Thank You - Longview, TX

Sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I would like to help you with the job part. I am part of a wonderful group called The MOM Team. We are partnered with an awesome heal;th and wellness company. Please E-mail me and I would love to tell you more. If this is not for you I would love to help you to find work. Anything I can do to help.

____@____.com
M.

I'm sorry for your experience. I have been there myself, raising a son alone. His father lived out of state & did not support us at all. We were able to make it through the tough times with the help of family.
I can help you get started with your own Avon business. You can make as little or as much as you desire & work from home.
Please contact me ###-###-####.
Thank you & good luck.
D. K.

I know the feeling! I am there too. First thing is to get a support system in place. You need to let people know you need help! That was soooo hard for me to do. My neighbor and I started leanning on each other more. She would take the kids to school in the morning and I would pick them up and keep her son for her until she got home. She scratched my back and I scratched hers. I also had a friend that wanted a day for herself each week. So I took her girls once a week and she took my kids once a week. It worked out great the kids had a play date and moms got a break. I personally got a job working from home. There was flexability and when the kids needed me, they had me. Someone once told me if you always put the kids first you can't go wrong. I believe that to a certain degree. I think that Moms need personal time, then she can handle life when it happens. And we all know Life Happens. If you need a friend to talk to feel free to contact me I have many ideas that makes my life run smoother. ____@____.com

R.

Hey my advice go to DES they will help you out there is a thing called maxxus its a program to get you job training and help find jobs and it also helps with interviews and so fourth,

I'm so sorry this happend to you. My advice would be to apply for everything and take anything while trying to complete some type of quick training. My church has a program that will give you a job as well as free apprenticeship or training. You might also be able to find someone to help with babysitting. You would need to go to any Church of Jesus Christ Of Latterday Saints on a Sunday morning (you can find it listed in your local phonebook), and make an appointment with the bishop. When you meet with him tell him you are interested in taking a job at Deseret Industries and getting some training. You would need to speak to the Releif Society (womoen's group) preident to ask about babysitting. I wish you the best nomatter which road you end up taking. Sorry again.

Hello C.,
Today's life has a way of shaking us awake. It is no longer what it used to be. Even if you are Married or living with someone the thing to remember is, you are still responsible for yourself. There is no such thing as a free ride.

Great Spirit, never gives us more that we can handle. You have a lot of spiritual helpers around you waiting for instructions on what you want help with.

Look into some classes to help train you in something that you love to do. The world is opened up as your oyster, it is up to you to create your next step. Get out to fear and into excitement of creating a new life!

Get and watch the movie THE SECRET you can order it on the net. www.thesecret.com it will help you empower yourself and help you to start figureing out who you are and your strength. Your children are waiting for you to show them how to be strong, independent and you are to show them how to take care of themselves, so they never end up lost.

You CAN DO IT!
BELIEVE.
Y.

Looks like you have gotten some wonderful advice and support like you said, I would love to send mine as well. I am sorry for new situation, but sounds like you are determined to make it work. Having a support system is definitely one of the most important things, just knowing you are not alone. I came from a single parent home and I remember how hard my mom worked and all she did for me without the support group. It was hard and I so wish things could have been different for her. But she did her best and I love her for that!
I also have chosen to work from home and have an amazing home based business that I love. I get to change people's lives every day with their health and their finances, all while working around my children. I would love to share some information with you and help you where I can. Whatever you decide I wish you the very best. Stay strong and believe in yourself!
E. M
____@____.com

I went through this a few years ago, and it is tough. 1. Make sure to take time for yourself (I started running) - it clears the head.
2. Look at a temp agency. Through the temp agency, I found a few jobs that were a good fit for me. After the third job, I found a permanent fit at the company where I was temping. This was really helpful, and it wasn't as scary as applying and being rejected. A temp agency will test your typing speed and knowledge of basic computer programs (Microsoft office). Then they will place you in a job based on your needs/abilities and the needs of the employer.
Just to let you know - I applied/tested at the temp agency and got my first job about a week later. The first one lasted a week. When you get a good review, it opens you up for more jobs. That company offered to hire me, but I wasn't sure I wanted to work there. About a week later, I was then contracted with another company for a month. After that month was up, I contracted with the same company in another department for six months. Before the six months was up, I was hired by them full time, and was no longer temping.
If you're worried about health insurance, the Temp Agency I worked for (Kelly's Services) DID offer a type of health insurance that I qualified for.

