Just wanted to vent a bit and see if we can share similar experiences so that I know I'm not the only one married to a lunatic ;-)
Because we celebrated both Passover and Easter over the weekend, I had to go grocery shopping tonight and TP was on my list because my husband mentioned over the weekend that we were running low. Well after work as I had dinner in the oven, was picking up one kid at a friend's house after dropping off another at lacrosse, my lovely husband called to say that he was at a police station an hour away because his car had been towed for having an expired registration and I had to come and pick him up. Awesome (he's in charge of all car paperwork, btw, it's one of the only things that I am not responsible for because he's inept). I arranged for a ride home for one kid, got the other home, gave the teenagers instructions on finishing and serving dinner and headed out the door for my 2-hour trip to go and get him. When I picked him up I didn't say anything about the car - no yelling, no "you're an idiot," no "OMG how much is this going to cost us?!"...nothing. We got home and it was time to put the little boys to bed.
Well my SD is going on a school trip tomorrow and still needed some last-minute things so my husband took her to Target because it's open until 10. Do you think he got TP? Of course not. No biggie, I left a box of tissues in the bathroom and all will be fine until I go to the store after work tomorrow.
Well wouldn't you know he had the nerve to FLIP OUT over the lack of TP? Ranting that I knew it was out (I didn't actually until we got home) and why didn't I make a trip to go to the store and get it earlier (well I would have but I was picking you up at a police station in EastNoWhereVille) and then said "aren't you going to go out and get some now?" LOL that would be a no, you were just at Target and if it's that important to you, you can go out to a convenience store at 11 PM.
I'm just in awe of the nerve...let's see he knew we needed something, knew that I wasn't able to go to the store because I had to go and save him from a mess he made, went to the store and didn't buy it, and then somehow this is my fault and I'm supposed to remedy the situation late at night? I don't think so. I told him all of this and he stormed off to bed all pissy.
So...has your spouse ever had a totally irrational tantrum like this? Or did you marry a grown up who can manage to not transfer his frustration about his own poor choices on to you?
I think if you can afford it, you should go buy multiple bundles of toilet paper at Sam's Club, build a fort, and lock him in it :-)
My husband doesn't ever speak to me that way. If he did.. Well he has to live with me. So he just wouldn't.
One of the women I work with threw a huge tantrum because it was cold and her hubby wouldn't take her car out to get gas after she got home from work. You know after her work commute where she drove past at least 40 gas stations.
Go get the toilet paper and TP him to the bed tonight.
Tantrums? My ex did.
Notice I said ex? ;)
Meh, he is just flipping out on himself because of being stupid and it is outwardly manifesting itself as toilet paper. Pretty much he wanted to yell at himself but that would sound nuts so he picked a TP fight.
Maybe this will make you laugh. We buy at Costco so pretty much never run out, but we did. I forgot. Got to work, poopy day, stole a roll of the crappy office TP so I wouldn't have to stop on the way home!
Well since everyone is pointing out they married an adult I thought I would point out I married a human, flaws and all. I prefer to laugh at the irrational nature of humans, otherwise I would go nuts!
My husband stopped asking me "did you get abc?" or telling me "we don't have any XYZ" about the 400th time I replied "how many stores did you drive past on your way home?"
Sigh.
Men!
i married an adult. and i'm so sorry you were subjected to that, because the car caper would already have had me on the edge.
now that i work very little, and my husband works a LOT, i am the one who's in charge of stuff like toilet paper. but because i'm not very organized, and sometimes my husband forgets to add things to the list on the fridge, stuff gets forgotten. if that happens, the most i hear is 'uh oh! system breakdown!' and we both laugh.
i would not be amused at this treatment at all. o no, my precious.
and there would be a reckoning.........
khairete
S.
It sounds like to me exactly that - he messed up, stressed out, and latched onto something stupid. I'm glad you called him on it. You are not his emotional punching bag.
My DH once got angry that I said I set up the coffee pot for the morning "for him" because I drank some, too. He was stressed about something else and was looking for stupidity to get riled over. So I stopped making the coffee pot my priority. If it was important to him to have coffee brewed at 6AM, then it was all on him. I didn't mind making my own pot later.
Yes, hubby has had similar meltdowns, as have I--I attribute it to stress.
Well, just three weeks ago you posted about how your car things lapse all the time and it's your husband's responsibility. When my husband irrationally flips out, which does happen from time to time, I recognize that it has nothing to do with me and simply try to help. I try not to take the bait. I figure, one of us has to be the mature one. And he does the same for me. It's typically a stress issue.
I forgot to look at who wrote this post before I started reading it. At the end, I looked and saw it was you. I am SO NOT SURPRISED that he did this, JB. How can you stand it...
So sorry. I think you should just tell him "eff you" and storm off to bed yourself.
(Not feeling very charitable right now...)
Hugs~~
WHAT??? How did you manage to not go off on him?
I will refrain from commenting on marrying grown-ups, as I'm trying to reframe my negative thinking on this subject.
Yes, he has. I do it all as well.
If I were you, I'd replace the tissues with a few sheets of sand paper! That will help to make your point.
Nice vent. I was laughing! Of this sort of thing sitcom scripts are created.
Life is SO much made up of people getting mad at other people in order to save their own faces.
All I can say that if it's the worst thing your husband does, you don't have much to worry about - except for stashing away some Bathroom Stationery for emergencies.
My husband had a big huge irrational tantrum in the fall. When he had a clearer head and realized what a jerk he had been he apologized profusely.
