Thanks for the Help

If you haven't taken her to the doctor for the huge amount of vomiting because that's NOT a sensitive stomach, and if her brother is actually there for her when she throws up, then yeah, she counts on him a whole hell of a lot more than you.

Take her to the doctor now. Be a parent.

Hmm.
We get a few posts about a Mom who made her daughter the 'center of her world' and now we have a post about a 'stay at home' Mom who's seldom home.
Can we strike a happy medium?
A 13 yr old who throws up often and for hours at a time sounds like she needs some serious medical help.
Get her some.
Worrying about whether she likes you more or less than her brother is so not relevant.

Original Post:

I think my daughter likes her brother more than she likes me?

I have two kids, Constance 13, and Alexander 17 soon to be 18. My husband travels all the time for work. I am a stay at home mom and try to be home as much as I can be but, I have a lot of events and boards that I am on and have to be at the meetings. We have people at the house all the time but not a nanny or anything. Constance has an extremely sensitive stomach and there are many foods that she can't eat or else she will throw up for hours. Occasionally there will be food that she eats that she doesn't realize that she can't eat. The other night she was about to throw up so she went to her brothers room not to mine. According to my son she threw up for 3 hours straight. I asked him why he didn't get me and he said "Your never here when she throws up, I'm the one who's here. Even my friends are here when she throws up sometimes. Not you or dad." Does she feel more comfortable with him than with me? Does she trust him more than me? Hearing him say that freaked me out and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Do I talk to them both?

What do you do? You change your focus.

You're actually a bit lucky. Your son is giving you valuable information. He has been honest with you.

What are you going to do with that honesty now? Are you going to pay attention? Are you going to listen? Are you going to have some wisdom here? OR, are you going to think "Well, she likes her brother more than me. This is all HER fault and I haven't done anything to deserve this."

Your daughter actually has a physical DISABILITY. I don't know if you've taken her to a children's hospital to get her help or not. I hope that you are. You should be working with a highly regarded specialist. That kind of vomiting can erode her esphogus, ruin her teeth, and cause throat cancer later in life. Not to mention what is happening to her stomach.

You aren't with her enough. She needs you to be at home with her more. These people who are in the house - perhaps they are too much for her and you should let go of some of the activities so that they aren't around as much.

As a stay-at-home mom, you DO NOT have to be on all these boards and committees. You CHOOSE to do it. You are choosing them over her.

Drop some of these responsibilities. You owe it to your daughter.

Lastly, stop blaming her for this - that IS what you are doing rather than admitting that you aren't around enough for her to depend on your help and support. You are accusing her of liking her brother more than you. You're putting the burden of her mental state during these terrible episodes onto a child. You are wrong to do it. Own up to your responsibilities with this child.

I think it's fascinating that your first post here is a question like this, which you immediately pulled (even changing the title) after just 7 responses. That's inexplicable to me. Did you hear everything you wanted to hear in such a short time? Or did you hear nothing you wanted to hear?

Thanks to "B" below, who took the time to copy and save your original post, we can all read what you wrote. I won't bother to respond to it, since you are clearly not interested. But I will suggest to you that, if you post a future question, the members of Mamapedia are going to be very wary of devoting any time at all to you - no one wants to spend a lot of time crafting a well-reasoned response, only to find that you disregard it by pulling your question. That's not what this site is for.

Interesting...

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=201503302119...

There was an odd troll last year, coincidentally from NYC as well, called themselves Alexander, was obsessed with some stupid movie, TV show, can't remember but just thought it was funny to post bits of the show as a question here and also in yahoo questions.

So how have you been.....

Okay I have to ask anyone who reads this, do you think for a second your child could throw up for three hours in your home and you not notice? That someone would have to bring this to your attention?

I wouldn't use the word trust so generally. Of course she trusts you. But does she expect that you will be there? Not exactly the same thing. Apparently, she has learned that you may not always be present when this happens. Brother seems to be. So, she goes there first. If you were about to vomit your stomach contents, would you go to the most reliably present person, or the one who is the parent? If they are the same person, then there is no issue. But if they are not...