Good Luck. This is hard HARD work. Just make sure that your kids know you love them. And make sure you don't wear yourself out.

C.

I am also 40 and just quit my corporate job to do my home based business that just completely grew and fell in my lap. I am an independent consultant with Cookie Lee Fine Fashion jewelry... no experience is required... basically if you can wear it you can sell it. You are in business for your self but nto by yourself... there are so many others like you there to help yo along the way. I will also help you get started for FREE.. there is no catch and its not a gimick.. call me if you want to know more.. no obligation.

R. Butler
###-###-####

I am veterinary technician but needed second job. My friend did wellness evaluation to me one day for free and asked if I would be interested in trying herbalife products. I said ok nothing to loose. I have been using these health products for almost year now and I feel incredible.(no PMS anymore!!!)I also became independent distributor where I do free wellness evaluations to people now.I can choose my hours, how much I want to earn.There is no limits and it is fun work. No 40 hour weeks,only about 10.If you want to hear more e-mail me at ____@____.com. Thanks A.

So sorry to hear about your situation. Check out Frsesh Start, they are an organization that assists women with career counselling, writing resumes, financial planning--a variety of things. I've even taken home maintenence classes there. They also provide daycare for many classes.
GOOD LUCK. Keep hugging your kids-that always makes me feel better!

Also C., you need to take action and do what's best for you and your kids as if he's not coming back. I've known women who just sat and waited and ended up reacting to everything he did. If you want to move home closer to your family--take those kids and do it before he gets a lawyer and stops you--that kind of thing. You should plan for the worst (I don't wish that for you) and be ready just in case. Be proactive. Good luck! Fresh Start info below.

P.

Fresh Start Women's Resource Center
1130 E McDowell Rd Phoenix, AZ 85006-2611
###-###-####

There are many options. I chose a homebased business and have helped several women be able to figure out a way to be home without spousal support. what a scary time. do not act in fear. act with purpose. this is a time to be clear not frightened. acting and choosing life changing actions in fear can cause a person to feel trapped later on. be prayerful and weigh all options.

Hi C.,

First of all, know that you and your kids will make it and be fine. This is a time that you will realize just how strong you are and how strong your kids are.

First of all, talk with an attorney and get court ordered child support in place. This will provide for the children. You may also be able to get alimony, at least for a while since you have stayed at home raising the kids. Just because your husband has left doesn't mean he has also left financial obligations. Community debt is the responsiblity of both parties.

I don't know if you are a religous person but church may help. When I was going thruough my divorce, I found peace and contentment at church - even just sitting there quietly. It has been almost two years and I am involved in my church and just love it. It helped me discover inner strength and gave me the ability to keep going.

Have you considered school? Many programs out there offer grants and loans and have flexible schedules. University of Phoenix has both ground courses or an online program.

There is also a website called www.tentiltwo.com that helps moms find part-time jobs and allows them to still be available for the kids. I believe they are located in both the east and west valleys.

Each day will bring a new adventure and sometimes, new frustrations. At the end of the day know that you have made it one more day and you can make it through tomorrow as well. It will get easier.

Good luck.

L.

The hardest part of starting over is looking yourself in the mirror and wondering if you are stong enough to do this! You are. Rely on the highest power there is-- I agree with Melanie-- God! Every minute you feel like your not strong enough remember that your greatest stregnth will come when you recognize you don't have anything without God! Bright times are ahead! There are programs for women starting over if you have a minute to sit and think about what you want to do. State employment agencies and programs. Home based businesses for moms. If you are not above working hard, there will be work. Trust your heart and pray like you never have before! You have friends already sending the word to heaven, myself included! You be strong!!!

