The Homeless Man

Updated on May 13, 2011
J.S. asks from Green Cove Springs, FL
49 answers

Today I was approached by a homeless man in a store parking lot. To be honest I was bit scared. I was alone with my young daughter, and there weren't many people around. He asked if had anything to spare and as a first reaction I told him no. He asked where the highway was and I told him. As he walked away I felt ashamed. I had twenty dollars with me, that money meant a lot to me, but I thought how much more would it mean to him? I watched him through my windshield as he approached someone else, he was again turned away. I sat there in indecision, then just like someone had whispered it to me, this came to my mind, "I was hungry and you feed me.." I often talk about how we should have more compassion to one another, yet here I was given the opportunity, and I had turned it away. Was today going to be the day I practiced what I preached?
It was.
I wrote this and put in on my Facebook. To my surprise, I got an email from a friend admonishing me for putting my child in danger by even talking to this man. When I went to give the man the money, I only rolled down my window enough to pass it to him, kept the doors locked and the engine running. If he had tried to do anything I could have hit the gas. Was I wrong to do this?

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

I appreciate all of your responses. I also want to add that yes that I know that their are scammers out there, I really do. I lived in the poorest part of our city growing up. If you have been around it enough, you get an idea of who is really living rough and who isn't. The gratitude on the mans face would be pretty hard to fake. I think if a lot of you felt what I did at that moment, you might have done the same thing. This is coming from someone that can't even tell you the last time I went to church, but something moved me today and I am grateful to have experienced it.

Added: My daughter is two and half, she has no clue about what was going on. She just saw someone outside my window that I handed money to, she probably thought we were at a drive thru. :)

Featured Answers

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

At one point I carried a few $5 subway gift cards for this reason ... easier to hand one to someone and bonus Subway is EVERYWHERE and they can not use it to buy something else. I no longer have the funds to do this and where we live I have not seen a single homeless person. I think you were right for giving him the money but maybe you could get a few cheap gift cards for this specific occasion ... chances are that he will be back around the area ... kind of like ants they found a place where they were successful they will try to hit it again looking for the same results.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Most homeless people are harmless. For some reason they fell into homelessness. Many are mentally ill and can't hold a job and have no family members to care for them. Many are substance abusers with such an extreem problem they can't work or afford rent and their fix. Instead of giving them money, hand them food. If there is a fast food place nearby get something off the dollar menu or hand them something you have in the car. If you hand them money they can use that money to get a fix and not buy food. If you hand them food and say I'm sorry but I'm struggling also but please take this so I know you have something to eat.
I read a static a while ago that about 70% of homeless women with children are running from an abusive relationship and by living on the streets they are less easy to find and are therefore safer.
You did a wonderful thing, don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

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J.T.

answers from New York on

I don't think it was dangerous and I think it made you feel good - you did a very nice, generous thing - and leave it at that. Keep the good feeling. You deserve it.

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A.F.

answers from Fargo on

You listened to that voice inside you and you did exactly what you should have done.
Everyone will have an opinion, and most will be negative about it.

Who cares what he will use it for? It was your 20 bucks to give and you just might have made a HUGE difference in his life. Compassion goes a long way.

I think people worry too much about being scammed (what's 20 bucks in the scope of a months time?) and ignore the compassion that strikes their heart.

You did the right thing in the right time. Thank you for being compassionate and showing love to someone who needed to feel valued!

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

Your friend sent you a message admonishing you? WOW! I think I would be really offended if my friend truly thought I would purposely put my child in danger and saying it in a scathing message. SHEESH!!!!!

Back to what you did... No, you were not 'wrong' per se. You did what you felt in your heart was the right thing to do. Had you just driven away it would have been eating you up inside. If nothing else you set a good example for your daughter so just look at it that way. Helping others is never 'wrong' IMO.

Oh de-friend that friend... LOL! just kidding!

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K.D.

answers from Sacramento on

I have given homeless people money. My best frinds mom is homeless, adn I always think that that person has a daughter or son, sister or brother, and parents somewhere.

