Thank You. - Petaluma,CA

Get a lawyer. Have him/her write a letter to the school principal, the entire school board and the superintendent. That should get things rolling along nicely. I am a teacher and have dealt with inaction on the part of the administration when I was the one in danger. Nothing gets administrators moving like the threat of legal action.

I know this wont be a popular response, but I KNOW my husband would be knocking on the door of those parents!

And I would definitely play the lawyer card with this unresponsive school district!

Good luck!

If the school and the police won't do anything, maybe it's time to call the media. The school isn't going to want bad publicity, but maybe a public shaming is the only thing they'd respond to.

I haven't read the other answers, so sorry if this is repetitive. You said you contacted the police- but is it possible for you to get some sort of restraining or protection order? If that is not a possibility, I would contact a lawyer and find out what your legal options are.

ETA: I'm sorry, but since when does behavioral problems=special needs? Sounds to me like the only thing this kid has is a terrible case of B.A.D.

Mental illness can be classified as special needs.

"This boy has severe behavioral problems and has an aide that is supposed to be with him at all times. In each circumstance, she has been MIA and the yard duty has just told the boy to stop choking my son. Nothing else."

This is a special needs child? That means the school is having to follow a legal protocol.. But they cannot deny your child safety.

I would also be furious. Your child should not ever have to go through this ever, but 6 times?

Do you have documentation of each of these incidents?
I would take this information to the school board and the Superintendent, and your school districts attorney.. and let them know this has continued and you are going to take legal action if they do not give you a plan for how they are going to keep your child safe.

They need to make sure this child is NEVER without an aide. EVER.. He sounds like a danger to himself and to others.

I know in our school district you contact their attorney and things happen

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/mental-health-illness-... fast..

http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/14594/1/Living-With-a....

htmlhttp://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/childmentalhealth.html

File a formal complaint with the state department of education against the school.

Also, write a formal letter to the DISTRICT superintendent outlining the fact that if something is not done to ensure that this child will NEVER have access to your son again, you will press charges against the aide and the school district for failing to protect your child from a dangerous student.

If the boy has severe behavioral problems then the REAL issue here is his aide. The aide is there not only to help him but to protect other children from his impulsive behavior.
I don't really understand why the school isn't taking this more seriously. Do they not consider your son's injuries serious? Does your son antagonize or tease this boy in some way? Is your son unable to play on another part of the playground? I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this because I worked as an aide and we went out of our way to keep the "difficult" kids separate from the main group, it was a huge part of yard duty, especially. And special needs aides could be fired for leaving their kids unattended, it was part of their contract.
I just feel like there's more going on here...

This is a terrible situation, I'm so sorry it's going on. And as others have said, it sounds like the real fault lies with the aide not supervising the child, and with the school not supervising the aide.

Honestly, though, the situation is really simple. It's just expensive (though not as expensive as it may sound at first).

You need a lawyer.

You don't need the monstrous expense of taking the school to court or anything like that, you literally just need someone who will do an initial consult and will make a single, very scary (to them) call to the school.

Try to find a lawyer from within your own social network, not via advertising or a Web search. Make sure he/she knows you don't want to pursue this case to the bitter end, you just want the school notified that they're in violation of this, that, and the other statute and regulation.

I'm ridiculously confident that the problem will be solved right there.

First of all, keep at this, every day if you have to. Get a meeting w/ the principal, teacher and whoever else you need to. Involve the school board and dammit, call this kids parents and tell them you ARE going to press charges if things do not change ASAP! Advocate for your child on every level and don't back down!

And this may not be a popular solution for many, teach your son to stand up for himself! Tell him to push the bully away, yell at him to stop, hit him in the face if he has to. If the school won't do anything, this will certainly get their attention and it is already documented that this bully is hurting your son!

If things don't change, then it's time to move him or home school...drastic, yes, but SOMETHING needs to be done.

It really pisses me off when schools "can't do anything" but then want to spout off all these "anti bullying" rules and how kids should stand up for themselves.