Wow - first let me say I've been there, and I know it STINKS!!! When my first husband and I split up, I was also alone in the big city, with no family or help. I was very young, so my job experience was very limited as well. And it was tough, but I was able to find some government assistance programs that helped me out. (I lived in Canada at the time, so I don't know what programs exist here - maybe someone else can help you out there...) I also had some good friends and my church, who helped me with emotional support, babysitting, etc. I was also able to get free food from the Bishop's Storehouse through my church. I had friends (and you'll actually find lots of people willing to do this, if you look) who had skills I didn't who were willing to trade. Eg. I had a friend who was a hairdresser - she would cut, perm and color my hair (and cut my son's) if I paid for any required product (at her discount prices) in exchange for babysitting or making her dinner or something (she was also a single mom).
I would recommend maybe going to the Department of Economic Security and see if you qualify for food stamps and medical assistance, for a start, until you can get more on your feet. There are good people who are employers willing to take a chance on an inexperienced person who is willing to learn and work hard. I'll be realistic though - it's going to take some looking! I've been amazed at some of the jobs that high school and college kids have been able to secure.
I also recommend that if you haven't already, that you join a freecycle group near you (www.freecycle.org). I have been blessed to get lots of free stuff for my family, including clothes, shoes, even food.
Of course the paper is a great place to look for a job, but craigslist.com is also an excellent resource.

Good luck, and know that there are a LOT of moms who have been in your shoes. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would be willing to let you cry on her shoulder! :)

Dear C., I've never been in your situation but i can be here with you to talk or help you with anything i can. Just send me an e-mail response and we'll see what we can do, we gotta keep you and your fantastic boys on the right track..

SOOOOOO SORRRY!!! If I could take it all away I would! In the meantime...I don't think anyone would argue that you are well within your rights to apply for some government aid to get you through! Some help with food and medical. Perhpas, you can consider a move back to where your family is? At least to have some short-term intense help to get you back on your feet.
Nursing programs can be short and sweet and get you a job el pronto! Of course you'd get financial aid. Family could help wiht caring for your kids and give your kids pride in their mom that she was able to ask for help when things where tough and she stepped-up to take care of herself and her children!
I have never been through this, though, we've been on the verge and so I have had several emergency plans laid out just in case...this was one of them. I am also without family and have been out of work for awhile....it is SOOOOO scary!
good luck and don't hesitate to ask for help here or anywhere!

I am so sorry that you have to go through this C.. First off, will you be getting any income from your x? If so, then like some of the others, I would suggest going back to school; get yourself a great career. If he's not going to be sending help, then look into banquest work. Banquests is basically taking care of many guests food and beverage needs at their event. You can go to any major hotel (resorts are better). Usually even if you don't have any experience they will hire you if you have a great work ethic and awesome personality. Those two things go a long way. The work is very easy and pays amazingly! $20-$30per hour. You do work odd hours and it is not always steady, but it does allow you more time with your kids than a normal part time job...earning way more money. Good luck; keep you chin up!

You are very brave. My mother had three children ages 2,3, and 8 when she found herself a single mother. It was incredibly hard for her (not that I remembered much of it being 3) but I feel so incredibly lucky that she found the strength to save us from an abusive father. I have a wonderful and healthy life all because of her. There is no telling what my life could have ended up as with a father like that in my life. She was lucky enough to have an education (she was a teacher) but she had to quit teaching because it didn't play the bills. She worked at a nursing home for a few years until she could return to teaching. In the beginning, She didn't have enough money for bread at times, and only got laughed at when she asked our biological father for help.
She found a way to manage in the end. She now has three healthy and happy children that became a cop, soldier, and a hippie (giggle) and an incredible little grand-daughter. She also found the amazing man I call father. He adopted us and made us his own. I'm not saying this to tell you that you should be finding a man to make things all better. I only mention him to show you that happiness is possible for you and your children.
I'm not sure if this helps because I don't have a lot of advice. There is always a huge need for teachers. There are a lot of programs out there trying to get people certified while they work in a school. The money isn't great, but the hours are absolutely perfect for a mother and things like health care is easy and inexpensive for you and your children. You'd get off the same time as your kids, and you'd have the summers off with them so you could save on babysitting and be a mother to your children.
There are several programs designed to help get a career in the matter of months. I know this doesn't help pay the bills now, but hopefully you can find something temporarily until you get settled into a career you can be happy in. All I'm saying is education is your best asset, and getting one as soon as possible is your best way out of this situation.