Also, I have no problem giving them money, even if they use it on drugs or alcohol. I dont know if some people dont realize, but if a person is addicted to something so badly, they may die during withdrawls, unless under medical supervision. I give money fully aware that it could be used for drugs, but I also think "If I give this woman money, she may not have to sell herself to get her next hit."

You are a kind heart. Keep your selflessness, adn follow your instincts :)

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L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

I often give money to strangers - holding signs on interstate on-ramps, in parking lots,wherever. Most times my son is with me. I have never worried about safety in those situations. I feel if God puts someone in my path that I can help in this simple way, that I should just do it.

You did a good thing today. Thank you.

God Bless

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

I am with you - practice what you preach.

That $20 might get him meals for the day...I typically do not give cash - if there is a restaurant nearby - I go in and buy a gift card or pay for their meal and leave.

It's a TOTAL shame that we have to think so poorly of people - are they out to scam me? Are they out to hurt me? Could it be that the guy was down on his luck? Yep. Is it possible he meant you harm? Not all people are bad - just some and those that feel entitled to things that aren't earned by them - you know - the leeches, thieves, etc...they are ones who have ruined it for those who are truly down and out.

That being said - I have had my share of scams. I live near Washington, D.C. and worked there - there was a homeless vet that I gave money to weekly - he was missing for a few weeks and asked one of the other guys - come to find out this "homeless vet" was a millionaire and in Florida for the winter - needless to say - when he came back - I told him he should ashamed of himself for taking advantage of people that way - I NEVER gave him or any other "beggar" on the street money again....I give gift cards...I usually keep a few McDonald's $5.00 cards in my purse...

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A.W.

answers from Chicago on

J.,
You've had quite the range of responses. I just wanted to add my two cents. Thank you for helping someone. Imagine what that money could mean to that man. Yes, it could possibly mean he could use it for alcohol or drugs but like someone else said- it still could have saved his life. Withdrawal can be life threatening. Even withdrawal from alcohol. But it also could have meant a few meals to him or a pair of shoes or a blanket. You never know. But isn't it better to just try to help? Besides, it's not up to us to judge. That is God's job when that person stands in front of Him.
Also, I would just like to say to the person who said homelessness is a choice. I work in the Human Service field and I see homeless quite often. Do you really think the mother with the two children (the one who can't get work until she has childcare and can't get childcare until she gets work) I saw recently chose to live in her car with her children? How about the vet with such severe PTSD (from defending our country) he can't hold a job or participate with his family? Or the man who got hurt and now can't get a job and him, his wife, and their children are living in a motel- not sure how they will pay for the next week (and if they can't the whole family will be on the street)? I highly doubt they chose to be homeless. Yes, there are addicts that are homeless and panhandle but have you ever been addicted? Addiction is not a choice- it is a disease. Look in the new DSM. It is classified as a disease. Just as cancer or Alzheimer's or Parkinson's are diseases. So is addiction.
And to the person who said there are plenty of social service agencies. Do a little research on recent budget cuts. Here's a bit of information for you about the 2011 budget cuts:

$942 million will be cut from the funds enacted in fiscal 2010 for the Community Development Fund, which includes block grants designed to help rehabilitate housing and invest in primarily low-income neighborhoods.

Another $456 million would be slashed from the Public Housing Capital Fund, a source of funding that public housing authorities throughout the country use to maintain and repair everything from roofs to boilers in their housing units.

The HOPE VI program, which aims to revamp severely distressed public housing and replace it with mixed income communities,would lose $100 million.

The Women, Infants and Children program - which provides food and infant formula to low-income families- would receive $504 million less than it did last year.

$148 million would be cut from programs to help juveniles avoid the criminal justice system. (The kids who will turn into the homeless addicted adults).

The budget would eliminate $600 million in discretionary funding for community health centers.

The Department of Labor is set to lose $870 million for the rest of the fiscal year from job training and creation programs,community college curriculums for dislocated workers and a fund that aims to prepare workers for new green jobs.

Another $182 million to the $3 billion cuts to the workforce investment program which is a program that uses federal money to create state and local services in literacy, vocational education and welfare-to-work strategies for adults, young people and laid off workers.