It IS a very big problem and we have to teach our kids how to deal when the adults in their lives can't or wont! Best of luck w/ this...I'm so sorry your lil guy is even going through this.

I am so sorry this is happening to your little guy.

My grandson had a bullying problem when he was in 5th grade. We also went to the police because the school didn't do anything and we were also told that they cannot do anything until the children are 12. The cop, however, was very sympathetic and told me to write to the school district and threaten legal action against the school and the district. The cop said the ONLY way to get the school's attention was to put them on notice that you are contacting an attorney. They really pay attention to their financial bottom line.

So, because I happen to work with some very reputable and well-known attorneys, I drafted a letter to the school on the attorney's letterhead. Copied it to the superintendent of the district. As of the next day, the bully was not allowed on the playground at recess and he was sent to the office just before the dismissal bell every day where he had to wait for 10 minutes before he could leave so the other kids could pretty much clear out before he was turned loose.

I suggest consulting an attorney and retaining that person for the limited purpose (at this time) of writing a letter to the school.

Good luck!

May Sweeps are coming up and local TV stations are looking for juicy stories. Your angle here is: Why is XYZ District Covering Up Bullying? You've gone to the top and you're not getting help, so clearly the school district doesn't take bullying seriously. Now, take your story to the media. Bullying is a hot topic now and I bet you get a reporter's interest.

There's usually a place on TV station websites to suggest story ideas. Take this to your favorite local news station for starters and see what happens. You might also try your local newspaper.

Bet the superintendent takes you more seriously after having to answer to reporters.

ETA: I'm normally not a fan of having kids be involved in news stories, but this involves the safety of your child. It may prompt other parents to come forward, too, with stories about the district mishandling their children's bullying.

Your next step is the school board. At my local meeting, you can come and speak for three mins after signing up. Prepare a written statement that you read and let someone read it to you before you go. You want it to be clear, consise and use that buzz word of bullying. The possibility exists that a newspaper reporter will pick it up. Be sure that you don't care about your drama being publicized, before you do this. Good luck!

If the child is supposed to have an aid and she was not there then that needs to be addressed, if she had been doing her job the child would not have been able to bully yours. I would push that aspect. Also all schools are supposed to have a zero acceptance policy when it comes to bullies, ask you school about their policy on bullies.

This happened to us one time. When my daughter was in kindergarten, a first grade boy (who she didn't know) came up to her at recess and punched her in the mouth, giving her a fat lip. This is how her school handled it: immediately after it happened, her teacher called me and told me what happened. She and the principal set up a meeting with me to discuss what happened, how they would take care of it and if it was acceptable to me. He never bothered her again. This is the minimum you should expect from the school. I like the suggestions about hiring a lawyer and writing letters to EVERYONE. Your son is doing nothing wrong, he should not be punished by having to change schools.

FYI, this boy was not special needs either.

I would go to the police. Make sure you have documentation of everything - dates of when things happened, communications (e-mails, etc.), and so forth.

ETA: Sorry - I missed the part where you said you had already gone to the police. I would still go back to them and tell them you want to press charges. I would also consult an attorney - and/or maybe contact the media. Here, the local news stations do segments on people that are having problems that can't seem to get resolved, but as soon as the news station gets involved and does a report on what's going on, things magically get taken care of.

Talk to the police. Whether or not the child is 'considered' a bully, the school is not protecting your child. They have a mandate to provide a safe environment for your child.

Edit: just reread the part about the police. In that case, call an attorney.

Is this 6 times over the course of the year? or 6 times in the last few weeks? Either way it needs to stop but if it has all happened in a short time frame I see it as even more serious than if the first instance happened in August/Sept...know what I mean?

Sounds like you and your son have taken the appropriate actions (teacher, supervising adult, principal, superintendent, police). I would be furious! Keep in mind though that they really can't tell you what type of punishment they are giving the other child. They should have to tell you what they are doing to keep your son safe (can't say we have suspended little Joey but can say that they have taken appropriate action and your son will not be in contact with little Joey again).

