For the past 4 years my MIL has been saying she wants to take my SD to see The Nutcracker Ballet around Christmas. The Nutcracker is my absolute FAVORITE ballet of all time! My MIL used to be a ballet dancer, but I used to be a ballet dancer as well.
When I mentioned to my MIL that maybe all 3 of us go, she just brushed it off. I found out through my husband that she wanted to take my daughter ALONE, just the two of them. As a special memory for the two of them.
Well, 4 years have come and gone and last year she said she was going to take her to see the ballet AGAIN. I have not tried to take my SD to see the ballet because I thought it would upset my MIL. Last year I even sent her the info on when and where the ballet was and she said she was going to take my SD as a Christmas present. It didn't happen.
I just found out that the ballet is coming to a local theater in our town. I would love to go myself, and I would love to take my SD. I know if I tell my MIL about it, she will say she's going to take her. But then it may or may not happen. In the meantime, I know if I purchase tickets for myself and my SD we will go for sure. I know I want to go!
So I have to decide--purchase tickets for my SD and me and just go and enjoy it. Purchase three tickets so the three of us can go (My SD, my MIL and me) or tell my MIL about it so she can take my SD without me. Or she may NOT come through again, and then no one will get to see it.
My thought was to have my husband call his mom and say "My wife is purchasing tickets to see the Nutcracker ballet on this day, would you like to come with?"
Knowing her, and her dislike of me, I don't know what will happen.
What would you do?
Thanks for the advice! Having my husband "buy" the tickets is a great idea! Then he can be the innocent bystander, and no one will get their feelings hurt.
I will have my husband say he bought 3 tickets for the THREE special ladies in his life. If my MIL can't make it, then I can ask my mom. She would enjoy it too! And she wouldn't mind the last-minute notice.
Thanks ladies!
I think I would take her and MIL can find out afterwards, letting the chips fall where they may. (We went last year and my girls LOVED it!)
Buy two tickets. Tell her the day and time and that if she would like to take her they are available. If she bails again, go with your daughter and tell your MIL you couldn't disappoint your daughter again this year.
Why don't you have your husband call her and say, "hey, I bought three tickets as a surprise for my wife, daughter and yourself to go see the Nutcracker. Do you think you can make it?". That will take you out of the equation all together. If she gets upset because SHE wanted to be the one to take your SD, he can just tell her that he knew you loved that play and he was doing something nice for you. If she decides not to go, no hard feelings on you. :)
Well for the past 4 years, your MIL has talked of taking your SD to see it.
But, she also knows that you asked her, before, if you can join them. Your MIL brushed it off and said she wanted to take your daughter alone... as a special memory for them both.
Meanwhile, 4 years has come and gone, and still... MIL has not taken your SD. And it still has never happened.
Why don't you just ask her... IF she is going to take your SD, because if not, you will.
If no one is direct about it, then everyone will just be guessing... IF or when MIL is going to take your SD, or not.
Or, maybe, MIL is not taking your SD even if she talks about it... because, she knows that, you wanted to come too. But MIL only wants to go with SD. So she is not doing it, because maybe it is just too complicated for her to even actually do it... and she doesn't want to offend you... if she only takes your SD, and not you.
So then, she is not even acting upon her "wish" to take your SD to it.
Either way, it is a stalemate, for all involved.
And no one is being direct about it or what they are actually GOING to do.
Why don't your Husband, just ASK HIS MOM, if she is going to take your SD to see it, this time.
Then you will get an answer.
BUT if MIL says she will and then never actually buys the tickets, then her words are just not worth anything.
Meanwhile, isn't your SD... WONDERING about it too?
I agree with the first answer, but whatever you decide be prepared for the fall out. Since she does not like you anyway whatever you do will not sit well with her and just prepare yourself.
Well, given that she has had ample opportunity I think you buy three tickets. Let your husband tell you MIL the plans and that you all have a ticket for her. If she refuses bring a dear friend of your SD to fill the seat and let the MIL know that.
Her good intentions cannot hold you all hostage of fun outings and events. If (IF) she pummels you or husband, remind her she has had many opportunities and allowed them to pass and you just couldn't keep waiting and hoping. . .
good luck and HAVE FUN!!!!
I think that your hubby ought to buy tickets for two separate nights and tell his mom that she can either take her granddaughter, or HE will. Then it takes the onus off of YOU. He can give her the date of the first night.
The second night, all three of you go, OR give her ticket to someone else if you think it would cause problems for you with MIL to take her the second time. If your MIL falls through AGAIN, then you have the tickets for the second night to fall back on, and you and your hubby and SD go.
It is pricier this way, but all the stress should be off of you.
Good luck!
Dawn
We end up buying more than 1 set of tickets for the Nutcracker - mostly because our kids will be performing in it. We have tickets for the girls and me on opening night (my kids are in cast 2, so they will not be dancing on opening night), and then another set of tickets for DH and me to watch the kids dance mid-run, and then because a friend of theirs will be Clara in cast 3, we have ANOTHER set of tickets for closing night. If you're a dancer, watching the Nutcracker never gets old. So what if you take your SD, and then your MIL does, too? No harm done! Kids can watch the show again and again and not get tired of it. :)
I guess I wonder why your mother in law has not had the follow through. Is it a case of the timing is off...she just couldn't make the show dates work with her schedule? Did she decide your step daughter needed to be older to really enjoy it? Was it a financial choice? DId she just drag her feet? That may affect how I decided to proceed.
If it were me I'd probably buy two tickets for my MIL and let her know the time and date. If she bails, then I'd take my SD. If you two don't get along you will not enjoy sitting through the ballet with her. I'd probably tell my step daughter about the plans to see the ballet the night before. I imagine by then you will know who is taking her.
If you can get along with your MIL and you think the three of you would enjoy it, I'd have hubby call and say he bought the tickets for all three of you. It will take the pressure off of all of you.
I would not go and see the show without talking to her. She'll hear about and realize you intentionally excluded her. That will just cause more drama later.
Good luck.