Now I'm not sure what the state level budget cuts are for states other then Illinois but here it's scary. Many agencies are going to have to close, many others are going to have to cut services. A lot of people are going to be without help. And that is going to lead to more problems of homelessness, drug or alcohol addictions, and crime. Here is some information for the cuts for Illinois:
http://www.naswil.org/news/chapter-update/budget-cuts-wou...
These are issues that affect us all. We are supposed to help our fellow man. Isn't that what you should teach your children? Aren't we supposed to help those who have less then us? Everyone needs compassion- even those who are the wrong path. We all make mistakes. Now I'm not saying hand out twenty bucks to every person who looks down and out. Offering food or a blanket or a shirt or bus fare can make all the difference to a person struggling. You never know what's going to happen in life. You could be the person who needs a helping hand someday.
Again, thank you J. for opening your heart. You did a wonderful thing and you gave your daughter a great lesson in helping and compassion. Kudos to you.

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K.G.

answers from Boca Raton on

You were not wrong!!!! You did a great deed and don't think twice of it.... God gives us subtle hints and as long as we allow our minds to act on them, he will keep us safe. You knew to keep your doors locked and just crack the window... You didn't put yourself in harms way...
Kudos to you.. We need more people like you in this world~
PS for future reference- what myself and my friend do so that we KNOW the homeless HAVE to buy food, we buy 3.00 or 5.00 gift cards to a local fast food restaurant.. That way you know what your money is being used for.

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L.U.

answers from Seattle on

I don't think you put yourself or your daughter in danger. I DO think that it may have been a bigger lesson to your daughter if you went back into the grocery store and bought the man some food. Unfortunately a lot of people that are homeless and get money do not use the funds they receive appropriately. I am one of those people that is CONSTANTLY giving food to people I see that say they are hungry. I can't tell you the number of times they have said, "do you have any money instead?" hmmm...you said you were hungry though.
I bring my children with me when I volunteer at the food bank, they come with me when I go shopping for the food bank donations, we participate in Christmas toy drives...shoot, just last week I bought a man a meal because he told me he was hungry...and that was my last $5!!
Good job on helping someone out! I love the passage you are talking about in the Bible...when I was hungry you fed me, when I was cold you clothed me, when I needed shelter you gave me a place to stay (or close to that lol). I try to take that to heart as well.
L.

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A.S.

answers from San Diego on

I think in today's world we are so afraid of helping one another due to that fact of it starting to get scarier and scrier every moment. We can't let our kids play in the front yard unsupervised, or walk to the school that's only a block away unsupervised. Every homeless person that we see is a potential carjacker, mugger, serial killer, rapist, child molester, drug addicted, sex maniac. So what do we do? We run away due to what I have heard it called, "Law and Order Syndrome" . Afraid to do anything for fear of something horrible happening. Yes we need to take precautions to secure ourselves and family in any situation, check in with our gut feeling.

If you felt that you were okay and safe, then I think that you did the right thing. It's all about how you feel afterward. I wouldn't do it all the time, but I think that you showed your daughter compassion also. Isn't that what we wish all our kids learned is compssion for another person? I would have a discussion with your daughter regarding the events that happened and let her know that there are still bad people out there and that it is never okay to talk to strangers by herself or with someone her age. She should always be careful.

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C.F.

answers from Boston on

IF he wanted to "do" anything to either of you ~ he had an open opportunity when he first approached you ! Your a "good Soul" :-) no worries...... You should NOT feel any guilt ! Your friend should be the one feeling like a Dink for making you feel badly about your generosity!

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B.C.

answers from Joplin on

I do not think you put your child in any danger the way you handled it.
I think we should follow our hearts, and I think you did something wonderful that not many would do. We never know what our one nice gesture can bring. I hope he used the money wisely, I do not look for the worst in people but sadly you hear about scams all the time.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

You made a choice to not only provide him money, but to do so in a way that was safer for you and your child. I don't think it was wrong, and I also don't think you're asking if it was wrong to give the money, but are responding to the person on FB who accused you of poor parenting. He could have been any stranger looking for something.