I would get out the handbook that they probably handed out at the start of school (or get a copy) and see what the handbook says. Then you can see what other steps you are "supposed to take" and what steps they should be taking (or should have already). Then you can go to them armed with thier own policies. Without knowing their policy, I wil advise the following:

Write a letter to the principal with a cc to the district superintendent and your local board of education. Site the facts (on this date this happened, aide was no where around and person on duty just said "stop", keep being told "working on it" etc). Demand a meeting with all relavent personnell (at a minimum it should be teacher and principal but should probably also include the superintendent, the recess person and the MIA aide) within a certain time frame (request it today for no later than Monday 4/29) and hand deliver all copies. If it isn't scheduled then you go to your local news station and newspaper. After telling the story and providing a copy of the letter, they may help you get that meeting.

If you have missed any step within their policy, try to take that step now.

*UPDATED* I have since read additional replies and feel the need to add that if the attacker is special needs it may change how the school handles things but it doesn't change the fact that the victim needs to be protected. IF, as some have suggested, the victim is being the agressor or bullying a special needs child that does need to be addressed but being special needs doesn't mean it's ok to just let others be hurt. If the aide was there (or any teacher supervising) they could put a stop to any bullying (regardless of who is doing it...intentional or not). Protected class does not equal "free pass" nor should it mean you have to accept your child being put at risk.

**another thought, since he's violent with everyone, can you get with some of the other parents that have had a problem and present a united front that "something has to be done to protect our children!"

Tell the school you are going to call all your local TV stations. Most schools do not want bad publicity. I was told this by a teacher, she said that if people threaten that, most schools will do something about it, especially if this child ISN'T special needs and it is a behavorial issue.

Contact an attorney and let them take it from here.

In the meanwhile, get your son in martial arts so he can learn how to defend himself and kick this kid's butt the next time he tries to put his hands on him.

I am torn on how to respond to this because i have been on both sides with the same child. My ds has been physcially bullied inpreschool by a typically developing child. When he was pushed down, choked, and scratched, we removed him.

My ds, though, has has some behavioral issues as of late in K because of a speech delay. He has a 504 and is considered special needs. There has been a period over the past several months when he has slapped another child, though not so hard that it harmed them. Just more scared them. Every time, he has been pulled out of the class and sent for a break. He gets himself back together and goes back to apologize.

The past several months have been a long haul for our family - so just a glimpse of what it looks like on our end. But he is classified special needs in a main stream classroom. Because of that, he is protected from typical avenues of discipline. He has never done damage to anyone, but I know the other kiddos were really scared and the other parents may have felt angry. I know i did when I was in that spot.

This child cannot be classified as a bully because he is special needs. He cannot control himself. The cops cannot do anything. However, the school can and should interms of the aide assigned to the boy. In the regard, if they refuse to hold the aide accountable, then your attorney and a letter to the school and district may be a good route to go.

I know you are furious, and i would be TOO! But I just wanted you to consider it from both sides because, girl, i have been there.

I am not sure if this would help, but can you get a lawyer? Definitely document everything. Also, have you tried going higher than the principal? Maybe try again with the superintendent? Do you work? Can you take a day to stay and observe at the school? That would make them nervous and more likely to take action at least.

Edit: I just wanted to add, I would be wary about teaching your kid to fight back in this situation. He should be taught to immediately go to a teacher. The last thing you want is for the school to have grounds for saying both kids are a problem, even if its patently untrue.

Call the principal or superindents office and set up a meeting with the teacher, the principal, teacher aide and superintendent and tell them what is going on, how nothing is being done, etc. Check to see if your school district has a bully complaint online (my childrens school has one) and file a formal complaint for bullying. Look up the State Board of Education in your state and make a complaint there.

Maybe this will help.
http://www.cde.ca.gov/re/di/eo/documents/nondiscrimbrochu...

http://www.bullypolice.org/help_for_parents.html

Best of luck to you

You need to contact an attorney yesterday if in fact this is the whole and complete story. I have dealt with 2 bullies and my boys school acted swiftly and appropriately, I'm sorry yours has not :( I'd not send my child back until a plan is in place - both for his safety and because he needs to know that mom WILL protect him.