My heart goes out to you C. - though I believe you have chosen a good support group. Women are strong and bond even tighter when there is adversity to overcome. You will surely find strength within yourself that you never knew was there - the nice part is that you get to keep that strength even when the "tough part" is over. I do not share your specific experience, but over the last four years...lets just say that I have done A LOT OF GROWING! Best to know that "the dark night of the soul" never remains for longer than you can handle it. You will be preparing yourself for the amazing new things that are going to make up the next phase of your life. When you set aside what you 'no longer have' I encourage you to invite the new a beautiful experiences to come to you. The trick is to do that without being attached to WHAT those new experiences will be.

As for your boys...I also have an eight and ten year old and that is tough! I am also a teacher. I have found that children learn from what we DO. Allow them to see you struggle, be honest with them about what is going on for you. They will watch you persevere, love yourself, and through your experiences you will give them tools to manage diversity in their lives now and later.

Please do not think that my heart does not go out to you. I am so sorry that you are in pain - That too will pass. Always see yourself moving through this and getting to the next place. Your thoughts become your reality!

Stick close to your women friends. Join a local class with only women / emerse yourself in that energy. I recommend dancing (traditional, bellydancing, yoga, etc).

Thanks for reaching out to me,

S. R>

Dear C. --

Life sometimes deals hard hands. Sorry that you have one. But I do understand. I raised three girls alone. But you can continue to stay at home with your children and still earn a significant income doing marketing for a major green manufacturing company without selling, carrying inventory, delivering anything and without investing. Look at www.M..parentsunited.com You can also call me on my local number, which is ###-###-#### or my toll-free 1-888-869-3236. We can talk and I can explain to you how this works. I am out of Scottsdale, so if you are close to me, we could even meet. My Best to You -- M.

Reach out to other moms and to the state agencies for training and possible day care assistance. You are not the only one to have to start over with kids and being alone. It will get better in time. Be sure to take time for yourself after the kids go to bed to just put your feet up and relax with a good book or watch a tv program or a DVD or listen to music. Call your friends, reach out. You will be amazed at having the bed to yourself will help your sleep. You will be able to relax and get a good night's sleep once the shock wears off. Go to church. There are good people there who may be able to help.

Good luck. I know that you can do this and that it will get better at time progresses. God bless you.

Sometimes things happen to us..and we just can't understand why..but in the long run you look back and realize that everything that happened to us worked out for our good. So keep your eye on the prize..which is GOD..and everything will be alright

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God ,who have been called according to his purpose.

So C...put GOD first always...keep your head up..continue to take care of those wonderful children..and know that what God has for you it's for you..there's always a blessing in the storm..
be grateful for your health, children, and many other blessings I am sure you can name...so take care C. and if you want to talk.. I am here for you...

God Bless!!

M. Jones

Never ever ever ever ever give up! Whether you know it or not, he's done you a favor. He gave you the best of himself in your children, despite the worst of it. You WILL make it.

Single mom of 3 going on 5 years.

Peace ~Dee

I hope it is not too late for this, but here goes--Step #1. Get a good lawyer! Interview until you find one who is positive about getting you the type of protection and settlement you want. In addition, educate yourself in the laws of your state. You have to protect yourself and your children from financial disaster; don't count on the good nature of your soon-to-be ex to take care of you. Things including his priorities) can and will change when he finds a new life. You deserve support until you are back in the work force, and your children deserve a slice of their father's lifestyle as well.

Look to your friends, family and faith for emotional support and strength. Let them help get you through this. The payback will be when you are in a position to help someone who needs it. You are not alone, but you have to let people know what is going on and what you need. You will be amazed at how much support you will get if you are just honest; I was amazed at the people who said they had been through the same thing--sales people who didn't know me helped clear up credit issues when I explained, HR people at his work who helped me with insurance issues and told me to call them back personally if I had questions or needed more info!

Let your children's friends families know what is going on and let them help support the kids. It sounds like you are strong for them (and you need to be), but let them know their lives are going on in as much the same way as you can make it happen.