I keep Pop Tarts and water in my car for the kids, but more than once I have asked someone if they wanted some. Pop Tarts aren't the healthiest thing, but they're food and food that can last a while in all sorts of weather. If you don't want to give out money, consider gift certificates to fast food or food and bottled water that you can hand out if you are concerned they may use the money for something else. A scammer won't want your crackers.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

You did the right thing. :)
Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers....

As to the people shouting "enabling, etc" the RIGHT thing is what YOU do with YOUR money for YOUR heartfelt reasons. Giving is a GOOD thing, what that individual chooses to do with that money once it is THEIRS is on them.

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M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I just saw a special on this-how it is really not as nice as you think giving money to the homeless. You are enabling them to live that lifestyle. And possibly contributing to the addiction that put them there in the first place. What they said to do was contact a homeless shelter to tell them about the person.

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B.S.

answers from Lansing on

I work in a rough neighborhood, where people come in to beg all the time! I feel for every single one of them, but I just can't give them money as I know 99% of them are going to spend it on booze or drugs. I've also witnessed someone begging for money outside a convenience store to only in return go in and buy a scratch off. (Also, keep in mind a food bank is right down the street) I have however have helped when I could. A guy wanted change for a five so he could ride the bus. According to him they don't give change, I've never road the bus here so I don't know whether that is true but I believed him. I did not have the change but asked how much the bus fair was and gave him that amount. He offered to give me the 5 but I refused.

I think what you did is great. I don't believe you were in harm. And whether he does good with the money or not, you'll never know.

But for me personally, I try to give to places I know will put the money to good use. Salvation Army, Food bank my church and so on.....that way I feel good about giving and know its going to good use.

But I don't think you were wrong nor should you feel bad about what you did. You did a wonderful thing!

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

.

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A.G.

answers from Albuquerque on

I live in a part of town that has a lot of homeless shelters, truck stops and is near an interstate, so there is no shortage of homeless people ( and junkies) There are some stores i cringe if i have to visit because i cant get out of my car without hearing...excuse me i dont mean to bother but do you have any change...and i hate that. 9 times out of ten its a junkie asking for cash for a fix. If i think someone is legit in being hungry i will ask if i could buy them lunch, if they are truly hungry they accept the ones that dont are just looking for cash for whatever reason. I like Kristinas idea about the $5 gift card for a fast food place. I think that the peson that said you put your kids in danger is wrong. I think if you felt like he was a threat your mama bear insticts would have kicked in.

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G.T.

answers from Modesto on

You did what your heart led you to do, and check it out, you and daughter are FINE. You did the right thing.

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S.S.

answers from Daytona Beach on

when i was younger (in middle school) there was an old man who would ride his bike around town collecting cans. When he would stop by my house to rifle through the trash i would always go out and give him whatever change i had saved up. it does feel good to give when you know you won't be getting something back for it. while in highschool, i changed my way of thinking. i no longer will give money to people who are begging. i will go into a store and get them something to eat. there are too many people who do take advantage and people who when offered food will tell you no, they want money instead. they want it for alcohol or drugs. my husband was approached in walmart for money (to buy beer) the man readily admitted. my SIL was approached by a young man in the post office for money, and when she told him no that she would walk over to the dollar store to purchase him some food he became angry and slightly aggressive. my brother used to pick up homeless people to work for the company he used to work for and they would do a half a day and then leave and say they made more money sitting on the street asking for money. granted there are those who need, but if they do, they will accept what can be given, and not be choosy. i don't think you did anything to harm your child either. and even if she was older and knew what was going on, it would have been a good learning experience for her.

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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

no and you taught your child a good lesson, life is about risks and within reason we take them. I don't see what he could have done through an inch of car window, if he wanted to do something he would have done it the 1st tiem...
possible future solotion--Buy a 5 gift card to dunkin donuts or a local store and keep separate from ur money and then u can give them that instead of going through things in the future..i always go in and but a giftcard so i know they'll use it for food...but i J. thought of that typing this and think i will do that from now on, saves time and ur always ready....

