Thanks - Union City,PA

Honestly, it sounds like you're both being a little childish. He wanted to do something nice for you and probably was giving himself big kudos for NOT picking something off of a list. He was trying to be thoughtful. I would LOVE it if my husband wanted to buy me some boots, or shoes, or anything actually.
It sounds like you are talking about a child and if that's the way you treat him, then that's the way he's going to act. Instead of being so ungrateful, perhaps you should thank him for thinking outside the box.

I can't see the point in you having a pair of boots that you don't like , chances are you won't wear them and it will be money wasted , try asking him why he wanted you to have that pair so much? Maybe he had an alterior motive and thought that the ones with buckles were sexy and wanted you to dress up in them!

You describe yourself as a t-shirt & jeans girl... You liked the plain style. Honestly, it sounds like your husband wanted to buy you boots that were more sexy than the ones you got. You're not wrong for your choice, but you and he were looking at it differently... You chose a pair you could wear for more mundane occasions. He wanted something that he thought were sexy and that you'd wear for him.

I suggest that the hissy fit is more about something else than about the boots. The boots just became a way for him to express his anger. I'd ask him what he's really upset about.

To me, this sounds more like a communication problem. Sounds like you were trying to be kind by going along with his choice of buying boots. I suggest that you were feeling irritated about him wanting to buy you boots and he picked up on this, probably sub-consciously. Both of you were unaware of what was happening.

I'd have reminded him that I didn't want the boots but have other things on my wish list. Perhaps asking him why he was focused on boots could've cleared up the situation. Did you write down a list for him? If your list was just verbal he may have forgotten what was on it.

If this is just one more time that the two of you have had communication difficulties, I suggest getting the book, Non-violent Communication. There is also a web site that will give you an idea of how to word things so that they are more easily heard. This form of communication takes the emotions out of exchanging information.

I don't know what most men would be happy about. And it really doesn't matter. What matters is finding a way to talk with your husband so that both of you are happy.

You ask why the detail of a buckle is important to your husband. I ask why is it important to you? Could you just accept the boots because he had the thought to buy them for you? I've received gifts which were unsatisfactory to me at first only to love them later once I accepted them as a gift of love. At first, I was thinking of what I wanted instead of focusing on how they were showing me that they loved me by giving me the gift.

Because you were there and he asked you, you were right to voice your preference. I suggest that because of your attitude he responded with attitude or perhaps his attitude spawned your attitude. For good communication to occur we have to suspend our attitudes and talk in a loving way. That is where Non-violent Communication helps.

To me... this is about how HE likes the boots.... not you.
It is about a "Man's" idea... about what his Wife should look like or wear... despite her own tastes in what she wears.
Some Men... only buy what they want their Wife to wear... or their ideals of what their Wife should.... or should look like, or based on what they saw other women wear, and they thought it was 'hot' or nice.... etc.

THAT is the whole problem, about this.

My Husband, was the same way. I since we have dated... have my own style in clothing. He.. has this 'idealized' way of what HE thinks is nice on women or what makes them look 'hot.' Ugh.
So.... my Husband would often tell me things like "How come you don't dress like that..." or, "Women should dress a certain way..." and then he'd describe it. (which to me was always so tacky). So at times, I let him just buy me what clothing item HE liked. But then I NEVER wore it... or it just did NOT match me. And then when he'd ask why I never wore it, I just told him "I don't like it, that is not me..." Then he stopped doing that. I told him BLUNTLY.... women don't go around looking like magazine 'models' and what you see in magazines are trumped up versions... and boy they cost an arm and a leg and who has money to buy all that wardrobe!
I don't dress frumpy or bad at all. In fact, I reminded him that the way I dress... was what caught his eye in the first place... when he saw me. Duh.
Then I told him... IF he wants me to dress TOTALLY what is not my taste... then I too will buy him things.. that I think is what a Man should wear too. I explained, that I don't expect him to go around dressing like Brad Pitt.... I ALWAYS buy him, what HE likes... and what HIS style is... I don't go around trying to change him, per clothing. I ACCEPT him for how he is. So for him to push a clothing style on me, that I hate... that is, kind of disrespectful...

