habit of cleaning their room and play room every night. I started this when my daughter was about 3 and now her room is much easier to navigate and it's easier for her to play. (When she was little i helped her but now she can do it on her own-she is 7) If she is working on a certain project or has her legos out that she plans on playing with the next day I let her leave those out, but everything else needs to be put away. (We don't get to it every day, I'll admit!)

No one ever helped me or encouraged me to clean my toys my whole childhood and it was a complete disgusting disaster and I remember hating that i could never find anything or have room to play, even though i was glad i didn't have to clean my room.

I also want to add that when my daughters room seems too cluttered we put the stuff she doesn't play with, stick in the basement and then bring it up a few months later and she wants to play with it again...

I am sort of leaning to your husband and mother-in-law's side, although I do think that it is none of MIL's business and she shouldn't say a word to you about it. The thing is, letting your children take out their toys and strew them everywhere sends them a message that it is okay not to value their things, and it's okay not to clean up the messes they have made.

I'm sure that parts of games and toys are getting lost down there, if your children can take things apart, or open up a board game box, and then just leave them out. The next time they try to play with that toy, or that game, they won't be able to, because pieces are missing. My husband is a neat freak, so my kids always had to clean up their messes, with our help. But we taught them that if someone gave them a cool toy, or board game, or lego set, it was right to treat that toy with respect and put it away neatly so that nothing got lost, and the box it came in didn't get broken.

If you organize the basement so that everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) has a place, and it's easy to clean up, then have that be a nightly ritual. Your children will learn responsibility and respect.

(As for my putting the word 'everything' in caps, it really is the key to being neat and organized, in any room. If you clean and organize your kitchen, but you don't come up with a place for your keys, or your purse, or for newspapers to be recycled, or for batteries, or mail, or whatever, you will put those things down on the counter because there is nowhere else for them to go, and the clutter will come right back.)

When I take my baby (16 mo) over to my in-laws house they literally follow her around and pick up everything she drops. At my house most of her toys are in her room, which she tears up, and she has a bin in the living room. Honestly, I let her go wild. At the end of the day I will find a book in the bathroom, little plastic people shoved in the couch cushions, a blocks under my pillow. LOL I just pick it up at the end of the day and throw it all back in the bins (ok so sometimes in her room I just push it aside). My in-laws think our house is a mess because of it but I could care less. I would say if your kids are entertained and they arent killing each other down there just to let them play. Go through their toys and if there are toys they hardly play with donate them, but keep what you think they get the most use out of. Good Luck!

well Im not sure I started to write if its ONLY toys then I dont see a big deal but then I was thinking you want to teachb the kids to clean up after themselves.....so I think at that age I would have them cleanup when they were done playing.

You and your hubby have different ideas of what a "mess" is. He learned it from his mom. I agree with the other moms who said 'let him clean it up'. When the kids go downstairs to finish their creation and find it destroyed and thrown into a bin, he can explain why it was so important to destroy their little world. Parents like his destroy creativity but they also send the message that a child's feelings are not important.
Observe how you mother-in-law interacts with others, I would bet she has little or no respect for the feelings or ideas of anyone but herself, and your hubby learned that behavior from her. He can still learn to repect others but you will have to teach him.

We have kids girl 5yrs boy 3 yrs and newborn (she doesn't count yet...lol) but we have a playroom/family room downstairs also. Filled with kids toys, We have shelving system to help with organization. They are required for the most part to keep it clean. That is every night before bed it gets tidied up. Does this happen every night...no. But most. If they have a fort set up or a train track set up do they have to clean it up that night...no. But eventually yes. I am like you it doesn't bother me much and if they are happy I am happy. And my hubby is more the keep it clean so what I described is our compromize

J.,

If it was me, I would just compromise with some large bins. That's what we do in our basement playroom. Stuff like the doll house and the play kitchen stay out but pushed up against the wall. Then we have a bunch of plastic bins - only a few dollars at Wal-Mart or Target. One for dress up clothes, one for train tracks and trains, one for doll furniture, one for kitchen "food" and dishes, etc. There aren't that many, so the kids just throw stuff in the appropriate bin. It only takes 5 minutes to clean up, even if the whole basement is a disaster, but it looks pretty good when it's done and everything is up and out of the way.