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K.F.

answers from Salinas on

I love Sunshine's response. Who are we to judge? I always follow my heart in these situations and have never regretted it. Maybe he spent it on drugs or maybe he spent it on a hot meal and while he was in the diner met the busboy who used to be homeless. Maybe they struck up a friendship and the busboy offered to help him find a job. Maybe that $20 helped that guy to change his life, or maybe it didn't. You'll never know but you will knkow you did SOMETHING.
I see kids on facebook posting pictures of homeless people and making jokes about them. I see people walk by people on the street like they don't even exist. At the very least your daughter will grow up having compassion for others no matter their situation in life. You did the right thing!

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J.O.

answers from Tampa on

What's wrong is you questioning yourself over this...Delete the e-mailer from your life, and forget about it..I can't stand the self righteous super moms..That was a wonderful thing that you did, I don't think I would have. Good for you!! There will always be people who are going to judge, just own who you are be proud..

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M.L.

answers from Tampa on

I think it's great what you did! A long time ago my father (who owns his own company) gave a homeless man $10 and gave him his business card and told him he would give him a job, no questions asked (he owned a construction company). Well, guess what, this man never did call or show up. My father still saw him begging for handouts after that. It really soured me, especially seeing how much money people can make begging! Average is $100/day! For doing nothing. So now, when I see homeless people and feel sorry for them, I go to the nearest drive thru and buy them a meal. That way my money really is going to food and not drugs or alcohol or anything else!

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K.L.

answers from Cleveland on

I applaud you for what you did. You listened to your heart and did the right thing.
YES, there are scammers out there, but if you felt in your heart that you should help him, then you did the right thing. What that man does with that money is his responsibility. Yes, he could use it for drugs or booze. He could also use it to buy food for his kid. Who knows?
Don't let anyone tell you what you did was wrong. It's "what you did to the least of these you did to me" that we hear about in church, right?
Good job, Mama.
And I just want to add, that one of my proudest moments as a mom was when my teenager pulled ten dollars of her own allowance money out of her purse, rolled her window down in the car, and handed it to a guy holding a sign. Made my heart happy :)

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K.S.

answers from Denver on

I'm sure you already knew the possibility of this man using the money for booze or whatever, so deciding to take that chance just in case he used it for good instead is your business. I personally don't give money to homeless but certainly understand and appreciate those who do.

As far as your daughter is concerned, you did fine staying in the car, and the fact that you were on edge in the first place says that you have some good instincts. Here's what I would have probably done, just to hammer the point of safety. I would have approached one of the store managers (whichever was a guy and the biggest!) and asked him to give the money to this man. For two reasons- one, this shows your daughter that there are people who can help you when you need to avoid someone, and two, because the manager may likely give him the money and ask him to leave the premises. Frankly, it is not safe to have a homeless man wandering a parking lot and he should not be there. What if there were unsupervised kids around? This way, he gets some money and is on his way.

But you did fine, and did what your heart told you. So any criticism is about the other person, not you.

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A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

When I see a homeless person in need (there are several who stand at a specific corner here who are known to be scammers who live in a nearby town...they get dropped off by a woman in a luxury SUV, they have a house, food, etc. but this is a way for them to make more money than if they had a job. They have even bragged online about how much money they make in a day) I buy them a meal instead of giving them money. If they are truly in dire straights they appreciate it. If they don't appreciate it then I assume they just want money for drugs or alcohol (which is sad in and of itself but I'm not going to help them satisfy their addiction). In my opinion you did the right thing to help out someone in need and you did not put your child in harm's way.

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

no, you were right not to give any money to him. However, that doesn't mean you don't give (which judging from your post) sounds like you do.. I was once told that giving $5.00 to a soup kitchen as opposed to giving it to ONE singular person, the soup kitchen would make that 5 bucks go farther.

Additionally and unfortunately, you truly don't know what that person might have done.. I live in a city where panhandling is VERY rampant......... my best friend was attacked by a panhandler... so to play it safe, I no longer give to beggers. Although, yes.... I give to different charities... again, I want the dollars to go farther...

So definitely keep giving.... just do it wisely..