Men... have 'ideals' on what a women should wear. Sometimes. And this is often not congruent... to what we like.

all the best,
Susan

I guess he cares about the details on the boots, you should have made him feel good about giving. Kudos to him for not going off a circled item in a catalog. You kind of sounded like you were talking about a small child with the "he shouldn't have been hungry" and you "think he used the bathroom". Now everyone is pouting and unhappy.

Wow-weird story. Do you think that your husband has a "boots" fantasy and those were the ones that fullfilled it more? Or do boots turn him on and he wanted to see you in them? I ask because I seriously cannot see a man caring enough about boots to do this...unless there was a sexual angle :-)

Unless you get an apology from him you should go out this week and return the boots for something you really want.

My husband bought me a pair of boots last year. They were to small so I returned them and got the ones I wanted, different style than the ones he picked out You would have thought I stabbed him!!! SSOOOOOOOO I returned them again and got the one he picked out in my size. I was like what the heck should he care what I would rather wear! I still like the other ones but to save his FEELINGS from being hurt ( I thought he was acting like a child) I returned them to make him feel better (the spoiled brat!)

Hmmmmmm....if my husband said he wanted to buy me boots and I didn't want them, I would just have told him that.
I'm just practical and I see that as a waste of money for something you don't want anyway.

UPDATE: No my husband might say which he liked better, but ultimately--my boots, my choice.

My first thought is he is one of those "Controlling People" (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/158062569X?ie=UTF8&t... )

But maybe he just has a thing for boots with buckles and a fantasy of his was just dashed.

Sorry, but I would take them back to the store. Your husband bought you something you clearly stated that you did not want/like, yet he bought them anyway. Now, if it was a surprise present where you opened them up and "Surprise!" you didn't even say what you wanted, I'd have to say at least he tried. But he was with you, you told him what you wanted, what you liked, yet he did what he wanted anyway. That really makes no sense to me at all. Take them back for an exchange.

Hmm Why wouldn't he buy you something you like and would wear. He does no that right? I'm sorry I just don't understand why he is so mad. I would talk to him, the gift isn't for him, if you don't like them he is wasting money.

EDIT: I think you should talk to him and find out what is going on because I find it odd that he ask you what you like then throw a fit over what you choose.

BTW I wouldn't wear just anything someone picks our for me either.

EDIT AGAIN: No my husband would NOT care. He just isn't a drama freak.

Like Marda, I'm guessing that this issue is actually pointing to some deeper but harder to define issue. The book Non-Violent Communication is excellent – with a little practice, you can learn how to tease out the "real" issue that's causing a difference of opinion. My husband and I both use these excellent techniques with transformative results.

My husband would probably care a great deal if he took the trouble to choose a gift for me and I got fussy about the details. So I would probably accept the gift in the moment as graciously as he is giving it. As you said, the boots were similar. Then, if he didn't urge me to wear them over the next few weeks and I really couldn't bring myself to wear them, I'd ask him something like, "Sweetie, I adore the generous impulse you had in buying me those boots. I felt so cherished! And you know, they are just not something I am going to get used to – I guess I'm not a boot kinda girl. Would you mind if I exchanged them for _______? I'll think of you with love every time I wear it!"

You know, there have been a few times that I have let my hubby buy me something that HE liked that I didn't, because I knew it would make him happy. For instance, he LOVES it when I wear red, although it doesn't at all match my skin tone with my reddish undertones. But, he likes to see me in red, so I've let him buy me a few blouses and pieces of lingerie in red. I never wear it if I am not going to be with him.

He also humors me and lets me get him things that he wouldn't choose on his own. Actually, I overhauled his entire wardrobe within 6 months of dating him. Of course, I think my taste in men's clothes is flawless, but he definitely preferred just wearing fleece pullovers with his university's logo on it. He bent for me, as I do for him.

But, to throw a hissy fit over it? Oy! Maybe he needed some extra TLC yesterday, and that is how he manifest it?

I say your blowing this way out of the water. You may not liek the boots but be happy your hubby likes to see ya in something different. Take a chance, you may grow to like them. If my hubby picked something out for me I would wear ity, I take it as a compliment even if it is not my style. Dont kick a gift horse in the mouth.

