Thanks - Eden,UT

The "NO" wins. If you were to have another child even though you know that your husband doesn't want one, and has clearly expressed that, the new child would suffer. More than likely your husband would resent you and that child and treat that as just that, as resentment. It wouldn't be a good thing for you, the child or your marriage. So, stop nagging your husband and just enjoy him and the children that you do have. You are blessed to have 4. Some can't even have 1, so be happy for what you have.

You should respect his wishes. I don't think he is being unreasonable. 5 children is a lot!! And too many for some people. You don't want to put any strains on your relationship or family. All you can do is talk about it with him, but expanding your family should be a decision between the BOTH of you. Just think...you will probably have plenty of grandchildren someday! Just enjoy the family you have and be grateful for all that you are blessed with!

The decision to have children is most definitely a joint decision. If he feels overwhelmed and doesn't want one, that should decide it for now. Maybe he'll change his mind down the road, maybe he won't. How would you feel if it were reversed? He wants you to have one and you just don't feel up to it? If you're not both on board, absolutely don't do it. Any tiny problem during pregnancy, sleepless nights, colic, etc. could lead to resentment. He may have no desire to help, which would leave you on your own. Respect his feelings. Your marriage needs to come first, or you may not have one anymore. I've watched that happen to a lot of friends who had another child when the husband didn't want to.

I think Kate P said it best, especially if you are indeed married to your soul mate. Put your energy into the kids you have now and into your marriage. Maybe pray for help to do the right thing and leave it in "His" hands? (Either to remove those feelings, or to help change your hubands feelings). Maybe you are just having feelings of remorse that your baby is 4 years old? Whatever is meant to be will happen. I totally believe that things happen for a reason. Best wishes to you!

I think that if both partners are not on board you should not have another child. While you are the stay at home parent your spouse does also need to provide time and emotional energy to your children. be thankful he wants to be involved. I know you are feeling a time crunch but there are other ways to bring children into your home later if you can't have more yourself if and when the time is right for both of you. Good luck.

Like you, I want another. I currently only have two, but I have always felt an overwhelming urge to be a mother. My husband insisted that I have my tubes tied when I had my son (he is currently 10 weeks old), but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Now he has decided he wants a vasectomy. I understand where he is coming from. We couldn't really afford another one, and more than that, I have a very hard time carrying babies to term. My opinion is regardless of the reasons to have or not have another child it HAS TO BE the decision of both of you otherwise one person often feels resentment towards the other one. I honestly do understand wanting more, but for the sake of not causing turmoil in the marriage maybe it is best to reconsider?

We always made the choice together. My husband wanted another one, but I felt to overwhelmed with the ones we have now. But he just kept talking to me about it and his feelings as to why he wanted another one. After listening to his feelings and praying about it, I realized that having another one would be another blessing in our house and how could I ever deny my family that added blessing of another brother/sister. The only thing I asked my husband was that we wait a little before having another one, we will be moving soon and I want to be settled into the house and the other kids to be a little older.

I would suggest just talking to him about why he wouldn't want another baby in the family. Then tell him why you do.

The most important thing is that you both REALLY want another one. If you cannot convince your husband, you really should lay off. Men always feel overwhelmed with kids, they just aren't made up like us. One thing my mother always told me is, everyone's feelings are equal and she is right. As badly as you want to have a child, he equally does not. Children are such a fantastic blessing, you really do not want to risk your husband having resentment and that child feeling bad about him/herself.

Enjoy the blessings you have, you are so lucky you have them, you are so lucky you have the space, you are so lucky you have the money to give them everything to enrich their lives. Sometimes we just need to accept what we are given and are supposed to have, you just don't want to push it.

Now all that being said, if one day your husband caves and decides to go for it, you don't have to rush it and have a baby in the next year. There again, you are forcing nature, just let it be, life will go the way it is supposed to. I never wanted to have children and suprisingly had my first one just before I turned 30 and just had my 3rd one and turn 40 in 6 months. Like you, I could have a couple more and love it. I have enough energy, love and ambition to fulfill my life and my children's lives. Again, like you I sometimes feel I am missing a person, I feel like I am supposed to have one more. I have decided to stop though and count my blessings.

Good luck, you are a very blessed woman!

It is standard psychological advice on this issue that the person who says "no" to having another child wins the argument. You can check with counselors and pastors.

It would be outrageous of a woman to go against a husband's wishes on this and "oops!" get pregnant. It would reveal her disregard for her husband's wishes, and he would realize the contempt she holds for him. I'm not saying YOU have contempt; I'm saying that this is what the husband would perceive, and he has every right to see it that way.

I think you might want to get to the root of his stress. Having another child is one thing but if one parent isn't in on the decision that is a WHOLE differnt situation. Try to talk to him about really what is the problem with one more-if it's that he's worried that you'll be overwhelmed like the last time maybe you can explain yourself. I think that both parents need to get on the same page about kids for sure :) good luck (I'm kinda in the opposite boat-I don't want to be pregnant again but my husband would like to try for a girl) ps how do you get into scentsy?

Hey I think whoever doesn't want more kids wins. Do you want your husband to resent the 5th child? And resent you? It is a major decision and not fair to your spouse to keep pushing and pushing to have another. You need to respect his feelings and let it go, and enjoy your family.

Marci

I don't know if you are religious or not, but I would pray about it.

I often am counting my little ones. I often feel like I should be counting one more, but no, I only have three. My youngest just turned one. I don't plan on having any more until my youngest is potty trained. I'm not sure that I could handle any more mentally, but perhaps things will change in the future. My kids are great and if they continue to be wonderful children then I think another one might be part of my future.

In my opinion you both need to feel right about the decision either way. Not just "no wins." I believe that bringing children into the world is between 3 people, you, your spouse, and the Lord. Pray about it together and pray hard until you come to a decision TOGETHER. 5 children is a lot, but I am SO glad my parents had 5 or else I wouldn't be here.
Good luck!

what happens when you don't make the decision together is years of resentment.
i suggest praying. i was getting a lot of spiritual confirmation about having #3, but i knew my husband didn't agree, and for reasons that i thought were reasonable too. but the spiritual messages kept getting stronger and more often until i finally said in a prayer (basically), "i will do it but only if my husband is fully on board and You are going to have to tell him because he won't listen to me." i wasn't sure how that would work considering my husband was not very religious anymore and had been saying for years that he didn't receive answers to prayers. but this time he did receive an answer and the spiritual experience was very rewarding for both of us. our whole family really enjoys our little girl (baby #3). i wish you the best!