Also, I have watched MANY panhandlers (Again, we have many in our city) and have you ever noticed, MANY cherry pick.. they "target" people they ask for money. often times, they ask women. granted, YES.. you have your share who will and do ask men. One day, I watched this guy panhandle in a very affluent neighborhood.. he handled one end of the street and his wife the other..... I watched him and noticed VERY CLEARLY that he asked more women for money than he did men. Additionally, I also noticed that men of bigger size were not always approached either... Now, my point is..many panhandlers are simply in it to get a few bucks for their next drink.. but many are professionals.......

keep that in mind.. looks can be deceiving... again, give.. but give money to organizations that spread the money around. take Salvation Army.. they have programs for rehab and then the workers who are clean and sober can work at the stores/repair shop and learn a craft.. also, they have soup kitchens.. I mean.. panhandling is out of control..

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A..

answers from Kansas City on

I know how you feel. My husband and I encoutered a homeless man about 8 years ago and we both turned him down. To this day, we are both bothered by this. We do give a lot, but for some reason this man still stands out in our heads. Sometimes we question wether he was an angel or not and that he was there to make us feel something.

I don't give to people who are hanging out on the corners, but if someone aproaches me and I have cash, I will give them a little. What they do with it, is between them and God. I will say, if I have food with me, I'd rather give them that, then you can really see if they are greatful.

Oh, and we always carry a gun in our car too, that helps! :)

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D.S.

answers from Houston on

alot of the beggars dress tacky and stuff like that usually get into fancy cars after their day of work is over cars that would put yours to shame. If you honestly think they need food buy some food in the grocery store and actually give them food. That way your not supporting a free loader and not denying your family food that they need. If they are actually hungry they will eat what you give them. That is usually what I will do. One time the guy wanted money I gave him food instead he ate all that I had given him in less than 2 minutes he was seriously hungry. But I am not going to pay for their fancy car while I drive one that is over 10 yrs old. they can get a real job instead of taking advantage of other peoples generosity.

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alot of the beggars dress tacky and stuff like that usually get into fancy cars after their day of work is over cars that would put yours to shame. If you honestly think they need food buy some food in the grocery store and actually give them food. That way your not supporting a free loader and not denying your family food that they need. If they are actually hungry they will eat what you give them. That is usually what I will do. One time the guy wanted money I gave him food instead he ate all that I had given him in less than 2 minutes he was seriously hungry. But I am not going to pay for their fancy car while I drive one that is over 10 yrs old. they can get a real job instead of taking advantage of other peoples generosity.

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alot of the beggars dress tacky and stuff like that usually get into fancy cars after their day of work is over cars that would put yours to shame. If you honestly think they need food buy some food in the grocery store and actually give them food. That way your not supporting a free loader and not denying your family food that they need. If they are actually hungry they will eat what you give them. That is usually what I will do. One time the guy wanted money I gave him food instead he ate all that I had given him in less than 2 minutes he was seriously hungry. But I am not going to pay for their fancy car while I drive one that is over 10 yrs old. they can get a real job instead of taking advantage of other peoples generosity.

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S.S.

answers from Miami on

These people are usually not dangerous. Be on your guard but I would only give food and drink, never money. Most of them are addicts and although I would feed you, I will not buy your drug of choice.

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J.C.

answers from Nashville on

No, you're not wrong. The same thing happened to me last year and I was alone. I didn't have any cash on me but I did have a bottled water that I havent opened yet and it was the middle of summer. I felt bad like you and drove around and did the same thing. doors locked, engine going and window down just enough to give him the water. Too bad I couldn't do more but that water might have saved him from a heat stroke out there.

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S.H.

answers from Orlando on

No you were not wrong. If that man wanted to do something to you or your child he would have done it whether you spoke to him or not. It sounds as though you were not in the safety of your vehicle when he approached you. I applaud you for your change of heart and for giving him the money.

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W.T.

answers from Tallahassee on

No, you did the right thing and we need more people like you around.

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T.E.

answers from Minneapolis on

They sell those giftcards by the way, so that doesn't guarantee they'd not use it in someone to get drugs or whatever.

Furthermore, I think it is kind of a moot point here. There is no right or wrong. A safety issue for sure. But no one is less Christian, holy or good than the other. That seems to be what this steam has evolved into...an argument of who is more christian or "right," the person who gives money without judgement or the person who doesn't.

It is all in your head and heart right now, really. If you feel good because you feel you helped someone...great. If you feel you did the right thing because you didn't give the guy money for fear of funding a habit or whatever...great.

