The Bolters

Updated on March 20, 2011
A.B. asks from Holden, MO
20 answers

No matter what the obstacle, my 3 and 4 year old keep venturing outside by themselves. I have tried out of reach alarms & chains but they figure out new and inventive ways to reach them. They have done this after we put them to bed at night, before we wake in the morning,and at naptimes that I sometimes take with them. I am out of ideas, is there anyone else out there who has been through this?

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R..

answers from Chattanooga on

I agree with the key-only deadbolt. Or a shrill alarm. This is really mean, but I remember when my cousins kept doing this. So one night my uncle hid outside the door in a scary costume, and when the kids tried to leave the house he jumped out and scared the living daylights out of them. They never tried to sneak out again. Although... it did backfire a bit because after that the kids believed in monsters. (but they were able to convince the kids that the monsters only lived outside, and that the monsters were scared of grown-ups...) lol. I also agree with the parents that say this is a spankable offense... if their safety is on the line, and you can't do anything else about it, tan their little hides. they will learn. It's better than being kit by a car, kidnapped, attacked by an animal, fall into water, or any other thing that could happen to unsupervised preschoolers.

5 moms found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Discipline. They need to be punished for going outside without supervision. Whatever you deem necessary to get the message across to them that this kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable and extremely dangerous. At 3 and 4 years old, they should understand the idea that "Mommy said no. I need to obey or I'll get in trouble". It sounds like right now it's a game to them - Ooh, a NEW way to try to get outside!! Make it not so fun for them to disobey you so blatantly.

2 moms found this helpful

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Lock the door at the very top.
Put a screach alarm on the door.
Bells on their doors
In our house this was a spankable offense.
Let the neighbors know you are having this problem with the kids so they can also keep an eye out.

Once my son got out on me in the early am, called my FIL with my cell phone and told him "I dwiving!! Gampa" He was 2 or 3.

My FIL called the house and sure enough the stinker was in the car with my cell phone. He had speed called Grandpa before I knew how to do it.

You are not alone.

4 moms found this helpful

L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

I would go with keyed deadbolts which need a key on both sides of the lock. Then wear the key on a chain around your neck!!! :)

That are a harder sliding type lock at the very top of the door.

Good Luck and God Bless

2 moms found this helpful
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K.D.

answers from Provo on

My son did this a few times. He was very creative at figuring out how to undo the bolts. Stacks upon stacks to reach them... According to my mom I was the same. So I know how scary it can be. I worried and worried about it all of the time, and then... I talked to my son (then 3). I asked him why he wanted to go outside. I asked him if he knew it was dangerous outside with no-one to watch him (and we live in an area with cougars so it is very dangerous). I told him how frightened I was for him every time he left without me knowing. And then I made a deal with him -- I would go outside and watch him if he would always ask me first. As part of this deal, I made sure he knew that the answer would not always be yes since I couldn't always go with him. And we decided on consequences for if he broke the deal. I have to say I was surprised that it worked as well as it did. The consequences never had to be enforced. If you respect your kids and explain things to them they may understand and obey.
If not, lay down the law and be extremely consistent with the consequences when they break them.
Good luck to you!

2 moms found this helpful
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M.J.

answers from Joplin on

My daughter did this too. Discipline did not work. she was determined to do what she wanted. she is 7 now and is just now listening to me. whew!! DFS has been to my house cuz of it. ARG. of course found no findings of concern. I did the locks too. did not work. I just kept a VERY close eye on her. I was on guard for about 3yrs. I can now relax. So good luck, you are not the only one. I think that is the most stressful part. you feel like your kids are the only ones in the world that is doing this. but nope. good luck and God Bless

1 mom found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

I know a family which went thru this. Their solution was to place a keyed deadbolt at the top of the door. The kids required a ladder to reach it! & the keys were hidden away each night.