Edited: ladies, shes BEEN to the police, its time to escalate this!

As you already found out, police action is inappropriate at this age. The bully is still 8 years old - what did you expect? I would suggest going to the school every day for a week and video-taping (disreetly with an iPhone, otherwise they may be calling the police on YOU!) your son's interactions with this boy. Any documentation that you have speaks volumes. If the school still doesn't respond, then go to a media outlet and see if they will carry the flag. Bullying is all over the news and schools hate bad publicity.

I'm pretty sure that if you tell the principal that you are going to be getting in touch with your lawyer over this harassment and unsafe educational environment, they will sit up quick and take notice. The school definitely doesn't want to be sued over this, so anything that might put them in court will usually warrant immediate action. I would actually suggest meeting with the principal face-to-face for this conversation. It's hard to ignore someone that is looking you in the eye.
Also make sure you are documenting every little thing that goes on. The days the incidents happened, what happened, the times and dates of when you contacted the school. You will need this if, God forbid, you do have to take legal action.
Hope this helps.

Write down everything, then go over the principal's head. One time we had to go up the ladder to the superintendent because the principal had failed to come up with a solution. We also let them know we would get legal representation if the issue was not resolved. It is very important at every level that you remain calm and professional but firm in your demand that your child is safe.

If you know the parents of other children who are also being harmed by this student, present a united front. To the principal, the superintendent, and the school board. The school should be providing him with an alternative recess time. Another option is the lawyer previously mentioned but also call your local office of child protection services. I see you actually asked about calling CPS. Do it. Can't hurt to ask them about it. I've heard of them coming into a school before. Certainly can light a fire to make them do something.

By the way, having an emotional or behavioral disorder is technically special needs. Those kids are often typically quite smart academically. Of course it's still no excuse. He should not be out there without proper supervision and definitely not in a large group.

I would ask the school for the parents phone number asap. He is special needs. he is not a bully. If that were my child and a parent called M. seriously concerned and not angry I would have the info i needed to ask the school to not allow him to be in recess at the same time. Also I would be super mad that the aide isnt there and as a parent i;'d be upset my kids wasnt being watched. if they wont give you the kids parents number i'd figure out a way to run into them or email the kids teacher and ask them to relay the message for you

ETA how do you know he isnt special needs? Its not like you can see every disability? The school is not allowed to let you know such things either. Also aides arent J. given out to bad kids...they are kept for special needs kids. my daughter has an aide that watches 3 special needs kids in her class. 2 of them you wouldnt know were special needs from looking at them

What an awful situation! This is unacceptable! I say this as a therapist who has worked with behaviorally challenged children in schools in Northern CA. I am completely in shock that the other kid doesn't have an IEP(I'm assuming, here) and staff that is contracted to meet his behavioral needs. Who knows what that kid's issues are...an abusive home? Removed from parents and in foster care? Regardless of that kid's issues, it's unacceptable for the school to fail to provide adequate protection for children they are charged with. Hope that all of what you're doing will help. I would like to add that you might want to get in touch with parents of other children that the violent child is assaulting. Banding together will surely help.

The school district has an obligation to provide education to all kids--yes, even that one. Their challenge is finding an appropriate environment where his behavior can be safely managed and hopefully his needs as well, so that he finds other ways to get attention and deal with his emotions. It sounds like the violent child needs a *one to one* behaviorist which his therapist(hopefully he has one) should be able to advocate for with the district or social services or whom ever the violent child is linked with.

Good luck and I wish you speed in helping your little guy be safe in school!

Sounds like the child who is attacking your son needs a dedicated aid. Some children have them. That's what I would push for.

Updated

I just responded but I want to clarify. I know the other boy has an aid already. I think he needs an aid solely for him. My BIL was an aid for a boy. My BIL is a strong but this was for a teen. There was an incident on the first day. Hopefully, an adult can handle a boy of his size.

Hopefully now that your son has stood up to him and punched him back this little brat won't be messing with him any longer?!

My son had the same problem in K and fought back and since then he hasn't been bothered!