In the big picture, from a Christian perspective, only God knows what everyone's motives are when they are choosing to help a "homeless" person asks for money. This includes what's in the heart of the "homeless man." For all we know, depending on his motives for begging, if he is a scammer or addict using people, ironically, the beggar is probably the person who is at most risk of being in the wrong.

As for the rest of us, because we choose to help someone, doesn't mean we're doing a good thing, or that we're necessecarily doing it for the well-being of someone. If we feel we did the right thing because you got a good feeling from it, who is benefitting? The beggar or you? The beggar is groveling to feed his stomach or habit. How miserable. You are feeling good because you eased your concience that you were in a fortunate position (only by the grace of God) to temporarily help this person. If you truly believed you did the right thing, would you need to ask us here? Seems like you're looking for justification. Or maybe a pat on the back because you posted your deed on Facebook.

People can become filled with pride or get off on being in a position to help the poor beggar too. Nothing Christian about that. Think of the story of Lazurus and the rich man in the bible. The rich man was very judgmental, but thought because he was giving alms, and doing surfacy things that are considered good, he was right with God. However, when he saw pathetic Lazerus thanked God for not being like him. In short, the man was rich in material goods and what the world thinks is good, but his heart was filled with pride and judgement. When he died, he burned in hell, but Lazerus was elevated to heaven for his humbleness. Not begging....or because of his poverty, but because of his HUMILITY.

Forget worrying about if you're doing the Christian thing. It's more complicated than whether you helped this person or not. It's all about what is in everyone's heart, what you're called to do, and whether you're truly equipped to answer that call. Sometimes it isn't our businesss or place to help someone.

Everyone's comments here are valid to a point. But if you're looking for God's approval, then you'll probably have to look somewhere else like the bible.

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R.K.

answers from Orlando on

I think many of us deal with this issue. If you felt the Holy Spirit nudge you, then you did the right thing. Your friend is only looking out for you because she cares about you. Don't be too hard on her.

Personally, I never would have dug through my purse in a parking lot with my child with me looking for money to give to anyone. My safety and that of my child over rides any guilt I may feel. However, you were very safe in your dealing with him when you gave him the money.

A friend of mine has a good policy. She carries a can of soup in her car and offers it to those she sees in need. At a traffic light one day, I saw someone had someone a food bar. I think these are great alternatives to giving cash.

Although, that's not completely fool-proof, either. I used to work for the church. One day I found out that a man we had given food to several times was seen selling it for drug money. I was crushed. I had let this man scam me over and over. But, he has to answer for what he did. I acted out of love and I think that's the best you can do.

A.G.

answers from Houston on

i give money to homeless people all the time, especially crippled ones, or clearly 'slightly looney" ones. Some people dont have the support of family and friends that so many take for granted.

If i were all of the sudden without a home there could be 15 places i could live for free until i got back on my feet. I NEVER forget how lucky i am when i see someone who isn't.

Im not religious at all but i think if god has a list of things he expects us to try to be....empathetic and compassionate are definitely on there. Ill never go ice cold and forget about the duty i owe to myself and my fellow human beings by loving them enough to let my judgment and prejudice slip away.

Most people are well meaning, very few are not.

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Of course not. That was really thoughtful and caring of you.

Your daughter is still too little to get the point, but modeling this kind of thoughtfulness and generosity will rub off on her.

A few years ago, a ragged-looking man was begging by the road, and I considered it, but drove past anyway, but my daughter wanted to give him some of her money. She made me drive back to where he was and she gave him her money. She did this another time for a woman in a parking lot. She also forced me to sponsor a child and did Unicef at Halloween for years (while her friends ran on without her). I like to think I modeled some of it for her -- I used to take the kids' used toys and clothing across the border and give them to poor people when my kids were little -- but part of it is just her sweet nature.

Anyway, long story for a short answer. You did good.

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M.A.

answers from Orlando on

I keep little baggies with granola bars, peanut butter crackers & sometimes candy in my car & hand it to people asking for money. I haven't had anyone turn me down yet. This way you know they will have something to eat that day & won't be spending the money on drugs...