You are not the rat, here. He is the one who left and remember it is him, not you. (But, don't speak badly of him to the kids!) Hold your head high, remember that you are deserving and worthy of high regard in the settlement and of respect in all future dealings. The blessing in this is that you will discover how many wonderful, loving friends you have and what strength you have. You will go on to have a wonderful life, probably a better life than he a couple years down the road.
I hope you let us know how it goes.
Been there!

well jut stay strong to ur kids if you do that you will be the greatest mom ever and if you are single its ok to look for other guys and make sure ur kids are healthy and you are happy you will do just fine .

Hi,

I've been where you are. Hope you appreciate that my prayers are with you.

As for jobs that require no experience, are you good with phones? Try receptionist positions. Are you good with people and multitasking? Try waitressing. (Although the base pay is not much, tips are really good at fancier restaurants.) Tell them you are a hard worker and can learn anything, given the chance and if allowed to ask questions. They usually like a positive attitude... I know that under the circumstances, that is hard to do, but you must not feel sorry for yourself for very long... you must take care of your children now. Cry, but do whatever you can to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and draw on courage from heaven to be there for those who are counting on you.

Also, I don't know if you believe in God, but if you do, He considers you equal to a widow, and he defends widows and orphans... you can count on it! Trust Him. Stay on the offense. Do not be defensive. Stay calm. If you are religious at all, I have to say that my religion is what pulled me through the tough times. It is definitely ok to have a mind and think for yourself. Your survival depends on it!

Be there for your kids. You cannot be all things to them. Others can help. Don't change the rules. Don't be softer than usual. They need you to be consistent. You can be compassionate and loving, but don't let them get away with things they were never able to get away with before. We divorcees have a tendency to let them eat candy, etc., when before they were not allowed. And this will cause them to try to take advantage, which is not what you need right now. Use common sense. Apologize to them for participating in anything you have changed your mind about in parenting them. Clearly define how things will be different, if anything.

If it is safe, find out where your husband is and keep in touch regarding the children. If you haven't filed for divorce yet, do so in order to collect child support. The laws are basically good and there for you when you need them. Let him go, but try to remain friends. Do not put the kids in the middle of your squabbles. Do not talk poorly of him in front of them or you may find that you have enemies for children soon. If he is not a good person, they will find that out on their own soon enough.

Using logic, talk with him and try to get him to agree that the children are important to both of you and to understand that you will always have the love of your children in common. Thus, the responsibility to care for them should be shared. One option is to draw up a marital settlement agreement. Keep in mind that if he doesn't get a lawyer, you probably don't need one. If he is dangerous, however, it is adviseable.

I hope this is not too overwhelming... I know that the circumstances are already that. Draw strength from the love that comes from above. And in the face of what sometimes seems hopeless, there is always hope. Never give up on hope.

Best wishes!

J.

Wow! Catch your breath and tell yourself you can do it as many before you have. If you have a church that you attend get in contact with the women's ministry leader. She will likely have many resources for you. You will need a good attorney and lots of great friends who will help you through the rough spots.

I'm just gonna tell you what i did when it happened to me. in 1990 i escaped an abusive relationship after 13 yrs. i had sqirreld away a little money through theyears and i literally ran away. loaded what i could in my car and went to another town. didnt tell anyone where i was including my family. i didnt get found until 6 months later when i was really sick and my oldest called my dad. i bought a little house, a shack acutally for taxes. it took 5 years and i paid inot the taxes every year and hoped the owner didnt pay them back. i put in a total of 900 dollars over the five years. sight unseen. when i ran awya i had nevr seen the house but when we go there there were weeds growing throught e floor. we fixed it up as best as we could. my oldest was 13 and yonges one month. i started waiting tables and gong to nursing school. i got a lot fo grants and there are so many programs for single parents i community college. i got help with babysitters and i even got some tires for my car through a program for older adults going into a new career. took me 4 years to finish a tow year program but we did it. a lot of times we didnt have utilities and the shack was still a shck but it was mine. jsut got and appraisal on the house last year and it is now worth 349,000. and we really havent done that much mostly cosmetic stuff because it is in a historical district. i was very hard but you have the responsibliltiy to care for your children . you have to have the desire to succeed. you have to be ready to accept and ask for help form whomever it takes. take any job at first. you are a mom and you would be surprised what you can do with the mom skills you have. the lifestyle will definately change. and simetimes you may have to bow down and take a food basket once in a while but the resources are there. and when yu come out on top. you can say you did it on your own and you dont owe anythignn to anyone. education si somethign that can never be taken away form you. good luck