I dont think he was mad about the boots. My guess is do you have a lot of power struggles? Does your husband feel like you always get your way? Or does he feel like you put down his tastes or opinions? He sounds like he is mad at you about a bigger issue and it came out at the shoe store. Are you too picky? Too bossy? Too bratty? I have no idea but my guess is your husband wont tell you what is bothering him and then blows up about dumb things.

My husband wouldn't care. Bizarre.

He sounds like he's being a child. I assume you're being sarcastic with how he wasn't hungry, used the toilet, etc. He's being ridiculous. If he's sitting there asking you which ones you want and you tell him? What does it matter. My husband and I aren't able to exchange gifts with four kids, but when we were able to all that mattered was if the reciever was happen in the end. If it were me, I'd wonder what his motive was. Something else is going on or he just needs to be taken to a back alley and have his behind whipped. He needs to act like a man. That's just crazy.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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ROFL... YES! My H absolutely cares. Most men I know care just as much about fashion as women, but they aren't "allowed" to, so it comes out sideways. Or like "dressing a doll".

Like Susan, my husband has a thing about dressing me in things I don't like. Mine wants me to wear dresses. 1) It's almost impossible to find dresses that aren't $300 for a 6'1 DDD woman. A normal skirt becomes a miniskirt (who wants to see my underwear at the grocery store??? icky), dresses take on "lasagna noodle" shape on me because their stucture doesn't meet mine; bust at my collarbone, tucks in for the ribs at my bust, hips where my waist is, legs at my hips... it's a godawful silhouette. 2) I can't climb trees in dresses. I'm raising a little boy and digging it. We play rugby in the mud, snowboard, climb trees, wrestle with the dog... and that's just a normal week. Dresses just don't have a place in my life.

That doesn't keep my husband from wanting me in dresses, and pouting when I won't buy them.

My husband would only be highly irritated if I pretended to like something he bought me and then I never wore it. Because then he would think the purchase was a total waste. He'll tell me what he thinks is flattering on me, even encourage me to buy a certain item or style he's seen if we are shopping together sometimes, but he is practical, and will expect me to be honest about what I will actually wear. I know he would love it if I dressed up more, but he'd rather get something for me I will actually wear and enjoy than something that sits in a closet.

I think there's some other problem he's not vocalizing. How strange! I would've told him to forget it all-together -that I didn't want dressy boots at all if you didn't. Since he obviously hadn't already bought you the ones with buckles, I have no idea why he would care which ones you wanted. Most men DO like to have some kind of guidance in gift buying. It's tricky, because they also like to surprise us, but they can usually work both out -get you something they know you want and really don't think you'll get or find something special and completely surprise you with it. However, it doesn't seem he was going to do any of this since he was having you pick them out at the mall.

And no, my husband really doesn't care. He wants to get me what I actually want and we usually have similar taste in things, but our tastes will differ slightly in shoes or clothing. I think he used to care a little more, but now he knows that if it's not what I want -it will never be worn and then it's just a waste. He has good taste in jewelry and often surprises me with jewelry I am not expecting that he's picked out. This usually goes well. Once in awhile he'll get some jewelry that I just don't feel is "me," but it's usually fine.

Hi, V.
Accept the gift. Be pleasant and then
after Christmas, take them and exchange
them for something you like.
D.

My husband likes to pick what I wear on occasion but he definitely gets involved when it's something like sunglasses, hats, and boots. He has an image to uphold I guess... and likes me to look a certain way when we are going to be in a certain crowd.... I have no problem with it. He's not CONTROLLING me, I think it's cute when he says "that skirt would look really cool if you put your steeltoe work boots on and your levi jacket".. he has some weird taste on occasion but he's usually right.

Ya let him buy you the boots that you didn't like let them sit in the box wherever you put your shoes & when he asks you why you don't wear them remind him these weren't the boots I liked, you liked them.

NO my husband would not of cared it they were brown or black plain or frilly sequins buckles or high heels flat bright shiny yellow shoes or boots.Get my point we go shopping together a few times a year this Christmas we didn't again I do mind sometimes but then I begin to think do I really want him around while I do my thing NO if we need to then ok but other than that he really never says much about my clothes there has been times where i'd buy something & he asked your wearing that only because he thought it was a bit on the old lady side but it wasn't purchased from that dept. so I would change & make a return later or if there was to much clevage.