& horrors of horrors, they live on a very busy street...on the main drag thru town - which is a state hwy. A man driving by found the 3y.o. standing in the middle of the road....he called the local police.....& yes, DFS stepped in. No action taken once the new locks were installed.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Boston on

They make deadbolts that require a key both inside and outside the door

1 mom found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

Sleep by the door if you have to! It is too dangerous for them to go outside alone. They HAVE to learn this is not acceptable.

1 mom found this helpful

L.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Discipline is certainly an important component to stopping this behavior. But for safety until they "get it," I'd install the deadbolts that you have to open with a key on both the inside and the outside. They CAN'T open it without the key.

1 mom found this helpful
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T.E.

answers from Minneapolis on

Get a Brinks Alarm system and set it at night before bed. When the kids try to cross the motion sensor or open the door, they'll get the s*&%$ scared out of them when the alarms go off. The police will show up in 5 minutes, and you'll get a call within 2 minutes by Brinks.

Depending on the type of system you have installed, you might even get flashing lights to go with those sirens.

With this plan, they'll try it once and that will probably be the end of it!

1 mom found this helpful

J.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

I wouldnt lock a child in their room, but maybe cinch the chains on the doors with a small combination lock?

1 mom found this helpful
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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

My friends just got a new deadbolt for their front door that requires a number code with a key optional. It's pretty neat, but if you don't know the code and don't have a key, you can't get in or out, so you may look into that. Just keep the code hush hush and make sure they don't know it.

1 mom found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from New York on

We put an additional lock all the way on top of all the doors, literally an inch off the top doorway.

Or add an additional lock to all your doors that go outside but reverse the lock so that way the Keyhole is in the house and you can lock the door with the key.

I don't think I would lock them in their rooms, it is a fire hazard if god forbid something happen.

1 mom found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

i'm not usually a proponent of spanking, but just like any other dangerous act - as soon as i got ahold of them again they would DEFINITELY get a swat! more if it keeps happening. and mom would be MAD. it's not funny, it's not cute, and it's NOT tolerable. all the fun needs to be sucked right out of it. if nothing else sleep on their bedroom floors to make sure they are safe. ANYthing could happen...! (if you're taking naps with them how exactly are they "escaping"???)

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J.C.

answers from New York on

Oh my goodness. How stressful for you and your husband. My son gets all freaked out when he hears our neighbors walking in the hallways so this is not a problem I have experienced. My heart goes out to you guys. I don't know if I could sleep.

The key only lock does seem like the most affordable and safe solution to this problem. I wish you luck and hope they grow out of this soon.

Peace.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

If you decide to lock their door, I would put a screen door on their room, so that you can hear them if they need you.

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T.M.

answers from St. Louis on

Get locks that use keys only and hide the key or keep out of their reach. They also have this slide locks that we use on our basement door and there's no way that a 3 or 4 yr old can figure it out - put it high up on the door and they have to slide it up to unlock.

S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

Well, I would say discipline. Also we had our first two children 12 months apart and when they were 1/12 yrs. and 2 1/2 yrs. old they would get up in the early morning and do things but not going outside. The younger one was climbing out of his crib by then and they would sneak downstairs and empty the refrigerator on the carpet, one time emptied canisters with coffee, sugar, etc. which they added water to, etc. They were very busy and had a lot to learn but our pediatrician told me for their safety, once they turned the gas burners on, to put a lock on the outside of their bedroom door. It sounds awful but it did work and they had to wait to come out. It sounds like I was a terrible mother but those two were just a mess until we did start disciplining them more and more. I would try the lock on the outside if it keeps them safe and we just used a hook lock like the old fashioned screen doors had. Your children are way too young to be outside at night. One last note, after some of the above mentioned events I took my last nap with any kids in the house!!! :-)

J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

Put a lock on the outside of their door, then lock them in. That's what my cousin had to do with his two sons. If they need to go potty or something in the middle of the night then they have to bang on the door and he has to go get them. It's a little inconvenient but it's worth it to keep them safe.

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