I made sure I married someone that I didn't have to call 'inept' or contrast to a 'grown-up'.
Irrational tantrum? It's rare in this household, but it HAS happened. Last week, my husband was leaving as I was pulling into the driveway. He was standing in the garage where my car usually parks, so I pulled up into the driveway and parked it there instead. I knew he had to pull out of the garage with his car in a few minutes, so I motioned to him like "Am I ok parked here? Can you get out easily?" He waved at me, smiling. He watched me park the car where I did, we had a nice, brief conversation for a minute, I went into the house. A minute later, I get a call on my cell from him "HONEY! I hit your car backing out of the garage! Why did you park there?! You KNOW I was leaving, you didn't leave me ANY room to pull out!" Anyway, he went on for a few seconds. My immediate response: "Dude. Really? You WATCHED me park it there. If you thought you didn't have enough room, you should have said something. I was IN the car, it was a lot easier for YOU to gauge the area than me. No way in he!! I'm taking the blame on this. I don't even want to hear it." I let him rant, then shut him down fast. It was really only a scrape, but he had lashed out in defense ("I DIDN'T DO IT, IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!"). Sometimes men are like small children.
Luckily, things like that are extremely rare. He must have been hungry or something...should have made sure he had a baggie of Cheerios.
Yeah, your husband was stunning in his irrationality. My jaw would have hit the floor. Unbelievable.
JB, I'm not surprised it you either. I'm so glad you didn't go out and get the TP!
I'd have a really hard time not telling him he could use the notices for the car tags since obviously he's not doing anything else with them. Snark.
We both have our moments of plucking the splinter out of the others eye when we have a huge beam in our own. But we are spunky souls and terribly acerbically inclined, so we check ourselves twice before we strike out at the other these days!
You are still in the midst of jobs and kids and juggling acts. Maybe when the kids get older, he will take it down a level or two. Sorry, JB.
Ask your man to share the scenario with another guy friend or 2, to see what they would do. Just the thought of someone else hearing what a jerk he is (from the horse's mouth if I may add) should help him see how unreasonable he was.
That should do the trick.
Men are basically tall toddlers
I married an adult, though he has had a moment or two (like seriously 2) in 11 years. My father, on the other hand, would have done the exact same thing you described.
I married a grown-up. He does tend to take the entire container of OJ or lunch meat to work with him, for lunches for the whole week, and not tell me....but we laugh it off and he's finally learning to let me know he's walking out with ALL the drinks....
As for your husband: Has this happened before? In any form? Not just the tantrum, but the inability to think beyond the next five minutes? And the expectation that you must always have everything covered and run everything perfectly? Is this a pattern, and if so, is it recent?
You mention that he's "inept" so you are responsible for pretty much everything except the car paperwork. So what does he contribute to your family's life and to the running of the household? Nothing but an income?
If you knew that when you married him -- knew that he was simply not going to ever be capable of shopping, feeding the kids, whatever -- it's on you that you married him, frankly.
But if he has grown to be this way over time, what's going on with him? Is he either happy to mooch off you and let you do all the household/kid/finances work day to day, or is he possibly just deciding to live down to your low expectations, or is he possibly depressed, which can strip adults of the ability to do even basic things? Any of those scenarios is not good and requires you to shake him up enough to get some help. Because...why would you continue to live with someone who pulls no weight at all around the house and instead causes YOU to have to do even more when he screws up and blames you for it?
If all this plus the tantrum is truly unusual and he's mostly a great guy, good and involved father, supportive of you and the kids' needs and interests....never mind! He very likely blew up at you over TP because he was embarrassed and angry with himself over having to have his wife fetch him from a police station due to his own idiocy. Being embarrassed like that can make anyone lash out and try to transfer their own guilt onto someone else, even over something dumb and small. This is not an excuse for his being a total tantruming baby, but it IS a possible explanation--IF the anger and transference and petulance are unusual.
But it seems very interesting that overall, you are so dismissive of him, and he is so petty with you. Why do you let it all go on, IF this is part of a pattern? I don't know that it is, but the post makes me wonder.
Oh yes, I have one of those husbands that cannot remember to do things. It has been over 3 decades living with him and his ADHD. He insists he will take care of something and then it does not get done.
Lawn care. He always says he will mow the lawn and edge it.. So after 3 decades of forgetfulness.. , I have now hired a man and his son to do our lawn every other week. My husband still bristles when they arrive and asks me every time, "how much are you paying them?" I tell him, only $20. A week and you are allowed to live here with a happy wife! FYI, we have 2 lawn mowers and 3 gas edgers, they have not been used in years.
There are times I mumble loud enough for him to hear me complain about his forgetfulness, but I am not a great prize all of the time either.
I suggest for Father's Day, each child present him with a Costco size case of toilet paper.. He acts like a poop, he must need to be treated as such..
And then you all can all have a laugh together.
There is a wonderful app for your phone called "My Groceries" and it is synced to mine and my husband's phones and our tablet. When something gets low or we are out of something...whoever notices puts it on the list in the app. The rule it to check the app if you are at the store...so if it is important like TP it gets purchased...if it is not so important like bay leaves for cooking, eh.
But yes, I think we have all has silly rants about silly things...
I think some men have a thing about TP. My husband says he starts getting anxious when he sees that we're running low on TP, like he feels panicked. He always makes sure we buy TP while we still have several rolls. Maybe your husband is the same way.