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A.T.

answers from Myrtle Beach on

I don't think so. I had a similar experience a couple years ago. I was driving along a main road in my town and I saw a man who was holding a sign saying he was a veteran and had nothing left. He looked so sad and alone. He didnt even look at me when I drove by, but something, or someone, told me "help him". I drove all the way to a bank, withdrew $20, and went back to search for him. When I found him I handed him the money and told him something told me he truly needed that money. He thanked me with tears in his eyes and I drove away.
Sometimes we get caught up in our own greed and it is not a good thing. We are so worried about ourselves that we forget there are people who are so much worse off. At the time, my daughter was in the car with me, so she saw a good deed in action. I got nothing from that interaction but a thank you, but it meant more to me than anything. So, no, you weren't wrong. I applaud you for your generosity and especially for showing compassion in front of your little girl. It is a wonderful lesson for her to see in action.

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A.E.

answers from Tampa on

Yes, there are scammers out there, but how do you know if he was one or not? Good for you for giving.....what you give in this world, you get. If you can afford to give him something, why not, although I do prefer to give food or clothing (in case he uses the money for liquor or drugs) but this is not always possible.

Good for you!

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C.V.

answers from Miami on

I'd just like to add my two cents without reading any of the responses. I ALWAYS stop and give someone money when they ask. Whether I'm with my children or not. I usually only give a dollar or two but if I have any money on my I give it. Yes there could be people scamming money or using it for booze but it's not my job to decide who should get what or decide what they might spend it on. They are in need and I try to help. I think giving in front of your children teaches them compassion for others and helps them realize that some are not as fortunate but that doesn't make them and less worthy of help or a nice smile. Just my opinion...

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M.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

We (as a family) have been feeding the homeless for about three years. We don't do it every time we see one, but just as God puts it on our hearts to feed this one or that one.
My daughter (now 12) started with us three years ago. She is fearless! She has no problem walking up to a homeless person and handing them a meal (we RARELY, if ever, hand out cash - we usually purchase a meal or give them a food bag). Maybe in that moment right before she hands a meal over, she says she gets nervous, b/c you never know who is totally whacked out. But again, her faith keeps her fearless.
Did you put your daughter in danger? I don't think so...As any mother, you take the necessary precautions...We let God handle the rest.
I think what you did was great! I think that voice you heard was the Holy Spirit of the Lord. Don't question what you're doing...Have faith. I believe that when we take that leap of faith, whole heartedly, God honors that. Even if we're wrong, God's grace is enough to catch us and put us back on track.
Thank you for feeding the least of these...

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C.V.

answers from Kansas City on

My church used to have a homeless ministry and after working with the homeless I have to tell you that you should never give them money.I could tell you many many stories.And you have probably heard people say,"some make more than we do panhandling" and unfortunately it's true.And they will spend it on drugs or alcohol and unfortunately that's true too!There are a few out there that will not but it's hard to know.Even after getting to know many of the people we worked with,they are still unpredictable.But MOST of them would never hurt you.not saying you should take the chance,we traveled in a group and no children were allowed to go with us.The best advice I have for you is to carry granola bars and bottled water or gatorade and the next time you can offer them something without feeling guilty.It is very hard to turn them down.But if they are truly hungry they will take the food.

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H.C.

answers from Dallas on

I absolutely think you did the right thing especially if felt that "nudge" to do so, thats God! Good for you!

Luke 14:13-14 But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.”

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S.K.

answers from Dallas on

I had this happen to me once when I was in college. I had stopped to get gas along the highway, in the middle of nowhere. I used a credit card to buy a coke or something. After I got into my car a man walked up, tapped on my window and asked for money. I really didn't have any and I said sorry, I don't have any money. He began pleading and when I said sorry again, he started banging on my window and yelling at me. Scared me to death. I threw it in reverse and got out of there. I was shaking and could barely drive. So yes, be careful. I think the idea of getting food/gift card for someone is a better idea. Some homeless people are homeless because they have an addiction and they may be starving but will buy drugs/booze instead.

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S.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

you dont relly know him, he could use that money for food or he could use it for drugs, I think its a better idea to have bought him a sandwich or something

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