Hi C.,
Focus on what you do have! Your kids can be your motivation to do whatever you need to do. Try not to let fear get you down. Keep telling yourself that you can do this--and you can. I've been a single parent with kids who were 2 and 4 when I started and it was amazing how I was able to get through it all. I wanted to continue being a stay-at-home mom too, so I started my own business and took them with me to clients and did all sorts of things I can't imagine doing today, but we made it. I think I lived on caffeine for several years, working at night after they were asleep. Those two kids are now 30 and 33 and are amazing adults. After a few years, I found my prince charming and we've been married almost 27 years (and I'm still at stay-at-home mom/grandma). So there are opportunities.

There is a place in Phoenix at about 12th Street and McDowell called "Fresh Start". ###-###-#### www.fsfw.org Their sole purpose is helping women help themselves and they specialize in helping those who are starting over in the job field and who are having to make it on their own for the first time. They have counselors, classes and seminars and all sorts of resources. At one point I was invited to be a speaker there, but my schedule has been quite full and I haven't managed to work it in yet.

I'm cheering for you! As I always tell my kids, "I'm sure you can handle this!"
K.

Don't be afraid to ask for help from legal aid, family and children's services, your church if you have one or ask a friend about theirs. Don't hesitate to get to court for child support. Job services: check your phone book government pages. There are a lot of training programs with child care. You have to be fearless for your kids. If it comes to divorce, a pre-emptive strike is best. Don't count on him to be nice or fair because he won't be.

I have been exactly where you are now and I can tell you that you will get through this and you will be better. But right now you have to pull up your britches and start the battle.

Unbelievable. Well, you sound good. Keep your chin up. Good for you for focusing on the best two things he could've given you, you're kids. They'll get you through everything. My grandma always said that we do what we have to do, so you WILL work it out. ou're kids are old enough to be on their own now.
A "temp" agency (temporary work)(under that name in the yellow pages) will have you working by the end of the week. It's the easiest way to break into work right away and lots of time it's temp to perm- so they end up hiring you. If nothing else, you get experience in something and then you can just apply within that industry directly. "Temp" work is specialized now also, which you'll find in the yellow pages also, so you can kind of pic what you want to go into. Paralegal work pays very well, in high demand, and you can eventually start your own business and work from home.

If you haven't found God yet find him and get into a church that is where you will find great friends and support through these difficult times.

Hi, My name is W. from Mesa, AZ. I have been there and the only thing I can suggest is applying for a position at your child, childrens schools as an aid. That is what I did it saves on daycare and the schedule works great. I wish you much luck!!! Keep your faith and you will be fine.

Dear C.,
I am so sorry to hear about your sitution. I will be praying for you and your family. I have been a stay at home Mom for a long time. I didn't want to put our daughters in a day care because of the cost and I wanted to raise them my self. I have found a way to make a good income and still be at home with the girls.
If you would like more information please, email me at: ____@____.com or call me at: ###-###-####.
Caring,
M. R

Hi C.,

I suggest that you go to school. Most universities (including UNM) have childcare programs. Or you can take
classes at the same time they are in school. There are a lot of women your age going back to school.

That way you can take your time deciding what you want to do and meet some interesting people along the way.

Caution: I have noticed that a lot of professors prey on women in your situation. I had a few professors at two different universities hit on me when I went back to school. I think some men can sense when you are vunerable.

C.,

If you do not have any college, now's the time to do it. Go to your college and they will help you fill out all the financial paperwork. As a single Mom you will probably qualify for a good pell grant and they have scholarships and work study programs too. It is never to late to start on a new adventure in life. Good Luck and I'll keep you in prayer. Eve

Same thing happened to me!! It was terrible at first, but i kept my head up, and i went to my kids school, and got a job!! It is great, i have he same days of as they do go into work at the same time, and get of work at the same time they finish school. And they have pretty good insurance!! Stay strong, you will get through this!!