I'm not sure how many committees you are on or how many boards and meetings you are required to attend. I, too, am a stay home mom, and my kids are 13 and 16. I've done my share of volunteering, and I'm sure my days of doing so are far from over. But... much of that volunteering involves my kids! At events where they are also present. Not meetings at night when the kids are home alone without me.

Perhaps if your husband is never home (your words) then you should make more of an effort to be home. From your post, it sounds like your kids view neither of you as ever home. I would want my kids to have a different view. My husband also works odd hours, and while he doesn't travel for his job, he has a long commute and often is not home until the kids are long since in bed, and is often gone long before they get up in the morning. This has been the case since they were babies. It's one of the reasons I AM a stay at home mom. For the stability it provides. Your husband is providing for the family, and I'm guessing his travel can't be avoided. But it sounds like your absences can be minimized. Easily. So I would do that.

Your daughter doesn't dis-trust you, but she can't rely on you to be there, either. I'd have a problem with that. And it wouldn't be with my daughter, but with myself and my schedule.
I'm sorry if it hurts your feelings. I'm sure your daughter is hurt by the fact that she can't expect you to be there when she needs you. Evidenced by the fact that she seeks her brother when she feels ill.

I have never heard of a "sensitive" stomach making someone vomit for hours. How terrible for your daughter. I would get that problem addressed immediately.

Since your activities are all volunteer, it sounds like you should cut back so you can be at home more with your children.

I volunteer for a few different committees too. When my husband travels however, I often have to miss meetings because my kids need to come first.

Hi :)

Two things that stood out to me - why is your daughter throwing up for hours .... my kids are lactose intolerant and will vomit, so you don't eat the foods that cause that. If she has food sensitivities .. need to figure out what is causing this - time for a nutritionist/doctor/GI specialist .. or have you been that route?

Or does she have an eating disorder? hate to suggest that, but age 13, you have to consider things if a child is vomiting regularly. I've had friends who's kids blamed it on upset tummy, but had bulimia. Don't want to freak you out, but regardless - she could be missing out on the nutrients she needs as and another mom said, could be doing some pretty serious damage over time.

As for the liking her brother more than you... as a teenager, I didn't always 'like' my mom. I probably 'liked' my sisters more - as in, felt more comfortable around them at times. My mom was my mom. If she is trying to hide the vomiting from you (if she has a problem) then I get her going to her brother.

You might want to revaluate that and adjust your boards, etc. to be during day when kids are at school. Priorities right?

If it bothers you and your kids that you are not around (maybe this is a wake up call) then figure out what you need to do to be more present in your kids' lives. An honest open discussion would be helpful.

Good luck :) I hope your daughter is ok.

I was reading your post. It shouldn't be about whether they care about you. We aren't their friends. We are their parents. We have a job to do. Later on, when we get to the point where they are growing into independent human beings we can forge friendships. The main thing is your daughter's health. Not whether she or her brother like eachother better. She is probably very anxious. I'd spend some time with her instead of all your boards. She and her brother should be more important than those.

I certainly would talk to them about whether or not you're around enough. Just bc they're older doesn't mean they don't need you home. So what your son said would really bother me. Just asking them if they'd like you to be home more may answer your question. I don't think it's common for a 13 year old girl to go to her brother before her mother for something like this. Nor is it healthy for him to have to be there for her when it's something like middle of the night when he should be sleeping. Doesn't sound right to me unfortunately.

When I read the question I thought perhaps you need to hire a nanny so someone that is an adult can be home with your children. Not saying you can't do some boards and activities but not where you're out every day.

I would say that your son is effectively your 13 year old child's parent figure. She goes to him and it sounds like he is compassionate and helps her. He is not an adult so he can't possibly know the issues that this much vomiting can do to her body.

She needs medical care and she needs it now.