Good luck,
S.

Sounds like the bigger issue is that your husband and MIL are making rude comments, rather than the mess. Talk to your husband, not in the moment of him saying something about it. What does he expect? Sometimes figuring out what he's REALLY saying helps diffuse the situation a bit.

Thing is MIL and hubby come from the same fabric...sometimes if I remember that she raised him, of course they're going to think the same it helps me not take things so personally. I have kind of the same issue. My kids have just about every single toy. I used to take it personally that my husband and his family would make little comments, but then I watched and listened more and realized it had nothing to do with me or the kids. They didn't have a lot, and highly valued the little they had. At my house we had everything and constantly took sacks to goodwill when we needed to purge. Now my husband's family has storage units FULL of stuff. They hoard neatly. ;) It's a HUGE issue for their family.

My husband and I compromised. I allow him to go through toys every once and awhile and rotate them. We fill up tubs with stuff the kids aren't playing with and then rotate them back through. This helps him feel better, and actually the kids love it because every once and awhile it's like NEW toys.

As for the MIL, your husband really should say something to her when she says that, but I've started saying, "I know we're really blessed our kids have so much." It kind of kills the mean spirit of it all. :)

Aren't MILs wonderful sometimes?! ;) I would just start a nightly routine of cleaning it up before bedtime because really during the day, there's no point if they keep going down there to play! The only other time I'd really "worry" about it would be if you have some sort of family gathering at the house. Just figure out something that's going to keep you & your husband happy and don't worry about what everyone else thinks.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. If the kids are having fun and it only takes a 1/2 hour to pick up then what is the big deal. They are using their imignations and learning to play by themselves. Once a week try and get down their to help them clean up so that it becomes a routine. Everyone has their own housekeeping ideals..so long as it isn't dirty but messy don't worry about it.

I have the same thing at my house! Our compromise has been that we don't throw any toys out, but randomly pack up some and then swtich them out every few months so there are not quite as many out at once. And then when we pull the packed ones out again, we put other ones away and it keeps the kids interested in their toys instead of always being tempted to buy them new ones and making the problem worse!

Compromise and make a deal with your husband, that one half of the week they will keep it clean and then the other half they can leave it how it is. Tell your mil next time she brings it up " well then, I bet you are glad the playroom isn't at your house!" She should get the hint.

I agree with Jennifer, the issue isn't really about the "mess", it's about your husband's and your MIL's views or comments. I would recommend having a calm talk with your husband ("I hear you saying we need to get rid of toys, what do you mean by that?") and where you get to explain your views also.

sounds like my basement!

At 5 and 3, your kids are definitely able to put many of their things away. Our kids are 4 and 2, and the biggest obstacle we face in cleaning things up is their desire.

We have the colored fabric bins you can get at Target, Lowes, etc. in a cabinet that has doors to hide the mess (our dining room serves as our playroom). Each colored bin is designated for different kinds of toys. Green is for coloring books and crayons, pink is for dress-up, purple is for "kitchen" and food items, blue is for transformers, etc. They know what goes where, and it keeps my OCD in check.

I'm more along the lines of your husband, but our set-up is different and affects our main living space differently.

I was going to say, if they are happy and playing well, I would leave them alone and let them keep going as it. But then I read SB.'s answer and really liked that. I like the idea of general pick up, but them being able to keep out anything involved and I like the idea of cleaning everything on Friday and they can start fresh on Mondays.
S.

I'd have my husband spend his Saturday morning sorting and giving away toys with the boys so that HE can be part of the solution and not just complaining about it.

Disregard your MIL, it isn't her business.

As for the cleanliness, seems like that is a personal preference. Do your kids trash the rest of the house? If not, then it wouldn't bother me. Again if it bothers your hubby, why can't he go down, spend some time with his boys and help/supervise clean-up?