I say continue to tell your child to stand up for himself and hit this little jerk back as often as it takes for this kid to leave him alone.

I do not know what else you can do. Atleast you are on record that this kid is bullying your son, so that hopefully your son wont get in trouble for hitting him back.

Where do you live? I have an anti-bullying program based on tai chi in the SF bay area called Pushing for Peace. You can find it on Facebook or the website. I also teach martial arts (kung fu and tai chi) to youth. There are completely fun responses to chokes, one and two handed ones, that would simply put the bully on the ground without injuring him. Let me know where you live and if I can be of service. I know lots of good teachers all over the world. Your son would feel empowered if he did not have to change schools or bring in authorities.

LivingLife, please, please update us here on Mamapedia. I dont' have much to add because my reply would be: Get a lawyer tomorrow, and the very same day have the lawyer contact the principal AND the superintendent of schools to say that your family has retained an attorney and now will pursue legal options against the school, the principal and administration and the school board as well. That should get them hopping because school systems are terrified of being sued and having it all come out in the newspapers. But meanwhile -- please update us once you do this or whatever else you choose to do here. I am so sorry for your son and the other kids. I suspect the teachers are terrified of this boy.

I am truly amazed that the parents of other kids he has attacked have not already sued the school. It is also APPALLING that the police said they would do nothing. Around here I feel sure the cops would at a minimum do a visit to the school -- not to haul out this one kid (they can't unless he's going to be charged with a crime) but to do some kind of broad, general 'classroom visits" where they give talks about bullyiing and laying hands on other kids - so all kids hear it, not just this one. Geez, the cops didn't even offer THAT kind of thing?

This is exactly the type of scenario where, in a few years, everyone will hear about this older boy being hauled in for truly hurting someone. The saddest thing is that this boy's parents are doing nothing and the fault will truly lie at their door.

Is this happening only at one point in the day (recess)? Can you go?

I know how frustrated you are, and I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions. I think I'd escort my son to recess, or ask the school to pull him out of it, if this is the only time it's happening. It may seem like punishment to your son, but if that's the only way to prevent this from happening, so be it.

If they can't protect him, they have to be able to accommodate him elsewhere during that period of time each day.

Police, lawyer, going on TV about bullying! He is a special needs child. Deal with it at the district level. Just keep at it. It is not bullying. The child obviously has issues. Is there a chance your son does something to provoke him? Just have to ask. Do any other children have a problem with this child? School will be over soon. Do what you have to to get thru the rest of the year.

If he has an aide, he must be classified. Almost have to feel sorry for him, if what you are saying is true. No role models. Maybe your son and some of the other kids can try to be his friend. Hey it is worth a shot.

I am interested in hearing how this turns out. I used to teach in your town (probably a different district though) and I am very surprised with how much trouble you are having. I haven't read all of the responses so forgive me if this is repetitive. First, I would research the districts website for laws/rules on bullying. Many districts these days have set up rules and consequences for bullying since it has become such a buzz word in the media. Then, ask them why they are not enforcing them. I personally would also go to school at recess and follow the kid around. The school will freak out but, if your child is there, I think legally, you can be there.Check the laws on that. This may prompt the school to do something because they won't like it. Learn your rights!!!! Get CPS involved and I would probably file a complaint with the police department. They DO have to get involved if a child is being threatened or hurt. Sounds like this kid should be qualified as special needs and also should have a one-on-one aide if he is this violent. In a nutshell, make a HUGE stink and the school will do whatever they can to shut you up. At least that has been my experience.

You don't sound like a parent that is overreacting. If you are, please disregard all suggestions above:)

Hi sorry to come to arrive late, you are doing all the right things. The only thing I would add in addition to the school district would be the local Police. Yes, I know. This other child is a bully, the school (and more than likely District) clearly do not think this is an issue, however, it is against the law and your son has the right to feel safe at school. The school is on the line to offer your son counseling (free to you) IF you feel he is suffering from PTSD or Anxiety as a result of this horrible ordeal.

I am really sorry you are dealing with this, stay strong. You are doing all the right things.

Hang in there,
S.